“Oh, my darling girl.” Mom’s eyes spilled with tears as her face crumpled. “Why? Why would you keep this to yourself all these years?”
Natalie wiped her eyes and moved her plate aside. “Once I’d said it . . . I didn’t know how to take it back. And afterward, I—”
“Afterward, Natalie never told the truth because I told her not to.” Dad’s low voice rumbled across the table. He raised his hands and gave his head a slow shake. “God help me, I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought by protecting you, we could keep you safe. But that’s not what happened, is it?”
Tears crested Natalie’s cheeks as her resolve to stay strong disintegrated. “I’ve lived with the guilt of it ever since. And there were times I didn’t think I could. Times I didn’t want to. But I’m starting to see my way past that now. I want my life back. Going to California showed me that. And the place to start is here. By telling the truth. And asking for your forgiveness.”
They sat in heavy silence a moment, both staring at her, broken.
“Natalie, there is nothing to forgive.” Her mother finally leaned forward and kissed Natalie’s cheek. “It could just as easily have been you. Or both of you. I’m sorry if I . . . if I’ve pushed you away over the years, Natalie. I suppose that was my way of coping. But you’re right. It’s time to start over. Can we do that?”
Natalie nodded and stared in surprise as her father stood and rounded the table to join them.
“It’s high time we started being a family again,” he said, a genuine smile lighting his face and taking years off.
As Natalie allowed her parents to embrace her, she felt a release she’d never known before. True freedom, without condemnation, without judgment. Only love. And forgiveness. And there, in the fullness of that moment of redemption she’d long believed out of reach, Natalie heard her sister’s laughter.
Sweet, sincere, and rejoicing with her, as she claimed the greatest gifts she’d ever known.
Shortly after Thanksgiving, she’d sold her apartment and was getting on a plane in a few days, heading back to California. For good. And although they’d had some serious talks while she’d been home, Natalie knew there were still things left unsaid.
She found her father in his study. “Dad? Got a moment?”
“Natalie.” He looked up from his laptop. “All packed?”
“Yes.” She pushed her hands into the pockets of her long cashmere cardigan and sank into a leather chair. “I leave day after tomorrow.”
“So you won’t be coming back to work after all.”
Natalie tossed him a grin. “You fired me.”
He waved a hand. “Details. It’s my company. If you want your job back, it’s yours.”
“I don’t.” Natalie studied the large family portrait above the mantel. The last one taken before Nicole died. “It’s time, Dad. Time we all move on.”
“I know.” He nodded. “You were good at what you did, but I suspect your heart was never fully in it, am I right?”
“As always.”
“Ha. I think we’ve proven I’m not always right. I suppose that boy has something to do with your decision to go back to California?”
Her smile came unbidden, even as she shook her head. “Well. Maybe. But Tanner is in Seattle at the moment. He’ll be there until after Christmas, I think.”
He studied her over silver spectacles. “Good thing Jeffrey showed up when he did then. At least that confounded winery won’t crash into the ground completely.”
“No, it won’t.” Natalie crossed her legs. “You’ve seen last month’s financials.”
“I have.” His eyes gleamed with unexpected pride. “I should have let you do your own thing years ago.”
“I wouldn’t have been ready.” They shared a smile and Natalie prepared herself for what she needed to say. “Dad, I’d like to ask if you’d consider coming to Maoilios for Christmas. You and Mom.”
“I see.” His smile faded and he pressed his knuckles together. “You don’t ask for much, do you?”
Natalie sighed. She hadn’t expected it would be easy. “Well, Grandpa says he’d love to have you. Will you at least think about it?”
“Hmm?” He looked up again, like he’d forgotten she was still in the room. “I suppose so.”
“Good.” She hesitated, but needed to get this over with. “So why did you want Maoilios shut down so badly? Why were you so against me trying to make a go of it? Why do you seem so angry with Grandpa?”
“Ah. So many questions.” Her father pushed back his chair and stalked the room. Stood at the mantel and stared into the fire. Eventually he turned, his eyes cold with memory. “Do you know what it was like for us, Natalie, to get that call in the middle of the night, telling us our daughter was dead? It could have been both of you, God forbid, but you were spared. I trusted him, my own father, with my children and he let me down! How did they not hear you leave the house that night? Start the Jeep? How did my daughter die on his watch?”
“It wasn’t their fault,” Natalie choked out. “It was just an accident. An awful accident that nobody saw coming. You can’t continue to hold it against him. Don’t you see that?”
He gave an anguished groan. “Bah. I suppose I was so hell-bent on getting rid of the place because I thought that would get rid of the memories.”
“I figured as much. But I don’t think it’s that easy, Dad.” Natalie sent him a sad smile.
“No, I don’t suppose it would have been. But I blamed them, and myself, especially for what happened afterward. I shouldn’t have told you it was okay to lie, Natalie. I’m sorry for that. And I’m sorry for being so hard on you all these years, sorry if you felt I thought it was your fault. It was my own guilt I was acting on.”
Natalie sat very still in the shower of his words. Wondered if he really meant them. “Grandpa knows you blame him. He also thinks you hold him responsible for Grandma’s death. Is that true?”
Her father lifted his head, his face ashen. “She had cancer, Natalie. They refused treatment because he said they’d prayed about it and felt it was God’s will that she die peacefully. Garbage.”
“She’d already had years of chemo, Dad. She was tired. Grandpa said she was ready. They both were.”
“I wasn’t.”
The clock on the mantel ticked out time. Time she couldn’t turn backward. Somehow they had to find a way to put aside the memories, pick up the broken pieces of their lives, place them on the pyre of past mistakes, and watch them burn to ash.
Natalie got to her feet and met her father’s eyes.
“Life is short, Dad. Make your peace with it.”
He crossed the room to where she stood, hesitated, then put his hands on her shoulders. “Wise words from someone who could barely say ‘boo’ to a bee a few months ago.”
She nodded. “I guess I’ve finally grown up.” Memories sang now, reminded her of the man he’d once been, the father she’d adored and looked up to.
And forgiveness fell like sweet rain upon the thirsty ground of her soul.
“I don’t blame you for what happened, for keeping my secret.” Somehow she smiled through tears. “I love you, you know. You’re my dad. Wherever I go, you’ll always be welcome.”
He raised a trembling hand and placed it against her cheek. “Thank you, Natalie Grace,” he said at last. “You carry your grandmother’s name with dignity and honor. She would have been proud of the woman you’ve become. I am.”
“Really?” Natalie’s smile broadened.
“Always have been.” His crooked grin reached back to happier times. “And you’re right, I am still your father. So I expect that boy to come and talk with me before the two of you run off into the Sonoma sunset.”
“Daddy.” Laughter spilled from her lips as she drew him into a hug. “I think you’ll find Tanner to be a man of impeccable character. But don’t tell me if he talks to you. I’m not getting my hopes up.”
“Well.” He looped his arm through h
ers and they walked from the room together. “If he lets you go, he’s a fool. But I foresee a wedding on the horizon.”
“You do, do you?”
“But for heaven’s sake, don’t let your mother drag you to that awful designer who made your cousin’s bridesmaids dresses last year. Absolutely hideous.”
Their shared laughter made her smile. “Dreadful. Purple. Almost neon. I felt like we should all be wearing sunglasses.”
“We should have been. That’s the Harris family for you. I had a flask of Scotch in my pocket the entire day. Don’t tell your mother.”
“Dad.” Natalie shot him a grin and he lifted his eyes heavenward.
“All right, all right. No more secrets. Tell her if you must.”
Thirty-Five
NATALIE SWIRLED THE RED LIQUID, HELD IT TO THE LIGHT, sniffed, and tasted. Grandpa Hal did the same, and they grinned at each other.
“Well?” Uncle Jeff waited, clearly impatient.
Grandpa Hal took another taste and put the glass down. “You’ve still got it, son. That’s really quite superb.”
“Thank you.” Jeffrey smiled, rounded the counter, tidying up after the last customers. Christmas carols played softly from the overhead speakers. “It’s Tanner’s formula. I just fiddled a bit.” He looked good, tanned, rested, and very much at peace. In the short time she’d been back, Natalie had noticed a big difference in Sarah too. She was practically glowing.
Jeffrey washed glasses and Hal picked up a towel to dry them. They’d set up a makeshift tasting room on the property while the new one was being built. It would be a pine-paneled, sunny place with big windows and a view of the lake. Word was getting out and visitors were steadily increasing. So were profits.
“Since you’re both here,” Natalie said, gauging their moods, unsure what their reaction would be. “I’ve invited my parents to join us for Christmas. I spoke to my mom last night and it sounds as though they’re coming.”
Hal stopped drying and raised bushy brows. “Is that so? Bill agreed?”
Jeff shook his head. “Don’t get your hopes up, kid.”
“I just wanted you to know. So you can be nice.” Both men gave her an eye roll and she laughed. The holiday would be an interesting one. Her thoughts turned back to business. “Tanner’s going to flip when he sees how much work they’ve done on the tasting room already. They’re doing a great job.”
“And when is Tanner coming home?” Grandpa Hal wanted to know.
Natalie sighed and reached down to pat Gwin. The moment she set foot on Maoilios, the dog had abandoned Sarah and hadn’t left Natalie’s side. “I’m not sure. From what he told me last night, probably after Christmas.”
“Hope it’s sooner.” Her uncle put a couple glasses away. “Now that business is picking up, we could use him.”
“The kids have settled well, but I don’t want to rush him.” But her heart picked up speed at the thought of seeing him again just the same.
Uncle Jeff gave her a knowing smile. “Sometimes a man needs a push in the right direction, Natalie. Take it from one who knows.”
“He’ll be back when he’s ready.” Despite missing him with an ache she hadn’t anticipated, Natalie had never felt more at peace.
The only thing now that would make her new life complete was still in another state.
Natalie helped Sarah clear the breakfast dishes, shoving down disappointment. Her parents had arrived yesterday, but dinner had been awkward. Her father and grandfather seemed to be tiptoeing around each other, avoiding any real conversation, and Natalie was beginning to dread Christmas tomorrow.
“You can’t force it, honey.” Sarah poured her another cup of coffee after they finished the dishes. “At least they’re here. That’s progress. And if they stay a few days longer like your mother wants to, you never know. They could end up talking, sorting through things.”
“I suppose.” Natalie stood at the sliding glass door, pushed her hands into the pockets of her jeans, and watched the dogs run circles around each other. She could almost see Jason and Jeni out there with them. “It’s so strange, the kids not being here. You must miss them so much.”
“I do.” Sarah joined her and pushed the door open to let in the fresh morning air. “I thought about joining them for Christmas. But Jeff and I will fly up for a visit in the New Year. They’re adjusting to life in Seattle so well, and being with Rance. His girlfriend is lovely, Jeni’s taken to her quickly.”
“You think they’ll get married?”
“Oh, I’m sure. Soon, I hope. I think Marnie would approve.”
“I’m glad. And what about you?” Natalie turned her thoughts to happier topics. “You and Uncle Jeff certainly seem cozy these days.”
“We’ll see.” Sarah’s cheeks bloomed with a pink hue and Natalie smiled.
“You deserve a happy ending.”
“Doesn’t everyone?” Sarah studied her carefully. “What is it? You seem more at peace than I’ve seen you, but I get the sense there’s still something bothering you.”
“It’s silly.” Natalie shrugged, staring at the floor.
“Then it must have something to do with Tanner. And I doubt it’s silly at all.”
“Sarah . . .” She tried to find the words. “How do you know? I mean, when you really love somebody? And whether they feel the same?”
Tanner’s mother nodded, her eyes shimmering. “I’m not sure there’s a right answer to that. I suppose all I can tell you is that you just feel empty without them. Nothing really feels right until you’re together.”
“That’s what I was afraid of.” Although she and Tanner talked almost every day, Natalie’s fears had grown. What if . . . heaven help her . . . what if she’d fallen head over heels in love with Tanner Collins and he didn’t love her back?
Maybe they just loved to argue. It was the only logical conclusion. The three Mitchell men argued about everything and anything. And they seemed to enjoy it.
“Are we seriously going to just sit here while you three fight over the best way to carve a turkey?” Natalie threw her napkin down on the table. Bad enough she hadn’t heard from Tanner all day, but now the Christmas dinner Sarah and her mother had worked so hard to prepare was getting cold.
“I’m doing it,” Hal growled, standing at the head of the table, carving knife and fork in hand. “It’s my house.”
“And here we go.” Bill poured more wine. “Your house, your rules. Your way or the highway.”
“Which you never respected anyway,” Jeffrey put in, grabbing the bottle from his brother.
“Like you did? Please. You were grounded every weekend.”
“Actually, I think that might have been you, William.” Hal pondered over the bird, turning it this way and that.
“It’s not going to fly away,” Jeffrey told him, his tone hinting aggravation. “Just carve it or we’ll be having it for breakfast tomorrow.”
“Well—” Natalie’s mother smiled brightly, her hands around a large casserole dish. “We can at least get started on the vegetables. Natalie? Mashed potato?”
“Sure.” She plopped a blob on her plate and glowered at it. The red and green candles in the silver candelabra were dripping wax. Colorful shiny balls, pinecones, and sweet-smelling branches of evergreen were placed carefully around the beautiful red and white flower arrangement in the center. Natalie was tempted to hurl a few pinecones at the three stubborn men.
“From the top down. Why don’t you just let me do it?” her father muttered, still watching Grandpa and the golden-brown bird. “This is why Mom always carved. Now I remember.”
Grandpa Hal’s blue eyes flashed in the way that it was hard to tell whether he was humored or angry. “This is why we stopped inviting you for holidays. Now I remember.”
“Stop it,” Natalie scolded, already exhausted. “It’s Christmas.”
Jeffrey muttered something under his breath and Natalie saw Sarah shoot him a dark look. “What time is it, anyway?” he grumbled
. “Are we missing the game?”
“It’s ten to three,” Natalie’s dad replied. “And yes, we are missing the game.”
Out in the foyer, the dogs began to bark. A door slammed and made her jump. Natalie heard the thud of boots coming down the hall, and then Tanner’s face appeared around the half-open door to the dining room. “Smells good in here. Got room for one more?”
“It’s about time,” Uncle Jeff grumbled. “We’ve been stalling.”
“Got here as soon as I could.” Tanner strode into the room, his grin wide. “Lakers are winning, by the way.”
“All right!” Grandpa Hal clapped a hand on Tanner’s shoulder. “Welcome home, boy. Now we can eat.”
“Merry Christmas, all!” Tanner kissed his mother’s cheek, shook Jeffrey’s hand, and nodded toward Natalie’s parents. He glanced her way, probably waiting for her to introduce him, but she couldn’t speak.
All she could do was stare.
Disbelief coursed through her and suddenly everything made sense. “That’s why you haven’t been returning my calls?”
“Airplane mode. Then we got stuck in traffic. It is Christmas, you know.”
Natalie pushed her chair back, her eyes blurring. She could barely breathe. Tanner was here. Standing right in front of her. “Did you all know about this?” The laughter that filled the room as she walked on unsteady legs toward Tanner confirmed it. “How . . . did you . . . get here?”
He met her halfway. “David picked me up. I invited him to stay but he had other plans. Anyway . . . hello, Mouse.”
“Tanner.” She moved forward a bit hesitantly, but his arms came around her the next instant and swept her into a tight embrace. Natalie laughed through tears and pulled her arms free to wrap them around his neck.
He was really here. She let her fingers brush the back of his neck, felt his heart beating against hers, and welcomed his kiss. A kiss that went on just a little longer than it should have.
The Memory of You Page 30
