by K. C. Lynn
Grasping his erection he slides it through my wet heat, lubricating it with my arousal. I suck in a sharp breath when the tip of him enters me. Blood rushes in my ears and the dark memory from so long ago tries to invade me. It’s so strong I swear I can smell the desolation and death from the cell. I clam up and squeeze my eyes shut tight, trying to fight off my panic.
“Anna, look at me!” I open at Logan’s sharp command. “Stay with me, baby. Look in my eyes. Look at who’s inside of you.” I stare up at him, his face blurry from unshed tears. He stills halfway inside of me. “Do you want me to stop?”
My panic escalates at the thought. “No! I don’t want you to stop. I just…” I shake my head, not knowing what I need.
“Shh.” He drags his nose softly across my cheek, bringing his lips to my ear. “I love you, Anna.”
It turns out it was exactly what I needed to hear. A sob escapes me and I wrap my arms tight around him. “I love you, too. So much.”
“Feel me, baby.” He pushes in further, stretching me more than I thought possible. “Feel how much I love you.” His smooth baritone and kind words have me relaxing and some of my panic subsiding. “That-a-girl. Let me in, Anna. Let me love you the way you deserve.” Once he’s all the way in he stills and gives me time to adjust. “You okay?” he asks softly.
I think about his question for a moment. My heart still beats erratically but doesn’t have the fear or intensity behind it that it did before. “Yes, I am.”
Leaning down, he presses a soft kiss to my forehead. “Good, stay with me, baby.” He begins to thrust in and out of me, his strokes slow and cautious. His warm gaze holds me captive, not allowing me to look away even if I wanted to. I completely let go and revel in everything Logan. His scent, his taste, the way his hard body flexes under my hands as he moves inside of me with perfection. But most of all, I get lost in the way he looks down at me—as if I’m his entire world.
Any fear that still hovered from the dark memory immediately vanishes because this is so different. There is nothing scary or painful about this, it’s incredibly beautiful. A big smile takes over my face when I realize I’m finally doing the one thing I’ve wanted to do for so long, but feared I would never be able to. “We’re doing it. I’m doing it,” I voice my thoughts.
Without stopping his rhythm, Logan leans down and rests his forehead on mine. “Yeah, baby, we are and it’s perfect. You’re perfect.”
My smile spreads, and soon nothing else matters but the two of us and the way he makes me feel. I take in every detail I can, engraving it into my memory. From the way our skin melds together from sweat to how our bodies perfectly interconnect, as if they were made for one another.
I curl my leg over his lower back, bringing him deeper, and quickly realize I still have my shoes on. He groans when my heel digs into him. “Jesus, Anna, I want this to last forever but you feel too fucking good.”
I can tell he’s restraining himself. Curling a hand around his neck, I bring him down to my mouth and lick his bottom lip before pulling it between my teeth, something that I know drives him crazy. “Let go, Logan,” I whisper, before giving the tender flesh a sharp nip.
With a growl that’s exactly what he does. His pace increases but still remains gentle, then after a few more thrusts he stills deep inside of me and buries his face in my neck. I hold him close and revel in the intimacy of our hearts beating together as one.
In the midst of the beautiful silence I realize that, together, we’ve healed my soul. That the dark memory from so long ago has no control over me any more.
Tomorrow I will wake up and know the last person who was inside of me was the one I love. A guy whose touch brings me peace and pleasure, not terror and shame.
Hot tears begin slipping down my cheeks and my body wracks with silent sobs. Logan tenses but doesn’t call notice to it. He simply holds me closer and lets me release what I need to, something he has done many times over the last two years. Sometimes I swore if he hadn’t been there I would have fallen to pieces.
“I swear no one will ever hurt you again, Anna. I’d kill anyone who tries.”
I nod, knowing he means it. It’s been a promise he’s made to me from the beginning, and one that always brings me security.
I’ll never forget the day I met him. It was six months after I had returned home from the hospital in Germany. I was going through extensive group therapy, and I missed Jaxson terribly because he was the only person I felt safe with. I love my parents and I was so happy to be back with them, but even they didn’t make me feel safe. I was scared of everything and everyone.
On the first day back at school, the crowds and looks of pity I received became too much, so I ran. I ran faster and harder than I ever had before. I didn’t stop until my lungs burned fire and my legs gave out. I ended up at a secluded park that was abandoned, or so I thought. I was sitting by a tree, crying out my frustration and despair, when I looked up and saw Logan for the first time. He was leaning against his motorcycle smoking a cigarette, something I am glad he doesn’t do any longer. I was embarrassed that I had fallen to pieces in front of someone when I thought I was alone.
Our gazes locked as he watched me for several agonizing minutes, the debate evident on his face. He didn’t know whether to stay or leave. Who could blame him? I was a mess. Thankfully, he ended up choosing the latter. My heart lodged in my throat as he approached, but not out of fear—though I’m not sure what it was at the time.
He sat next to me, but not too close, as if he sensed I needed space. For the first few minutes he didn’t speak, we just sat in silence, but something about his presence was comforting. Maybe it was the fact that he exuded a lethal confidence, something at the time that reminded me of Jaxson. Whatever it was, it made me feel safe.
I had been the one to break the silence first and we ended up talking for hours. Not about anything in particular, but it was the everyday life stuff that made me feel normal for the first time in months. From there a connection was formed, something I had desperately needed. I don’t know what had made Logan so different, maybe it was his guarded blue eyes that showed me he had his own demons.
We ended up meeting in that exact spot almost every day and it wasn’t long before I knew, without a doubt that we were meant to meet, because together our broken pieces made a whole. Together, we made one.
“Thank you,” I whisper into his shoulder, not only thanking him for giving me this moment but for giving me back my life. For putting my broken pieces back together.
He brings his forehead to rest on mine. “I should be the one thanking you, Anna, not the other way around. You’re perfect and beautiful and for some reason you let me have you.”
I reach up and frame his face in my hands. “You will always have me.”
“Good, because even though I don’t deserve you, I won’t ever let you go.” I hate it when he says that, especially because he really believes it. Before I can tell him how wrong he is, he leans down and kisses me. “Come on, baby, let’s shower before bed.”
I instantly miss our connection when he slides out of me, but it’s replaced with warmth when he picks me up and carries me to the shower. We get underneath the hot spray together and Logan takes to washing me. Every touch and stroke is with delicate care, as if my body is made of glass. Although it’s not necessary, it makes me feel cherished.
When we crawl back into bed Logan pulls me against him. The flames from the fireplace keep the room at a soft glow and flickers over his strong face.
I can’t help but smile.
“What are you smiling about?” he asks, quirking his lips.
I wrap my arms around his neck, bringing myself closer to him. “Because you make me happy,” I tell him truthfully and brush my lips across his. “And because I get to wake up in your arms.”
I have never woken up in his arms before now because my father would have a conniption. Logan often sneaks into my room at night and holds me until I fall asleep. He stays unti
l the early hours then leaves before my parents wake up. He started doing it when we first met because I was constantly being plagued by panic attacks, which were brought on by the nightmares. It was only his arms that helped me breathe through the terror and it wasn’t long before they stopped. As long as he was with me I felt safe.
“I found an apartment in the city that’s close to work,” he blurts out, breaking into my thoughts.
“You did?” He nods. “But what about your mom and sister?” I ask cautiously. This is territory I’m always careful about.
Logan’s sister is only two years younger than me and goes to a different school than I do. In all the years we have been together I’ve only got to meet both his mom and sister a handful of times. He doesn’t like taking me to his house; he keeps that part of himself from me. It hurt in the beginning, but I think it’s because he doesn’t like for me to see what a mess his mom is. His dad walked out on them when Logan was young. I don’t know what happened because that topic has always been off limits. But his sister, Janey, once told me that he was not kind to any of them, especially Logan. She said it was a blessing he left. Only their mother doesn’t feel that way, which is why she is a constant wreck. She drinks her problems away and can’t cope, so that leaves Logan to shoulder all of the responsibility of taking care of them.
“With the raise I just got I’ll be able to afford my mom’s place too, and I won’t be that far from them if they need me.”
This is something he shouldn’t have to worry about. It bothers me because he deserves to go to college and pursue something he really wants to do. I have no doubt he likes working at the garage and he’s good at it, but I’m sure that’s not his dream. I do understand why he does all this though, and it only makes me love him more, because it goes to show how honorable he is.
“Well, I can help pay for it, too.”
He shakes his head, quickly dismissing me like he always does any time I offer to help pay for something. It drives me crazy.
“Don’t frown, Anna, or your face will stay like that.” I glare harder at him, which he finds amusing. Chuckling, he flips me to my back, hovering above me. “Don’t be mad, baby.” He kisses my lips but I don’t reciprocate, even though I really want to. “Look, I appreciate you wanting to help, but I don’t need it.”
“It’s not about helping you, it’s about paying for my share. Unless you plan on not having me over?” I ask, with a quirk of my brow.
He grunts. “Once you’re done with school and out from under your parent’s roof your ass is mine, baby, and you’ll be in my bed every night.”
The thought of getting to wake up in his arms every morning sounds like pure heaven. “See, then I’ll need to pay for my share.”
“You don’t need to. I’ll take care of it.”
“You don’t always have to take care of everything on your own, Logan.”
“I’ll always take care of you, Anna, whether you like it or not.” I soften at the sincerity of his tone. I want to tell him I will take care of him too, but I know he won’t appreciate it. Leaning down, he brushes his lips across mine. “Tell me you love me.”
Even though I’m still peeved, I decide it’s an argument for later and allow myself to melt against him. “I love you…most of the time.” I tease.
With a sexy smirk he lays a loud smacking kiss on my mouth. “Go to sleep before I end up doing things to you that I know you can’t take right now.” He rolls to the side, making sure to bring me flush against him.
I curl my arms around his, holding him close to me. My eyes grow heavy but I fight sleep. “I don’t want tonight to end,” I admit softly.
His warm lips meet my shoulder. “We will have more nights like this soon, Anna. I promise.”
Not soon enough. Rather than voice that I grab his hand and kiss his palm. “I love you. Thank you again for tonight.”
“I love you, too.” His reply echoes through my head and a warm contentment settles over me just before I drift off into a deep slumber.
Unfortunately, all too soon, the shrill ringing of a cell phone interrupts my peaceful slumber. I moan at the unwelcome disruption and open my bleary eyes to see it’s two in the morning.
Logan rolls over, half asleep, and feels for his phone that’s on the nightstand. “Yeah,” he answers, his deep voice raspy with sleep. I feel him tense, and I fully wake at the sound of the hysterical voice coming through the other end of the line.
“Janey? What’s wrong?” I sit up and look down at him. “What the fuck do you mean he’s there?” He flies out of bed and starts getting dressed. I quickly follow suit, my heart in my throat at the sobbing sound of his sister’s voice. “I’m on my way. Go to your room and lock the door, I’ll be there soon.”
“Logan, what is it?” I ask as he hangs up.
“Fucking Robert!”
“Your mom’s ex?” He nods in confirmation. “I thought they broke up?”
“So did I.” He sits down and starts putting his shoes on. “Listen, is it okay to borrow your car? I shouldn’t be long.”
“Of course.”
“Thanks.”
“And I’m coming with you,” I add, as I finish zipping up my dress.
His head snaps up and he looks at me for the first time since the call. “No! You’re staying here.”
I shake my head. “Forget it.”
“Anna, you aren’t coming.”
We glare off at one another, the air becoming thick with tension. I quickly realize this isn’t going to get us anywhere so I try a different tactic. “Logan, please let me come. I don’t want to stay here by myself, I’ll go crazy worrying if you’re okay.”
His expression softens just before he walks over and pulls me against him. “I’ll be fine, baby, I can handle him.”
I have no doubt he can, but I don’t want him to deal with it alone. I don’t want him to keep shutting me out. “Please,” I plead softly, trying one more time. “Let me be there for you.”
He stares down at me, a war battling in his midnight blues, and I see the moment he gives in. “Shit!” His hand runs through his hair in frustration. “Fine, let’s go.”
I feel a small sense of victory that he’s finally letting me be there for him. However, my triumph is short-lived when we pull up to his place ten minutes later. Even from inside the car you can hear chaos erupting from the tiny run-down house. My heart stops at the sound of glass shattering and the desperate scream that follows.
“Stay here!” Logan orders, just before he races out of the car, not even bothering to shut off the engine.
I don’t follow the demand. I rip the keys out of the ignition and run after him. I enter through the front door right behind him and my stomach plummets when I see Logan’s mom on the living room floor, barely conscious, her face a bloody, swollen mess.
Oh god.
Logan starts toward her but his attention quickly draws down the hall at his sister’s scream. “Janey?” He switches direction and charges to her room.
I rush over to his mom and drop down beside her. Grabbing her hand, I try to offer comfort while keeping my eyes on Logan. He fumbles with the door handle but it’s locked, his sister’s screams becoming more desperate. Backing up, he kicks down her door, and the sight that we’re met with has bile rising in my throat. A man, who I’m assuming is Robert, is on top of Janey, hitting her in the face.
“You motherfucker!” Logan’s fury is so loud it ricochets off the walls.
Time seems to slow as Logan rips Robert off Janey and begins hitting him repeatedly. Blow after blow I watch transfixed as the man I love becomes someone else, someone I’ve never seen before.
“Logan, stop!” The panicked plea that comes from me sounds distant even to my own ears. He doesn’t quit, and I stay frozen, unable to move.
The final blow that he delivers sends Robert crashing into the dresser. A sickening crack from where his head hits the edge sounds throughout just before he slumps to the floor, unconscious. Loga
n stands rooted to his spot and stares down at him, his chest heaving with rage. Janey crawls across the bed and launches herself at him. He braces a hand against the wall to steady them and holds his sister as she sobs against his chest.
Eventually his eyes find mine, and I suck in a sharp breath at his tortured expression. I distantly register the sound of sirens fast approaching. Our gazes hold and dread courses through me. I get the overwhelming urge to grab Logan and run, knowing things are about to get worse.
And I was right, they did. They got a whole lot worse.
CHAPTER TWO
Anna
Three Weeks Later
After being stripped of all of my belongings and a very uncomfortable pat down by a woman who looks like she could eat me for breakfast, I follow behind a guard as he leads me to the visiting area. The stained yellow walls and smell of disinfectant has my stomach churning more than it already was.
“You can have physical contact but your hands must be visible at all times. If you embrace, it can’t be longer than ten seconds. Kissing is allowed, but it must also remain brief and no open mouth contact is permitted.”
I listen to the guard explain the rules, my heart aching at having so many boundaries when it comes to seeing Logan.
He stops and looks back at me, clearly waiting for a response.
“I understand,” I respond softly.
He watches me with an expression I can’t decipher before he starts moving again. “So how do you know Sheriff McKay?”
I was waiting for this question. If it hadn’t been for Cooper I wouldn’t have gotten in here to see Logan, at least not this quickly. Forms had to be filled out and filed for clearance before I could, and I didn’t have time for that.
“He’s my brother’s good friend,” I respond, using the simple way of explaining Jaxson rather than the long version.
Jaxson and my father were adamant that I didn’t come here, but I don’t care. I need to see Logan; I need to know that he’s okay. I haven’t seen him since the night he was arrested and taken into custody. The moment Robert Moss was pronounced dead, and I realized how much trouble Logan was in, I begged my dad to hire the best lawyer he could find. At first he was not jumping at the opportunity to help, but when he realized how badly it would jeopardize our relationship he finally complied. Or so I think. I haven’t heard anything since Frank Davenport, the said lawyer my dad hired, came to see Logan. Which is why I am taking matters into my own hands now.
