by K. C. Lynn
I go take a seat on the sofa. “I got out a few weeks ago.”
“A few weeks?” She sits next to me, her tone shocked and a little hurt.
“Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner, but…” I pause, not knowing how much to reveal. “I’m out because I’m helping the cops with something and I can’t just leave whenever I want.”
She frowns. “You’re helping the cops?” I nod. “Doing what?”
“I can’t tell you that.” Her face drops and makes me feel like shit. “It’s something that takes up a lot of my time though and I really need to focus on it, but I had to come and make sure you’re okay.” She’s quiet as she absorbs this. When she still doesn’t respond a moment later I press on. “Are you? Okay, I mean.”
She nods. “Yeah, I am. Both Mama and me.” I tense at the mention of my mother. She places a hand on my shoulder. “She’s different now, Logan. Everything is different, and we have Anna and Jaxson to thank for it.”
Surprise slams into me at the information. “What the hell are you talking about? What do they have to do with this?”
She takes a moment, seeming to collect her thoughts before explaining. “After you were arrested something snapped in Mama. I’d never seen her like that. It was the guilt; she knew she was to blame for what happened with Robert. It ate at her and she didn’t know how to make it right. Unfortunately, it got worse before it got better.” I’m scared to know what she means by that, I didn’t think it could be any worse that it already was. “Jaxson came to us right after you accepted the plea bargain.” She smiles fondly. “He got Mama help. He sent her to a rehab clinic and paid for it all. I went and stayed with Stacey and her parents while she was gone,” she says, talking about one of her friends from school. “In those three months that we were away he fixed up our house and even set up a waitressing job for Mama when she got out. The people there are good to her. They gave her the hours she needed for the bills and I helped too by working part-time while I finished school.”
I sit stunned, not knowing what to say. That fucker never said anything to me about it, not one goddamn thing in all the time I’ve been training with him. He did ask once if I had gone to see them, but when I shook my head he left it at that. For Janey’s sake I’m glad he stepped in and helped, and I’m indebted to him for life. But I hate that he saw my life for what it was, to know that I truly wasn’t good enough for Anna.
At the thought of her, I look up at my sister to see her watching me carefully. “And what about Anna? What does she have to do with all of this?”
Her expression becomes softer, more sad, and I brace for what she’s about to tell me. “She was there for us the moment you were arrested. She came and took care of Mama even though it was easy to tell she was angry with her about what happened. Some nights she even stayed over because I couldn’t stop crying. I was so scared for you…for us. She shed some of her own tears too, but always tried to hide them so she could be strong for me.”
I grind my teeth against the conflicting emotions slicing through me. I fucking hate that she stepped in and took on that responsibility, even after I pushed her away. But I shouldn’t be surprised because it’s who Anna is, who she has always been. It’s the main reason why I always kept my life separate from her, so I wouldn’t taint her with it, but she got caught up in it anyway.
“She still calls me about once a month to check in. I owe her so much, I know her and her father had something to do with me getting into the community college here.”
My head snaps up in surprise. “You’re in college?”
She smiles. “Yeah, I’m taking courses to become a social worker and I really like it. Somehow I was magically granted a full scholarship with my book expenses paid for. I also found out that Anna’s father is good friends with the dean. Go figure.” She jokes but I find nothing funny about it. Knowing her father had stepped in too is a tough pill to swallow. He never liked me, never thought I was good enough for Anna and in some way this just proves it.
“Have you spoken to her?” she asks softly.
Before I can answer the door flies open. “Janey, honey, whose bike is that out…” My mother trails off on a gasp when she looks into the living room to see me sitting next to Janey. The grocery bags that she’s carrying drop out of her grasp and she places a shaky hand over her chest. “Logan?” she whispers, her reaction the same as my sister’s.
“Hey, Ma.” My greeting isn’t cold but it’s not welcoming either. I stand, not wanting to be sitting for this. She takes it as an invitation to come closer, but comes to a hard stop at my expression. I’m grateful for it because I’m not ready for any kind of affection from her.
Janey clears her throat and places a hand on my back. “I’m going to give you guys a minute and go out front to water the plants.” She rises and kisses my cheek. “I’ll see you before you go, okay?”
At my nod she walks out the front door, leaving me alone with our mother. Tension rains around us as we stare at one another. She looks nothing like I remember her—her eyes aren’t bloodshot and glassy, her hair isn’t a tangled mess like it used to be. Instead, her eyes are sharp and focused but harbor guilt behind them that I don’t want to acknowledge right now.
“What are you doing here?” she asks softly, then quickly shakes her head. “I mean, I’m so happy that you are but…” she trails off and I know it’s because she can’t bring herself to ask why I’m not in that hellhole for two more years.
I walk over and pick up the grocery bags she dropped then carry them over to the counter. “I’ll let Janey tell you about it. I just came by to check on her.” And you, but I keep that part to myself.
Her gaze drops to her feet. “Where are you staying? Because you know you can—”
“I’m in Charleston.”
Questions flare in her eyes but she knows better than to ask so she gives me a single nod. “I’ve missed you, a lot,” she admits quietly. An angry retort is on the tip of my tongue but I bite it back. “I know you’re upset with me and I don’t blame you. I’m so angry at myself, not only for what happened with Robert but also for not being the mother you and Janey deserved.” Guilt bubbles in my gut when I see tears shining in her eyes, but I choose to ignore it. “I don’t know if Janey told you but things are different now and—”
“Yeah, she told me,” I reply, cutting her off. “I don’t know why you were willing to change with Jaxson’s help and not mine, but I’m glad for Janey’s sake you did.”
Her breath hitches and tears spill down her cheeks. “It’s not Jaxson that made me change, it was you. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate him and his wife’s support, but it was knowing you were paying the consequence for my mistake that made me accept their help.” She takes a moment to try and compose herself. “I was sick, Logan, and I understand that now. When your father left—”
“Don’t! Don’t fucking call him that,” I snap, finally reaching my breaking point. “He’s not a fucking father, never has been. He’s a goddamn sperm donor and the best thing that ever happened to us was him leaving.”
She bites her trembling lip, trying to hold back her anguish. “You’re right, and I’m sorry I let his leaving mess me up like that. You don’t know how much regret I carry for all of it. You being punished for what happened with Robert will haunt me for the rest of my life.”
A bitter laugh escapes me. “Yeah, well believe me, it will haunt me much worse than it ever will you.”
Her sob finally escapes and it makes me feel like shit. “I’m so sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me right away but I hope you will one day. I love you, Logan, I always have, even if it didn’t seem like it. I will always love you.”
My throat begins to burn like a motherfucker and I know I have to get out of here. I head to the door, feeling my mother’s agony roll off her in waves as I pass her. It has me stopping with my hand on the knob, but I don’t turn around when I address her. “I’ll come back. I just…I can’t deal with this shit right no
w.”
I step out of the house, slamming the door behind me, and inhale a deep breath of fresh air but it does nothing to loosen the tightening of my chest. “Fuck!” I slam my fist against the house, welcoming the pain that radiates through me when my knuckles split open from the ridged brick.
I start down the steps and slow my stride when I see Janey at my bike, tears falling down her face. She runs at me and throws her arms around my neck. “I’m so sorry. I understand,” she cries, clearly hearing everything that was just said. “But please try, Logan. I want us to be a family one day, the way we were always meant to be.”
I hug her close, hating that she’s hurting so much. “I’m not ready yet, but I promise to try when I am. Okay?”
I feel her nod before she steps back. “Thank you, that’s all I ask.” I grab my helmet and straddle my bike. “Am I going to see you again?” she asks, fear evident in her voice.
“Yeah, you will, but I don’t know when. I have a lot to deal with right now.”
She nods and tries her hardest to school her features, but I don’t miss the tremble of her lips. “You do what you have to do, we’re okay. We still need you in our lives but not the same way we did before.”
I can see that and I’m not sure how I feel about it. My head is too fucking messed up right now to take it all in. “You got a pen?”
“Yeah, just a sec.” She runs to the car in the driveway that’s in better shape than the one we had prior to my arrest and grabs something out of it before running back to hand me a pen.
I grab her hand and write my cell phone number down. “Call me whenever you want, okay? If I don’t answer I’ll call you back.”
“Okay, thanks,” she says with a relieved smile. Stepping in, she wraps her arms around my neck again. “I love you, Logan.”
“I love you, too,” I whisper back gruffly, my need to escape growing more urgent by the second. Thankfully, Janey senses it. Giving me one more kiss on the cheek she releases me.
“I’ll see you soon,” I promise, just before starting up the bike and taking off. The further away I get the easier it is to breathe. I try my damnedest to push away both my mother and my sister’s hurtful expressions, but in return someone else’s pain invades my mind. And it’s the one girl whose heartache I can never make right, no matter how much I wish otherwise.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Anna
The following night I’m the last one to leave the soup kitchen. Standing at the front door I pull the hood of my coat over my head, trying to get as much protection as I can before walking out into the monsoon. The storm came out of nowhere and it’s a nasty one.
As soon as I step outside the rain pelts down on me so hard it’s almost painful, and I immediately become soaked. I quickly lock the door then jog down the street in the pitch black, thankful that I decided to drive tonight. A whimpering noise stops me in my tracks and draws my attention to the side alley. I look down the dark pathway but have a hard time seeing anything through the heavy downpour.
Just when I’m about to continue on, I hear it again. “Hello? Is anyone down there?” I call out. The whining becomes louder and the familiar sound has me investigating it. I don’t have to walk in very far before I see where the noise is coming from.
Bandit.
Bending down, I see Sarge against the side of the building with a flimsy piece of cardboard over top of him and Bandit that does nothing to shelter them from the rain.
“Anna?” he says in surprise, obviously not hearing me earlier. “What are you doing out in the rain, girl?”
“What am I doing? What are you doing, Sarge?” I shout loud enough to be heard over the rain. “Why aren’t you at the shelter?”
“They’re full for tonight.”
“Full?” I repeat with exasperation.
How the hell could they turn someone away in this weather?
“Yes, full, but don’t you worry, Bandit and me will be just fine.” As soon as he says this he breaks into another one of his coughing fits that he’s had for the last few days.
“Isn’t there somewhere else available to you?” I would bring them back to my dorm but there are no pets and boys allowed.
“No, now go on and get outta here. No sense in both of us getting drenched. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
I stay where I am, not wanting to leave them here like this, my heart hurting at the thought of them out here all night.
“Now, Anna!” he barks, getting upset when I don’t obey.
Since my throat is too tight to speak I give him a brief nod then take off. As soon as I get into my car I take a moment and run through every option I can think of to help them and come up with one person. Pulling out my phone, I hit one button that connects to the person I want.
Jaxson answers on the first ring. “Anna?”
“Hey, yeah, it’s me. Sorry it’s so late,” I respond, my voice sounding as sad as I feel.
“What’s wrong?”
“I need your help. Can you come to St. Mary’s?”
He doesn’t hesitate. “I’m leaving now. Make sure the doors are locked.”
“I’m in my car but they’re locked,” I reassure him.
“I’ll be there soon.”
“Thank you.” Hanging up, I listen to the pelting rain hammering against the metal of my car. I get the overwhelming urge to get Sarge and make him wait with me in here, but I know it will be pointless. I pray Jaxson can help him. I can’t watch Sarge leave any more and not know if he has a dry place to sleep or food for him and Bandit.
By the time Jaxson’s truck pulls up behind my car, a short twenty minutes later, the rain has calmed down to a sprinkle rather than a fierce downpour. Getting out, I meet him between our vehicles. He has an umbrella out and open for me when I reach him but, of course, not for himself.
Typical.
He pulls my soaking wet body against him, wrapping me in one of his famous, strong hugs. “What’s up, kid? You scared the shit out of me.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. I just…I’m hoping you can help me with something?”
“You know I will.”
Taking a deep breath I tell him all about Sarge, from his time in the Marines to how he ended up here. By the time I’ve finished telling the story I can tell he knows where this is going.
“Anna,” he starts hesitantly.
“Is there something you can do to help him?”
“You can’t save everyone.”
“I know that. I’m not trying to. I’m trying to help him. He’s a good man, Jaxson, just like you. He just…he fell and he needs help getting back up.” Indecision rages in his eyes. “Please? For me?” I press.
He groans. “Yeah.”
I throw myself at him with a squeal. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I kiss him repeatedly on the cheek, making him chuckle.
“All right, show me where he is.”
“Okay, but before I do I should warn you—he can be grumpy and he won’t want to accept your help.”
He throws his arms up. “Then how the hell am I supposed to help if he doesn’t want it?”
“It’s not that he doesn’t want it, it’s that he has too much pride. Just be convincing. Do whatever it is you do to Julia when you want her to listen.” I tease him, knowing that she always argues when he tries telling her what to do.
He gives me a cocky smirk and I realize my mistake too late. “Can’t do that. That kind of technique is reserved for my wife only.”
“Ew! Spare me. Just do what you do best then and be bossy.” His grunt has me chuckling.
“Whatever, just take me to him, smart-ass,” he orders, slinging an arm around my shoulders.
I lead him over to the alley where Sarge and Bandit sit huddled together. “Anna,” Sarge says, not looking all too happy. “What are you still doin’ here? I told you to go home.”
My heart rate kicks up at the confrontation I’m sure is to come. “I know you did, but I couldn’t. I ca
n’t leave you here like this.” I put up my hand when he starts to protest. “Please, just hear me out.” He snaps his mouth shut then glances wearily up at Jaxson. “This is my brother I told you about,” I start nervously. “He can help you and—”
“I don’t accept handouts, I told you that.”
Before I can argue, Jaxson gets down on his haunches, putting himself at eye level with Sarge. “Then what about a job offer, from one brother to another?”
I want to give him a pat on the back for the brother language, knowing all the military guys refer to each other like that.
Sarge’s gaze darkens with suspicion. “What are you talkin’ about?”
“I own a gym in the next town over and I could use some help.”
“Like what?” Sarges’s tone doesn’t have the heat behind it that it did a few moments ago, and I take that as a good sign.
“Like help keep the place clean. We could use another ringside trainer for our fighters. Getting them water, tape their hands or even cleaning cuts.” Jaxson shrugs. “There’s a lot to do around there and all of us have families we want to spend more time with. There’s also a cot there and it’s yours if you take the job.”
Sarge takes his time thinking about it. “Can my dog come?”
I hold my breath and hope flares in my chest. When Jaxson doesn’t answer right away I give him a nudge with my foot. He glares up at me but I ignore it and gesture for him to answer. He turns back around and mumbles something intangible before agreeing. “Yeah, he can come, just as long as you keep him clean, quiet and away from customers.”
“Okay, then I’ll accept the job offer.” I exhale with a smile; relieved he didn’t put up too much of a fight. “Because that’s what this is, a job, not a handout,” he insists sternly.
“Absolutely.” Standing, Jaxson reaches out his hand for Sarge to take and he does so reluctantly.
When he’s pulled to stand I wrap my arms around his waist. “Thank you.”
“Me? Why the hell are you thanking me?”
