“Hey, Ricky.”
“You look beautiful as always.”
“Thanks.” I feel a little embarrassed. That’s what Trent said, and I wonder if the two of them discussed me.
“I wanted to thank you for what you did,” I say. “For Mom. You were really brave standing up like that. In front of everyone.”
“It wasn’t that much,” he shrugs. “I’m just glad you told me or I’dve never known.”
We’re quiet again.
“Your mom’s a really amazing person. I know you don’t get that now, but she is.”
I nod. I get it a little more than he thinks I do.
“Anyway,” he continues. “It’s like I said. I’m glad you told me. She probably wouldn’t have said a word to me, and I’d have never gotten over it if something bad happened.”
I walk over to the bar and pick up one of the forms he’s brought. It’s his graduation paperwork.
“It’s been strange not seeing you every day,” I say. “I’ve missed you.”
As I say the words, I realize I mean them very much.
“Yeah, I’ve missed you, too.” I glance up and he smiles back at me.
“I talked to Trent,” I say. “He says you were really nice to him.”
“He’s a sweet kid.” Ricky looks back out the window for a second like he’s remembering something. “It’s hard being that age and going through all that… stuff.”
“He says you told him to tell me right away.”
“Ho, yeah,” he laughs. “When I realized who he was, I had to get you off the hook. I did not want to see you get hurt like that. Especially after all that concentrated effort.”
“Thanks,” I say, glancing up at him again. “It’s funny because I guess I knew we weren’t supposed to be together or something.”
“Yeah? How so?”
“I don’t know.” I sigh, remembering how much I thought about Jason on my dates with Trent. How much I want to see Jason right now. The nonstop longing that crept in unexpectedly. “There was just… somebody else.”
Ricky grins. “J.J.?”
I bite my lip and look down.
“It’s okay! The heart knows what it wants.”
I wrinkle my nose. “You sound like a greeting card.”
Ricky laughs. “I’ve been hanging around your mom too long.”
“No doubt.”
“Well, I kept texting him possible ways he could tell you,” he says. “But I guess he had to do it in his own time.”
“That was you sending all those texts?”
“Yeah.” Then he looks surprised. “Did it cause a problem?”
“Oh!” I shake my head and exhale a laugh. “I couldn’t figure out who kept texting him on our dates is all.” Then I remember how happy Trent was when he got them.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I was just trying to be encouraging.”
“No worries.” I go to sit down at the table. “I mean, it doesn’t even matter now.”
“I guess not.”
“He really likes you, you know,” I say. “He says you told him you’re too old.”
He glances at me then, “I am too old, Harley.” His voice is serious.
“Still, if you like him…”
Ricky walks around the bar and leans against the side closest to where I’m sitting. “You’ve met his mom, right?”
I raise my eyebrows and nod.
“After all that happened. Then all that stuff with your mom… I could see her happily having me arrested.”
We’re quiet a moment before he speaks again. “Either way, it wouldn’t be right,” he says. “You guys are just kids.”
Just then Mom comes back in the room carrying that silly magnets and menopause book.
“I’m sorry. I misplaced it,” she says.
“Thanks.” He puts it in his bag. “Well. I guess this is it!”
“Yeah,” Mom says. Then she pulls him into a hug. “Keep in touch. And if I can help you with anything, let me know.”
Ricky smiles at her with so much warmth. It’s funny because before I’d interpreted that look as passion. Now I realize it’s something else entirely. He turns to the door, and just like that, Ricky’s gone.
At lunch Mom and Dad are engrossed in their discussion of Dad’s sermon. It’s nice to see them back to normal with each other, as if nothing ever happened. I can’t believe Dad was right about that, but I’m glad.
When I finally finish eating, I run back to my room and grab my phone. I’m not sure if Trent will respond, but I have to try.
U OK? I text.
After a few seconds, I get his answer.
Yes.
How’d it go?
Not gr8. Not bad.
What now?
Leaving SF.
What?
Moving to G’ville.
No! :(
Yes! :)
Really?
Yes. Big :) Hate SF.
I know. :| Talk soon?
OK.
I lie back on my bed and breathe. I don’t even realize I’m tired, but when I open my eyes again, the sun’s going down. I jump up and grab my phone. I meant to do this earlier.
You there? I text.
I wait several seconds. Nothing.
I don’t know if he’ll respond after last night or what he’ll even say, but I have to try. I need to see him. I can’t wait any longer. Not one more second. Finally my phone whistles.
What up?
Crk?
Hmm.
Pls?
OK.
It takes less than five minutes to get there. I ditch my bike at the road and run to where he’s standing by our tree on the bank. I only half-notice his car parked nearby.
“Jason,” I pant when I finally reach him. He just stands there, watching me as I catch my breath. My heart’s thrumming.
“Sorry I didn’t make it for church,” he says. “I kind of needed to sleep a little longer this morning.”
“The head?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Somebody was a little hung over today.”
“You really are a bad influence,” I smile.
“I try not to be.”
“You’ll have to try harder.”
I’m finally breathing normally again, but this small talk has to stop. I want him to kiss me. I take a step closer, but he doesn’t respond. He either isn’t getting the hint or he’s decided to make me work for it, which I guess is only fair after how hard I made him work.
“So why’d you want to meet?” He asks, sliding his hands into his pockets. I watch him thinking how those hands need to be out of those pockets and pulling me close to him.
“Well, I was thinking,” I hesitate. I know why I wanted to see him, but my carefully planned speech has gone out of my head at the sight of him.
“What?” he asks.
I look around. He isn’t making it easier for me. “So how about that,” I start. “With Trent, I mean.”
He shrugs. “No biggie,” he says. Then he looks at me a second. “I guess that makes me, what? The consolation prize?”
“No! I wasn’t thinking that at all,” I say, reaching for his arm. “I wanted to see you the other night at David’s party. I want you to…”
But he catches my hand and holds it back. “Uh uh,” he says. My stomach clenches.
He shakes his head. “I’m not here for that.”
“But… I was hoping—”
“I’m not some yo-yo, Harley.”
“I know you’re not, but I just thought—”
“That I’d be waiting for you? Just like always?”
I look down and shrug. “I guess.” My eyes are starting to burn again, and I’m afraid I might cry.
“I’m sorry your plans with Trent didn’t work out.”
I hesitate too long fighting tears, and he frowns, turning to go. “Like I said, no more games.”
Then I remember the party. “But what about Stephanie? I mean, I don’t understand. Why her?”<
br />
It’s a dumb question. Anyone can see why guys want to date Stephanie, but Jason knows about me and her.
He shrugs. “She’s nice enough.”
“But she’s just like them, the people you said you hated.”
He puts his hands back in his pockets. “She’s actually not,” he says. “And at least she knows how to be real.”
He looks straight into my eyes when he says it, and my stomach hurts. I have no response, no arguments. He’s right. There’s nothing I can say to change what I’ve done or how I’ve treated him. I’ve been playing games since the first day I met him, and it isn’t fair to expect him to wait around for me to make up my mind. He’s picked Stephanie, and no amount of assertiveness is going to change that.
“See you around, H.D.,” he says and starts walking back to his car. I watch as he gets into the Passat and drives away. Then I slide down against the tree and put my head on my bent knees as the tears stream down my face.
The next morning I try to think of any reason to stay home, but it’s no good. Mom’s as tough about attendance as she is about facing my problems.
“It hurts too much,” I whisper, staring into my coffee mug. “There’s no way I’m learning anything today.”
Mom’s at the bar stirring honey into her tea. She presses her lips together and walks over to place her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry things didn’t go the way you hoped,” she says softly. “But you never know what can happen. Things can change in a day.”
I shrug, and she starts combing my hair back with her fingers. “Want me to do a braid?”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” I say.
She slides her fingers through the sides of my hair anyway and starts wrapping the strands from left to right, over and over. “From where I was sitting, it looked like Jason really liked you,” she says. “I bet if you give him a little time, he’ll come around.”
I sigh. “No way, Mom. It’s over,” I say. “You should’ve heard him. He says I was playing games and the only reason I want him back is…” My voice trails off.
I haven’t told Mom about the whole Trent thing yet. It’s just too much to deal with all at once, and she can’t help with that anyway. Not with the way Trent’s mom feels about her.
“Is what?” I hear her frown as she continues braiding.
“Just because it didn’t work out with me and Trent,” I say.
She doesn’t answer as she finishes my hair. Then she walks around to sit in front of me at the table. I continue looking at my coffee mug, but she reaches across the table for my hands. I slide mine into hers and look up, meeting her eyes.
“Tell you what,” she says. “Just be yourself, and I bet things change quicker than you expect.”
I don’t roll my eyes at her although I want to. Instead I just smile and nod. Mom always has wild ideas.
In the car Shelly’s completely distracted. I can’t believe she didn’t call me yesterday demanding I tell her everything about Trent, but I’d been sure this morning she’d be bursting. Instead she’s strangely quiet as we drive the few blocks to school. She pulls into the first empty spot without even trying to find something closer and kills the engine. Then she just sits quietly for several moments. Now I’m starting to get worried.
“You okay?” I ask.
“I’m in love with Aaron,” she says, looking straight ahead.
I catch myself before I laugh out loud, and instead I do a little cough. Then I clear my throat and turn in my seat to face her.
“Love?” I don’t want to state the obvious, but I confess my problems are completely forgotten at this. “Is your mom trying a new self-help theory?”
“No,” she says, still in zombie-mode, looking out the front window. “I know. It seems… really fast.”
“It is really fast. You’ve only been out what, twice?”
She turns to look at me then, and I can tell by her expression this isn’t a joke. “He said that, too. That it seems fast—”
“Wait,” I interrupt. “So you’ve discussed it with him?”
“We sort of talked about it after the party.” She looks down at her lap.
“What happened exactly?” I can’t believe this.
She’s quiet a moment, then she starts. “Well… after the Trent thing, the party kind of ended. So we went back to his house and we were all making out and stuff. You know.”
I shrug, “Okay.”
“Then I just… said it.”
I stare at her, waiting. But she’s stopped again.
“And?”
“And he said that about it being fast, and I nearly died,” Her hands go to her face, and she squeezes her eyes shut. “It just slipped out, Harley.”
I reach over and rub her arm. “That’s okay,” I’m trying to make her feel better, but ouch!
“I told him I had to go,” she opens her eyes and looks at her hands in her lap. “I pretty much stayed in my room all day yesterday just thinking about it. About him. He kept calling, but I couldn’t answer the phone.”
“So you haven’t talked to him since?”
I watch her squirm. “I couldn’t.”
We’re quiet. I want to be encouraging, but I’m still trying to recover. I know how she feels about things like falling in love and commitment these days.
“You know, I always thought you and Brian might get back together,” I say. “Eventually, I mean.”
She shakes her head. “Brian’s a jerk.” Then she adds in a quiet voice. “But Aaron’s… different.”
“Well?” I smile. “That’s good. Right?”
She looks away, out the window. Several moments pass before she says anything again.
“I’ll never forget the night my dad sat at our kitchen table and signed those divorce papers,” she says. “And then he walked out the door like we never even mattered.”
My eyes get warm. It’s the same night I held her hand as she cried.
She turns back to me and kind of smiles. “But I can’t keep making everyone else pay for what he did, right?”
I nod and she exhales.
“I told Aaron about that,” she continues. “The divorce, I mean, and how it felt. How I felt.”
“What’d he say?”
She looks down, smiling. “He said my dad’s a jerk and he wants to kick his ass.”
I reach for her hand and squeeze it. “Now I love Aaron. I mean, he’s kind of a kid, but not really. Right?”
“He’s different,” she says softly. “I mean, when we’re together, it’s… I don’t know. It’s fun.”
Our eyes meet and we smile just as there’s a tapping on her window. We both turn to look, and then she opens her door fast. I lean forward and catch a glimpse of Aaron as her door closes again and my friend’s back is pressed against it. I grab my door handle fast and stand up to see Shelly’s arms clutched around Aaron’s neck. I grin and lean back into the car for my bag before heading to the building. Everything feels happy and optimistic all of a sudden. People can change. Even if for a while they seem very determined to be angry and to not give other people a second chance. I set off for class smiling and ready to see Jason.
In our texts, Trent told me his mom is keeping him home from school now. Somehow she’s blaming our school for him being gay. For him “thinking he’s gay,” which is what he told me she says. He and I agree that’s idiotic, but a few times I catch the whispers of my fellow students discussing what happened at David’s party. Half the female population is saying it’s a vicious rumor and the other half is claiming they knew it all along. I hate it, and I’m glad he’s not here, especially since I know how he feels about all the gossip. On the way to algebra, I think about how I used to rush to see him before class every day, and then I realize in just a few minutes I’ll see Jason. My optimism abandons me, and I duck into the bathroom to check my hair and makeup. Stephanie’s there. I narrow my eyes when I see her. She’s looking in the mirror with one of her newest little Shadow C
reek minions by her side, and they’re talking and applying lip gloss.
“Hey, Harley,” she says, glancing at me. “You know Ashley Lockett?”
I shake my head. “Hey,” I say to the typically pretty, blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl standing next to Steph. There’s always another one coming up.
She smiles at me. “Hey.”
“Ashley’s a freshman, but she’s a cinch for the cheer squad next year,” Stephanie continues unfazed. “Keep an eye out for her at tryouts this summer, okay?”
I don’t respond. She’s got a lot of nerve asking me for a favor at tryouts.
“Look.” Stephanie puts down her gloss and turns to me. “I’m sorry about what happened at the party. With Trent. I was drunk and stupid, and I guess I sort of blew his cover. Or whatever.”
My eyes widen. I’m sorry is something I never expected to hear from Stephanie Miller, and it leaves me fumbling for the proper comeback.
“Everybody says stupid stuff they regret,” I mutter. Then I frown wishing I were brave enough to say what I really thought about her big mouth.
She turns back to the mirror, but she’s looking down. “I really liked Trent,” she says. “I thought we might get back together if… well, I hope he isn’t too mad at me.”
I manage to keep my expression neutral, but you could knock me over with a feather right now.
“I think they’re moving to Glennville,” I say. “And he’s happy. He never liked it here.”
“I can understand that,” she says under her breath, looking up again and flipping her dark hair behind her shoulders. I watch her smooth pink gloss over her perfect mouth and refuse to picture Jason kissing it.
“I don’t think it’s going to work out with me and Jason,” she says, as if she’s just read my mind.
Our eyes meet in the mirror.
“Oh, really?” I say as if I couldn’t care less. Right. I’m dying.
“I mean, he’s hot and all.” She smiles in a way that actually seems friendly. “But he’s too distracted. I think he’s still got a thing for somebody else.”
I’m speechless. Stephanie Miller is not the type of person I’d ever expect to go out on a limb for anybody. Or to back down from something she wants. Now I really don’t know what to say.
She does an exaggerated exhale and spins to face me. “Look, Harley. Here’s fifty cents.” She spreads both hands at my face. “Buy some backbone and go get what you want.”
The Truth About Faking Page 22
