by Olivia Dade
“I’m not sure.” Miles swung their hands as they began walking again. “I’m tempted, but I’d kind of made up my mind to do something else.”
She waited patiently.
“Like I said before, I thought maybe I could, uh, write a book. Not about carpentry so much, but about the different places I went. I could tell behind-the-scenes stories and talk a bit about the architecture and building methods of all the locations we visited.”
Startled, she came to a halt again. “That sounds amazing, Miles.”
He gave an uncomfortable hitch of his shoulders. “I don’t know whether I’m a decent writer or not. But I guess I’ll find out soon enough.”
“If you wanted, could you do both your writing and the work for Earl?”
“Maybe. I’d need to think about it.” He sounded loath to discuss the issue further.
Fair enough. She let the topic drop, instead focusing on the welcome coolness of the night air as they reached her car. In fact, the evening was so beautiful, the humidity so unexpectedly low for Maryland in July, that she kept her window down as she drove, letting her hair ruffle in the wind.
He watched her the whole time, his gaze searching. And when she turned on to the country road that would take them back to his cabin, he spoke so softly she could barely hear him. “I’m sorry I was abrupt.”
She shrugged. “You have the right to keep your own counsel.”
“I know I’m still a work in progress. And I swear I’m trying to do better and be better. For you and for myself.”
She smiled. “I’m a work in progress too, Miles. We all are. I’m not worried.”
His lips quirked. “You have the most generous heart on the face of the Earth.”
“That’s not true.” She steered carefully around a bend in the road. “But I’m glad you think so.”
When she shot him a quick glance, he was still watching her with open affection. Still tracing her features with his eyes, as if he were trying to memorize her.
“I love you, Mary.” In the darkness, the warmth of his voice surrounded her. Made her throat ache with joy and an ardency that matched his. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, and more than I ever could have dreamed. Beautiful and smart and so damn kind, I can’t believe it sometimes.”
She inhaled deeply, her chest tight. “I love you too.”
She’d never said those words to any man other than her father, brothers, and cousins. But she knew how she felt, and it wasn’t merely attraction or infatuation. She loved the man sitting beside her with every bit of devotion her heart could muster.
Tears blurred her vision, and she blinked them away. “Thank you for making me so happy, Miles. Not only now, but every day.”
“I wish I could hold your hand.” His whisper held a new ache, one he tried to downplay with a little laugh. “I should have planned this better.”
“You can.” She reached out her right hand and waited until he twisted in his seat enough to take it. “And even if you couldn’t, it wouldn’t matter. I don’t need a plan. I don’t need perfection. I just need you.”
The most full and beautiful silence she’d ever experienced descended over the car for the rest of their trip, and she marveled at the tectonic shift in their relationship. How her world suddenly seemed boundless and piercingly bright, all because of three simple words.
Then they turned into his driveway and saw the unfamiliar SUV next to the cabin.
“Who would be visiting you this late at night?” she asked, suddenly uneasy.
The air in the car had shifted somehow. Miles straightened, his jaw tight as they drew closer and saw the silhouette of a man on the porch. A tall man, lean, with a shaved head. Miles’s hand fisted on his thigh, and he let out an inarticulate sound of…
Surprise? Rage? Despair? She didn’t even know.
“Should we call the police? Or leave?” The phone sat in her console, within easy reach, and she could turn the car around quickly if necessary.
He cast her only a brief glance. “No. You can park, but please stay in the car.”
Desperately worried, she followed his guidance and brought the vehicle to a stop. He got out without another word and marched to the front porch.
And because she’d left her window open, she heard the first words the stranger said.
“Please don’t turn me away.” His voice was choked. Pleading. “I’m your brother, Miles. Please give me a chance to make things right.”
17
Even after he’d unlocked the door to the cabin, Miles didn’t bother greeting his brother. He didn’t want Teddy to feel welcome. He wanted Teddy gone, along with all other undesired reminders of Miles’s previous life.
He might have accepted the loss of his arm. But he was still coming to terms with the loss of his work and his money, not to mention his trust in the man who’d once been his manager, his brother, and his closest friend.
“Miles…” Teddy shuffled his feet, clearly prepared to beg his way into the house. “I’m so sorry. I—”
Jesus. He didn’t have the time or energy for this discussion, and he definitely didn’t want to confront his brother in front of Mary. “Just get inside.”
Teddy, hangdog expression intact, hurried through the doorway without another word.
Instead of following Teddy, Miles jogged down the porch steps to Mary’s car and got ready to offer his own apologies. Because Teddy’s visit had not only summoned bad memories for Miles, but also illuminated a part of his life and history he hadn’t yet shared with Mary. A part of his life and history he should have explained long ago.
Acknowledging his omission might hurt her, and he was going to have to find a way to explain himself. But he couldn’t do that in his driveway, with Teddy waiting in his living room.
“I’m so sorry about this.” He leaned through her open window, studying her expression. At the moment, she looked more confused and concerned than pissed. That might change once he told her everything, of course. “My brother Teddy is here. And normally, I’d invite you to come inside and meet him, but Teddy and I have a few things we need to discuss first.”
She flinched, and his heart dropped. “You…you, um, don’t want me to meet your brother? Or stay with you tonight?”
Oh, God. Did she think he was ashamed of her?
“No, Mary.” He grabbed her hand and held it tightly. “Whatever you’re thinking, no. I’d be proud to introduce you to him and to all my friends. Hell, I’d show you off to the world, if it wouldn’t bring the paparazzi down on us. But there are things I should have told you a while ago, and I don’t want you to hear them from Teddy. I want to tell you myself.”
Her fingers slipped from his. “More secrets?”
“I guess.” Her withdrawal made his gut clench. “I didn’t think they mattered. Not here. Not in our life together.”
She bit her lower lip. “You’re so tense, you look like you’re about to snap in two. And you thought something that makes you this upset didn’t matter?”
His head dropped to his chest. “I’m stupid. I have no excuse, Mary. But I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”
“You have a right to your privacy, Miles. You don’t owe me anything.” She glanced down at the key in the ignition. “I’d better get going. Your brother is waiting for you.”
He couldn’t let the woman he loved, the woman he wanted by his side forever, leave like that. Not when she suddenly appeared so damn distant. So he reached into the car again, this time cupping her velvety cheek in his palm. “I’m coming to you tonight. As soon as I’m done with Teddy.”
She shook her head. “You should catch up with your brother. We can talk tomorrow.”
“I can’t wait that long.” He bent down to capture her mouth with his, hoping the tenderness of the kiss would reassure her. Would mitigate his idiocy. “I don’t want to spend a single night without you again.”
Her big, dark eyes still looked tr
oubled. “And you’ll tell me everything?”
“Yes. I promise.”
She simply nodded, started her car, and put it in reverse.
“I love you,” he told her. “So much.”
Her chest rose and lowered in a deep, silent breath. “I love you too.”
He stared at the cloud of dust she left behind, aching with worry and furious at his brother for forcing his hand. Furious at himself for not doing the right thing by Mary and their relationship. Furious at his own unwillingness to confront everything he’d lost that awful day on the job site.
Why hadn’t he learned his lesson? Why had he still been hiding from her, after everything they’d been through together? Hiding from himself, when he’d already acknowledged the futility of it all?
When he turned back toward the house, his brother waited in the doorway, his shaved head gleaming under the porch lights. His brows drawn, his shoulders shifting in discomfort, bags under his familiar hazel eyes.
Miles couldn’t hide anymore. The past he’d wanted to forget had remembered him. It had found him. And now he was going to confront it, like it or not.
* * *
Teddy perched on the edge of the sofa, but Miles felt too restless to sit. Instead, he propped himself against the wall a good ten feet away from his brother and waited to hear the reason for the visit.
“You look good.” Teddy audibly swallowed. “Much better than the last time I saw you.”
Teddy had visited him in the hospital every day. Had tried to keep in contact after Miles holed up in his California home and began planning a move to Maryland. But at that point, Miles hadn’t wanted to talk to anyone who’d known him before the accident. And before he’d begun to soften that stance, he’d found out what Teddy had done, and any longing for his brother and closest friend had vanished immediately.
So Teddy hadn’t seen him since he’d been hooked up to an IV and various machines, his residual limb sheathed in a wad of dressing. Yeah, he probably did look a bit better now.
“When I was a kid, you always seemed larger than life to me.” Teddy clasped his hands between his knees. “My big brother, who looked so much like Dad. Tall. Strong. Invincible. Seeing you in that hospital bed”—his voice cracked—“gutted me, Miles. You were so pale. So broken.”
Miles’s temper flared. “Did you come here for sympathy? To tell me about your own pain and loss? Because if you did, you can get the fuck out of here right now.”
His brother leaped to his feet. “No! I came to apologize. To explain what happened.”
“I know what happened.” Exhaustion tugged at his bones, but he stayed upright. Rigid. “You either mismanaged or stole most of my money. And now, thanks to you, I need to start over practically broke.”
Teddy jerked as if he’d been slapped, and all of Miles’s big brother instincts urged him to comfort his sibling. To offer absolution and a consoling hug. But he’d already offered Teddy a job, millions of dollars to mishandle, and a get-out-of-jail-free card. That was enough. More than enough.
He fought to keep his voice even. “I already told you I wouldn’t investigate what happened or go to a lawyer. So why are we even talking about this?”
“I didn’t steal from you.” Teddy’s arms spread in appeal. “I swear I didn’t, Miles. If you want a forensic accountant to confirm that, pick one, and I’ll pay for it.”
Miles laughed bitterly. “How? You don’t have a job anymore.”
“I’ll borrow money. Just like I borrowed money to go back to school and learn more about business. So I won’t fuck up again like I did before.”
His brother sounded determined. Sincere. But who the hell cared at this point?
“It doesn’t matter, Teddy.” Miles’s shoulders slumped. “Maybe you didn’t steal the money. But you didn’t tell me you’d lost most of it. And if I hadn’t needed my savings after the accident, I don’t think you ever would have come clean.”
“I know.” Teddy’s eyes grew bright. “I know I did the wrong thing. That’s what I was trying to explain. You were…” He began to pace the room. “You were so perfect, Miles. Larger than life, like I said. Everything came your way, and it all looked easy. You were rich and famous and funny and genuinely nice. I wanted to be like you. And when you asked me to be your manager, I was so proud. So proud.”
He dashed away tears with his knuckles. “The money came flooding in, and I tried my best, but I started floundering. It’s not like our family came from money. I had no idea what to do with it. So I’d try something, and it wouldn’t work. Then I’d try something else, and things would only get worse. But I kept telling myself I’d learn. That I’d invest the money differently and earn back what I’d lost. That I had time, since you were bringing in so much income.”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. “That’s all well and good. But why the hell didn’t you tell me what was happening?” He could hear his voice rise, and he couldn’t stop it. “I could have cut my losses. I could have gotten you some assistance. I could have found you a new position that didn’t involve money-handling. Didn’t you owe me some honesty?”
Teddy collapsed on to the sofa, his face gray in the lamplight. “I was so ashamed, Miles. I didn’t want you to know. I wanted to fix the problem so you’d keep thinking I was like you.”
“Like me?”
“Successful. Perfect.”
Apparently, unwillingness to face reality was a family failing.
Miles crossed to the opposite corner of the sofa and sat heavily. “I’m not perfect. I’ve never been perfect. Not even when I had both arms.”
After all, I handed all my money over to my little brother without checking to make sure he knew what he was doing. Without keeping an eye on my investments. Without anything but blind faith that my charmed life would continue.
He didn’t say it. Shit, Teddy was already trying to smother sobs on the other end of the couch. No point in upsetting him further. Especially since the blame fell on both of them, as Miles had always known. As Miles had tried his damnedest not to acknowledge.
“I’ll pay you back.” Teddy’s words were a vow. “If it takes me the rest of my life, I’ll pay you back.”
He appreciated the offer. But the amount of money that had slipped through Teddy’s fingers would take more than a lifetime for his brother to repay, barring a lottery win.
Miles lifted a shoulder. “Don’t bother. I’ll have enough, as long as I find a job in the next few months. And it’s not like we grew up rich. I can do without all the extras.”
“I’m still going to try. Because you may not need the extras, but you deserve them. You worked for them.” Teddy’s voice was hoarse. “You deserved the truth, too. I wanted to explain everything and apologize months ago, Miles, but you never answered my calls.”
“I was angry.” He rested his head against the sofa cushion and closed his eyes. “At you. At myself. I didn’t want to think about it.”
“You had other stuff to deal with too.”
This time, his laugh was short but genuine. “That’s an understatement.”
“I thought…” When Teddy paused, Miles opened his eyes to look at his brother. “I thought you’d be wearing a prosthetic arm by now. Most upper-limb amputees don’t get one, but I figured you would. I did some research on the different types, and I was betting on a body-powered prosthesis. So you could still work outside and get it dirty. Not like a myoelectric prosthesis.”
Miles had no idea what that meant. Other than the prosthesis he’d recently used as a battering ram, he hadn’t seen any prosthetic arms in person. Hadn’t gone to another prosthetist, either in California or Maryland. Hadn’t even read about his options online. He’d told himself it was because he wanted to accept his body the way it now was, but that was bullshit. He hadn’t wanted to acknowledge the reality of his loss.
And even though he’d begun looking at and touching his left arm again, he still hadn’t done any research on pr
osthetic limbs. What would be the point? He’d adapted to his one-armed daily life well enough. And it wasn’t as if he were going back to carpentry, right?
Earl’s job offer crossed Miles’s mind, but he immediately swatted the thought away. After all, what the hell did a cranky, possibly deranged old man know about Miles’s capabilities?
“Nope. No prosthesis.” He knew some people liked the type he owned, and he respected their choice. But it wasn’t for him. The arm, expensive as it was, was going in the trash soon.
“Do you have a good occupational therapist?”
“I went a few times in California, but I didn’t find one here.” More avoidance. “I guess I should, huh?”
“Yeah.” His brother hesitated, then spoke in a rush. “Like I said, I’ve been doing some research. I found specialists with good reputations within driving distance, and I have the information out in the rental car. Before I leave tonight, I could give it to you.”
Teddy’s eagerness to help, the effort he’d obviously made to learn about amputee issues, made it damn hard to stay angry. Or to verbalize the comment on the tip of his tongue: Too bad you weren’t this much into research a few years ago.
“Thanks, bro. I’ll look at it later.” He sighed and finally let go. Of all his rage, both self-directed and otherwise. Of the distance he’d tried to impose between himself and the brother he loved. “You can stay here tonight, if you’d like. I’m going to sleep at my girlfriend’s apartment, so I won’t need my bed. And I want you to meet Mary before you go back to California. She’s amazing.”
When Teddy swiped beneath his eyes again, Miles knew his brother had gotten the message. Maybe everything in their past wasn’t forgotten, but it was forgiven. They were moving on.
“Sounds good.” His brother cleared his throat. “My flight leaves pretty early tomorrow, but I’d love to meet her before I head to Dulles. And if you and I could talk a bit before I have to go, I’d like that. I want to know what you’ve been doing.”
