He shook his head.
She furrowed her brow. ‘You’re telling me that at no point in the last four years you’ve slept in a bed with another woman?’ She gave a wry laugh. ‘I don’t expect you to have been a saint, Travis.’
He cringed a little and gave her an answer without looking at her. ‘Of course I’ve slept with other women, but I’ve never stayed the night. I’ve never actually fallen asleep or spent the night with a woman in the last four years.’
‘Oh.’ It was the only thing she could think of to say right now. Travis had fallen asleep with her. Her. The first woman in four years he’d been comfortable enough with to fall asleep with. What did that mean?
‘And the reason you haven’t stayed overnight with a woman for the last four years?’
He took a deep breath and she let her question hang in the air. She knew the answer to that. He didn’t want to admit what the problem was. He didn’t want to face up to it. Maybe he hadn’t accepted he had PTSD? Maybe he just wanted to keep it secret. But right now it was the biggest problem in this cabin. Travis King was in denial. And she couldn’t pretend it wasn’t breaking her heart.
She took a deep breath. ‘Travis. I don’t need to spell this out. You need help. You must know you need help. Have you done anything about this?’
The words hung in the air between them and again he didn’t answer—which was all the answer she needed.
Anger surged through her. She wanted to help him—she did. But he had to want to help himself first.
He opened his mouth to speak but no words actually came out.
Ivy stood up. ‘Travis, I would like to see if this relationship has a chance. I think we could be good together. But I can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself. I think the best thing I can do right now is give you some space to get some help.’ She gave a sad sigh. ‘And even though I’m a doctor, this isn’t my area of speciality. I’m not sure that I’m the best person to help you right now, but if you need me, you know where to find me. All you have to do is ask.’
Her voice trembled as she reached out and hugged him, feeling his warm body next to hers. Part of her wanted to stay in this position. But that wouldn’t help Travis—not in the long term. If he remained in denial, he would suffer like this for the rest of his life. And she truly didn’t want that for him.
Tears were pooling in her eyes and she knew she had to get out of here. If he liked her as much as she liked him, she could only pray that he would reach out for help. And if he did, she would absolutely be there.
‘Let me know,’ she said quietly before she broke down completely. And with that Ivy picked up her shoes and jacket and walked out the door.
CHAPTER EIGHT
HE WAS LIVING his life on autopilot and could barely look at Ivy right now.
This was all his fault. Everything she’d said to him had been fair and reasonable. She was right to walk away. All he could feel was shame and humiliation that whilst he’d been in the middle of a nightmare he might have accidentally hurt her.
But the part that had killed him most was when he’d seen the change in her eyes. When she’d started looking at him like a patient rather than the man she’d just made love with. He didn’t ever want Ivy to look at him like that. He’d revealed a part of himself that he’d never shared with another, and she’d automatically gone into doctor mode.
Would he have done the same if the situation were reversed? Trouble was, he wasn’t entirely sure.
Once or twice he’d thought about trying to talk to her, maybe even texting her. But how could he talk to her when he hadn’t sorted himself out?
Aileen had caught him looking at Ivy a few times and raised her eyebrows in a question. He knew Aileen would be happy for him to take her up on the offer that she’d made, but as soon as he had that conversation then it was there, on his record, forever.
If he were having this conversation with any of his friends, he would tell them not to be ridiculous. He would tell them the diagnosis wouldn’t matter, that getting treatment was far more important. And he knew all that. But he also knew how the navy worked. Would he ever get another commission as an SMO with PTSD in his medical records? That was the harsh reality he was facing.
It was why he’d spent the last four years trying to pretend this wasn’t actually happening to him.
Aston, one of the medical corpsman, came and tapped him on the shoulder. ‘Dr King, I’ve got a female patient who needs to see a doctor. She’s asking specifically for Dr Ross, but she’s off duty. Should I go and find her?’
Travis shook his head. ‘Ivy was on duty last night and had a tough case. I’ll speak to the patient in the first instance. If I need to, I’ll go and find Ivy.’
The medical corpsman handed over the notes. ‘Room Two.’
Travis nodded and scanned them quickly. They were brief. He headed into Room Two and the young woman turned to look at him.
He gave her a smile as he sat down. ‘I’m Dr King. I know you’re looking for Dr Ross, but she’s just gone off shift and I imagine she’s sleeping right now. If it’s okay with you, I can take some details and arrange for Dr Ross to see you later or some time tomorrow? I just wanted to see you to check if you need any emergency treatment.’ He didn’t want anything urgent for this patient to be overlooked, wanted to make sure it was safe to allow her to wait.
‘Are you happy to chat with me?’
She gave a nervous nod.
‘I’m Rena,’ she said. ‘I just wanted to see an actual doctor rather than a corpsman.’
‘No problem,’ said Travis. ‘I’m happy to see you, but know that our medical corpsmen are fully trained.’
She didn’t say anything so he continued, ‘Can you tell me what brings you here today?’
She pressed her lips together. ‘I just feel really tired. I can’t get out of my bed in the morning, and I don’t want to eat. As soon as I’ve finished my duties I just want to go back to bed.’ She gave a laugh. ‘I couldn’t even drink my designated alcohol the other night. Just the smell of it...’ She shuddered.
Travis gave a nod and took some notes. This could be a wide variety of conditions. He asked a few more questions. After a few minutes he started to sense where this might be going.
‘Rena, how long have you been on board?’
‘Since we started. It would be...twelve weeks now.’
Travis gave a nod. ‘Do you mind if we run through a list of other symptoms?’
She shook her head.
‘Okay, any abdominal pain?’
Her face twisted and she gave a half nod. ‘Maybe a little. I just thought it was menstrual cramps. But it’s a bit sharper than what it’s normally like.’
Travis nodded. ‘Indigestion? Nausea? Light-headedness? Headaches? Or palpitations?’
She shook her head at some and nodded at others.
‘Do you mind if I ask you for a urine sample too? I’d like to rule out a urine infection.’ He handed her a sample dish and Rena headed to the toilet. He wondered if he should actually go and wake up Ivy. He had a sneaky suspicion he might know what was wrong with Rena.
He stuck his head out the door and gave a shout to one of the other staff. ‘Can you ask Ivy to come along? And apologise for waking her up. I want to do an abdominal scan on this young woman and think she might be happier if Ivy did that.’
Five minutes later Travis was in the treatment room, testing the urine sample.
‘You called?’ Ivy was rubbing her eyes. Her hair was rumpled and she was wearing scrubs that she’d clearly been sleeping in.
He gave a nod. ‘I’m sorry to wake you up.’
She shook her head and stepped forward. ‘No probs. Who is the patient?’
He turned the tablet around so she could read his notes. After a minute she looked up and glanced at the test strips. She gave a sigh. �
�Okay, so I’m betting there’s no infection, is there?’
He shook his head.
‘Did you do the other test?’
He turned the pregnancy test around and she gave an even bigger sigh.
‘How bad is her abdominal pain?’
‘Right now it’s just starting. She described as being like menstrual cramps, only sharper.’
Ivy didn’t miss a beat. ‘And if this pregnancy is ectopic, it’s about to get a whole lot worse.’ She nodded her head and paused before meeting his gaze. ‘I was going to be cranky. But you were right to wake me. I’ll do her ultrasound and have the conversation.’
As he nodded and turned to leave she called him back. ‘Travis, you know how I hadn’t delivered a baby in years?’
‘Yes?’
‘Well, it’s been just as long since I dealt with an ectopic pregnancy. I’d feel happier if you’d scrub in too.’
A warm feeling spread across him. He knew what it was costing her to say those words out loud. No surgeon wanted to admit that something wasn’t really their speciality. ‘Would you like me to do the surgery?’
She shook her head. ‘No, I’ll do it. But I would appreciate if you stayed in case I have any questions.’
‘No problem.’
She bit her lip. ‘You do realise there’s another issue here, don’t you?’
Travis met her gaze. ‘Of course. Ectopic pregnancies happen at around six weeks and we’ve been at sea for twelve, meaning Rena’s got pregnant while she’s been on board.’
Ivy’s gaze dropped to the screen again. ‘We all know the rules. I’m not entirely sure I feel comfortable getting a young woman into trouble for an act we both engaged in ourselves.’
Her straight talking reminded him just why he liked her so much. Ivy wasn’t shy. She got right to the point. He couldn’t help but smile at her. ‘I guess you’re right, but one of us will still need to have that conversation with her at a later date. We also need to think about contraceptive advice for her.’
Ivy leaned against the bulkhead for a minute. ‘This is a tricky one. If the ultrasound confirms what we suspect, she’ll need surgery. While I’m doing the ultrasound, could you ask Aileen if she might be available to counsel Rena later? I’m not sure how she’ll react to the news about the pregnancy being ectopic.’
For the briefest of moments he paused as he felt a tiny moment of dread circle around him at the thought of talking to Aileen. He immediately shook it off. ‘Of course I will. I’ll meet you back here.’
* * *
Aileen was working in one of the other offices and gave him a wide smile as he knocked on the door. ‘Travis, what can I do for you? Do you need my help?’
The look of expectation in her eyes made him want to cringe. ‘Yes,’ he said quickly. ‘We have a young woman who probably has an ectopic pregnancy. We’re not quite sure how she’ll take the news and Ivy wondered if you’d be available if required.’
‘Oh.’ For a moment he thought she looked a bit disappointed. ‘Of course, no problem at all. Eh... Travis? Anything else?’
He could say something. He could say it right now. Admit that something was wrong and that he needed help. The words were almost there, on the tip of his tongue, but...they just wouldn’t go any further. He gave Aileen his best bright smile. ‘No, that’s great, thanks.’
As he walked back outside he thought he’d feel relief. But instead it was as if a baby whale had taken a spot on his shoulders and was pressing down. Hard.
He couldn’t let this go on. Ivy had clearly been avoiding him these last few days, but just one glimpse of her, one whiff of her perfume, had made him realise how much he was allowing all this to hold him back—to steal part of the life that he really wanted.
A life with Ivy.
* * *
The impulse to lie down on the nearest bed and go back to sleep was slowly diminishing. Rena was a nice young girl who hadn’t even asked Ivy any questions when she’d asked if she could do an ultrasound. The scan quickly told Ivy what she needed to know. She put the transducer back in its holder and turned to Rena. ‘Okay, we need to talk about what happens next.’
‘Am I pregnant?’ Rena winced a little as she moved on the bed.
Ivy nodded. ‘You are pregnant, but this pregnancy is unusual. The egg hasn’t implanted in the lining of your womb.’
‘It hasn’t? What’s wrong? Is that why I’m so uncomfortable?’
Ivy nodded and took the time to explain. There was a good chance that the general discomfort that Rena was feeling would rapidly increase. They had to operate as soon as possible. Ivy spoke slowly. ‘Rena, is there anyone on board you would like me to get for you? A friend? A colleague? I think it’s important you have someone to support you.’
She saw Rena waver before she shook her head. Maybe the pregnancy was a surprise. Somewhere on board this vessel was a man who’d shared a few intimate moments with Rena. Or it could be something else.
Ivy paused. Sexual assault wasn’t unknown on military vessels. She bent forward and took Rena’s hand, giving it a light squeeze. ‘Rena, is there anything you need to tell me? As Flight Surgeon I’m responsible for making sure you feel safe on the Coolidge. I want you to know that you can tell me anything.’
A flash of recognition sparked in Rena’s eyes and she shook her head. ‘No, nothing like that. You don’t need to worry about me.’ Then her expression changed, and she laid her hand on her belly. ‘So, all of this will be over once I’ve had the op?’
Ivy nodded. ‘We’ll take you in very soon. The last thing we want is for your pain to worsen and the ectopic pregnancy to rupture.’
‘But you still need to take the tube away?’
‘Yes, we do. There’s no other way.’
‘And I’ll still be able to have children in the future?’
Ivy nodded. ‘You should do. You have two fallopian tubes. I’ll refer you to an ob-gyn specialist that you can see once we’re back on land. They’ll be able to run some tests and reassure you.’
Rena gave a nod, but her eyes had a distant kind of expression.
‘One of the nurses will be in to get you ready for Theatre. I’ll see you in there,’ said Ivy.
She walked through the door and started as she saw Travis waiting for her. ‘You were good with her,’ he said, giving a small nod in appreciation.
Ivy’s first instinct was to brush him off. As far as she was aware, he still hadn’t done what she’d asked but, then, she would never really know unless he told her.
He certainly hadn’t asked her for help. But maybe he felt that wasn’t appropriate. And she wasn’t offended, really, more frustrated. She just wanted Travis to admit what was wrong and start the process of getting help.
She couldn’t deny that, no matter what else happened, she liked Travis. He was a good guy. A good guy with a condition that needed to be treated. No matter how much she wanted to help, the first step, the denial part, Travis had to deal with himself.
She had experience of being around people who wouldn’t help themselves in the first instance. One of her friends, Joss, back in university days, had Type One diabetes. Joss had continually ignored her blood-sugar results, her hypoglycaemic attacks and her secondary symptoms. Ivy had bent over backwards to help Joss, intervening on countless occasions, spending hours and hours with her friend when she had been sick, almost failing one exam in the process.
She’d finally realised that she couldn’t do it for Joss. Joss had to do it for herself, and she’d slowly backed away. She’d heard later that a few years down the line Joss had self-destructed and had crashed her car while driving with low blood sugar. Luckily, Joss hadn’t injured anyone else, just herself, and it had given her the wake-up call she’d needed.
Even though she was a doctor, Ivy couldn’t always ‘fix’ someone. They had to want to ‘fix’ themselve
s. And as hard as it was to know how much Travis was hurting, he’d already been on this road for the last four years—and hadn’t done anything about it. She knew how it would feel if she tried to intervene. She couldn’t take sleepless nights and countless arguments—or the fear of him lashing out in his sleep again. As his blue eyes fixed on hers in the shadow of the corridor, she remembered the feel of his skin next to hers. There was so much about this guy she could actually love. There was so much potential between them. It actually felt as if she could reach out and grab it.
Deep down she knew it wasn’t the way to start a relationship. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t be friends with him. Maybe that was what he needed most.
She gave him a smile. ‘Well, I try my best.’
‘I’m sorry I got you up. I heard you had a bad night.’
‘I’ve had worse.’ The words were out before she had a chance to think about them. Of course she hadn’t been referring to her night with Travis. She had been thinking back to her many night shifts as an intern. But for the briefest of seconds she saw the wounded expression on his face. She couldn’t leave it. She just couldn’t.
Ivy reached out and put her hand on his arm. ‘I didn’t mean that.’ She glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one could hear. ‘Part of that night was very nice, as you know, and I appreciate the effort you made.’
She was trying to keep her tone light. She was just about to go into surgery with this guy and she needed them both to be on the same page.
He gave a silent nod and she tried to move on. ‘Are you ready to be my wingman?’
That made his eyebrows lift in amusement. ‘I’m your wingman? I don’t get to be top gun?’
She shook her head. ‘Oh, no, you’re the wingman, absolutely. No one gets to be top gun in my theatre but me.’
‘Fair enough. I’m happy to be your wingman.’
She was surprised by that. Most surgeons would never concede to another, particularly if they were senior. ‘Let’s go.’ He nodded as the anaesthetic nurse slipped into Rena’s room.
His Blind Date Bride Page 11
