Ivy didn’t want to laugh but she knew Tony well. He would be a hideous patient.
Are you okay?
Her screen filled with three dots. They seemed to hover there for a while as if he’d changed his mind, deleted his response and written something else.
Truthfully? Wishing I was anywhere but here...actually, wishing I was with you.
This guy could melt her heart for real. She sucked in a breath. She would love to be wrapped in Travis’s arms right now, but no matter how good her imagination was, it couldn’t be a reality. How could she relax enough to fall asleep with him when he could have another nightmare? Her heart felt as though it was twisting in her chest.
She tried not to think too much. She could send all that stuff in a text, but it felt like blaming, and she didn’t want to do that. She didn’t want to be the person who agreed to wait, and then at the first opportunity pushed it back in his face because he hadn’t worked to get better yet.
But it was as if he’d read her mind.
I’m going to speak to Aileen. She’s the best place for me to start. But starting the conversation feels...huge. Bigger than me.
She wanted to wrap her arms around him in a huge hug. But before she got a chance the little dots appeared again, followed by another message.
You haven’t answered, so not sure how things are in your head. Sometimes I feel like a fraud. We’ve both seen people affected by PTSD. Some of them we know will never be the same again because of their experiences. I’m so aware that my experiences weren’t as bad as others. But the nightmares aren’t going away, and I’ve been purposely ignoring them, pushing them away so I don’t have to deal with them. But here, tonight, knowing that if I don’t do something we won’t be able to fall asleep in each other’s arms kills me. Because it’s all I can think about. I don’t want to be without you.
A tear slid down her cheek. For a moment she thought about pinching herself to make sure she hadn’t fallen asleep and was actually dreaming all this.
Her fingers flew across her screen, all barriers well and truly lifted. He’d told her that he didn’t want to be without her. It had been a long time since someone had said those words to her. Last time she’d doubted them. But this time, no matter what else was going on, she didn’t doubt them for a second.
I want to be with you too. Don’t doubt that. I want you to be well. I want to be able to curl up next to you and just listen to your breathing.
Her fingers hesitated. She wasn’t ready to put her heart on the line until she was sure. Sure about everything. About where she was in her life, and if she was ready to lose her heart to someone.
Not someone. Travis.
She wondered if he might be disappointed with her reply. But within a heartbeat the little dots appeared.
A man can dream. I’ll get there. I promise you. Sleep well. xx
She lay back and pressed her phone against her heart. Travis King didn’t want to be without her. She wanted to dance around the cabin, but her body was just too tired. So she curled up, leaving her phone exactly where it was. She might not be able to cuddle up and feel the body of the man who was, without doubt, stealing a little part of her every day, but she could fall asleep with the words and messages that he was sending her. And, for now, that would have to be good enough.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
HE STARED AT Ivy’s file again. He’d been asked for a report. One part of him wanted to opt out. He could hardly have an unbiased view of Ivy and her work. But that was unheard of. It would immediately raise red flags. Questions would be asked. Her record would be blemished by the fact her commanding officer had asked someone else to write her report.
He might as well tell the world that something was going on between them.
It wasn’t as if it had never happened in the navy before. Plenty of colleagues had started and maintained relationships together. As soon as it had become known, they hadn’t been allowed to serve together. It was part of the rules—and rightly so. Relationship troubles or marital debates couldn’t be brought onto a ship. And military decisions could be compromised if a loved one was at stake.
That was why the navy kept things simple and said that work and love had to be separate. This was probably the first time that Travis had completely understood why.
He stared at the blank screen. He knew exactly why he was being asked for a routine report on Ivy. This time it wasn’t routine. An SMO vacancy was imminent, and she was one of the candidates up for consideration.
Her record was exemplary. Anyone who knew her would give her a report that reflected her skills and teamwork abilities. The glimmers of leadership that he’d already seen would flourish in this new role. Travis felt as if his heart was currently held in a vice. If he gave Ivy a glowing report—which she deserved—and someone pointed out the fact that there were rumours of a relationship between Travis and Ivy when he’d written said report, there was a chance it could damage both of their careers.
It weighed heavily on him. He was already in the position of SMO and unlikely to be given anything more than a sharp talk and a reminder to declare any relationship between serving personnel, whereas the repercussions could be much more serious for Ivy. It could move her from the top of the list—casting doubts on her true abilities and the final report he had written on her—and let someone else take the job that should be hers.
His head sagged into his hands. Any other man might just write Ivy a glowing report and send it in. But he knew how important this would be for her. Unfortunately everyday sexism still existed in the armed forces, and any whiff of rumour about Ivy could seriously damage her career. Travis would not be responsible for that.
He leaned back in his chair as Tony knocked on the door, bringing in some reports. Tony took one look at him. ‘What’s up?’
It was a light-bulb moment for Travis. ‘Have a seat,’ he said, gesturing to the chair in front of the desk.
Tony frowned for a moment. ‘Is this where I ask what I’ve done?’
Travis shook his head and leaned forward. ‘Tony, I know you’re not a fool. I’ve been asked to write a recommendation about Ivy.’
Tony raised his eyebrows a little. ‘And, of course, you will.’
Travis nodded. ‘I will, but I’d like a little input from the team.’
The frown remained on Tony’s face. ‘That’s not entirely normal. They usually only want to know what the boss thinks—particularly if it’s going to be a recommendation about a promotion.’
Travis nodded in relief. Tony knew exactly what this was about. It made it easier.
‘The last thing I want is to write the glowing recommendation that Ivy deserves and for anyone to cast shade on it because my feelings towards Ivy might not be...’ He looked up at the ceiling. ‘How do I say it? Not entirely unbiased?’
‘But if you don’t do it, that will be worse.’
‘I know. But what if I did a collective response? Ivy’s a team player. It’s one of her best attributes. Not everyone who works with her has the same bias as me.’
Tony leaned back and folded his arms, looking thoughtful. ‘So you want to use this different approach to make sure everyone says how great she is, not just you?’
Travis nodded. ‘I’m not sure how many people know something is going on between Ivy and me—’
Tony let out a snort. ‘Try half of the ship.’
Travis kept nodding. ‘In that case, over two thousand people could cast aspersions when Ivy comes up for promotion.’
‘Do you think anyone would actually do that? Ivy doesn’t make enemies. She’s a good doctor and a good officer.’
‘I know that. But do I really know the mindsets of two thousand people on this ship? The timing is awful. What I want to do is let Command know that Ivy and I are...’ He paused, not quite sure what word to use.
‘In a relationship,’
said Tony for him.
Travis nodded and let out a long, slow breath from between his lips. Someone else saying the words out loud made it feel like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
‘But if I do that now—just after they’ve asked for a recommendation—then it will instantly raise eyebrows.’
Tony leaned forward. ‘And you don’t want to do that. You don’t want anyone to think about anything other than the fact that Ivy is worthy of promotion.’
‘Exactly.’
Tony gave him a sideways look. ‘It’s an interesting approach.’ He gave a slow nod. ‘I’ll ask a few key personnel if they’d like to write a contribution for Ivy’s recommendation. Best not let everyone know. And I’ll write one too.’
Travis gave a grateful nod. ‘Thanks, Tony. I’ll combine them all into one recommendation and send an email saying I thought a team approach might be a good idea for a change.’ He screwed his face up. ‘Maybe I’ll pick some better words than that.’
Tony laughed. ‘Yeah, whatever you do, don’t make your recommendation look like a criticism of their process.’
Travis rolled his eyes. ‘Nope. No way. I’m doing this to help her, not get in her way.’
Tony stood up, walked around and put his hand on Travis’s shoulder. ‘If you know her at all, you know how important this is to her. I appreciate you thinking about how to make this work best for her.’ He gave another laugh. ‘But you’re right. Your timing does suck. Shoulda saved the loving for later!’
He was still laughing as he walked out the door.
Travis stayed in place for a few moments, his hands pressed down on the desk. He knew what he had to do next.
He’d found a kind of solution to support Ivy’s promotion. As soon as that was completed he would need to talk to her to agree when they would let the powers above know that they were seeing each other. Or ‘in a relationship’, as the phrase went. That thought made him smile. It probably should worry him a little. But it didn’t. He wanted to be able to say that. He wanted to be able to declare it to his colleagues and his friends.
It wasn’t something he took lightly. An email flashed up on his screen. Peters again. His emails were becoming a weekly obsession. Travis couldn’t pretend it still wasn’t a little flattering. He had to admit after the string of emails he was starting to become more open to a new role. And it was nothing to do with the potential income. Peters had mentioned the possibility of them being a healthcare provider for veterans. Travis liked that idea. He knew of lots of veterans who struggled with the healthcare system once their service was finished.
Ten years ago, he wouldn’t have expected to consider that kind of career until he’d completed forty years of navy service. But things had changed for him. He was questioning more. He might not have openly accepted his PTSD before. But the fact that even before he’d taken this emergency SMO post he’d already been exchanging emails with Peters told him that, subliminally, his brain had already been trying to tell him things.
Travis shook his head. He wasn’t in a position to think about private practice right now. He had to do something else first. He had to start his own treatment. Take the steps he should have taken four years ago.
He ignored the fact that his hands seemed to shake a little as he pressed them harder into the desk and stood. The walk down the corridor seemed to take an age.
People were nodding and saying hello as he passed, but his mind could only focus on one thing. He didn’t want to allow himself the excuse of any interruptions.
He was doing this for himself. But he was also doing this in the hope for a new life. A life that meant he could wake up every morning next to the woman that he was starting to realise he might love.
When he reached the door he didn’t hesitate, just gave a short knock and walked in.
Aileen looked up and gave him her normal warm smile. ‘Hi, Travis, what can I do for you?’
He closed the door behind him and as he turned back again he noticed Aileen straighten a little in her chair. She knew. She knew what this was.
She gestured towards the chair next to her.
‘Take a seat,’ she said with a smile.
And he did.
CHAPTER TWELVE
IVY WAS FEELING ANTSY. It was the only way she could describe how she was feeling right now. And she couldn’t quite put her finger on why she was feeling this way.
Travis had started treatment with Aileen for his PTSD. Only she and Aileen knew that. Ivy wasn’t foolish. She knew this could be treatment that lasted a lifetime. But at least he’d taken the first step.
They’d also started seeing each other in as discreet a way as possible. Behind the closed doors of each other’s cabins Ivy had learned all Travis’s habits, likes and dislikes. She’d even seen his sisters through video chat, and loved the easy, teasing relationship all the siblings had. Travis was clearly the butt of many of their jokes. They’d also taken great pleasure in regaling her with embarrassing childhood tales of their brother, all at his expense.
Most of those calls ended with Travis shaking his head and cutting the connection to his hysterical sisters. But what was clearest to Ivy was the love and affection between the siblings. It reminded her of her own relationship with her sister and brother, Neil, who had asked Travis a million questions during one of their video calls as if he were interviewing him for a job. Finally, grudgingly, Neil had conceded to Ivy that he thought Travis might be ‘okay’.
It was early evening and Ivy was leaning back against Travis as they watched a streamed talk show. It was ridiculous—one guest claimed he could see ghosts, a minor celeb was on her fifth marriage and a reality TV star was peddling her latest diet, which she claimed had helped lose her half her body weight.
Travis groaned. ‘Why are we watching this mindless crap?’ He was twiddling a strand of her hair in one of his fingers.
‘Because I’ve done three minor surgeries today and seen another thirty patients, and now my brain can only compute “mindless crap”, as you put it.’
Travis’s warm hand slid over hers and rested on her belly. ‘I can’t convince you to watch a good eighties movie? Ferris Bueller? The Lost Boys? Gremlins?’
She laughed. ‘I’m more a Working Girl, Pretty in Pink and Mystic Pizza kind of gal.’
He winced. ‘We’ve missed the most obvious one, you do realise that, don’t you?’
She closed her eyes and sagged back against his chest. ‘If I could count on one hand the number of references people make about me to Top Gun, I’d be a millionaire.’
‘Me too.’ He laughed.
Her phone beeped and she leaned over and grabbed it, shaking her head when she read the screen.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
‘Just a stupid online game I’ve been playing with friends. People send random memes with statements that you need to answer. It’s all about keeping in touch.’
‘So what did today’s say?’
She turned the screen around to reveal a large pink cloud with words in black.
What are you doing today? What were you doing a year ago today? What do you hope to be doing this time next year?
Liz had already replied.
Eating chocolate and drinking wine. Eating chocolate and drinking wine. Eating chocolate and drinking wine. Hey? Who says I’m not progressive!
Travis shifted a little. ‘So, what’s your reply going to be?’
‘You don’t want to know that,’ said Ivy carelessly.
‘Actually, I do.’
She gave him a curious stare over her shoulder then settled back against his chest, knowing that he could read her reply. ‘Okay, then.’ She started typing on the screen.
Surgeon on the Coolidge in the Pacific. Surgeon on the George H. W. Bush in the South China Seas. Hopefully SMO on a vessel somewhere in the middle of an ocean!
It hadn’t even occurred to her and she froze for a second. He gave her a half-playful poke in the ribs. ‘Your friends want to know about your life, not the navy’s.’
She twisted her head again. ‘But the navy is my life. Just like it is yours. That’s why we’re both here.’
His blue eyes were twinkling. ‘But it isn’t. We’re here because of some weird coincidence that we met online—and almost in real life. The navy didn’t bring us together, we did that ourselves. This...’ he held his arms wide open ‘...is just our playground for now. It’s not the end point for us.’
Now she sat up and turned around to face him, legs curled under her, the things he was saying prickling in her brain. She looked down at her phone. ‘You’re right. It is all work related.’ She hated that she hadn’t noticed that herself. She hated that the thought hadn’t even occurred to her. The response she’d given had been automatic.
She stared down at her phone again, her mouth feeling very dry. She deleted what she had written and looked up at Travis. ‘If you were asked this question, what would you write?’
All of a sudden it seemed very important what his answer would be.
Travis didn’t hesitate at all. ‘Today I’m snuggled up with my blind-date girl.’ He winked at her. ‘You can bet I’ll be giving that app a five-star rating. Last year...’ He looked up at the corner of the cabin as if he was trying to remember the date. ‘I think I was home in San Diego, probably drinking in a bar somewhere with one of my crazy sisters. And this time next year?’ His blue eyes connected with hers and he lowered his voice. ‘I very much hope I’ll be snuggled up in bed with you.’
Ivy tried to just breathe. She wanted to cry. She wanted to book herself into therapy somewhere. When had she started to focus her whole life on her career—when had that become everything to her?
As she sat for a few moments she couldn’t actually pinpoint when it had happened. Had it always actually been like this? She’d wanted to be an SMO for as long as she could remember. It had always been her long-term career goal. It had felt good to aim for a top position. For the first time she was questioning herself. Had she put her career above everything else in an attempt to feel ‘good enough’?
His Blind Date Bride Page 13
