“I got hit in the leg. And then right here.” Nelson touches his left side. “Went close to the spine. Knocked out my nervous system from the waist down. Everything went numb. I was pretty sure I was gonna die. I started breathing real heavy and things sounded really far away.
“I could hear Darren’s voice right up next to me, telling me to hang on. To breathe. He asked me to nod if I heard him. And I did. Just barely. Then, he told me God had bigger plans for my life than dying in that desert.”
Amber can’t take her eyes off Nelson. “You were there when . . .”
“He dragged me to safety just as this RPG went screaming by. Darren ducked out to fire a round, and that’s when he was . . .”
“Shot.”
“As he was dying, he yanked this off and held it out to me.” Nelson removes a thin leather strap from around his neck and holds it out for Amber to see. On the strap is a worn metal piece formed into the shape of a cross.
“He told me God loved me more than I could imagine.”
chapter sixty-two
The Necklace
NELSON PLACES THE metal cross in the palm of her hand, still warm from his skin. “It should belong to you.”
Amber is in awe of the gift, and completely at a loss as to how to respond. “Where did he get this?”
“He made it from bits of shrapnel he found after our first firefight.”
Amber runs her fingers over the pitted metal. The long spine and its crossbar cocked at a slightly imperfect angle.
“His sacrifice saved me, Amber. And I’ll never be able to repay him for that. But I plan to spend my whole life passing on that grace to others however and whenever I can.”
“Thank you.” She kisses the cross and winds her fingers tightly around it. “And thank you for having the courage to tell me. I’ve been so afraid of the facts. They seemed like they might be too raw for me. But now I can only see how sacred that last moment was. For both of you.”
“Amber. I’m sorry he chose to save me rather than come home to you and Bree.”
“I’m not. I mean, there’s not a moment I don’t wish he was here again. But how can I be angry or resentful knowing that Darren’s last act was one of unconditional love? Anything else would be selfish . . . which is exactly how I’ve been living.”
The world flip-flops around Amber, aligning itself in a whole new way. She slips the necklace over her head, awash in fresh reality. She will live her life differently from this moment. She will live in faith and joy and sacrifice—as one who is deeply, deeply loved. Because she is. And always will be. Nothing can take God’s love from her.
Nelson grabs the arms of his wheelchair, and with every ounce of strength that he can find, pushes himself up to a shaky standing position. Amber reaches over, anticipating a sudden collapse. Instead, Nelson straightens, tall and proud, growing steady. He pulls his right arm up into a salute.
Amber’s eyes gleam through the tears as she embraces the solemn moment. Nelson releases the salute, and Amber bolts from her pew to hug him.
chapter sixty-three
Can We Talk?
GRANDMA? HEY, GRANDMA?” Patti opens her eyes to see her granddaughter standing over her. “I have an idea for something to do today.”
“Oh, do you? What time is it?” She glances at her digital radio clock—6:13 a.m. She rolls over and props herself in a semi-sitting position on her decorative pillows. What does it matter how early it is? She barely slept all night. Might as well get up and make use of the day. “What’s your idea, sweetie?”
“Hannah gave me some more of these.” Bree holds out a snack-size plastic zip bag for Patti. She can’t see a darn thing.
“Hand me those glasses on the nightstand.” Bree obeys, and Patti slips on her reading lenses. She takes the bag from Bree. “I still don’t see anything in here, Bree. Is this some kind of joke I’m not getting?”
“No. Look. In the corner. See?” Bree’s voice is eager. Patti pulls the bag closer to her face. Well, look at that. Three itsy-bitsy dust-colored seeds are wedged into the bottom corner of the bag.
“Do you see them?”
“I do,” says Patti.
“What are they?”
“Matt number two.”
* * *
ARMED WITH A light breakfast and a cup of coffee, Patti sets up a gardening station at the kitchen table. She helps Bree pack soil into some clay pots.
“What happened to the old Matt?”
“Oh, you know. Circumstances beyond his control.”
Patti almost giggles out loud. When did her granddaughter become so adult?
“I see.”
Bree pats down the soil. Patti nods and takes a sip of coffee. “What’s the story behind the mustard seed? Why not a bean seed or a marigold?”
“Because the mustard seed is the most powerful seed in the whole world!” Bree says in an action-hero voice that makes Patti laugh out loud this time.
“Super seed!”
“Yeah! Super seed!” Bree tucks one of the seeds beneath the dirt and pours water on it. “So powerful it can move mountains!”
“That is definitely a superhero seed.” Patti stirs more cream into her mug. “How does a seed move a mountain?”
“No, it’s faith that moves the mountain.”
“You’re not speaking my language, little one.” She ruffles the top of Bree’s head.
“God can do anything if we have just this much faith.” Bree pinches the seed, and it disappears between her fingers.
God can do anything, huh? Can He bring your mother back around to her senses? Can He restore this family? Those are some pretty big mountains to tackle. It may take a whole packet of mustard seeds.
“Do you have mountains in your life, Bree?” Patti fishes for an explanation for why she ran away.
Bree brushes off her hands and wipes them on a towel. “Well, I miss Daddy a lot. That feels like a mountain.”
And there it is. She should have pieced it together sooner. Bree is acting out because she misses Darren. The same thing happened with Darren when his dad left. “Well, peanut, I’m not sure about moving that mountain, but I do know something that can help.”
“What?”
“A memory.”
“I don’t understand.” Bree presses the last seed into the pot.
“It’s okay to miss people we love. And when we do, we can think of a good memory to make it a little less difficult.” Patti sees that Bree has softened into the back of her chair. “Why don’t you try? Tell me about a good memory you have of your father.”
Bree nods. Patti pours more milk into Bree’s glass.
“I can’t . . . I can’t think of one.”
“I’m sure you will. Why don’t I go first?” says Patti. “I have a story that I’m not even sure if your mom knows about.”
“Really?”
“Did you know that your dad built a go-kart when he was your age?”
“He did?” Bree’s eyes register curiosity as she brings the milk glass to her lips.
“He built it with his dad, your grandpa John. This was about a year before we got divorced. It was all black, with gold racing stripes.”
“Cool!”
“Very cool,” says Patti reaching for an album from the cupboard over her countertop-desk space. “I think I even kept a photo of it. He and his dad built it in the garage, and they were planning to race it at the annual Boy Scout Derby races.”
Patti pages through the album until she finds the photo for Bree.
“It kinda looks like a bee,” says Bree. In the picture, a young Darren in plaid shorts and a T-shirt stands next to his gold-striped kart, with his dad at his side.
“And that’s your grandpa John.”
“Where’s he now?”
“Well, that’s a long story for another time, peanut. So anyhow, your dad and Grandpa John put this superpowered lawn mower motor in it. Like one of those industrial-size mowers that cuts the grass on football fields.”
“I warned John—Grandpa—that it was probably too powerful for that little kart. I was afraid they were going to blow a tire or that the whole thing would fall apart if it got going too fast.”
“Did it?”
“Well . . . not exactly.”
“What happened?”
“They took it out for a test-drive one evening after supper. Around the block. They had that thing purring down the road. It worked too well. That kart started to gain speed. Faster and faster. Your dad tried to slow down. But, as we found out later, the gear had stuck. Grandpa John was flailing down the street trying to catch up, but that kart just zipped outta sight.”
“Where did he go?”
“Grandpa and I jumped in the car and chased him down just in time to see your dad miss a turn in the road and go sailing into Mrs. Dobkin’s yard. He crashed through the rotted wooden fence and drove the car headlong into her koi pond.”
“Wow!” Bree glanced up at Patti with wide eyes. “Was he okay?”
“More than okay. Practically giddy. Barely fazed, he floated out of the driver’s seat and waded to the edge of the pond. Not a scratch.”
“Was the car ruined?”
“Completely. The engine was three feet underwater.”
“Did he and Grandpa get it fixed in time for the race?”
“I’m afraid not. He never got to compete. Grandpa John wasn’t around for the race the next year. And Darren didn’t have anyone to help him rebuild the kart.”
“That must have been hard for him,” Bree says.
“It was. But I’ll never forget the huge smile on his face as he crawled out of Mrs. Dobkin’s pond. He had just had the thrill ride of his young life. And lived to tell about it.”
Bree laughs.
“That was your daddy. He lived a full and adventurous life. He wasn’t afraid to try new things. You’re a lot like him, Bree.” Patti wraps Bree in a hug, and Bree melts into her. “Feel better?”
“Yeah.”
Patti slips her fingers under the plastic overlay of the album page and extracts the photo of young Darren and his yellow-jacket kart.
“I think you should have this.”
Bree takes it. “Thank you, Grandma.”
“You’re most welcome. Now, why don’t you get on upstairs and put on your clothes. They’re freshly washed.”
“Thanks, Glam-ma.” Bree gives Patti another hug and scurries off. Patti sweeps up the loose dirt from the pot. She places Matt 2 on the windowsill.
“Grandma?”
Patti turns to see Bree has returned and is standing in the doorway. “Yes, honey?”
“Can you pray with me?”
Patti’s insides freeze up. Pray. She hasn’t got a clue how to do that. “Sure. Of course.” Bree takes both Patti’s hands in hers. “Why don’t you start?”
Bree closes her eyes. Patti does the same.
“Dear God, thank you for Grandma and Matt Two. Please help him grow. Be with Mom and help her to be happy again. And I’d really like to race my go-kart, so if . . .”
The front chimes clamor. Saved by the doorbell! Patti’s eyes pop open.
“. . . Amen.” Patti gives Bree’s hands a squeeze. “Okay, scoot upstairs. I’m going to answer the door.”
Patti peers through the peephole and quickly unlocks the door. Amber has a latte in one hand and extends a second one to Patti.
“I come in peace,” she says with a friendly smile. “Can we talk?”
* * *
PATTI SHOWS AMBER into the kitchen, and she takes a seat at the kitchen island, on a stool. Patti remains planted on her feet, unsure about where this is going.
“How’s Bree?”
“She’s fine. She’s upstairs getting dressed.”
“I didn’t come here to try to get her back. I know that’s probably what you’re thinking.”
Patti follows Amber’s gaze to the windowsill. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did,” she answers.
“I mean, of course I want her home. But that’ll come. Hopefully soon. I know I’ve been a terrible parent since . . .”
“Not terrible, Amber. Just traumatized.”
“It’s not an excuse. I pushed away everything and everyone in my life who was offering me support. I was selfish.”
Patti allows time for the confession to unwind.
“I overlooked that Darren is your loss, too. He was my husband, but he was your son. And I . . . I’m so sorry.”
“Thank you, Amber.” Patti barely manages to get it out.
“I’m not going to pretend that we don’t have some issues to work through. And I know that I have a lot of issues to work through. But I’m willing to make an honest effort if you are.”
Faith the size of a mustard seed. An answer to a prayer that had just been uttered. All of it was happening right here in the hearth of her home. She had done nothing to deserve the mountains that were being moved. Was this the amazing grace of that hymn? It was opening her heart, melting away that old grudge.
“I resented you a lot in those first few years. And, I guess, if I’m being honest, until just recently. But I was being selfish, too. I wanted what I wanted for Darren. And neither you nor the Airborne fit into that plan. I was devastated when both took him away from me.”
“Thank you for explaining that, Patti. That means a lot to me.” Amber stares into her latte.
“Darren loved you so much.” She now understood why Darren was unrelenting about his relationship with the Lord. It set free every fear, frustration, anxiety . . . and regret. And left nothing but peace in their place. A peace Patti had never experienced before. A longing to reconcile.
“I regret we weren’t closer when Darren was alive. I regret he’s not here to be a part of this. And I am more than willing to try to be a family with you now.”
Amber’s huge grin welcomes Patti in for a hug.
“I feel so much better. Thank you, Patti.”
“Me, too. But I have to ask. What brought about this sudden change? The Amber I saw last night is not the one who’s standing in my kitchen right now.”
Amber holds up the metal cross draped around her neck. “This. It was Darren’s. Nelson gave it to me.”
“That’s beautiful. I sense a story,” Patti says.
“Yes. One that Bree needs to hear, too.”
Amber hands Patti the necklace.
“Oh, Amber. I can’t. It was given to you.”
“And now I’m giving it to you.” Patti is on the verge of tears, and her trembling hands refuse to allow her to undo the clasp. Amber takes over, securing the necklace around Patti’s neck.
“Thank you,” she manages in a whisper as she straightens the cross. “Before Bree comes down, I want to show you something.” Patti goes to the cupboard, reaches into a drawer at her counter workstation, and removes a small box.
“I have a standing order with the local pawnshops. They call me if anything interesting comes in.”
She hands it to Amber and watches her open it.
“My ring.” Amber’s tone is genuinely grateful.
“Our ring. Our family heirloom. Let’s make sure to protect it so it’s there for Bree when she needs it.”
“Absolutely.” Amber tucks the ring back into the box.
“Mom?”
Patti looks up to see Bree sliding sock-footed into the kitchen.
“Are you here to take me home?”
“No. Unless you want me to.” That old rehearsed resentment starts to clench at Patti’s heart. She wills it away. Where to stay is Bree’s choice. Patti knows she loves them both. And she can see that it’s not a competition anymore. They’re a family.
“Bree, I owe you an apology,” says Amber.
“You do?”
“I haven’t been there for you like I should have. I love you, and I’m going to do better. I’m so very sorry. Will you please forgive me?
> “I forgive you, Mom.”
“Thank you.”
“I’m sorry I said I hate you.”
“I know you didn’t mean it.”
Bree circles her arms around her mother’s neck, and Patti’s heart unclenches.
chapter sixty-four
The Last Letter
AMBER LEADS BREE and Patti to Darren’s gravesite. When they get about fifty feet from the stone, Patti stops.
“Go ahead. You two need to do this on your own.”
“Are you sure? I want you to be there.”
“No. I’m sure. They were his words to you. And Bree.” Amber sees a small pain seeping into Patti’s face.
“You can read it later. Okay?”
Patti nods, and Amber feels free to move Bree to her father’s grave.
They draw closer. “Can you see it yet?”
Bree scans the stones until she finds Darren’s. “That one.” Excitement and awe fill her voice.
“I’m sorry I didn’t take you here sooner.”
“It’s okay. We’re here now.”
“You ready?” Amber stops them in front of Darren’s gravestone. She pulls the unopened but well-worn and familiar envelope from her coat.
“It came in the mail a few days after the soldiers came to tell me he had died. I couldn’t . . . I guess I didn’t want there to be last words.”
Bree takes Amber’s trembling hand in hers.
“Here. You want to open it?” Amber hands Bree the letter. She slices it open at the crease with her thumb and hands it back to Amber.
Amber draws in a deep breath and kneels to Bree’s level. Bree squeezes her hand.
Dear Amber and Bree,
I miss you both so much. This will be the last letter you get before I come home, so I guess I’d better make it a good one. I’m so ready to be with you both. If I have learned anything these past fourteen months apart, it is this: The only way to keep moving when the road seems dark and broken is to live in His love. When you choose Him, He puts peace in place of fear. It can be hard to do that every day. Especially here, but I try, because this road leads to Him, and back to you. Stay focused on Him. See you soon. I love you with my whole heart.
God Bless the Broken Road Page 23
