by L. M. Heidle
by: L.M. HEIDLE
TABLE of CONTENTS
Copyright
Acknowledgments
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-one
Twenty-two
Twenty-three
Twenty-four
Twenty-five
Twenty-six
Twenty-seven
Twenty-eight
Twenty-nine
Thirty
Thirty-one
Thirty-two
Thirty-three
Thirty-four
Thirty-five
Thirty-six
Thirty-seven
Thirty-eight
Thirty-nine
Forty
Forty-one
Forty-two
Forty-three
Forty-four
Forty-five
Forty-six
Forty-seven
Forty-eight
Forty-nine
Epilogue
About the Author
Copyright © LM Heidle 2016
All rights reserved. Except as permitted by U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior permission of the author.
The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, establishments, or organizations, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously to give a sense of authenticity. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Editing and Interior Design by Masque of the Red Pen
Cover Design by All by Design
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes,
but when you look back everything is different.
~C.S. Lewis
Thank you to my husband for helping me through the late nights and freak outs. To my boys for always making me smile. To my sister who has always been there when I needed her. To my mom for telling me to go for it and not give up. To my dad for supporting me, even if it isn’t a Western. To my aunt for always believing in me.
To Silla Webb, for giving me tough love in order to challenge me as a writer.
To K. Webster for willingly answering all my questions . . . and there were a lot.
To the readers who have taken a chance on me, there are no words to describe how grateful I am.
ALEX
“I swear, Kass, if you’re not out here in ten friggin’ seconds, I’m leaving you!” I yelled down the hall.
“Hold your damn horses, I’m almost done.” Killing your roommate is bad, killing your roommate is bad, I mentally chanted. I loved her, but in Texas, we take the Longhorns vs. Aggies rivalry deathly serious.
After pacing another ten minutes, I charged down the hall, ready to drag her out kicking and screaming if I had to. I barely contained my scream of frustration when I walked into the bathroom. “Are you kidding me right now?”
She barely glanced at me while she put on another coat of mascara. “I’m all for looking at hot guys, but all they do is chase the ball back and forth. You’ve seen a ton of games, can’t we hit a club instead?”
Kass knew me better than anyone, but I’d never even told her why I went to every game religiously. Some of the best memories I had with my dad were at Longhorn games. He used to take my brother Trip, my brother’s best friend Lucas, and me to almost every game. We used to eat hot dogs, nachos, and cotton candy until we were sick. Mom got so mad, but we still did it...every game. Just the thought of how Mom would scold him then ten minutes later she’d be sitting in his lap made me smile. I’d never seen two people more in love than those two. I’d always wished I’d find love like that, but now just the thought of it terrified me. Almost everyone I loved left me in some way or another: my parents, Trip, and Lucas. Now the only two people I let close were Kass and my uncle.
Kass stopped me from going down a very slippery slope when she stomped her foot. “Well?”
I walked past her. “You can do whatever you want, but I’m going to the game.”
She muttered, “Stubborn” before following me out. She sat with her arms crossed the entire ride to the arena, staring out the window. I knew she wasn’t really annoyed, she loved any social setting. I thought about calling her on it but decided to let her fake pout. It’d give me a chance to get my head straight.
In the Psych class I took last year, we discussed how grieving was a process. You never truly get over loss, but it gets easier to live with day by day. Which was true, but what it didn’t say was that there were days you felt crippled by memories. Those days fell into the catch-22 category. I loved remembering the great times, but the flip side was it also reminded me I’d never have that again.
The professor lectured about the different types of loss. When he started talking about physical loss and how it can sometimes cause a ripple effect, I bolted. Loss doesn’t only take away a loved one…it can change how your entire world is structured. My parents were my loss, and my brother and Lucas were my ripple effect. I turned the radio up to distract myself as I fought back the tears. I glanced at Kass when she took my hand and squeezed, but she was still focused on the passing scenery. I spent the rest of the short drive letting Hinder pull me from the sadness.
By the time we’d made it to the game we’d missed tip-off. She only shrugged, not looking the least bit sorry when I glared at her. We ended up sitting in the crappiest seats imaginable in the student section. “What? We could be sitting front row you know, but you always turn your uncle down.”
“Just shut up!” I snapped, instantly feeling horrible. “Kass, I’m sorry, let's watch the game.” I turned toward the game, once again blinking back tears as the scar on my heart was ripped open. I hadn’t sat court-side at one of my uncle’s games since Dad died. I wish I could stop coming, but whenever I tried it felt like someone kicked me in the gut with steel-toe shoes. Then the guilt would set in. Guilt over not being there for my uncle and for disgracing some of the best memories of my life, so I continued coming even if it felt like torture at times.
I finally focused on the game when a whistle blew. The jumbotron showed the replay of a bogus foul, and I was out of my seat before the replay was over. “Come on, old man, that wasn’t a foul! It’s a sport, not a knitting competition.”
Kass pulled me down by my hand and hissed, “Would you stop?” She was frantically looking around making sure no one was paying attention. I wasn’t exactly a heckler, but I called it as I saw it, loudly at times. A trait I’d picked up from my brother and Lucas.
Play had barely started when some idiot across the aisle opened his mouth. “Shut your mouth, Longhorn, that was a good call.” Of course, we had to sit next to an Aggie. He was a blond guy probably about my age wearing an Aggie t-shirt.
“Hate to be the one to break it to you, but my mouth is going to be the least of your problems. We’re going to wipe the floor with you.” Okay, so maybe I was a little closer to a heckler than I cared t
o admit.
A cheesy smile crossed his face. “Longhorns are supposed to have horns, not claws, baby.” I rolled my eyes. Whoever this idiot was elbowed the guy next to him. “Do you know how to keep a Longhorn busy for a month?” His friend shook his head. “Give him a package of M&M’s and tell him to alphabetize them.” I snorted. Seriously?
Not to be outdone the friend asked, “What does a Texas graduate say to an A&M graduate?”
“I don’t know.”
“Welcome to McDonald’s, can I take your order?” If you’re going to trash talk at least do it well. This crap was pathetic.
Some other moron—also an Aggie— chimed in. “Did you hear the Texas Department of Corrections plans to build a new prison in Austin?”
“Yeah, so the Longhorns can walk to school.”
I stiffened as white hot pain slashed through my chest. Logically I knew he didn’t know about my past, but that didn’t make the joke any less painful, especially with the memories already coming at me. I didn’t—couldn’t—think about Trip right now or I’d become a sobbing mess. So I did what I’d gotten pretty good at...faking it. I shoved it into the overflowing ‘Not Now’ box in my brain. Eventually, I’d have to deal with everything, but I was hoping I could push it off a little longer, like forever
I ignored Kass’ hand on my arm. I didn’t want to see the concern I knew was there, so I forced a smile as I turned toward the guys. “Come up with those all by yourself?” I asked, fake enthusiasm coating my words. “It’s just so great to see the Aggie education in action!” I said with complete sarcasm.
The blond leered at me. “Get over here, and I’ll show you what an Aggie education can give you.”
“Sorry not interested in an STD.”
The guys faded into the background when a chuckle in front of them had me turning to stare into a pair of crystal blue eyes. Holy Batman, Robin, and Cat Woman. I’d never seen blue so clear before. It wasn’t just his eyes that captivated me, though. His face was chiseled to perfection, except a slightly crooked nose, and he had the blackest hair I’d ever seen. His body was lean, but from the way his clothes hugged him he was definitely toned. All of that was captivating, but it was his commanding presence that demanded my attention. A shiver ran down my spine as his eyes glided from my head to my toes and slowly back up. When our eyes met, my breath left in a whoosh from the intensity pouring from his gaze; a breath I couldn’t seem to get back. The longer he stared, the faster my heart beat until I was afraid it would burst from my chest.
The world and my breath slowly came back into focus when Kass waved her hand in front of my face. “Didn’t you hear me?”
I blinked answering, “What did you say?”
“I was telling you that’s Trayton Russo.” I pulled my eyes from the Adonis across the aisle to focus on her.
“Huh?”
“The guy you were practically drooling over is Trayton Russo.”
On instinct I wiped the side of my mouth, causing her to laugh. “I was not.”
She sarcastically replied, “If you say so.”
I glanced over my shoulder to get a glimpse of blue eyes. “I pictured him differently.” Everyone at UT knew about him. He was infamous for his man-whoring and legendary for his temper. If half the stories I’d heard were true, I’d be surprised if he still had a headboard with all the notches he had. Let’s not even talk about the fights he’d supposedly been in. Even with that reputation, I didn’t expect him to be so...intense, for lack of a better word.
“Don’t even think about it.”
“About what?” Disbelief crossed her face making me blush. “I find him attractive, so what.”
The crowd erupting jarred our attention back to the court before she could respond. No matter how hard I tried to focus on the game, I couldn’t get those damn eyes out of my head.
ALEX
Do you ever have the sensation that someone is watching you? A tingling up your spine that has the hairs on the back of your neck standing up? I felt it now, and when I couldn’t ignore it any longer, I looked across the aisle to see Trayton staring at me. A slow burn started taking over my body causing me to feel anxious, confused, and calm simultaneously. How that’s possible I have no clue.
I had no idea what was going on. I’d never reacted to someone like this before. My interactions with the opposite sex were very limited, as in nonexistent. It wasn’t necessarily a religious thing, it was more because my mom always told me to wait. Anyway. My uncle was amazing and my rock when my world fell apart, but he always treated me like one of the guys. I smiled thinking of the time he hired our neighbor to give me the birds and the bees talk. He barely talked to me the entire week, afraid I’d have questions. I thought about teasing him, but he’d turn bright red every time I opened my mouth. Which meant everything I knew I’d learned through Kass’ experiences and rom-coms, but even I knew this wasn’t normal.
The longer we stared, the more confused I became. He wasn’t staring like a guy normally stares at a woman. His stare was less lust and more inquisitive. From the tilt of his head and penetrating stare, it felt like he could see into me. As corny as it sounded, and it sounded corny as hell, it felt like part of me knew him.
He stood up causing my stomach to flutter at the thought of him coming over here. The first step in my direction had my heart pounding so hard I heard it in my ears, and the closer he got the more deafening it became. By the time he stopped a few feet away I was getting lightheaded. Then his inquisitive stare faded into a glare as he focused on something over my shoulder.
I followed his eyes to see Eddie walking toward the locker room. Damn, I didn’t even know it was half-time. The glare soon turned deadly when Eddie stopped in front of us. “Baby girl, I didn’t think you were going to make it.”
I smiled as I stood and walked to the railing. Besides my brother and Lucas, and we weren’t as close as we once were, Eddie was the closest thing I had to a guy friend. We’d instantly hit it off when he started playing for my uncle. “You know I wouldn’t miss this game for anything.”
His eyes narrowed when I heard someone step closer. I knew it was Trayton without even having to look. The way my body started humming was a dead giveaway. “These seats suck. Why don’t you join us on the bench?” he said through gritted teeth and a ticking jaw. What. In. The. Hell?
He completely missed the confusion cross my face because his attention was still focused behind me. I don’t know how they knew each other, but it was obvious they did, and there was no love lost between them. I snapped my fingers in front of his face. “Earth to Eddie, you’d better get to the locker room.”
His gaze slid my way, “Right. You joining us?”
I shook my head. “Nah, I’ll stay with Kass.”
“Bring her,” he demanded.
I smiled through my puzzlement. “We’re good.”
He watched me for a second longer before his eyes narrowed further, I’m assuming at Trayton. Without another word he turned and ran down the tunnel.
I stood there slack jawed in shock because Eddie never acted like that. He was one of the most carefree guys I’d ever met. I couldn’t think of another time when he didn’t have a smile on his face. Once he was out of sight, I turned back to my seat to see a livid Trayton staring back at me. The attraction I’d been feeling toward him vanished when his handsome face took on an ugly sneer that screamed— Stay away.
I could feel the anger rolling off of him. It was so palpable I could almost taste it. I’d never felt anything like it, and it honestly freaked me out. I had no idea what I’d done, but I did know I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. I rushed back to my seat where Kass was talking to a friend. She glanced at me in question when I basically plopped down. I slightly shook my head and tried to focus on the half-time show.
ALEX
The second half of the game flew by, and I honestly couldn’t tell you a damn thing that happened because my mind was still reeling from the weird reaction between
Trayton and Eddie. That and the fact that every time I glanced his way I was met with a glacier cold stare that sent shivers down my spine, and not the good kind.
Kass elbowed me. “What’s wrong with you? I’ve never seen you this quiet during a game.”
I took a brief glance in Trayton’s direction to see him talking to a blonde bombshell. My insides clenched when I saw her lay her hand on his arm. He brought his crystal blue eyes up to meet my gaze right as she did it. He did that thing again where he stared at me like he saw inside of me. My face must have shown my irrational reaction, because he smirked before wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her closer, and whispering in her ear.
When I turned back to Kass, she had a pinched brow and tight lips. Never a good sign. “Alex, please don’t. He’s not your speed.” I knew she was right, but that didn’t change the fact I was attracted to him.
Kass and I made our way to the locker room like always. It was sort of tradition for us to congratulate the guys, or console them if they lost. The tunnel was deafening as the team got closer. They were jumping on each other and singing the fight song...badly I might add.
Eddie was leading the pack, and when he saw us, his grin nearly split his face. “How about that? Did you see that three pointer at the end?” I nodded, but no, no I hadn’t. “We beat them 83-82! Nobody thought we could do it, but hell yeah we did.” He picked me up, spinning me around.
The second he did the atmosphere around us changed, and my body instantly reacted, which meant it was Trayton. How the hell did he do that? And why the hell was he down here? I’d never seen him on campus let alone in the tunnels. It took everything in me to keep my attention on Eddie and not turn to find him. “Put me down, Eddie.”
He spun me one more time before setting me down. “You guys coming to the house tonight?”
“Probably.”
Just then my uncle walked by and smacked him on the back of the head. “Stop flirting with my niece and get in the locker room.”
“Coming, Coach. See you later, Alex.” He winked at me before running off.
