Arizona exhaled. “Yes, we’re getting married June sixteenth.”
“That’s less than six months from now.”
“Uh-huh,” Arizona answered in a flat tone.
“Excuse me for saying this, and feel free to tell me to mind my own business, but you don’t seem happy about getting married. Is everything okay?”
Arizona hated when people asked obvious questions. She knew that Bernadette knew that she wasn’t okay, otherwise she wouldn’t have asked. But she also understood that Bernadette was trying to be polite and tactful, the latter of which Arizona knew she needed some skills training in. She hadn’t planned on talking to anyone about what had happened last night, but because Bernadette had bared her soul, Arizona gave herself permission to do the same.
“No, everything’s not okay,” Arizona said. “What I’m about to share with you is strictly confidential, and if you breathe a word of this to anyone, so help me I’ll break your legs.”
Bernadette laughed, but then stopped when she saw that Arizona was serious. “Arizona, even though we’ve just met and we don’t know each other that well, the one thing that I think we can both agree on is that we’re smart women, and we know when we’re being played, so I think you know that you don’t have to worry about me telling anyone what we discuss at this table tonight.”
She knew that Bernadette was right, and she also knew that she could trust her newfound friend to give her advice from a more mature perspective. Arizona looked around the intimate but crowded dining room. Even though she didn’t know another soul in the room and the noise was at a decibel level that would make her voice get lost in the chatter around her, she still didn’t feel comfortable talking about such an intimate matter in the company of others. But the more she thought about the burden she was carrying, the more urgent she felt about unloading it. She saw their server walk by and stopped him. “Is there any other place in this restaurant that’s a little more private?”
The server tilted his head and thought for a moment. “We have a terrace area on the side of the restaurant that’s completely empty because it’s so cold outside. But we have a fireplace and heaters out there, which actually make it quite comfortable. Would you ladies like to go there?”
Arizona looked at Bernadette for the okay.
“I’m from DC, so I’m used to cold winters. I’m game if you are.”
Ten minutes later, Arizona and Bernadette were sitting at a table for two, eating dessert by a cozy fire, with heaters on either side of them to combat the cold night air. They had even ordered another glass of champagne, and were surprised when their server came out with a full bottle, compliments of the house in honor of their birthdays and their first time dining at the Magnolia Room.
“I can’t believe I’m at the Magnolia Room, eating outside in the doggone cold,” Arizona said as she took a bite out of her dessert. “But it’s not as cold as I thought it would be, and as the server said, ‘it is quite comfortable,’” Arizona mimicked.
“Yes it’s lovely out here.”
“I have to thank you for introducing me to champagne because this stuff is so good!” Arizona raised her glass and clinked it against Bernadette’s.
“I’m glad you like it.”
“I love it. I didn’t know what I was missin’, but you best believe I’m on track now.”
“Well, I don’t know about your dessert, but this is the best cheesecake I’ve ever had in my life.”
“This pecan pie is better than my mama’s, but don’t tell her I said that.”
“Your secret is safe with me . . . and speaking of which, tell me what’s going on with you and your fiancé.”
Arizona took a long sip from her flute and then inhaled a large breath of cold air to give her strength for the story she was about to tell. “Once I start, I don’t want you to ask any questions until I’m finished, ’cause I got to get all of this out.”
“All right.”
Arizona began by telling Bernadette about her sordid past that included smoking weed in high school, getting a DUI on her twenty-first birthday, and spending a night in jail six months later as a result of breaking probation, and then capped off her tale of debauchery with a quick account of the convicted felons she’d dated, and the wild and reckless times they’d had. Then she told Bernadette about the birth of her son, Solomon, and how having him had saved her life, and that meeting and falling in love with her fiancé, Chris, had brought nothing but love and joy to her from their first hello. She talked about the shared vow of celibacy that she and Chris had taken, and then finally, she ended with the disastrous details of the previous night.
By the time Arizona finished her story, their dessert plates were clean and the entire bottle of champagne was empty. The alcohol had loosened up both women, and what little tact Arizona possessed had left after her third glass of champagne.
“Chris is everything I could ever want in a husband, father, and helpmate,” Arizona said, trying hard not to slur her words. “But he’s not the lover I thought he was gonna be, not even close. I’m so confused I don’t know what to do.”
Bernadette nodded, reached across the table, and placed her hand atop Arizona’s. “You’re in one hell of a tough situation.”
“Don’t I know it! Some advice would be good right about now.”
Bernadette leaned back. “When you say he’s small . . . like, how small are we talking?”
“Almost nonexistent small, “she said in a low, sad voice.
“Oh, Jesus.” Bernadette squinted her eyes and bit her lower lip as her forehead creased with what looked like astonishment and questions.
Arizona could see that Bernadette had something to say but most likely didn’t know how to phrase it. One of the things that Arizona had noticed early on was that while Bernadette was direct, she was also diplomatic and skilled in her approach to saying things and asking questions. Even though she was feeling relaxed from the bubbly she’d consumed, she was still trying to maintain her dignified composure. But right now Arizona didn’t give a care in the world about diplomacy or good manners. She needed help, so she gave Bernadette permission to speak freely.
“Listen,” Arizona said, “I know you’re a very tactful and professional person, and you’re tryin’ to be polite, but I want you to know that you can ask me any question you want, and you can say exactly what’s on your mind. I have very thick skin and right now I need brutally honest advice.”
Bernadette nodded. “Okay, when you two were having sex, could you feel him at all?”
“No, I couldn’t. He was moving on top of me, grunting and thrusting in an in-and-out motion, but I didn’t even know he was inside me. I thought we were dry humping.”
“Good Lord!”
“That’s what I said,” Arizona said, completely slurring her words. “I’ve been with a lot of men in my day. But I never, ever, experienced anything like that.”
“So all this time, for the past two years, you never had a clue that he was, um . . .”
“Deprived?” Arizona blurted out.
“Uh, I think there’s a better term for it, but yes.”
“Heck no! And that’s what scares me, Bernadette.” Arizona brought her hand to her head, rubbed her temples, and spoke with complete clarity. “If I’d known then what I know now, I probably wouldn’t have even gone out with Chris at all. That sounds awful, right?”
“No, it sounds honest. And that’s what you need to be with him.”
Arizona let out a deep breath. “Maybe it can get better.”
“Given what you experienced, deep down, do you truthfully believe that?” Bernadette asked.
The two women sat in silence for a moment before Bernadette spoke up. “On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the highest, how important is sex to you in a relationship?”
Arizona answered without hesitation. “A fifteen.”
“You’re in trouble.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“I
’m no relationship expert by any stretch, and I’ve failed miserably at so many that I’ve lost count. But the one thing that I do know a whole lot about is sex.”
Arizona perked up. “I’m all ears.”
“If sex, and I mean good sex, is high on your list of must-haves but your mate can’t bring it, you’re going to be dissatisfied. And when you’re dissatisfied, over a period of time it wears on you, and that wear and tear will erode the relationship. After that it’s just a matter of time before you start seeking satisfaction in different ways or places.”
Arizona knew that Bernadette was right because it was the very real possibility she’d been thinking about all last night and well into the wee hours of this morning. She couldn’t get the image of Chris’s tiny penis out of her mind, and every time she thought about it she had to shake her head and close her eyes. “It disturbed me so bad that I googled it.”
Bernadette’s eyes widened. “First of all, how do you even begin to google something like that? And second, what kind of advice did the Internet give you?”
“I typed in ‘Medical Causes of Extremely Small Penis.’”
“Wow.”
“And the first thing that popped up was Micropenis.”
Bernadette shook her head. “Oh, my. I don’t even know what to say, but I’m sure Google had plenty, so lay it on me . . . no pun intended.”
“Well, according to WebMD, and I’m sayin’ this from memory as best I can, ‘the most common cause of micropenis is abnormal hy-po-tha-la-mic or pi-tu-i-tary function.’ ”
“Okay . . .”
“And that about describes what Chris is working with. My big, strong man has a micro dick,” Arizona said, nearly in tears.
“Lord have mercy. I’m so sorry,” Bernadette said, barely above a whisper.
“I know, I know.” Arizona echoed. “I was so shocked I could hardly believe it. Chris is a six-foot-four, muscular, sexy, Hershey’s milk chocolate brotha with a smile that’ll make you weak in your knees. Bernadette, I just knew he was packin’, and from the day I first met him I imagined he was probably hung like a horse. But it just goes to show you that the old sayin’ is true, you can’t judge a book by its cover.”
“What did Chris say afterward, and what was his reaction? He’s got to know that he’s challenged in that area, and that he wasn’t able to please you.”
“That’s the crazy part. I don’t think he knows . . . he doesn’t have a clue.”
“Wait a minute. He doesn’t know he’s small, or he doesn’t know that he wasn’t able to please you, or both?”
“I believe he knows that his penis is small, I mean, there’s no way around it. But he had an orgasm, and from the way he acted, he thinks I enjoyed it, too.”
“How did he act?”
“Happy as a drunk in a vineyard. He even told me he couldn’t wait until we did it again because the next time he was gonna try to last longer.”
Bernadette looked baffled. “I don’t get it. Did you fake it?”
“Heck no. I just laid there.”
“Maybe I’m missing something, because this doesn’t make any sense at all.”
Just then the attentive server was back. “Are you ladies okay out here? Do you need anything?”
Arizona gave the young man a “leave us alone” stare, but Bernadette politely turned to him and said. “I think we’re good, thank you.”
“Okay, ladies, and just so you know, our dining room will be closing in thirty minutes.”
Arizona looked at her watch. “It’s almost midnight?”
“Yes, ma’am,” the server said. “I guess time flies when you’re in good company.”
“You’re absolutely right,” Bernadette said. “But since you’re closing soon, I guess we need to wrap things up. Can you bring the check?”
“Yes, ma’am, I’ll be back in just a second.”
Bernadette waited for the server to leave before she resumed their conversation. “We don’t have much time, so I’ll make it quick and to the point. One thing I just don’t understand is, as bold, outspoken and blunt as you are, why didn’t you say something to him?”
The server hadn’t been joking when he said he would be back in a second because suddenly he reappeared. He placed a long black and gold leather case containing a bill in front of each woman. “I’ll let you look over your bills and I’ll be back in a second.”
“No need,” Bernadette said. “Wait just a minute.” She opened her case and perused it, then reached for Arizona’s and did the same as she fished inside her designer handbag for her wallet. Arizona was about to protest when Bernadette stopped her. “This is my birthday present to you.”
“Bernadette, you really don’t have to. You already treated me to my first ever glass of champagne, and that’s more than enough.”
“You can treat me next year,” Bernadette said with a wink. She placed her American Express platinum card on top of the two cases. “We’re wrapping up, so give us five minutes and I’ll pick up my card and sign the receipt at the hostess stand on our way out.”
The server nodded. “It was a pleasure serving you ladies tonight. I hope you had a great time celebrating your birthdays with us, and I hope you both come back soon.”
Arizona and Bernadette thanked him and agreed that they would be back.
“Thanks again, Bernadette,” Arizona said. “I appreciate everything.” She attempted to pull her wool coat over her shoulders and nearly lost her balance. “Oh Lord. I think I might be a little bit tipsy.”
“A little?” Bernadette chuckled. “I’m a little tipsy, but you’re a little drunk.”
“Whew, it’s been a while since I drank this much alcohol. This champagne is no joke.”
“If you don’t mind, I’m going to call a car for us both.” Bernadette reached into her handbag for her phone as she wrapped her alpaca cape around her slim shoulders.
“This is Bourbon, North Carolina, not Washington, DC. Ain’t nobody gonna pick us up this time of night.”
Bernadette tapped on her keys and smiled. “Our driver will be here in five minutes. Let’s go up front so I can get my credit card and wait for our ride.”
“Wow, I guess it pays to live on the rich side of town.”
“No, it pays to have access to Bourbon General’s private car service.”
True to the car service driver’s word, five minutes later Arizona and Bernadette climbed into the back seat of a luxury black sedan. Arizona rested her imposter designer bag on her lap. Even though tonight was the first time she’d spoken at length with Bernadette, she’d felt more comfortable and free talking with her than she did with some of her closest girlfriends whom she’d known for years. Bernadette was honest and smart, and Arizona knew she could learn a lot from the accomplished businesswoman.
As they drove out of the restaurant’s parking lot, Arizona surveyed the beautiful houses with their immaculately landscaped yards, the vast offering of shops and stores that provided convenience for neighborhood residents, and the overall sense of elitism that came with the exclusive part of town. “It must be nice,” she said aloud.
“What?”
“Livin’ out here.”
“It’s okay, I guess. My neighbors are over the top friendly, but I guess it’s just that Southern hospitality I still haven’t gotten used to.”
“You live out here?”
Bernadette nodded. “Yes, but I want to switch gears and revisit what you said about your dilemma with Chris. You’re such a direct and confident woman who speaks her mind, and that’s why it’s puzzling to me that you didn’t tell Chris how you felt after you two made love.”
“Hmph, I asked myself the same thing, and you know what I came up with?”
“What?”
“I love the man. I love him so much that I don’t want to hurt his feelings, Bernadette. I think it would crush him if I told him that he was horrible in bed, and I can’t do that.”
“I understand. But if you don’t tell him it
’s going to eat away at you.”
Arizona let out a loud sigh. They were now on her side of town, the Bottoms, which was a drastic difference from the luxury she’d just experienced in the Palisades. She looked at the builder grade houses, scattered corner stores, and working-class struggle that was embedded in the community she’d grown up in.
“Don’t you agree?” Bernadette asked, pulling Arizona’s mind back into the moment.
“Yes, you’re right. I know I’m going to have to say something.”
Just then the driver slowed his car in front of Arizona’s house. It was after midnight, and even though she was tired from her long day and lack of sleep, she didn’t want to get out of the car because once she did she knew she’d be stepping back into the reality of her dilemma with Chris. But Arizona was a realist and she knew she needed to deal with life as it came. Before she said good night to Bernadette, she invited her new friend to the party that Chris was throwing for her tomorrow night.
Thirty minutes later, Arizona was fresh out of the shower and comfortably snuggled under her thick, braided trim comforter. She took a deep breath of satisfaction as she thought about her day, its highs and lows, and how nothing had gone as she’d thought it would. When she’d awakened this morning she’d been stressed and worried well into the afternoon. But thanks to Bernadette, Arizona gained a sense of clarity and direction about the blessings she’d been granted, and the things she needed to do in order to achieve physical, mental, and emotional satisfaction and honesty in her relationship with Chris. She smiled, turned her light out on her bedside table, and thought about the words she would need to use tomorrow when she talked to Chris.
Chapter 9
TESS
“I hope they both fall over a damn cliff and then get eaten by a pack of hungry wolves,” Tess grumbled. “That’ll be the perfect ending to their island honeymoon.”
Tess dragged herself down her long hallway and entered her home office. It was nearly noon, and she still felt groggy despite the twelve hours of slumber that two Ambien sleep-aid pills had helped her to achieve last night. She’d always suffered from insomnia, which actually served her well when she was under a deadline like she was now. But she didn’t want to stay awake because being conscious would lead her to think about her failed relationships in the past and the troubling reality of what was shaping up to be a lonely future.
The Other Side Page 8
