by L. M. Pruitt
When he settled between my legs, I felt him hard and ready. He leaned over me, bracing his weight on his hands, his mouth inches from mine.
He thrust into me, crushing his mouth to mine. Settling his hips firmly against mine, he did something I’d never expect someone with hundreds of years of experience to do. He fucked me.
There was nothing gentle or romantic or seductive in what we did. There was nothing but need and want and underneath everything grief trying to push out. I held on and let him use me, used him. I concentrated only on what I physically felt and let sensation wash over me, the emotional storm trying to push its way through.
The orgasm caught me surprise and I gasped, nicking my tongue on one of his fangs. The tiny taste of blood was too much for Williams. Between the blood on his tongue and the clenching of my muscles, his body let go. Pushing into me one final time, he held for a long moment before sliding down to lay his head between my breasts.
Reality began to creep back in. It took longer than I expected and yet not nearly long enough. I pushed on his shoulder and he obliged me by rolling off to lie next to me. I sat up, shook my hair back. “I’m sorry.”
“Jude—.”
“We shouldn’t have done this.” Theo’s face swam into my mind. “I’m sorry. This was a mistake. A stupid, drunk mistake that will never happen again.”
He lay there for a few minutes longer and then I felt him stand, heard him rustling around for his clothes. “I’ll leave you alone, then. Unless you require anything else of me?”
I pushed to my feet, keeping my back to him, and began pulling on my own clothes. “No. Just leave. Please.” I turned around to face him, hugging myself.
His eyes were like black diamonds in his face, hard and cold. Then he dropped his gaze, shaking his head. When he looked up, he was almost back to normal. “As the lady wishes.”
I rubbed my arms, growing even colder. I walked past him, keeping him in my line of sight, suddenly wary. I laid my hand on the door, letting it rest on the wood for a moment. “I assume you’ll attend services at the cemetery.”
“As you wish.”
“I’ll make sure the service starts later in the day, so the sun will have set by the time we arrive at the cemetery.” I opened the door, ignoring the guards outside. What did it matter if they’d had a soundtrack of the events in the room? One more fuckup tonight would hardly make a difference.
I dodged the people popping out of every room and corner, shaking my head as I made my way to the stairs. They clustered at the bottom calling questions but I ignored them. I was done for the night. I didn’t have any more left in me to give.
Gillian would have twisted my ear and dragged me back down the stairs.
Turning the corner, I leaned against the wall, fist pressed to my chest, the hard ball of tears burning a hole under my breastbone. Taking a deep breath, I pushed off from the wall, making my way down the hall to my room. Every step was a struggle to place one foot in front of the other and not drop to my knees and weep in the center of the hall.
Finally, I reached my door and pushed it open. Closing it, I leaned back and turned the lock. Someone had turned a lamp on, the light glow casting the room in shadows. Crossing to the windows, I closed the shutters, drew the sheers, and then the blinds.
I pulled the covers over my head, my face burrowed in the pillow. I prayed for sleep, or unconsciousness. Anything but awake and remembering I’d gotten Gillian killed. I’d been with Williams. Theo would never want me now.
God was merciful. I took only a few shuddering breaths before sleep swamped over me.
Chapter Twenty-Five
No matter how fast I ran I couldn’t lose them. They dogged my every turn, every twist like they knew my direction before I did. Bars, nightclubs, restaurants, strip clubs, all flew past in a blur, no one taking notice of the pursuit down Bourbon. No one looked up. No one called out. No one helped.
No one cared.
I was alone and they were closing in.
I fell, landing hard on my hands and knees. Scrambling back up, I wasted precious seconds glancing over my shoulder. Only arm’s reach away. I ran faster, desperate. I screamed when a hand gripped my shoulder hard.
“Jude. You’re having a nightmare. Wake up, Jude.”
I swung out, connected with something. Someone cursed and the hand fell away. Another grabbed hold and I swung out again. This time they caught and pinned my hand. I struggled harder, screaming again and again.
The sharp slap across my face hurt. The pain startled me. A scream caught in my lungs and my eyes flashed open. Theo had me pinned to the bed with no way of breaking his hold. I stopped struggling, although my heart still pounded painfully and breathing hurt.
Slowly, watching me carefully, Theo eased his grip. When he was certain I wouldn’t try and deck someone again, he pulled me to a sitting position and brushed the hair back from my face. “A nightmare, Jude. Just a bad dream.”
How could I let him look at me with all that love and grief tinged eyes after what I did last night? I should have pushed him away, told him to get out. Instead, I let him shift to sit on the edge of the bed. I allowed him to pull me into his lap and wrap the covers around us.
There wasn’t a spot in hell wretched enough for me.
“It’s not the first black eye Rian’s ever had, although maybe the first given to him by a girl.” I chuckled despite myself, the sound weak and watery. The tears started again for Gillian, for me and for what I’d ruined.
“Should have remembered she’s got a mean right hook. She did take Guile down with just one shot.” Rian leaned against the footboard, arms folded over his chest. His left eye was red and puffy but showed no other signs of bruising. The door opened behind him and Elizabeth peeked in.
Seeing I was awake, she bustled in carrying a tray loaded down with what seemed like every breakfast food imaginable. She set the wicker on the side of the bed not occupied by Theo and me. Elizabeth fussed for a moment before straightening up. When she noticed Rian I couldn’t help but smile at her gasp.
“I leave you alone for fifteen minutes, and look what happens. I swear you’re worse than Celia sometimes.” Elizabeth scowled at him before marching off to the bathroom. I heard the sound of running water, then a towel being wrung out. She marched back in, still scowling.
“Am I going to need to watch you all the time, Rian, to make sure you don’t get into any trouble?” She was busy dabbing at his eye with the wet towel and she missed what flashed through his good eye. I didn’t, and would bet neither did Theo.
“If I were to say yes, what would you tell me?” The casual tone fit perfectly with the playful smile, or would have if I hadn’t seen his eyes a moment before. Elizabeth pressed the towel firmly to his left socket and smiled back at him. God help us all, she was either a total idiot or completely innocent. I already knew she wasn’t an idiot.
“I’d tell you to move the rest of your stuff in here, there’s plenty of rooms.” Elizabeth lowered the towel when Rian stepped back, confusion spreading across her face. “What’s the matter now?”
“I need to check on things downstairs. Make sure you and Celia are both dressed shortly.” Elizabeth wasn’t the only one who blinked in surprise at his harsh tone. Rian nodded his head in my direction and gave Elizabeth a stiff bow. “Thank you for your ministrations, Ms. Malley.” He turned on his heel and strode from the room, the door snapping closed behind him.
“So, your last name is Malley?”
“We dropped the ‘O’ a few generations back,” Elizabeth answered absently while staring at the door. After a moment, she shook her head. “You’ll make sure she eats, Theo? I need to see to Celia before Mr. Flannery has another fit.”
I waited a moment after she left to see if Theo would say anything. When there was nothing but silence, I asked, “So, Rian’s last name is Flannery? You guys are big on the ethnic naming, aren’t you? Got some French, Irish and Creole going on.”
“Count your
blessings we’re not Russian. Looking at some of those names can give you a headache.” Theo eased me back onto the bed and I instantly regretted the loss of his warmth. Reaching over, he pulled the tray closer and whistled as he got a view of the contents. “I think Elizabeth is trying to fatten you up, Jude.”
“Food like this, won’t take long.” If I ate everything on the tray I wouldn’t get out of bed, let alone eat, the rest of the day. I gave Theo the fork and kept the spoon. “Here, help me.”
Crawling further onto the bed, he slid around until he sat across from me with the tray between us. We ate in silence but not the uncomfortable kind I’d been living in since last night. For once, it was just quiet, and I felt steadier for a moment.
Then I remembered what I’d done and the French toast stuck in my throat. I swallowed painfully and took a sip of tea to wash the lump down. Theo noticed anyway.
“What’s wrong, Jude?”
Instead of answering, I asked him a question. “How are you? They told me you went to your parents’ house last night. That couldn’t have been easy.”
“No. No, it wasn’t.” Theo put his fork down, as if he couldn’t eat while grief swirled in his mind. “I’ve spent the last five years being angry and hurt they’d died. Now I find out there was nothing anybody could have done.” He shook his head and I pressed my fingers to my lips at the look in his eyes. “Do you think they knew how I felt all this time, Jude? That they knew how mad I’ve been over something not their fault?”
I hesitated. “I think if they knew they didn’t blame you. They blamed Hart for giving you a lie, a believable one. And maybe they blamed themselves, because they couldn’t tell you the truth.”
“Really?” There was such hope, such desperation, in that one word I couldn’t help but lean over to cup his cheek with one hand. I nodded, rubbing my thumb back and forth over his cheek.
“Yes, really.”
He placed his hand over mine, turning his face to press his lips against my palm. My eyes stung with tears and I had to swallow hard again. I’d ruined all this. Once he knew the truth he’d never look at me the same way again. Guilt , burned hot inside me. I couldn’t be near him and not tell Theo the truth.
“Williams fucked me last night.”
He went still under my hand and I waited. The seemingly perpetual ball of guilt churned painfully and I had a moment to hope I wouldn’t embarrass myself further by throwing up. The silence spun out and I held my breath, waiting for the ranting to begin. The name-calling. The hate.
“And what did you do?”
I frowned, shaking my head sharply. “What?”
“You’re getting that line between your eyes again. If you’re not careful, you’ll end up with wrinkles there.” Theo sat up, and my hand fell down to lie limp in his lap. “You said he fucked you. Not you fucked each other. So I’m wondering what you were doing.”
I wasn’t frowning now. I was staring at him like he was crazy. Or deaf. “Semantics, Theo. We had sex. Together. Me and Williams.”
“Did you ask him to fuck you? Did you enjoy the experience?” I cocked my head still not sure he comprehended the situation.
“I guess. I mean, we both got off, so if that’s what you call enjoyable, then yeah.” I tilted my head to the other side, studying him, sure I was missing something. “Theo, do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Absolutely. Are you going to finish your French Toast? If not, I am.”
My jaw dropped. I stared at him, mouth agape, before shaking my head. I beat my hands against the side of my head briefly before Theo grabbed them and forced them down in his lap. “Easy there, kiddo. You really don’t want a headache right now.”
“Theo, I had sex with Williams. He fucked the hell out of me on the parlor carpet. I came three times.” I spoke slowly, clearly. He sure as hell wasn’t acting like a normal person.
“Now you’re just bragging. I bet I can beat three with the proper motivation.” Theo picked up a piece of bacon and crunched delicately. “After breakfast, though. We’re going to need our strength.”
“You’re crazy. Why aren’t you angry, throwing things, calling me every horrible name in the book?”
“That’s a lot of questions. Let me see if I can answer them all.” Theo looked up at the ceiling, pretending to think. Smartass. “I’m not throwing things because Elizabeth will yell at me for making a mess. And since you’ve taken her under your wing, she’s pretty feisty.”
He picked up another piece of bacon, studied the slice before popping it in his mouth. “I’m not calling you horrible names because despite what you think, you don’t deserve them. You’ve apparently already beat the hell out of yourself.”
A sip of orange juice and those eyes pierced so deep my breath caught. He sounded calm, but his eyes told the lie. “As for being angry, I am. Only a little with you, because everybody makes me mistakes. I won’t tell you about who I slept with the night my parents died – were murdered. Or the night after. Or the night after that.”
“I get the picture.”
Theo kept speaking, ignoring me. “I’m angry with myself, for leaving you alone when we both needed to be around people. I knew better. Not to say you didn’t know better either, but I’ve never been someone to place all the blame on one party.
Mostly, I’m angry with Williams for using your moment of weakness to push his own agenda. Although why I expected something better from anything as amoral as a vampire, I don’t know.” A sip of milk, but the white mustache didn’t make him seem silly. Nothing could at this moment. “I would gladly run him through with a stake if I saw him at this moment. And probably for a few more.”
I shook my head, shocked speechless. Almost. “I don’t know how to deal with you, Theo. You’re driving me crazy.” The glow in his eyes put my nerves slightly on edge. If I were Williams, I’d be on the first ferry out of the city.
“You’ll have fifty or so years to get used to the idea. It may be enough time.” With that humdinger of a statement he leaned over and brushed a kiss over my lips. “Now, as much as I enjoy ogling those naked shoulders of yours, there is a house full of people. Might I suggest getting up and dressed?”
“What time is it?” I glanced instinctively toward the windows before remembering I’d covered them completely last night.
“A little after ten in the morning,” Theo chuckled at my shocked intake. “Lies says you came up about one, so you should have gotten more than a few hours of sleep.”
“You mean I can go out in the daylight? Like actual, real daylight?” Sweet Mother Moses. I hadn’t been outside in the sun since my dip in the Mississippi over a week ago.
“Yes, Jude. Real daylight.” Theo stood, brushing the wrinkles out of his clothes. For the first time, I noticed he was dressed in the style people call business casual. He looked very yummy in pinstripes and a tailored button-down. “Some things must be done during business hours, even if you spend the majority of your life playing in the dark.”
“Right. Arrangements.” I slid from under the covers, careful not to tumble the breakfast tray. No time to do laundry. I stood naked with my hands on my hips for a moment before I heard Theo clear his throat behind me.
Turning to glance over my shoulder, I raised an eyebrow in question. I was familiar with the look in his eyes, one which lit an answering flame low in my belly. “A house full of people might put me off my game, Jude, but if you stand there for much longer like that, we may need to test the theory.”
“Anything in particular I should wear?”
“Besides clothes?” Theo thought for a moment, and I took the time to cross to the bureau and pull on underwear and a bra. I could at least be partially clothed while Theo was in the room.
“I would say something reflecting your position. To be honest, I have no idea if you own anything that formal, or enough things to carry you the next few days.”
“Only one way to find out,” I muttered, opened the closet and stepped inside. I paused,
tilting my head. “Huh.”
I heard Theo behind me followed by seeping warmth before he even placed his hand on my shoulder. “What, exactly, does huh mean?”
“In this case, it means the closet fairy has struck again. No comments about closets or fairies.” I moved forward, pulling the note pinned to the group of hangers. I read the neatly printed words aloud while Theo peered over my shoulder.
Jude,
It will disturb you to find these here, but I also know you will follow my wishes accordingly. I will not have you waking me or attending my Funeral Mass without being properly clothed, whenever the time comes. Do us both, and anyone attending you, a favor – and don’t argue.
Gillian
Tears pricked my eyes, and I couldn’t help but smile. The note was short and pithy. I could almost hear Gillian’s voice as I read the words. Theo chuckled behind me, the sound watery, like he held back tears as well. “Might as well see what she left for you to wear, Jude.”
I pulled out the garment marked day one, morning – arrangements. Trust Gillian to detail what I would wear right down to the time of the day. The suit was simple, and a shocking shade of red. Another note pinned to the fabric, read simply, Don’t argue.
“She knew you entirely too well.” Theo slid his arms around my waist, and rested his chin on my shoulder. We stood there in silence and shared grief. Together. Not alone.
I sighed, my shoulders rising and falling with the motion. Theo dropped a kiss on one shoulder before lifting his head. “Problem, Jude?”
I scanned the closet floor before answering. “Do you think she bought shoes, too?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
They say funerals and memorials are for the living; to give them a chance to grieve before moving on. All of which may be true, but it’s also a way for the dead to get one last say in other people’s lives. And Gillian had a lot to say.
