by Nikki Paris
As I walked to my car, I got a text from Maci. You’re coming back, right? I want to talk about Blake!
There was no way in hell I was going back over there —not after the humiliation of Derrick’s rejection. I stuffed my phone back in my dance bag and tugged my hair out of its bun. My phone buzzed again. “For the love of God, Maci!” I fished my phone back out of my bag, but it wasn’t Maci.
It was an unknown number. Hey, Skylar. It’s Derrick.
My heart lodged itself in my throat. I climbed into my car with my hands shaking.
Another text rolled in. I’m so sorry if I hurt you last night. You’re like family, and I was out of line kissing you. I think you’re awesome, and you deserve the best. Again, I’m so sorry.
Tears burned the corners of my eyes. Did Derrick hurt me? He broke my God-damn heart. Would I ever tell him that? Hell no. I typed, Haha, don’t flatter yourself. You aren’t THAT good of a kisser. I tossed my phone on my passenger seat and wiped my tears away. I could never actually have him.
When I got home, I took a shower. I checked my phone to see if Derrick had messaged me back. He hadn’t. Then I collapsed onto my bed, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I couldn’t get Derrick’s lips out of my head, or the way he groaned just a little when I pulled my shirt off.
My phone rang, and my heart raced. Was it him? Was he calling my bullshit? I kind of wanted him to. But no, it was Maci. I sighed and answered. “Hey, girl.”
“Are you coming back?” Maci’s voice was way too loud.
I held the phone away from my ear. “I just wanted to take a shower after work. How’d it go with Blake?”
Maci giggled and sighed. “Come over, and I’ll tell you!”
I stayed silent for a moment. “Um, do you wanna just come over here?”
“Sure. I totally can. I’ll be over in like ten. Actually, good thinking. I don’t want anyone in my family to overhear what I’m about to tell you!”
Oh, good. Maci was no longer a virgin.
When she showed up at my door, literally glowing with joy, I tried to shove my broken heart down and just be happy for her. “So,” I smiled, “It went well?”
Maci grinned. “He loves me, Sky. He loves me!”
I laughed and closed the door behind her. “Of course he does!” After Maci said hello to my parents, we headed up the stairs to my bedroom. Inside my room, Maci collapsed on my bed, looking like she was on cloud nine.
“How was the sex?” I asked, tossing a pillow at her face.
Maci laughed. “It was amazing! I mean, he had no idea what he was doing, but it was adorable!”
I laughed and collapsed next to her. “How is that adorable? I want a guy that knows what he’s doing.” Like Derrick. Ugh.
“It was sweet because he was so nervous and like so worried about hurting me. I just feel this crazy deep connection with him now.” Maci sighed and covered her face with both hands. “I’m gonna marry him! Is that crazy to say?”
“Yes. You’re insane.” I grinned at her. “But I’m happy for you.” I smiled at Maci’s glowing face. Blake better not ever fucking hurt her again.
Maci sat up suddenly. “Skylar, I seriously never thought that I’d lose my virginity before you. This is crazy!” She covered her mouth with both hands.
Little did she know, I’d almost lost my virginity last night too, in her basement. “None of the guys we know are worth my time.” I stared up at the ceiling, thinking of the way Derrick’s hands felt on my ass.
Maci watched my face for a moment, and then said, “None of them?”
“No!” I laughed. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Maci continued to stare at me. “Do you like someone… older? You always say high school boys are stupid. Then you just said you wanted to have sex with someone who knew what they were doing.”
My heart pounded. Maci would freak out if I told her about Derrick. But I didn’t need to tell her, because he’d rejected me. He didn’t want a high school kid. Whatever had happened between us was nothing.
“Sky?” Maci’s voice was quiet.
“Yeah?” I faked a laugh.
“Do you like someone older?”
Did Maci know? I ran through the last two months in my head. Had I flirted with Derrick in front of her? Had I accidentally said something about him?
I cleared my throat. “You know, I think maybe I will try hanging out with Davis more. He’s kinda cute, right? Maybe I’ll fuck him.”
Maci wrinkled her nose. “Don’t let Davis be your first! He is probably crawling with STI’s!”
I laughed out loud. “Fair enough. I don’t want him to be my first.” I sat up and grinned. “So tell me more about Blake’s dick. How big is it?”
Maci collapsed in a fit of giggles. “It’s tiny, but it’s so cute!”
I burst out laughing. “Maci, you are so weird! Only you would say a tiny dick was cute!” I inwardly let out a sigh of relief. I’d gotten her off the subject of me liking an older guy. “Did he finger you first, or did he just go at you with his tiny dick?”
Maci was laughing so hard that tears streamed down her cheeks. “He just went at me! He doesn’t know anything! But I love it!”
“Oh my God, Maci!” I laughed and threw another pillow at her. “Why are you so happy about your terrible sex?”
“I told you! I love him!” She wrapped her arms around the pillow I’d just thrown at her and sighed.
I didn’t know this beautiful side of love that Maci knew. I only knew the side that ached and wanted and made me sob into my pillow.
8
Skylar
I helped Maci string up teal and gold paper lanterns in her backyard for her official “End of Summer Party.” We were about to be seniors. Yay.
I’d managed to avoid going over to her house for nearly two weeks, so I hadn’t seen or spoken to Derrick since the basement incident. I was terrified of seeing him again, but still, I kept looking over my shoulder, hoping he was coming out to tease us.
He hadn’t tried to call or text me either.
“Sky, will you run to the store and grab some more paper plates and cups?” Maci asked, not even looking at me. She scanned her list of party plans with a frown.
I laughed. “Yeah, just because I love you. Someday you’ll be putting on world-class events with assistants that like party planning!”
Maci looked up at me with a grin. “You think? God, that would be awesome!”
I opened the back gate and headed around the house to the front yard. My stomach dropped when I saw Derrick’s car in the driveway. It fell even further when I saw him still sitting in the driver’s seat, staring at his phone. I would have to walk right past him to get to my car.
My heart raced, but I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, and walked to my car without even glancing at him.
“Skylar!”
Shit.
I turned and pasted on a fake smile. “Hey! How’s it going?”
Derrick’s beautiful eyes searched my face as he climbed out of his car. “Uh… fine. How are you?” He was wearing a gray t-shirt and black athletic shorts. He was just a little bit sweaty like he’d just gotten back from the gym, and it was sexy as hell.
“Super great!” I pulled open my car door and slammed it shut without another word. I glanced up as I pulled out of the driveway and saw Derrick watching me with a strange look in his eyes. As I took off down the street, I saw him cover his face with both hands. He was embarrassed that he kissed me, wasn’t he?
◆◆◆
Three hours later, Maci’s backyard was packed. I hated it. This was the point that I would typically go inside to play Halo with Derrick.
“Hi, Skylar.” Kai looked at me with eager eyes.
Ugh.
“Hi, Kai.” How did Blake stand hanging out with him like every day? God! Did they even talk?
I scanned the crowd and saw Maci and Blake all wrapped around each other in a hammock. I pictured Blake’s tiny dick gett
ing all hard and burst out laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. Was Kai still standing there? “Nothing. I’m gonna go inside and grab some more soda. It looks like we’re running low.”
“I’ll help.”
I groaned inwardly and pushed through the crowd to get to the back sliding door. Kai followed close behind. I don’t know why I was surprised to find Derrick in the kitchen. I don’t know why I was surprised at the ache that seared through my chest when our eyes met.
Kai spoke up. “Hi, Derrick.”
Derrick tore his eyes away from mine and glanced over at Kai. “Hey, man. How’s Ember?”
Kai shrugged and pulled out his phone. “I can ask her.”
Derrick blinked in surprise. “Nope. Nope, don’t do that. I was just making conversation.”
“Okay.” Kai put his phone back in his pocket.
I snorted into my hand and turned away from Kai. Why was Kai so clueless? Was there something wrong with him?
When I turned back around, Derrick was watching me with a smile. My heart fluttered in my chest.
I bit my lip and returned his smile. I couldn’t help it. “Can you like, move? You’re blocking the fridge, and I need to get more Coke.”
Derrick’s smile turned into a grin. “Can you say, ‘please?’”
I rolled my eyes and walked over to shove him out of the way. As soon as I put my hands on his chest, electricity crackled through me. He grabbed my hand, laughing, and said, “You can’t even say it, can you? You can’t even be nice for a second?”
“Not to you.”
We were too close. Derrick’s eyes searched mine, and I yanked my hand away and pulled open the fridge. I grabbed two bottles of Coke and handed them to Kai, who just stood awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen. “Will you take those over to the drink table? I’ll just grab some more chips and be right out.”
Kai nodded and headed out the sliding door.
“Skylar?” Derrick said.
“What?” I didn’t look at him.
“Are we good?”
“Sure, why wouldn’t we be?”
Derrick narrowed his eyes at me, and then his phone rang on the counter. I looked down and saw Jenna’s name flash across the screen. Really? Spider Fingers? Was he like dating her now? Derrick rejected the call and stared at me. “I fucked up and kissed you, Skylar. Then you stopped coming over for like two weeks.”
He fucked up? Did he regret kissing me that much? “Did we kiss, Derrick? I hardly remember.” I gave him an angry stare. “How’s Emily?”
Derrick gave me a confused look. “What?”
“You know, Flat Tits, the girl you brought over like a month ago. Is she a good lay?”
“Skylar, are you mad at me?”
I laughed. “No, Derrick. I would have to care more about you to be mad at you.”
He raised both eyebrows and then shook his head. “Fine, Skylar. Enjoy your cute little party.” Now Derrick looked pissed. “And yeah, Jenna’s fun for now, but I’ll be back up at school in a few days with way more options.”
His words were like a knife in my heart. I fought the tears that burned the corners of my eyes. “Fuck you,” I muttered and hurried out the door, completely forgetting the chips.
Back in Maci’s backyard, the music was too loud, and everything felt like it was spinning. Ugh. It was getting hard to breathe. I had to get out of there. I pushed through the crowd to the back gate, ignoring Kai when he asked, “Where are the chips?”
I swung open the gate and closed it behind me. I sucked in a few deep breaths and refused to cry. I headed toward my car. Maci would probably be mad at me for leaving her party, but she was busy anyway.
“What’s up, Skylar?” Davis sat on the hood of someone’s car in Maci’s driveway.
“Hey, Davis.” I glanced at him and continued walking. I just wanted to go home. I was so humiliated, and I never wanted to see Derrick again.
“You’re lookin’ sexy tonight, girl.” Davis grinned and ran his hands through his black hair.
I gave him a weak smile and opened my car door.
“What? You’re just going to leave while I’m complimenting you?” Davis stood and walked over to my car. He pushed the door shut and pressed his body into mine. “You’ve been driving me crazy all summer, Skylar. When are we going to hook up?”
I rolled my eyes. This was the last thing I needed right now. I knew Davis was an asshole, but where was all this sudden aggression coming from? We’d hardly talked all summer. “We’re not, Davis.”
He shook his head, and his eyes glittered with an odd hunger. “I don’t like that answer, Skylar. I want you.” Davis pressed his body more tightly against mine, pinning me against the car. His breath reeked of whiskey.
“Ugh. Are you drunk?” I tried to shove him off.
Davis chuckled and breathed on my neck. “Maybe a little.”
“Davis, get off me.” My voice was low and angry.
“C’mon, Skylar. Don’t be like that.” Davis buried his hands in my hair and took a deep breath. “You smell good.”
I turned my head away from him and struggled against his body weight. “Stop.”
Suddenly Davis was kissing me. His lips were dry, and the kiss too rough. He had me pinned against my car so that I couldn’t get away. I felt sick to my stomach, and my heart raced out of control. I pushed against his chest, but he didn’t budge. Finally, I pulled free from his lips and screamed, “Stop!”
“Hey! What the hell is going on here?” an angry male voice yelled from the front porch.
Davis turned to look over his shoulder, and I shoved him. He stumbled backward and almost fell. My hands were shaking as I yanked my car door open. Had I almost just been a rape victim? I felt like I was going to throw up. I had to get out of there. This was the worst God-damn night of my life.
“Skylar! Skylar, wait!”
I looked up to see Derrick hurrying toward me. He was the one that had yelled from the front porch. He shoved Davis and said, “Get the fuck out of here, man! Never fucking touch her again!” Derrick had a fire and fury in his eyes that I’d never seen before.
Davis tried to punch Derrick, but he was drunk, so he missed by a long shot.
“You have three seconds to get off my property before I call the God-damn cops!” Derrick’s fists were clenched at his sides.
“Fine. Chill, dude.” Davis held up his hands. “Skylar’s being a stuck up bitch anyway.”
“Shut up!” Derrick shoved him again. “Don’t you call her that!” He looked ready to kill.
Davis glowered at Derrick, then at me, and stalked off down the street. As soon as he was gone, Derrick turned to me. “Holy shit. Skylar, are you okay?” His eyes and voice were suddenly all sweet tenderness.
My whole body trembled, and I felt close to tears. “I’m fine.” I turned back to my car.
“Skylar?” Derrick gently caught my hand. “I will go kill that dude if you want me to.”
I should have tugged my hand away, but I still melted at Derrick’s touch. I turned back to face him. “I’m fine, Derrick. I had it under control.”
He sighed and released my hand. “Okay. Are you going home? Can I drive you, so I know you got there safe?”
I bit my lip and looked down. I was pretty shaken up and freaked out. I sighed and said, “Yeah. Fine.” I tossed my keys to Derrick and walked over to the passenger side. He looked almost relieved.
9
Derrick
I climbed behind the wheel of Skylar’s old Honda and tried not to let her see how my hands still shook with anger. But it wasn’t just anger — it was fear, too. What if I hadn’t walked out of my house right at that moment? What if that asshole had hurt Skylar? I felt sick to my stomach.
I glanced over at Skylar as I drove and saw that same fear and anger all over her beautiful face. I wanted to hold her. I didn’t even care that ten minutes ago she’d just cursed me out and told me our kiss me
ant nothing. It meant something to me. She meant something to me.
“Skylar,” I began, “I don’t know if I’ve ever been that mad before. I swear I could have killed him.” I gripped the steering wheel with both hands and stared straight ahead. I pulled up to her house and turned to look at her. “It made me sick to see some asshole hurting you.”
Skylar’s big blue eyes traveled over my face, full of pain and fear. “It’s not a big deal.” Her voice cracked.
My heart lurched. “Oh, shit. Skylar!” Without thinking, I reached over and pulled her into my arms. She stiffened at first and then melted into me. Skylar sobbed into my chest, and I would have done anything to make her feel better.
Skylar had a tough outer shell, but inside she was soft and vulnerable and perfect. This was what Maci was talking about when she told me to leave her alone. Fuck. Was it possible that I’d hurt her more than I thought? Was she only crying because of that asshole? Or was it me, too?
My lips brushed the top of her head, and I ached to kiss her. God, I was an asshole — thinking about kissing a minor right after she’d just been assaulted. I hated myself.
“Skylar,” I whispered. “I am so sorry.”
She pulled away suddenly, furiously wiping her tears away. “I’m fine. I’m gonna go inside!” Skylar unbuckled her seat belt and wrenched open the car door. “Um, you can take my car back. I’ll just have Maci bring it back in the morning.” She closed the door and started to walk away.
I climbed out of the car. “Skylar, wait! You’re not okay!”
She smiled through her tears. “I’m fine, bitch.”
I shook my head, unable to keep a half-smile from slipping onto my face. “No, you’re not, kid.”
Skylar let out a deep, shuddering breath. “I really am, Derrick.”
I crossed her driveway and pulled her into my arms again. “I’ll stay if you want me to stay, but I’ll go if that’s what you want, too.”
Skylar gazed up at me for a moment, with an almost hopeful look in her eyes. Then she looked away. “I want you to go.”
Ouch. I released her. “Okay. I’ll call Maci and let her know what happened. I’ll, uh, I’ll just walk home. It’s not that far.” I pressed Skylar’s keys back into her trembling hand. I watched her walk up to her front door with my chest aching.
