by Tabatha Kiss
“We’re going to dinner,” Ty says. “Want to tag along?”
“No, thanks. I’m good.”
“See you later, then.”
I linger in the kitchen, sipping my beer long after he leaves. Part of me thinks that if I wait here long enough, Alyssa will come back. Maybe she’ll need me or call. I know she won’t, though. She’s too strong. If there is something bothering her, she’ll tough it out. I love that about her, but it also kills me a little.
I wish she trusted me the way I trust her.
CHAPTER 41
ALYSSA
I can’t tell him. I’ve tried.
I’ve woken up every single day for weeks with a surge of confidence dancing in my veins. Today’s the day. This is it. This is the day I tell Junior Morgan there’s a life growing inside of me and that it’s his as much as it is mine. I’ll tell him I don’t want to live without it. I want to keep it. I’m in love with it and I want him to be in love with it, too.
Then I see his face and that confidence burns to the ground.
I climb the stairs to the third floor and walk through my room toward the bathroom. It’s strange how fast something becomes a ritual. Just another part of your daily routine that’s so necessary you don’t even remember what life was like before it.
I open the drawer next to the sink. One of these days, the positive result might fade, but right now, it’s there for me to stare at every day. Right now, my life is long bouts of daydreaming and fantasy before bed, just me lying there imagining what Junior will say or do once I tell him.
I reach into the drawer to grab it. I squeeze air. Panic grips me. I pull the drawer out as far as it’ll go, sifting through the mess of hair ties and makeup brushes, tossing the curling iron away, aggressively pulling everything out because it has to be here. It’s always here. It was here this morning.
“Alyssa.”
My heart stops. Everything stops.
I turn to see my father standing in my bedroom doorway. He’s holding a white plastic stick. The white plastic stick.
I try to say something. No words come out.
He gestures to the bed. “Sit down, Alyssa,” he says.
“Why are you going through my things?”
“I said, sit down.”
He doesn’t budge. He doesn’t even blink, but his voice somehow digs a little deeper.
I walk. My knees shake. “Why are you going through my things?” I ask again as I sit down.
“It’s my house. They’re my things,” he says, flicking his wrist to toss the test into the trash bin next to my desk. “How far along are you?”
“Dad, please.” I pull my eyes away from the trash. “I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about—”
“I don’t care. I’m your father and—”
“Since when?”
“I am your father and you will answer my questions,” he says, ignoring my interruption. “How far along are you?”
A rock builds in my throat, latching on so tightly that I can’t force it down. “I’m not sure,” I say.
“You don’t know?”
“It’s hard to say. Two months?”
“Who’s the father?”
I press my lips together. “Dad, please.”
“Alyssa,” he growls, “if you say you don’t know, I swear…”
“No, I know who the father is, I just…”
“Then, who is it?”
I look at the floor. This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen. I should have told Junior when I found out. He could have been here with me for this. We could have done this together.
How could I be so stupid?
“Alyssa.”
I flinch at his tone. I dig my nails into the bed beneath me, clinging to anything I can.
“Junior Morgan.”
His silence turns the room ice cold. I keep my head down, physically unable to move. I wait as the silence stretches far too long.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” The disappointment in his voice cuts deep. “Does he know?”
“No,” I say. “I haven’t told him yet.”
“Good. Don’t.”
I snap my head up. “What?”
“Don’t say a word to him about it,” he says. “On Monday morning, you and I will go upstate together and have it taken care of.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
“You really don’t have a say in that at all.”
“I don’t?” he says. “I get to pay for your school, give you a home, clothing, food, but I don’t have a say in how you conduct yourself?”
“Not with this.”
“We had a deal, Alyssa. I’d say I’ve more than held up my end of it. You sneaking around behind my back, whoring yourself out to my football players wasn’t part of that deal.”
“I did not whore myself.”
“That’s what they’ll say, right? Like daddy, like daughter.” He shakes his head. “I brought you out here to give us both a fresh start. Think about what this will do to that life. What it’ll do to Junior’s life.”
I close my eyes, letting tears fall. “That’s what this is really about, isn’t it? You don’t give a shit about me. It’s about your little coaching project.”
“With my help, Junior will go straight to the top just like I did,” he says. “Don’t you want that for him? If you have this baby now, you’ll rob him of that, and he’ll resent you for it.”
I force the sob down. “You know what, Dad? You’re right. Maybe he is just like you. Maybe I should spare this child a lifetime of missed birthdays and broken promises.”
His brow hardens. “That’s enough of that, Alyssa.”
“No.” I stand up, ignoring my shaking knees. “You are a terrible father, but Junior isn’t like you.”
“Yes, he is.” His lips twitch. “Don’t be naïve, girl. Do you really think that he’s going to throw all of his dreams away… for you?”
The sob invades, triggering a truth that I can’t ignore. “I love him,” I whisper at the floor, trying to convince myself more than anybody how much that matters.
“That fades,” he says, calm and cold. “A man isn’t remembered for the women he loved. He’s remembered for the victories he earned and the legacy he leaves behind. That doesn’t include you.” He turns away and grips the doorknob. “Monday morning. Pack a bag. You’ll be gone for a few days.”
I collapse before the door even closes. Tears erupt from my eyes as sink I onto my bed. I cry until my throat burns and my heart turns numb.
Fuck.
CHAPTER 42
JUNIOR
Four thirty-five. I have to be at the stadium in twenty minutes, but Alyssa was supposed to meet me here in the study room at four.
Where are you?
I send the text, but I don’t expect a reply. She hasn’t replied to the last three I sent her since I got here.
There was something wrong last night, I just knew it. I could feel it in my gut all night long, but I didn’t do a damn thing about it. And now she’s gone, ignoring my calls and texts. I can’t think of a damn reason why.
I grab my jacket and rush through the library to the ground floor.
Alyssa has a show tonight. She’ll be on route to Talon Hall right now if she’s not there already. I push through the crowds of gathering students and sports fans as I cross campus, all of them heading toward the stadium to witness the final game of the season — the one that determines our status in the regional championship, which was the other thing that kept me awake all night. I care little about that right now. I’ll find focus on the field.
Alyssa comes first.
I pick up my pace as I reach the quad. It’s crowded, as usual. A line extends from the coffee cart. It’s a sea of school-colored sweaters and painted faces. Blonde. Redhead. Wrong brunette. Another blonde.
There!
“Ally!”
She doesn’t acknowledge it, but I know she’s well within earshot.
Even her pace quickens — like she’s purposefully trying to outrun me. She grabs the door handle to Talon Hall and throws it open, leaving me behind.
“Alyssa!” I cut across the lobby to block the hall to the auditorium. “Hey, wait a second!”
She pauses, her head low. “Oh. Hey, Junior,” she says.
I stare into her pale face, catching all the emotion as it bleeds from her icy-blue eyes. “Ally, what’s going on? Why didn’t you meet me?”
She blinks. She twitches. She looks at any and everything other than me. “Sorry. I forgot.”
“You forgot?”
“Look, Junior, I really need to get backstage—”
I grab her arms to keep her in front of me. “Ally, stop.” She deflates, heaving out the last of her breath. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“Junior, please—”
“Ally, look at me.”
She finally looks up, but only for one fleeting second. “Junior, we both have a lot on our minds right now. You have your game and I have my show, so can we just focus on those, please?”
Every muscle in my body tenses. “Are you breaking up with me?” I ask.
“No,” she says. “Maybe. I… I don’t know. Not now, Junior. Please.”
“Alyssa.”
“We always knew it’d happen eventually, right? Might as well end it now.”
I shake my head, hurt and confused. “What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit.”
“I have to go.”
“Ally—”
Alyssa dodges around me, taking off toward the auditorium like a damn bullet.
“Ally, what did I do?” I ask.
She doesn’t answer. It hurts, but I let her leave. I fear it’d hurt even more if I didn’t.
What did I do?
It had to be something I did, right? Girls don’t just break up with you for no reason. There’s always a reason — something concrete that you can look back on that pinpoints the exact moment when things went wrong. An emotional lynchpin that brings everything down.
Or maybe I’m not the one who pulled it at all.
Being with Alyssa was always a risk, and that risk had a face.
Cary Pierce.
I spot Grant as he enters the lobby. “Grant!”
He glances up from the floor, his entire body weighed down with nerves. “Oh, hey, Lover Boy.”
“Have you talked to Alyssa today?”
“Not since dress rehearsal yesterday. Why?”
“There’s something wrong with her.”
He stands up a little taller. “How so?”
“I don’t know. She won’t talk to me.”
Grant chuckles. “There’s nothing wrong with her, man. It’s opening night. You’re lucky I’m even forming complete sentences right now.”
“No, this is different. She just broke up with me.”
He pauses. “Okay, yeah. That’s weird.”
“I need you to go in there and ask her what happened and text me what she says.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Grant, come on,” I say. “This is important.”
“So is this,” he says. “I don’t expect a big dumb jock like you to understand, but what you’re asking of me directly violates the code of friendship. If I did that, it’d be a serious breach of trust. I will not, under any circumstances—”
“I’ll let you borrow the Junior-mobile for a night.”
His brows twitch. “A weekend,” he counters. “Next weekend. Ty and I have plans.”
“It’s all yours.”
“Deal. Give me ten minutes.”
“Thank you.”
Grant heads for the auditorium. I check the time. It’s almost five. I want to stay here, but I can’t skip out on the game, either.
I leave for the stadium, keeping my head down to avoid the constant cries of people screaming my name. Usually, this turns me on like nothing else. I used to make sure they noticed me, but right now, all I want to do is get out of sight.
Ally…
What happened?
CHAPTER 43
ALYSSA
The show must go on.
I have to focus on what I can control. Right now, that’s the show. Get dressed. Put on stage make-up. Go over my monologue for the hundredth time since breakfast.
The show must go on.
I smear a thin layer of foundation on my skin. I draw thick lines around my eyes with black liner to make them pop under the stage lights. I swallow the lump down my throat to keep from crying again. I try not to think about how I just broke the heart of the only man I’ve ever loved.
The only man who’s ever loved me.
Grant sits down on the edge of my vanity table. “Lover Boy wants to know what’s wrong with you.”
I sigh. “You talked to him?”
“He accosted me in the lobby. I feared for my life,” he jokes, clutching his metaphorical pearls. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” I say, grabbing the lipstick from my makeup bag.
Grant snatches it from my hand. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
I reach for the bag. He slides it away.
“Grant.”
“What’s wrong?” he asks again.
“We need to get ready now.”
“We’ll get ready after. What happened?”
I take a deep breath, but it doesn’t help the pain in my chest. “Dad knows,” I say.
Grant arches a brow. “How much does Daddy know?”
“All of it.”
“All of it, all of it?”
“Grant,” I say, annoyed.
“Well, there’s a lot.”
“Yes. And he knows all of it. He knows about Junior and me. He knows I’ve been lying to him. He knows about…”
I look down at my lap.
“How does he know about that?” he asks.
“He found the test.”
“The pee stick?”
“Yeah.”
“You still have that?”
“Of course.”
“You just… kept a stick covered with your urine lying around your bedroom this whole time?”
“Yeah.”
He grimaces. “Ew.”
I glare. “Are we done here?”
“Did you tell Junior?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Grant…”
“He said you broke up with him.”
I say nothing as my eyes brim with tears.
“Why?” he asks.
“Because we can’t be together,” I say, swallowing hard. “We never should have been in the first place and we both know it.”
Grant shakes his head. “Alyssa, you’re having a baby together.”
“So, what?” A fresh wave of nausea plagues me. I’ve felt it a lot since last night. There’s a slow burning inside that never goes away. “Junior will never choose me,” I say, my voice weak.
“Over what?”
“Over football. Over everything. Fame. Money. Power. All of it.”
“That’s crap,” he says.
“Is it?” I ask. “My dad chose it all over me. My mom chose freedom over me. What makes Junior any different?”
“The difference is that Junior loves you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“It’s written all over his face, honey.”
“It doesn’t matter. Even if he loves me now, how long will that last? How long will he let me and this baby hold him back before he leaves us for good?”
Grant sighs, his jaw flexing with sad frustration. “Alyssa…”
I reach across him, reclaiming my makeup bag. “We have a show to do.”
He slides into the vanity next to mine. “Well, for the record, I think you’re making a really stupid mistake, Alyssa.”
“Noted.”
A re
ally stupid mistake.
I would love to admit that I’ve made a mistake and race out of here to fall back into Junior’s loving arms, but I can’t. Junior has wanted to play in the pros since he was a little kid. His family is expecting it. Who am I to take that from him? What kind of person does that make me to take away everything he’s worked so hard for? To ruin his life?
My father is right.
Junior never has to know.
CHAPTER 44
JUNIOR
My phone vibrates in my locker. A new text from Grant.
Daddy knows.
I lean against the locker, my chest constricting. I re-read it once. Twice. And again to make sure my eyes aren’t playing tricks.
Of course. What else could upset Alyssa this much?
He knows.
“Everybody gather around…”
Cary Pierce scans the locker room, his eyes landing on each of us in our uniforms.
“This is it, guys,” he says, his grin full of pride. “You’re one more win away from playing in the regional championship game.”
The team erupts, screaming and slamming their fists against the lockers. I do nothing.
He raises his hand to calm them down.
“But to me… it won’t matter if you win or lose tonight because, in my mind, we’ve already won. The group of guys I met back in September don’t exist anymore. They were weak, they were losers. You are bigger. You are better. And tonight, you’re winners.” His eyes fall on me. “All of you.”
I look away as they cheer again, fear coursing through me.
“This is as much of an achievement for me as it is for you,” he continues. “I came to this school to make a difference. I’m pretty sure I did. Win or lose, the world knows who you are now. And they will not forget.”
The team bangs and shouts again.
“But still…” He grins again. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’d rather win tonight, so let’s go out there and be winners. Come on!”
