Nodding, I lift my hand and touch my father’s cheek. “I’m not my mother,” I whisper. “I’m not being tricked. I’m not running from a bad situation. I didn’t have a perfect life in LA, but it wasn’t bad either. Except something was missing. That something was always Ridge. I’ve loved him for years. I know he’s not perfect, but neither am I.”
Hawk shakes his head, he reaches for me, wrapping his hand around the side of my neck. “You’re perfect, Trista. None of the shit that was hurled your way should have been. That’s all on me. It’s okay that you don’t want me as your dad. I don’t deserve the title. But you don’t deserve to have an asshat like Taz and ultimately what he’ll do to you.”
“What do you think he’ll do?” I ask, keeping my voice low.
His eyes focus on mine for a moment before they flick up behind me, then they shift back down to mine.
“He’s going to crush you, little one.”
My lips tremble as they turn up into a small smile. “I know,” I breathe. “I know he will. Do you know how I do?” I ask.
He shakes his head once. Swallowing the tears, I smile. “Because he’s the only man in this world with the ability to do it.”
Hawk opens his mouth to speak, but a flurry of shouts rings out behind us. Turning my head, I smile when I see that it’s Eagle at the door. “It’s a boy,” he shouts. “Seven pounds, ten ounces. Holy fuck, I’m a dad,” he crows.
“How’s Della?” Pinkie asks, her voice ringing out above the others.
Eagle’s smiling face turns to her. I watch as his expression softens immediately. “She’s good, real good. So fucking brave. A warrior,” he breathes.
“What’s his name?” Silver asks with a shout.
Eagle grins. “Santiago Lion Ramos.”
Mountain takes a step forward. “Lion?” he asks.
Eagle’s eyes focus on his and the entire room holds their breath. I watch as Eagle takes a couple of steps toward Mountain and lifts his hand, wrapping his hand around the back of his neck. Though Eagle is talking low, the room is so quiet that we can all hear every single word he says.
“Baby’s yours by blood, brother. Giving him a piece of your road name to honor that.”
Mountain shakes his head once, then clears his throat. “He ain’t mine, Eagle. He’s yours. Always been yours, always gonna be yours. Nobody else deserves him, nobody but you.”
Eagle takes a step back, his hand still holding on to Mountain’s neck. “You need to be the first to meet him, come now.”
MOUNTAIN
The last thing I want to do is follow Eagle into the hospital room. I do it anyway. Pinching my eyes closed at the door, I inhale a deep breath. Eagle is so fucking excited and he should be, but I feel nothing but anxious. Even if this baby is mine by blood, he’s not really mine. He’s Della and Eagle’s.
The door swings open as I open my eyes. Della is sitting in the middle of the hospital bed, a bundle in her arms. Eagle presses his palm against the center of my back. I lurch forward until I’m right next to the bed.
“Sit,” Della whispers.
She’s beautiful. Her face is glowing, her hair pulled back from her face. Figured she’d look haggard as shit just delivering a baby, but she doesn’t. She’s still a fucking knockout.
Sinking down next to her, I avoid looking at the baby. She chuckles softly, then leans over slightly and slips him into my arms. Cradling his entire tiny body in the crook of my arm, I force myself to look down at him.
My breath leaves my entire body at the sight. He’s asleep, only his little face exposed. “How do you know he’s mine?” I ask softly.
Della smiles. “I just do, he’s yours. Jaguar wanted him to be his, but he’s not. You can take a paternity test if you want, but deep in my heart, I know he’s yours.”
I’m unable to lift my eyes from the baby. Santiago Lion Ramos. Somehow the name fits him, almost perfectly. Shaking my head once, I clear my throat before I speak.
“No, I don’t need a paternity test. Besides, he’s not mine.”
“Mountain—” she begins.
Lifting my head, I look up at her. Eagle is standing next to her, his chin tipped down as he watches me with his new son.
“He’s yours, Della. He’s yours and Eagle’s. Thank you for giving him a piece of me. I’ll never forget that. Whatever he needs from me, he’ll always have it, but he’s yours. He’s beautiful and he’s yours.”
There is a moment of silence, I stare at him for a few more breaths, then I do what I need to do. I do the right thing and I turn slightly before I slip him into his father’s arms. Eagle takes him, his face lifting to mine when the baby is secure in his arms.
Standing to my feet, I lean over Della and touch my lips to her forehead. “Happy for you, babe.”
Then without saying another word, I walk out of the room, choosing to take the backstairs, I leave the hospital. Making my way toward my bike, I climb on and I ride.
I need to be alone.
I need to remind myself that this baby has a much better chance at thriving in the loving house of his parents, instead of with me, no matter how badly I want to take him and keep him for myself. I’ll see him again, and often. I’ll be able to watch him grow, and that is what’s important.
I’ll be his crazy uncle Mountain and I’ll teach him everything his parents don’t want him to know.
I grin.
Fuck yeah, I will.
Chapter Twenty-Two
TRISTA
Ridge and I never found a private place in the hospital to be alone. Instead, we stayed with our friends, watching and waiting to see how Mountain would react, how he would handle knowing that Della had just given birth to his child. We never found out, because he slipped out of the back of the hospital before we realized what had happened.
Once we were all able to go and see the newborn baby and his parents, we filed out of the hospital one by one. Some of the men and women went home, but my home was at the clubhouse, so that’s where we went.
Now, hours later, I’m sitting in the bar, watching everyone celebrate the arrival of our newest Savage Beast family member. The music is growing louder by the minute, the people getting drunker by the second.
Taz is standing next to Wolfe and I watch as they engage in conversation, none of it is for my ears, they’re obviously focused on whatever it is they’re discussing. Lifting the bottle of beer to my lips, I take a pull as something catches my gaze out of the corner of my eye.
Turning my head, I watch as that bitch Sable lowers herself onto my father’s lap. She’s facing me, her back to my father as she rides him.
Pressing my lips together, I narrow my eyes on her. She smirks, grabbing my father’s hands before she places his palms on her tits. Inhaling a deep breath, I let it out through my nose, then turn my head.
I’m not watching my father have sex, not with her. If she thinks that she’s entered some kind of competition, some kind of game with me, she’s sadly mistaken. I don’t play games, not with anyone. She can have all the fun—alone.
Attempting to ignore the bitch in the corner, I find Taz again. He’s got his head bent as he continues to talk to Wolfe. His body jerks, then his head turns and his gaze finds mine. I watch as he frowns, then swings his head back to talk to Wolfe again.
Deciding I need more beer, I take another pull from my bottle, wishing it was tequila, but also not because I have no desire to be as hungover as I was the other morning.
“Want a hit?” a deep voice murmurs next to me.
Turning away from Wolfe and Taz, I blink at Mamba who is now sitting next to me. I look past him to see if his woman and Gator are around, but they’re nowhere to be seen. Frowning, I take the joint from his fingers and take the offered hit.
“They needed a little time alone together,” he says with a shrug.
“How does that work?” I ask, passing the joint back to him.
He slouches down in the chair, his gaze focused on mine. “It works li
ke any other relationship. They fuck, she and I fuck, the three of us fuck, he and I fuck.”
“I’m pretty positive no other relationships work like that.” I laugh softly.
“You’d be surprised how well it does work. Most people won’t open their minds to it.”
“Is this where you talk me into letting Sable in my bed?” I ask.
He snorts, leaning forward and taking my beer. I watch as he takes a swig before setting it back down in front of me.
“No way in fuck. That bitch doesn’t deserve you, babe. All I’m saying is, you’ve got a man who is much like me, much like Gator. Wolfe was the same, but he wanted a change. Needed a change. That change means he’s committed to just one woman, now.”
“Taz may not want the change?”
Mamba shrugs a shoulder. “I don’t know him well enough like that to attempt to read his thoughts. I just know that we are all different. Our sexual appetites are not created equal. You may need to expand your horizons and if you can’t, there is nothing wrong with admitting that, but you need to have someone with you that matches those appetites, otherwise you’ll never find your happiness in life.”
My gaze is focused on Mamba, even as he winks at me, stands and walks away. I watch him go and all I can do is think about his words. His words are bothersome. He’s not wrong. That’s what bothers me.
Taz has appetites, he has not hidden them, and right now he thinks that I can fulfill them, what happens in a year? What happens when we have a newborn and I don’t feel like having sex on a whim? When I’m at home and can’t come down here to party with him?
Will he turn into some of the men I’ve watched over the years? Men who come down here, fuck whores, then go home to their wives? I already told him that I wouldn’t live like that, but what happens when I don’t have the choice, when that’s the only way that I can have him, have my family together?
“Babe,” Taz’s deep voice grunts.
My entire body jerks as my head tilts back and I look into his eyes. He’s watching me, his brows knitted together as his eyes search my face. I shake my head once, shifting my gaze to my beer bottle.
“Talk to me,” he demands.
Shaking my head, I watch from the corner of my eye as he walks over to the chair that Mamba just vacated and sinks down.
“What did he want?”
Lifting my head, I look into his eyes. He looks angry, maybe a little jealous. I’m not sure why he would be jealous of Mamba, but it doesn’t matter, I can only think about the millions of what-ifs in our future.
“What if I can’t satisfy you forever?” I ask on an exhale.
“The fuck?” he hisses.
“I’m serious,” I breathe. “We’re talking about starting a family and having children comes with time away from the club, comes with extra stressors, comes with possibly less sex. What happens then?”
His brows snap together as he watches me for a moment. Then he shifts his gaze over my head and I know what he’s looking at. I know what he’s watching. The look on his face is unreadable. Is it longing? Is it contemplation? I’m not quite sure.
Standing, I take a step back, needing air and space. The air in the room is thick and hazy with smoke. The music is too loud, and the sex is too fucking much.
I know that I can’t walk outside, and I’m not stupid, Angel could be lying in wait out there. Instead, I make my way toward the bedroom that I’ve been sharing with Taz.
Once I’m inside of the small room, I slam the door behind me and suck in a deep breath. Walking over to the window, I let my forehead rest on the cool glass as I close my eyes and just attempt to breathe.
In and out.
In. And. Out.
TAZ
“Seems you’re at a crossroads,” a voice calls out.
Turning my head, I look over to see that it’s Bones from the Sinister Skulls sitting next to me. I don’t know when he arrived, but judging by the few new bodies in this place, he’s brought some friends.
“You here for the girl?” I ask.
He smirks, jerking his chin toward the corner of the room where I know that Gator and Maria are now sitting with Ana. They walked in just as Trista walked out.
“Taking her as soon as Angel appears. He gets a look at her, we get this shit done, get your girl back, and Ana’s gone. Protection and safety against whoever could get to her.”
“Good.” I nod.
We stay silent for a moment, my eyes scan the crowd and I wonder what the fuck I’m going to do about Trista, about our future. I want her to be the mother of my children, but can I stay committed to her when that happens and our lives shift?
The whole fucking thing makes me feel antsy as fuck.
“You want to talk about what’s got your leg bouncing a million miles a minute?” Bones asks, dipping his chin to my bouncing knee before he lifts his gaze back up to meet my own.
I shake my head once, then let out a sigh. “You wouldn’t get it,” I murmur.
“Why? Because my woman is a submissive? Because I keep her locked up? She’s still a woman, we’re still in a relationship. Judging by the mean mug you gave that sweet piece that walked away from you, I’d say you’re in need of releasing some of that pent-up shit, wanna unload on someone that isn’t close to the situation?”
I think about telling him to fuck off. He does keep his woman in a cage, he also keeps her naked and collared in his house. It’s bizarre as fuck, but he’s not as wound up as I am. In fact, he’s fucking calm as shit, so who am I to judge what works and what doesn’t.
“I think I need to talk to her,” I say as I start to rise.
“Sit your ass down before you fuck up what you got with her.”
My ass sits, though I’m only seconds from standing and walking away without giving much of a fuck what he thinks about that. He’s not my president, he ain’t shit. However, I’m curious as to what he’s about to say, so I decide to hear him out.
“Saw her talkin’ to Mamba. I know what Mamba had with Karma, so I can only assume they were talking about something like that. Since I also know that Mamba, Gator, and Maria do not seek out extra people to their little threesome, I can deduct that the conversation was about that little girl, you, and a third?”
Shrugging a shoulder, I lean forward. “I don’t know, not really. I do know that she and I have both been concerned that I can’t stay monogamous. I’m trying and so far, it’s easy, but she just brought up the fact that we’re gonna try for a baby and that shit may not be as easy as it is right now when you add kids in the mix. It’s not that I never thought about it, but I guess I never really thought about it, you know?”
Bones laughs, his shoulders shaking as he shakes his head. “I know what you’re saying,” he finally says. “I’m laughing because my girl is knocked up right now. Our lifestyle is going to change tremendously and she’s been really worried, even if she’s not saying it. The thing is, I ain’t worried a single bit. Love her. Naked, collared, dressed, caged, free. Don’t matter what she is, she’s mine, belongs to me and that’s all that matters.”
“So what? I don’t love Trista because I’ll probably stray if she can’t meet my needs?” I ask. “Because I think having someone else in the background might not be a bad idea?”
He snorts. “No, you’re a fuckin’ asshole if you think that. You’re also not ready for love and devotion if you think that. You don’t deserve her love, you can’t keep your dick in your pants for just her, if that’s what she needs. Pushing another person on her to keep you selfishly satisfied makes you a goddamn piece of shit. I know you’re better than that, Taz.”
Without another word, he stands and I watch him walk toward Gator, Maria, and Ana. I should feel like the piece of shit that he says I am for even thinking of being with anyone other than Trista.
I finally have everything that I want in the palm of my hand and I’m thinking about fucking it all up. And for what? For my dick? It sounds selfish and stupid, I know it does. It’s a
real concern, even if it is stupid.
Clearing my throat, I stand and think about going after Trista. I could fill her with empty promises, and I probably should, but I don’t. Instead, I walk up to the bar and lift my hand, signaling for two more beers.
Taking my drinks, I make my way outside. The warm desert breeze washes over me and I close my eyes as I bring a bottle to my lips. Leaning my back against the stone wall of the clubhouse, I let out a sigh.
I just want to be alone, at least for a few minutes. Eventually, after these beers, I’ll head up to Trista, but right now I just want to breathe.
Being with her, it stresses me out. I know that it shouldn’t, this is what I wanted—her branded as mine. Now that I have it, I am feeling the true effects of the stress of having another person dependent on you, emotionally. It’s goddamn draining.
“You need company?” a soft voice asks.
Chapter Twenty-Three
TAZ
Turning my head, I open my eyes, surprised to see who is standing next to me. She reaches out, her index finger touching my shoulder before it slides up and her fingers wrap around the back of my neck.
“You shouldn’t be out here,” I rasp.
She smiles, almost sadly. “I know, but here I am.”
Dipping my chin, I look into her eyes. “Here you are.”
She licks her lips, shifting so that she’s directly in front of me, her body presses against my own. Lifting my hand, I wrap my fingers around the back of her neck, gripping her hair between my fingers.
Lowering my head, I touch my mouth to the center of her throat. My other hand, I find her shorts and pop the button before I slide the zipper down. While feasting on her neck, she releases her hand from around my own and shimmies her shorts and panties down her legs.
When she’s free of the bottom half of her clothes, I reach down with my free hand and wrap my fingers around the back of her thigh. Bending my knees, I haul her up. She wraps her legs around my waist as I turn us around and push her back against the brick wall.
UnTouch Me (Savage Beast MC Book 5) Page 18
