by Abbye J Leen
Abbye J. Leen
Love is a constant idea, of a melancholic nature,
that solely exists because of us thinking and rethinking about features, gestures, and costumes of women;
It is not born as a disease,
but becomes one, if left unsatisfied
and ends up turning into an obsessive thought.
(Avicenna)
"I've loved you even before knowing how and maybe that's the only way to love"
– P. C. Freitas
Seven years-old
"You're really unbearable" Noah mumbles looking at me, as I rub my face with my hands all covered in mud. His words make want to cry... I don’t get why he’s always so mean to me.
"That's not true" intervenes Nolan, who instead always knows how to lift my mood up. I like being around him because he’s super kind and whenever we’re together I get to have fun, laugh and play without ever spilling a tear. Noah stays silent and keeps looking at me angrily with that chubby face, blue eyes and unruly hair of his, as he finishes up one of the Hazelnut-spread toasts that mom’s made for us all. Sighing, he comes towards me and sits down by my side, but I ignore him, as I continue making more mud-balls. I’d love to throw one at him while we’re here waiting for Nolan, who’s gone to get the ball from the other side of the fence.
"But you’re also really pretty" says Noah, smiling. I straightaway turn around and glare at him, with eyes wide open in shock.
Noah, Nolan and I met each other in kindergarten and have been going to the same schools since, these two guys are my best friends, even if Noah always treats me badly, which is why I don’t get where his sudden niceness is coming from.
I smile back at him, noticing a fresh scar above his right eye as I do, so and I can’t help but sadden.
"What happened there?" I ask, pointing at it.
“Don’t ask Ellie, stop being as nosy as everybody else.”
I once again feel hurt by his words, but this time I’m not going to let anybody see that, especially not him, so I shrug and get back to my dirt balls, before throwing one right at his face.
Ellie
Prologue
I’m stretching in bed feeling tired like never before, as I prepare myself to face a new day, hoping for it to be less energy draining than the one that’s just passed.
Summer here in Los Angeles is always lively, especially when life has you dealing with a family hotel. Ever since mom died and dad fell into depression, my sister Amelia and I had to take everything into our own hands. Aside from work I go school, whereas Amelia’s married already, and she’s not only got little Jonas to look after, she also has to take care of a million other things. I really don't know how she manages to reconcile everything, could it also be thanks to her husband, Oliver? He's a very clever man who constantly looks after his family and always knows how to make himself helpful, in any type of situation. I can’t stress enough just how happy I am for her, she’s always done everything she could to make sure I had everything I needed and I’m so glad that she’s finally found a little happiness in life.
I get up, rub my eyes as I yawn and reluctantly head to the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and I can't help but frown, it really shows that I didn’t get much sleep last night and the bags under my eyes confirm that. I shower, brush my teeth and put a little make-up on, then get dressed and head downstairs to start prepping the guests' breakfast.
***
"You look horrible" Nolan says, as I look through my locker.
"Well, thank you very much" I reply, yawning.
“What time did you get up?" asks he, curiously.
“5 A.M. or so" I say, as another yawn comes out of my mouth. He bursts out laughing like a tool and keeps teasing me as I relentlessly drag myself to class, the very last class before the summer holidays.
"Hey, look!" says he pointing at Noah, who’s getting it on with a cheerleader, touching her literally everywhere and thoroughly visiting the insides of her mouth with his tongue.
“Nasty!" I say walking by him, while Nolan laughs heartily. Noah excuses himself with the girl and runs after us on our way to class, with a big, sly smile on his face.
"What is it Ellie? Are you jealous by chance?" he asks, looking at me with his big, blue eyes and laughing.
"Yes… I will definitely kill myself over this" I reply sarcastically. Noah and I have always had a rather strange relationship: we’re capable of going from ‘full-on hate’ to ‘absolute, pure and utter loath’ in a matter of seconds, it’s incredible and there’s just no in between!
My two ’shadows’ - or bodyguards if you will - drop me off in class where we say goodbye and part, now all that’s left to do for me is pray not to fall asleep during the lesson.
Not only was this day bad from the start, my literature teacher just had to go and worsen it all further with a pop quiz! I really did not need this type of pressure today, especially if we take into consideration the fact that I can’t even remember when last time I got a proper eight hours of sleep was. I’m worried that I might not be able to focus enough, but if I screw up on this test, I’ll ruin my average irreparably and that’s really something that I cannot afford. I sigh disconsolately, as I try to concentrate on the test, hoping that this persistent headache I have won’t be playing any tricks on me.
I'm about to get up from my desk and leave class, when suddenly Joseph, who sits behind me, lightly pulls a strand of my hair.
"Hey babe, are you tired?" He asks, gently twirling my hair around his fingers.
"A little" I nod, smiling.
Joseph plays in Noah and Nolan’s football team, so I’ve had the pleasure to watch him play several times before. He’s got a smile that’s warm enough to make anyone melt but to add to it, he’s tall, muscly and physically perfect already, at only eighteen! He’s got the body of a God and to make him absolutely unreachable, is the fact that he’s the most wanted boy amongst the cheerleaders.
"Hey, buddy, why are you always buzzing around my girlfriend?" says Noah, placing his arm over my shoulders.
"And why are you always fucking around?!" I reply, elbowing his stomach but regretting it immediately after, because I way too often forget that this guy’s abs are harder than stone. I gotta be more careful where I hit next time.
"Listen dude, you keep telling everyone not to go near her, but then you go around and fuck anything that walks! Make up your mind, man!" Joseph jokingly replies, before waving goodbye to us and walking away.
"You… you do what?!" I bawl at Noah.
"Don't worry about what I do, girl." says he, kissing my cheek, then sprinting away.
I really think I want to kill him. Yes, I definitely do!
Noah
1
Joseph truly is an asshole. He can do whatever the hell he pleases with any other girl he wants, so long as he stays away from Ellie. Come on, she's not the type to mess around with! I let my mind roam freely, when all of a sudden Janine’s tight miniskirt catches my attention, it’s wonderful how highlighted her butt is in it and honestly, I wouldn’t mind spending some alone time with her, just for fun.
"Hey Noah!" Nolan shouts, running towards me with his football uniform on.
"Why are you all prepped up already?" I ask.
"The coach wants us to be on field in ten minutes, hurry up! He said he’s going to tell us a bit more about our final match and he’s also going to announce which one of us will be kicking the kickoff!"
"Wait, why didn’t anybody tell me about this?"
"Because you’re always thinking about cheerleaders, that's why! Hurry up, I’ll see you there." he says, running off.
I sit there for a moment, thinking about Nolan’s words and I can’t really
blame him for what he said, I mean he’s right. My life is truly a mess, it has been for as long as I can remember and everything around me constantly reminds me of it, even last night, dad was so drunk when I got home... he, who should be enforcing the law and mom’s depression seems to be getting worse, too, so I need some sort of distraction in life, a getaway or something and I can’t help it if easy girls seem to be doing the trick for me.
As I enter the locker room, a pungent smell of damp and dirty socks hits me straight in the nose, I feel like I’m about to vomit, but I still somehow manage to get changed real quick and get to practice in time.
"Ellie's a top-notch student, but she has to join an after- school activity in order to get the scholarship. It would be enough for her to cheerlead at this last game, it’s the perfect opportunity for her" says Mr. Brown to the school principal.
Ellie a cheerleader? That’s just out of the question, I think to myself, although I better stop thinking about her at all given that she’s absolutely off-limits.
"Hey, did you hear that? They want Ellie to cheerlead at our next game so that she can get a scholarship”
"Yes and where would be the problem with that?" Asks Nolan, perplexed.
"Everybody’s going to see her ass, come on!"
"Ok and um, let me ask again, where would the problem be with that?" says he, continuing to jump up and down, which is honestly kinda starting to bother me.
"Man I have no problems with this, you’re the one that likes her."
"There’s no damn problem for me either and even if there was it wouldn’t matter, because I’m sure that Ellie’s going to turn down that offer anyways"
"I wouldn't bet on that, since there's a scholarship involved" I reply, absentmindedly.
I really don’t like the thought of Ellie showing off her body in front of all these people, especially if I think about the number of horny men who’ll be laying their eyes on her. I start warming up as well and even if I’m nervous and thoughtful, still do my best to stay focused. I want to be the coach's choice I want to be the one kicking the kick off.
Nolan
2
Noah, Ellie and I have always been inseparable, ever since we were toddlers and I simply can’t imagine a life without them. Ellie immediately caught my eye, the very first moment I met her, although I’ve never told her about the way I feel because I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship… but the more I look at her and the more I get to know her, the stronger my feelings for her become.
I can't understand why Noah’s so possessive towards her, I know for a fact that he doesn’t care about her ‘that way’ because all he does is go around fucking other girls and yet, this doesn’t stop him from shooing away anyone who dares go near her.
I used to think that he was doing this to help me because he knows that I’ve had a crush on her since forever, but as time passes, I’m starting to grow doubts about his real intentions.
The team’s quarterback, none other than Noah, seems to be really distracted today and when you’re playing as a running-back, like me, that makes things even harder than it does for any other player.
"Noah, hurry the fuck up," I shout, as one of our allies runs towards touchdown.
"Fuck!" I hiss, I can’t stand losing.
After taking a shower, Noah and I talk about how bad the game was.
"Dude, I don’t know what the hell was up with me earlier, I’ve never played so bad before, but I guess there’s good days and bad days for everybody..." he says, nervously.
I avoid commenting, after all he is perfectly right, even though I still don't understand where all his sudden tension’s coming from... but then again it really can happen sometimes to simply wake up on the wrong side of the bed and to add to it, Noah has to also constantly deal with his father, marshal Wilson and that certainly doesn’t make his life any easier.
Both Ellie and Noah have troublesome situations at home, and I know well about it. My parents would always take care and provide for them whenever things got out of hand and I consider myself blessed to have such an amazing and caring family I really cannot complain about them. They’ve always given it all for me and they’d do anything for me if I asked them to, their love towards me is unconditioned, transparent and pure, everlasting in spite of everything.
Perhaps it was the love I was given that makes me truly care about girls and relationships, unlike Noah, who seems unable to acknowledge the opposite sex’s feelings entirely.
We get back on pitch to hear the big news, the heat is truly unbearable today, so I wipe the sweat on my forehead, as the coach starts making his announcement and I’m not at all surprised, when I find out that Noah will be the one to kick off the game, despite today’s fiasco.
He is essentially the best player we have, the only one amongst us who managed to win a Sports scholarship, without even having to put any effort in it! He’s naturally talented, not a soul can deny this. He somehow always achieves outstanding results, even if he’s out of shape.
As the coach keeps giving us useful advice, I notice Ellie standing amongst the cheerleaders, she’s speaking to principal Williams and I can see the massive frown on her face even from a distance.
Noah was right, her scholarship must really be in danger because she looks like someone who’s just accepted an offer they couldn’t refuse. Poor Ellie, I bet she’s feeling so low right now, cheerleading is the absolute worse to her.
Ellie
3
"Absolutely not!" I firmly respond to Principal Williams.
"Would you rather lose your scholarship? We both know how much you need it"
And God knows how much I’d like to thank this blowhard for being so insensitive!
"I know you’re perfectly right Sir but honestly, me? A cheerleader? Anything else would work! Besides, it's not my fault if the school’s newsletter shut down a week before the end of the year! There must be an alternative for me to get that credit"
"There is and I’ve told you about it already! Cheerleading for a day has never killed anybody. Holly, I'm counting on you for tonight, it has got to be a success".
“Sure, but I have to tell you Sir, you really aren’t making things easy for me. Letting Ellie join in last minute I mean... I don’t even know if we’ll have enough time to train her properly."
Thanks Holly, that’s nice of you to say…
"I’m sure you'll find the time, Miss Garcia. Get to work now." he says, leaving.
I, someone who’s always felt so much hatred towards cheerleaders, am going to have to cheer amongst a bunch of teenagers all hopped up on hormones. I cannot believe this, why me?
I’m furious!
Dammit! Damn everything, damned school newspaper, damned credits and double damned money! Holly’s giving me the eye, as if I was the one who asked for this. If it were up to me, I'd be a thousand miles away from here already.
"Have you ever like danced before?" she asks skeptically, in that ridiculous suit of hers.
"I've been taking classic dance lessons for ten years, Holly" I reply, getting defensive.
She sighs in relief.
"You could’ve told me a lil’ earlier!" she says, as she becomes visibly more relaxed and gestures for me to follow. As I’m walking after Miss ‘I’m the only one who’s got an ass this sublime and knows how to move it superbly, too’, I see Noah coming my way. I can't help but stare at him in awe, he’s always been so breathtakingly gorgeous but now that he’s eighteen, he’s just full-on irresistible.
"Hey Noah!" Holly squeaks.
"Hi." he replies carelessly, which is pretty uncanny, knowing that cheerleaders are essentially his bread and butter.
"So.. it’s it true? Are really you really going to be cheerleading for a day?" He asks, nervously. I don't understand where all his anxiety is coming from, so I raise a quizzical eyebrow at him.
"What? Are you afraid that I’ll stumble upon on one of your teammates and break his leg or something?"
“How could
you accept that offer? I mean, how could you stoop so low, seriously?" says Mr. Nervousness.
Damn, what’s his problem…
"I’m sorry, what did you just say?!" angrily asks Holly.
"I’m pretty sure you were not the person I was speaking to just now, so what the shit do you even want?" he says but then, without actually waiting for her to reply, he grabs me by the arm and drags me away with him, far from prying ears.
"Noah, what's gotten into you?" I ask, reluctantly following him.
“Let me repeat that: how could you?” He says between his teeth.
“What? Did you really think I had a choice? You know how much I need that scholarship, you know that extremely well and yet, you’re overreacting this way. Why? Where’s the problem anyway?"
"Just, forget about it… Wait, where are you going?" He carries on talking while I get back to Holly, hoping that he stops being so childish.
"I’m about to start training now, Noah"
I glance at him as I walk off, he’s biting his lower lip and shutting his eyes resignedly, as if something were bothering him. I hate him when he does that.
"See you on field, then."
"If we must." I say, as I wave goodbye.
After all, things could be going so much worse... not that the idea of having to jumping around like a fool with pompoms in my hands thrills me at all, but at least I’ll get the scholarship.
Holly stands there looking all satisfied, as if the fact that I’ve learned what she considers ‘a choreography’ in less than ten minutes was all thanks to her... Ahh, it’s so true how everyone’s got their own beliefs in life.
After taking a shower and getting dressed, it’s finally time to head out of school.
Tonight, I’ll be helping Amelia tidy up the rooms for the incoming guests and after that, an evening of studying awaits me. That’s a very nice plan for the night, not.
