He was it for her. Her forever.
Reaching up, she raked her fingers up into his hair and guided him down for a kiss. How it was possible for this kiss to be just as hot, just as consuming as their first one hours ago, she didn’t know. But it was. When they broke apart, she looked up at him. “I love you,” she said softly, as he filled her. She chanted it over and over in rhythm with his movements. He never said it back and she was okay with it. At least, that’s what she kept telling herself. Although, if she were honest, she wished he’d say it once. Just once and she’d be happy.
In her entire life, she never knew love could be like this – that sex could be like this. Every inch of her body ached for him. It didn’t matter how close they were right now because she wanted more. Her arms were around him. Her legs were around him. It would be hard to tell where one ended and the other began.
And still she wanted more.
As if sensing her thoughts, Jake’s movements became harder, more deliberate. They moved together at an almost frantic pace until they were both too breathless, too spent to move. And when he collapsed on top of her and she hugged him tightly, she could have sworn she heard him whisper “I love you.”
* * *
Things were different after that.
And not really for the better.
It didn’t matter that they saw each other every day or how they spent their nights together. There was something bothering Jake and she didn’t want to push him to tell her what it was, but it’s exactly what she felt like she needed to do. She was trying to respect him – knew he wasn’t the kind of person who liked to overly talk about his feelings – but it bothered her how he didn’t trust her enough to do so.
July was coming to an end and Mallory stood out on the deck of Pops’ massive home and stared out at the sound. As peaceful as the view was, it was in complete contrast to everything she was currently feeling. The clock was ticking on her time here and as much as she wanted to kick, scream, and cry for it to stop, it wouldn’t.
It couldn’t.
As if by silent agreement, she and Jake didn’t talk about it. All conversation about the day when she’d be leaving to go back to New York had stopped. That was probably more her doing than his because she was in denial that it was really going to happen. Sometimes when she was in bed at night all by herself, she thought about asking Jake to change schools and come with her. Hell, she’d even gone so far as to research universities for him that were close to hers. Then she realized how selfish it was, especially considering she would be graduating before him. Maybe at that point she could move closer to him, but it was still two years away.
In other scenarios, she considered quoting Taylor Swift and asking Jake to simply remember her staring at the sunset…while they went their separate ways since the reality was that it would be easier all the way around.
Tears silently streamed down her cheeks and she let out a shuddery sigh. It was late, but not overly so. She and Jake had gone to dinner and played a round of putt-putt before going for ice cream, but both had seemed okay with calling it an early night. So here she was, alone and emotional, and unsure of what to do with herself.
Her phone ringing in the distance seemed like an answer to a prayer.
Seeing her brother’s name, she smiled as she swiped at the screen. “Hey! This is a surprise!” She sat on her bed and got comfortable. Mallory didn’t realize how much she missed her late-night talks with Sam until just this moment.
“You doing okay?” he asked, softly, considerately. “I just had a sudden urge to call you.”
Her tears were back and her voice was a bit wobbly. “You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice.”
His laughter sounded even better. “I’m not gonna argue with that, but I could make a snarky comment about how everything about me makes the masses feel better.”
And just like that, she felt her spirits lighten. “I can’t believe you knew I needed to talk to someone. We haven’t had that happen in a while.”
“Well, maybe if you weren’t so wrapped up in your love life, you would have noticed that I was in need of a call a time or two.”
Gasping, she sat upright. “What? Seriously? Are you okay? Oh, gosh,” she groaned, “I’m the worst, right?”
He laughed again. “Calm down, Mal. I was just teasing. I’m fine. But really, I had this overwhelming sense that I had to call you at...damn, it’s after eleven. What’s going on?”
“Are you home right now?”
“Probably something else we could examine. At another time,” he added. “We’re talking about you.”
Mallory didn’t even think, she just blurted out everything that was on her mind, barely taking a breath. She told him about how things were going with Jake, how much she loved being here with Pops and with their family, her doubts about going back to school, and her fears about what all of this meant for her relationship with Jake.
“Damn,” he murmured when she finally finished. “That’s a lot, Mal.”
“I know.”
He let out a long breath. “Okay, let’s look at this point by point.”
“Point by what?”
Ignoring her question, he simply started addressing some of her concerns. “You know you always get nostalgic when you’re at Pops’ house. You love it there. You’ve always loved it there. You enjoy being close to Peyton and Parker and everyone but once you’re back home or back at school, you’re fine.”
He did have a point…
“It’s just that now you’re all wrapped up in…Jake,” he added with a hint of disgust, “so you’re seeing things through rose-colored glasses.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, Mal. You are. Trust me.”
She snorted with disbelief. “You were only around us for like…a day, Sam. You don’t know everything.”
“I think you’re forgetting something very important here.”
“And what’s that?”
“You and I? We’re like…one. I know you better than anyone and vice-versa, so don’t go there with me. Right now, you’re all wrapped up in Jake and everything’s perfect because you’re seeing each other every day. And – I might add – it’s only like that because you guys are on borrowed time. If you lived there full-time with no worries about out-of-state schools, things would be different.”
“I disagree.”
“No,” he corrected. “I think you totally agree but you’re just trying to be difficult.”
Dammit. He kind of had a point there too…
There was no point in arguing with him, so she said the first thing that came to her mind. “So, what do I do?”
“Well, as I was saying earlier, you’re emotional right now because you’re nostalgic like that. Pops is getting older and – let’s be real here – he’s the only positive male role model either of us have ever had.”
“That’s not totally true…”
“Mal, Dad left when we were five and never looked back. Mom wouldn’t date because she had too much on her plate trying to raise two kids. Grandpa died when we were eight and that left Pops. Up until a year or two ago, he was still traveling a lot and how much did we used to love it when he’d surprise us by showing up at home?”
Mallory smiled at the memory. So many times she remembered running off the school bus and down the street when she spotted Pops waiting in the driveaway. Her heart squeezed. But before she could continue down memory lane, Sam was on to his next point.
“With school, you’re having doubts because you’ve never really enjoyed it. You chose a college based on where you thought you should go but at the end of the day, you’re a homebody. I wish you would have chosen something closer to home. Closer to Mom. I think you’d be a lot happier.”
“Maybe…”
“You’ve got two years left. Do you really want to stay in a place that makes you miserable?”
“I wouldn’t say I’m miserable…”
“You know what I’m saying,”
he said with a huff.
“It’s too late now,” she said miserably. “School starts in a few weeks.”
“So finish this semester and look into transfers.”
“Do you think…”
“Do not go to Colorado, Mal,” he snapped before she could even finish her sentence.
“Why not?”
“I know you’re going to get pissy…”
“Uh-huh…”
“But…don’t go making all these changes based on Jake, okay? You need to get back to real life for a bit and see where the two of you stand before you can think about moving to the other side of the country!”
“I thought you liked Jake!”
“I do!” he quickly stated. “But that doesn’t mean I’m thrilled that he’s sleeping with my sister! It freaks me out! And if things don’t work out between the two of you – if he breaks your heart – then I’ve lost a friend too!”
Yeah, okay. She hadn’t thought about that.
Much.
“So again, Sam, what do I do?”
“I believe I just gave you some options,” he said softly.
With a sigh, she lay down and curled up a bit. “I’m scared.”
“I know.”
“There are a lot of unknowns here and…and I’m afraid it’s all going to crash and burn and I’ll lose everything.”
“That’s not possible. You’ll always have your family. That’s never going to change.”
Tears began to well up again. “No, but…they won’t be around forever either.”
“Pops is going to outlive us all,” he said, but she could hear the sadness in his voice too.
“If only.”
After that, their conversation seemed to transition to safer, less emotional topics and she was fine with it. When they hung up, she knew she’d cry some more, and then tomorrow she’d get up and face it all again.
Time wasn’t going to slow down. Summer was going to come to an end.
No matter how many tears she cried.
14
“What’s this?”
Sitting opposite him at the kitchen table was his father. “Open it.”
It was a blank envelope so he really had no idea what was inside. Carefully, he opened it and pulled out a check. He glanced up. “I don’t…”
“It’s enough to cover your books and your meals for the first semester,” Jonah said, clasping his cup of coffee in his hands.
“Dad, I appreciate the sentiment, but…why? I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be heading up a construction job down in Wilmington for Coleman. A custom home with a guest house.” He shrugged. “It’s not particularly challenging, but it’s going to be my first one as foreman, so…”
“Jake, you and I both know that’s not what you really want to do. Not now. A few years from now? Sure. Your mother and I went down and talked to Eric Daniels down at the bank and he seems to think we can get the money we need to get you through your first year of school. After that, you’ll have to be on your own for financial aid and student loans and all, but you’ll have a year to research it so you can make the right choice.”
His heart beat furiously in his chest.
This was it. This was possibly the answer he’d been searching for – a way for him to go to school, get his degree, and maybe not be totally in debt or…
“What did you have to use as collateral, Dad?” he asked lowly.
Shrugging, Jonah replied, “The usual. It’s not a big deal. Let us do this for you. Please.”
The house.
And while Jake knew it shouldn’t be a big deal, it was. After all the years they struggled and done everything humanly possible so they wouldn’t lose the house, how could he possibly ask them to borrow any money against it? How selfish could he be?
Swallowing hard, he knew he couldn’t do it.
He couldn’t selfishly take from his parents who worked so hard for everything they had. They’d already given him so much. There was no way he was going to take any more.
“I can’t let you do that, Dad.”
Jonah let out a long, weary breath. But the words he spoke weren’t quite what Jake was expecting. “Someday – when you want to ask Mallory Westbrook to marry you – you’re going to want to know that you can support her and your future family.”
Say what now?
“Your mother and I fell in love and had no idea what we were doing. We didn’t think ahead because we figured everything would always work itself out.” He shrugged. “Sometimes it did, but…you know…sometimes it didn’t.”
“Dad, that’s not…”
Jonah held up a hand to stop him. “You have so many more opportunities than I ever had. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders and you’re a hard worker.” He gave a mirthless laugh. “I was a dreamer who never wanted to put much effort into anything.”
“That’s not true, Dad.”
When his father looked at him, he saw the sadness there, the regret. “Because of my own foolish ideas, I made our lives much harder than they ever had to be. God knows how your mother has put up with me all these years.”
“She loves you.”
That made Jonah smile. “And it’s the greatest feeling in the world, son. To have the love of a good woman. Well…what am I saying? You know what that feels like. I’ve been watching you and Mallory all summer long and that girl…you won’t find another one better.”
Jake knew that and unfortunately, it was just another reason why the decision to go away to school wasn’t quite so cut and dry.
Which is what he told his father.
“No one’s saying it’s going to be easy, Jake. Relationships are hard. Long-distance relationships are even harder. Avoiding obstacles or maybe changing your lives around so that neither of you are inconvenienced isn’t always the answer. You see, challenges are what make us stronger. Your mother and I had to overcome so much and while it might have broken most couples, it drew us closer together.”
“But what if…what if it’s too much? What if she doesn’t want to wait?” he asked and wanted to curse himself for feeling so weak. So needy.
“Have you seen the way that girl looks at you?” his father asked with a smile. “Son, I can guarantee you that Mallory would wait for you – no matter how long it took.”
Yeah. He thought that too, but…how fair was it? She had two more years of school and he was just starting, with four ahead of him. When she graduated, her life was hers to do with as she pleased. On top of that, there would be months in between visits, years before they could settle in forever.
Holy shit…forever? Was he really ready to go there?
Was one summer enough for him to be thinking in the long-term like that? And why was this all hitting him now? He and Mallory had been talking about the future almost since they first got involved, but for some reason whenever he thought about it, it wasn’t quite so…rest of his life.
“Jake? You okay? You’ve gone a little pale.”
He was going to be sick. That’s how he felt right now. “Suddenly this feels like a lot more than I was prepared for.”
His father let out a soft laugh. “It often feels that way when you realize you’re in love.”
“Stop…just…stop saying that,” he murmured. Hearing someone else say it and forcing himself to acknowledge it, made it all…real. Mallory hadn’t been shy about her feelings for him, but Jake had managed not to give too much away or admit anything to her because – again – saying it out loud made it a reality.
And look where that had gotten him…
Nowhere.
“Okay, okay…I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s all…it’s just a lot to take in right now.” He paused. “My whole life, I never had to plan too far ahead. We lived in the moment and a lot of that was out of necessity. The older I got, things just…well, they just sort of fell into place. But this whole thing? School? Mallory?”
“It’s a lot of planning,” his father finished f
or him.
“Exactly. And I don’t know if I can handle it.” He bowed his head and shook it. “I can’t even look at you.”
“What? Why?”
“I’m ashamed, Dad. Here I am facing the kind of things that most people want and…and I can’t handle it.”
They were both silent for several moments. “Can I give you a bit of advice?”
Jake nodded.
“Don’t let fear keep you from getting the things that you want. You want an education? A degree? Then you should go for it. I made a lot of mistakes in my life and so many of them I think jaded you. You’re smarter than I am, Jake. You’re not going to repeat the things I’ve done. You’re going to have debt from college, but you’re also going to come out and have a job waiting for you.”
He nodded again. “And what about Mallory?”
This time his father’s smile was a little sad. “I can’t tell you what to do there. Only you know how you truly feel. If you don’t think you can handle juggling this move, college, and a relationship…well…”
Yeah. He knew where his father was going with that.
It didn’t make him feel any better.
But there was one thing that would.
“I’m going to accept this.” Jake held up the envelope. “And I cannot thank you enough.”
“You’re welcome.”
“But…I’m not going to accept your help during my first year.” He paused. “I know what to do and I know how to handle it. The last thing I want is to be a burden to you and Mom.”
“Jake…you’re not a burden. You never were.”
He shrugged. “Maybe. “But I would rather you not have anything hanging over your head financially. You’re in a good place now and…well…I’m honored that you would be willing to sacrifice so much for me. For this.”
“What are you going to do?”
Slowly, Jake rose to his feet, clutching the envelope in his hands. “You’re not the only one who’s been talking to someone about financing.” He smiled down at his father. “Thanks, Dad.”
And then he slowly made his way up to his room so he could try to figure out how everything was going to work out.
Sunkissed Days Page 10
