Gourmet Meals in Crappy Little Kitchens

by Jennifer Schaertl

  Pastry brush

  These guys are incredibly cheap, and I haven’t found an acceptable substitute for brushing on butter, egg wash, and sauces. I can’t think of a better way to apply glaze to a duck breast. You can also use it to spread herbs and spices, pesto, or condiments like whole grain mustard over your culinary creations. It’s a great tool for spreading oil on your sheet tray, too.

  Vegetable peeler

  A vegetable peeler is great for peeling cucumbers, apples, and potatoes.

  It’s also an excellent tool for shaving hard cheeses and slicing carrots into ribbons for a colorful salad display.

  Knives

  You only need three basic knives to perform every slicing and dicing task you can imagine as a gourmet chef. This discovery liberated me because knives can be one of the most costly items in your kitchen. Everything else the knife guy tries to sell you is either a glorified steak knife that belongs in the silverware drawer, or unnecessary equipment that will be perfectly happy taking up needed space in someone else’s kitchen.

  I keep my knives on a magnetic strip on the wall where I can easily grab them. This storage method is not only more hygienic than the old school butcher’s block (knives may drip dry naturally rather than sit in a puddle inside the storage block) but also, a huge space saver. Imagine the great big chunk of counter space you’ll save by not having that ugly block of wood on the counter. This way, the knives don’t take up space, and you don’t have to worry about getting grazed by a sharp blade or point as you would if you stored them in a drawer with other utensils. Look for the magnetic strip in a kitchen goods store. It’s a snap to install and is a handy item you’ll use every day.

  6- to 8-inch chef’s knife

  This is the perfect utility knife, with a distinctive shape made famous by movie serial killers like Michael Meyers. Besides cutting, chopping, and slicing, you can use it to crush and peel garlic, carve meat, and even fillet a fish. When choosing a knife, hold it in your hand to see if it feels comfortable. If you have very small hands, a Santoku-style chef’s knife will be perfect, because it has a shorter blade and a slightly curved and smaller handle. Always go with a stainless steel knife because it won’t rust, and it holds a sharp edge very well, is relatively inexpensive and easy to sharpen if it does go dull. I use a very inexpensive handheld knife sharpener that has guards to prevent accidents, but if you don’t own a knife sharpener it’s not a necessity, since most places that sell knives can either sharpen them for you or refer you to someone who can. For cooking at home, I do not buy expensive knives. Shop for a comfortable, stainless steal knife priced around $40–$50, and you’ll be pleased with your purchase.

  Bread knife

  Because it has a serrated edge, a bread knife can cut up a whole rib eye or carve a turkey, not to mention slice bread. Plus you’ll need this tool for slicing cake layers whenever you can’t find the dental floss (more on that later).

  Paring knife

  A paring knife, with its compact blade, is perfect for cutting small vegetables like radishes or for deveining shrimp.

  Cutting board

  For years, wood cutting boards received a bad rap because they were believed to harbor bacteria. As the proud owner of an heirloom wooden cutting board, I reserved its use for cutting vegetables, while using a plastic one for meat. New research refutes the old notion that wood is bad, and now scientists claim that wood, especially bamboo, actually has antibacterial properties. Cleaning a wooden cutting board is a breeze, just wipe it down with a soapy rag and give it a quick rinse with cool water. Very Crappy Little Cleanup friendly! Buy one good-size bamboo cutting board, and base that on how much counter space you have to lay it out on when in use. Mine is one by two feet, but if you don’t have enough counter space for something that big, you can set it over two burners of your stove to chop and have very easy access to the pot next to you. If you have too many burners working, just place the board on a towel draped over your sink (the towel is to keep the board from slipping while you chop).

  Bowls

  I recommend buying one nestling set of three or four stainless steel mixing bowls. The very largest is for whipping cream, tossing vegetables in marinade, dressing a salad, or mixing a cake. The smallest is for stirring together the cornstarch and water for thickening your soup or whisking a couple of eggs for a small frittata. I like to have two in-between sizes, because I use them frequently and often need them both at the same time.

  Glass bowls can go in the microwave and work well as double boilers but can also break and send glass shards all over your CLK. Ceramic bowls chip and break easily, are very heavy, and take up more room because of their thickness. Plastic can go in the microwave but can’t go on or in the stove, and looks cheap and can stain. However, stainless steel is best because it won’t break, can be used on the stove, and it takes up the least room when stacked together. A stainless steel bowl gets a good chill in the freezer, which makes it perfect for whipping cream, and if you don’t beat them up too badly, they look very nice as serving bowls. Check out the next section to see what you need for melting chocolate in the microwave.

  Measuring cups

  One four-cup measuring cup set will take care of all your wet ingredient measuring needs. Make sure to buy a non-breakable, heat resistant one. Because of its high tolerance to heat, this measuring cup can go in the microwave for melting butter or chocolate, and you don’t need to worry about glass chipping into any of your recipes. The packaging will let you know if it is resistant to heat and chipping. In addition, you’ll need a set of multisize, fitted, round measuring cups (the material of these isn’t that important), which are usually connected on a ring. You can level off dry ingredients and use these to portion out crab cakes or cookie dough. If they’re on a ring, you can hang them from your pot rack or a nail in the wall.

  Measuring spoons

  They all hang out together on a ring and work out well for precise measurements of baking powder, spices, etc. Make sure to purchase metal ones because you can use them in place of a melon baller, and to hollow out tomatoes for stuffing. The plastic ones will probably snap under the pressure of either of these jobs.

  Box cheese grater

  It will tackle any grating or microplaning need you have and can hang from your pot rack. Each of the four sides has different size holes for making hash browns, grating ginger, or shaving truffles. It’s also a useful tool for shredding cabbage or onions.

  Fine strainer

  Sometimes you need to strain a sauce to remove stems, seeds, or shells that might escape through the holes of a stockpot strainer. A fine strainer only costs a couple bucks and doesn’t take up much room; in fact mine hangs from my pot rack. It also works well for sifting flour and dusting desserts with cocoa or powdered sugar.

  Thermometer

  You’ll need one digital-read multipurpose food thermometer. It fool proofs the difference between medium rare and medium, prevents sugar from getting cooked past the soft ball stage, and perfectly regulates your frying oil in the saucepan, so you don’t have to buy a fryer! The same one can work for meat or candy!

  Sheet tray

  Most home cooks are more familiar with the term cookie sheet, but it truly can do so much more than that. You can use it to toast nuts, or as a lid on a pot of water. You need one for roasting vegetables, and don’t forget the cookies!

  Cake pans

  No one loves cakes more than I do, but I find I don’t make them that often. For the recipes in this book, you’ll only need a 6-inch and 8-inch springform pan. For all other cakes baked in my CLK, I purchase disposable pans. Grocery stores carry a variety of shapes and sizes so you don’t need to store regular pans that you only use twice a year. If you find yourself making a lot of cakes, go ahead and buy the pan you need.

  Blender

  Luckily blenders come in various shapes and sizes, so you should be able to find one that will fit some nook or cranny in your house. A six-cup blender with three AMPS and two speeds
is perfect for my home needs. Remember you don’t need to store it in your kitchen if there’s no room. Keep the box it came in, and when you’re not using it, leave it in the hall or bedroom closet. A food processor is certainly helpful, but not necessary if you don’t have the room.

  Torch

  You can buy the tiny one for too much money at your local kitchen gadget store, or you can go to the hardware store and buy a serious torch. A propane torch will caramelize a brulee in 30 seconds as opposed to that tiny butane one sold in a kitchen store that will take 5 minutes. It will come with a small propane canister that is very cheap to replace when it runs out, but chances are, it will last for years. I use mine for everything from caramelizing sugar on desserts to searing large pieces of meat.

  CLK Saboteurs

  Your kitchen is probably cluttered with a ridiculous number of unnecessary items that you’ve accumulated over time and stashed in every nook and cranny of your cramped space. How often have you used the ice cream maker from Auntie Ann or the trifle bowl from your wedding? Go through your kitchen cabinets and drawers and pull out every piece of useless equipment, unnecessary bowls, pans, and gadgets, and box them up. You only need the important tools I’ve recommended above, but if this causes a great concern for you, wait a year. If you haven’t gone into the box because you needed something in one year, the whole box goes to charity. Someone needs that crap more than you!

  In particular, you should unload the space-wasting, extraneous items, aka CLK Saboteurs that follow:

  Colander

  Because our stockpot comes with a built in strainer and a steamer basket, you have two colanders right there. One big, and one small.

  Roasting pan

  It’s just too big! If you plan to roast a turkey or something huge, just buy a disposable pan for the occasion. Don’t store that monstrosity of a roasting pan for the blue moon occasion when you cook an entire rib eye. A Dutch oven or braising pan can go in the stove or on the stove and will hold enough food to feed a small army. Give grandma her roasting pan back. You don’t need it.

  Meat mallet

  This is my favorite example of CLK ingenuity! Don’t buy or store a meat mallet. Pound out that chicken cutlet, crush those nuts with a heavy bottom saucepot, and tenderize that steak with a fork. Really.

  Metal or wooden spoons and metal spatulas

  One heat resistant spatula can take care of all your stirring and flipping needs. It comes clean much easier than a wooden spoon, and mine has a hole in the handle making it perfect to hang from the pot rack.

  Sifter

  My mom always used one of those old school flour sifters that looks like a tin can with a handle attached. This thing is the epitome of the one trick pony. In my CLK, I can’t live without a whisk or a strainer and both can take the place of a sifter. A sifter, however, can’t whip egg whites or strain out raspberry seeds (at least not very efficiently).

  Melon baller

  I’m kind of offended by balls of melon anyway. Think of all the melon that probably got thrown away, unless you were clever enough to put the scraps in a smoothie or fancy margarita! The Greek-Godlike Stuffed Tomatoes do need to be hollowed out, however, and a metal measuring spoon or even a dinner spoon will make short order of this.

  Mandolin and microplanes

  Now in my restaurants, I really can’t live without a mandolin. We just slice and julienne in too much volume to use a box grater. In my home however, I only use my box cheese grater, which comes with three grating sides—fine, medium, and coarse, and one slicing side for slicing—for all my grating and slicing needs. I can slice cheese and mushrooms, fine grate or microplane ginger and chocolate, or shred potatoes—all with one handy tool.

  Immersion blender

  I love the immersion blender we have at the restaurant, but it’s a great big stainless machine with super sharp blades and a boat motor inside of it. However, the smaller versions designed for use at home have two problems. They can’t smooth soup perfectly, nor can they make margaritas. Your blender will perform these tasks to a tee!

  Food processor

  A food processor takes up a lot of space and is a bear to clean. Your box grater and blender will fulfill all the functions this ungainly item can perform.

  Coffee maker

  The idea of fitting an electric coffee maker on my counter is truly funny. Guests do deserve a good cup of coffee, and, interestingly enough, the tool that makes the tastiest cup is also the most CLK friendly. Get yourself a French press, and not only will you have the most flavorful cup of coffee in two minutes flat but cleanup will be a snap, and you can even use it to brew tea.

  Electric can opener

  Trusty old handheld can openers are not only reliable in a power outage, but most of them double as a bottle opener. Ditching your electric can opener for a manual model is a wonderful example of trading up from a one-trick pony to a CLK-friendly device.

  Toaster/toaster oven

  Anything you can drop in a toaster you can toast in a pan over medium heat. Unlike in the toaster oven, you can toast that bagel with butter in that same sauté pan without drying it out.

  Spice rack

  Besides wasting precious counter or cabinet space, spice racks hold spices that lack flavor and punch. Get rid of the crusty jars of decade-old spices and buy spices only as you need them.

  Salad spinner

  Yes, it will get your lettuce incredibly dry, but do you really need a gadget for this purpose? Simply allow your washed salad greens to drain inside the strainer or steamer basket of your large stockpot. Toss them around a little or pat them dry with a paper towel to expedite the process.

  It’s Not What You Have,

  It’s How You Use It

  I cannot overemphasize that what’s in your Crappy Little Kitchen has very little to do with the gourmet meals that come out of it. It’s what you do with what you have that makes all the difference. Without hiring an architect or civil engineer, you can convert a genuine hovel into a lean and mean crappy little machine! Organization is the key.

  Once you’ve purged the extraneous items from your CLK, it’s time to evaluate your kitchen layout. Try to think as logically as possible. I keep my jar of long handled utensils on top of my refrigerator right next to my stove. When I’m cooking, I can easily grab the utensil I need because it is in full sight and within arm’s reach. (It doesn’t hurt that I am taller than my refrigerator, but it can still work for you, too.) Put the set of mixing bowls next to the flour and sugar. Your pots and pans should already be hanging overhead, Keep the salt and pepper right on the stove.

  Just like us, cabinets need to be beautiful on the inside as well as out. In a CLK, cabinets have to work double time. Placing a lazy Susan inside a cabinet adds a ton of usable space. Now the crap that you had buried in the back can swivel quite easily to the front. With a few minor tweaks, you can enhance the space in your crappy little cabinets and drawers. Add some trays to the drawers to separate your utensils. Don’t throw your back out crawling inside that cavernous, low to the ground cabinet, just install some rolling shelves.

  You can buy them at any home improvement store, and the shelves come with detailed instructions. If I can do it, anybody can do it.

  Buy inexpensive wire wine glass and coffee mug racks that you can easily install beneath your cabinets. You can even store everyday dishes, glasses, or appliances on freestanding shelves. Keep the good china wrapped up and boxed in an out-of-reach place for the rare occasion when you use it. Remember, you don’t need to store kitchen items in the kitchen. I store my good china at my Mom’s house and I never feel guilty about it! Cookbooks make wonderful conversation pieces and have beautiful pictures, so I keep mine on a bookshelf in the living room.

  Lots and lots of light, especially natural light, help to create the illusion of space. If you have a window in the kitchen, don’t block the light with dark curtains or shades. Open the blinds and let the light shine in. For artificial light, use energy efficient
lightbulbs to decrease the heat your bulbs pump into the kitchen, while increasing brightness. If your CLK doesn’t have wellplaced overhead lighting (and most don’t), you can easily install extra lighting beneath the cabinets. Buy battery-operated lights that adhere to the underside of the cabinet with adhesive tape. Brighten your walls with a fresh coat of semigloss paint. Food splatters wipe off easily from the slick surface semigloss provides. A clean, white canvas on your kitchen walls will make the room look and feel open and roomy.

  The CLK Pantry

  Stock minimal pantry items for everyday use. Most CLKs don’t have a real pantry area, so I recommend using at least part of one upper cabinet for staple dry goods. You can buy any other spices you need in small quantities, as they are needed, not only to maintain freshness, but also to take up less room. Many grocery stores sell loose items in what is often called the bulk section. Don’t let the name dissuade you. You can buy spices, nuts, and grains in small quantities as needed—even as little as a tablespoon at a time.

  The list below covers items used repeatedly in the recipes for this book. It is not intended as a comprehensive list of ingredients used in the book since you would need quite a large pantry, as well as fridge, to keep all the ingredients on hand. Not to mention, the recipes often benefit from fresh-bought ingredients. Saffron is used several times throughout Gourmet Meals in Crappy Little Kitchens, but for financial and quality reasons, only buy a pinch at a time whenever you need it. When making gourmet meals in Crappy Little Kitchens on the fly (as we say in the biz), I would consider the following items “non-refrigerated staples”:

  • Quality sea salt

  • Pepper mill

  • Red pepper flakes

  • Ground cumin

  • White pepper