Gourmet Meals in Crappy Little Kitchens
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• Bay leaf
• Yellow curry powder
• Smoked paprika
• Cayenne pepper
• Extra virgin olive oil
• Tabasco
• Honey (your favorite)
• Soy sauce
• Crushed, canned tomatoes (they’re always in season!)
• Dried pasta (only keep one variety on hand to save space, and just pick your favorite)
• Whole wheat bread
• Canned chipotle in adobo sauce
• Brown or white rice (whichever you prefer)
• Panko (Japanese bread crumbs)
• Chicken stock (or vegetable stock if you prefer)
• Kalamata olives
• Roma tomatoes
• Good vinegar (your favorite, but I use a lot of balsamic)
• Cornstarch
• Flour
• Sugar
• Powdered sugar
• Cornmeal
• Baking powder/baking soda
• Red wine (a chef’s kitchen should always have alcohol!)
• Nutmeg and cinnamon (for desserts, but also for making coffee special)
• Speaking of that, coffee and tea (it’s just polite)
THE AGE OF VINEGAR MATTERS
“Good” vinegar should be aged, much like fine wine. Often it is infused with flavors such as herbs or spices, but it can also be distilled from something other than grapes, like tomatoes, for example. Some specialty shops will actually pour tastings for you to try the wide variety of special vinegars available, and you won’t get tipsy!
• Dark chocolate (70 percent cocoa concentration. Don’t go any higher or it will taste very bitter. I find the chips or chunks melt very well, bake perfectly into cookies, and make a wonderful late night snack.)
• Quick cooking oats
Everything in Its Place
Now in my CLK, I keep a highly organized mini-pantry, which is actually just the cabinet next to the stove. Here’s my functional arrangement:
Consider what you’ll use most and keep it out. I use my sea salt, pepper mill, and olive oil every day, so I keep them out on the counter by my stove. Items that don’t get used daily can go in the cabinet. Place pastas, rice, and beans toward the back, because they stack well and will probably be used once or twice a week at the most. Group together baking ingredients such as flour, sugar, baking soda, and baking powder and store them near the back.
Frequently used, but non-staple items sit in the first row or on a lazy Susan, if you have one. In my CLK that means pepper flakes, paprika, soy sauce, Tabasco, and honey.
Since most refrigerated items are perishable, buy them very close to the day you plan to consume them. You’ll find very little inside a chef’s refrigerator that doesn’t come in a bottle or can, but I try to keep these items on hand for everyday use and in the event of pop-in guests.
• Eggs
• Butter
• Cream (for coffee)
• Yellow onions
• Beer and white wine (for guests and the chef—W. C. Fields said, “I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.”)
•Wedge of your favorite salty cheese (Hard salty cheeses last longer than soft or triple cream cheeses. Buy soft cheeses when you know someone is coming over.)
• Section of salami (If it gets around that you offer wine, cheese, and salami to the pop-ins . . . you’ll be beating off friends with that stick of salami!)
Preventing Crappy Little Casualties
It’s tough enough to maneuver as one person in a Crappy Little Kitchen. Have you ever experienced the excruciating pain of smacking the top of your head on the corner of an open cabinet or, heaven forbid, of sloshing scalding hot water on your arm? Throw one or two more cooks into the mix and accidents are bound to happen. The yelling you may hear that wafts into the dining room of your favorite restaurant probably comes from cooks giving a “heads up” in a professional kitchen to prevent such mishaps. Now in your CLK, there’s no reason to yell, but you can apply the same principal to prevent crappy communication.
• When carrying something hot announce it. “Hot! Coming through.” Your sous chef will know where you are and that you have something hot, so he’ll get out of the way.
• When moving from one end of the kitchen to another, let everybody know. “Coming down!” This helps to prevent crappy little collisions.
• If you’re working behind someone, make yourself known. “Behind you!” If he knows you’re there, he won’t turn around quickly and burn you with a hot sauté pan or accidentally turn into your knife.
• While carrying your knife through the kitchen, hold it down at your side and pointed directly at the ground, just as you learned to carry a scissor in grade school. Safety should come first when maneuvering around your CLK with a deadly weapon!
• Exercise common sense. Let your crouching kitchen partner know you just opened the cabinet above them. Make the kitchen a no-run zone (even running in small circles, which is all you can probably do, should be verboten). If you pull a pan out of the oven and set it on the counter, announce that it is “Hot!” so your friend won’t try to pick it up.
Nine Gourmet Rules
Now that your CLK is well stocked, looks great, and has functional flow— what about taste? Remember a kitchen does not make a gourmet, but rather a gourmet makes the food that comes out of the kitchen. With a little practice, a few golden gourmet rules, and my restaurant-tested recipes and chefwisdom, you’ll possess the know-how to create beautiful and tasty culinary masterpieces from your Crappy Little Kitchen.
Rule number one: Buy fresh, seasonal, local, and organic. Purchasing seasonal fruits and veggies, not only ensures the best flavor and color, but it also saves money. Ask the produce person at the grocery store to point you in the direction of his freshest items. Buy local produce at farmer’s markets and mom and pop grocers. When at the supermarket look for the country of origin on your fruits and veggies, and gravitate to products grown in your own region or state. Free range, vegetarian chickens without hormones, pesticide free peppers and tomatoes, and 100 percent whole grains will present you with a completely new spectrum of colors, flavors, and textures.
They don’t make specialists for nothing! Purchase your meat from a butcher’s shop, your fish from a seafood supplier, your produce, herbs, spices, eggs, and dairy from a farmer’s market. You’ll be pleased, not only with the quality and value of these products, but the people who work at these places remember faces and names and can offer great advice and ideas for the foods you are purchasing. I make a point of being friendly with specialty shop owners and workers. They can provide a plethora of information, from special deals you should jump at, to the freshest ingredients available, and they’ll sometimes throw a little extra your way and won’t let you buy anything you’ll regret.
Rule number two: Before you do anything, always read a recipe through.
This will make it easier to come up with a game plan and then a shopping list. You don’t want to start cooking only to realize you don’t have all necessary supplies, or that you don’t have the time needed to cook the recipe start to finish. Make a list of all the ingredients you need to purchase including the specific amount desired, and shop for only two to three days at a time.
Rule number three: Get to know recipe lingo. If you want to cook like a chef, you need to learn some basic recipe terminology. Here’s most of what you’ll need to know to cook like a pro. According to American Culinary Federation guidelines, chopping results in random, irregular shaped pieces and has little to do with the size. Dicing involves cutting into uniform sizes and shapes. Large dice means a three-fourth-inch cube, medium dice means a one-half-inch cube, and small dice means a one-fourth-inch cube. A brunois is a one-eighth-inch cube. Mincing is anything smaller than a brunois. It is usually so fine that the product is almost pastelike.
Simmering is cooking at a lower temperature than boiling. This is when sma
ll bubbles may break at the surface, but they can be stirred down. Boiling takes place over higher heat with the liquid in full motion where large bubbles form, continuously break at the surface, and cannot be stirred down.
Folding usually involves using a rubber spatula to integrate two mixtures gently together without beating, to preserve the volume. You carefully cut down through one side of the mixture and then roll your spatula over, turning the bowl with each stroke, to “fold” the two together.
Sweating is the process of releasing flavors with moisture at a low temperature. Add a little olive oil and the vegetables to the sauté pan on low to medium heat. Cook for only a few minutes to release the moisture from the vegetables, but no browning should take place.
Rule number four: Prior to grocery shopping, take the time to check out what’s already in the refrigerator. If you have leftovers, see if they can be used in your upcoming recipes, and throw away anything that’s about to go bad. Rather than buying more tomatoes to dice in your Tomato and Avocado Frittata, use your leftover Pico de Gallo from the night before.
Rule number five: Break down your groceries right when you get home.
I always have a box of quart-size and gallon-size freezer bags on hand for this purpose. That way, I can wrap all my fresh herbs in clean paper towels and put them in the same large bag. I separate my protein into usable portion sizes and put them in small bags, and my vegetables stay fresh longer in a sturdy plastic freezer bag than in the flimsy plastic sack intended for travel.
To save time when you’re in a hurry, buy food that’s already been cleaned and prepped for you. I frequent grocery store salad bars for perfectly sliced onion, carrot, and celery in whatever quantities my recipe calls for, and conveniently priced by the pound. Not only does this save you prep and cleanup time at home, but often the price per pound at the salad bar costs less than some vegetables whole, especially when you factor in what gets thrown away from waste.
Rule number six: Complete all the legwork before you start cooking. In a professional kitchen a chef will tell you to “mise en place” a recipe, which is French for “in its place.” That means dice all your veggies (if you didn’t buy them precut) and chop up the meat before you heat a pan. Pull out all the condiments for the recipe so you know you don’t have to go digging for the flour while your garlic burns in the pan. A very CLK friendly concept since we might only be working from one cutting board.
Rule number seven: Always taste your food before you serve it. I will repeatedly ask you to season to taste with salt and pepper. Seasoning is a very personal preference. Only your taste buds can decide how much to add.
Taste the dish first with no additional seasoning. If it tastes bland, add some salt, a pinch at a time, until the salt brings out the flavor of the food. You want to enhance the flavor of the food, not taste the salt. Move on with the pepper and do the same thing. Most important, never serve a dish that you haven’t tasted, seasoned, and tasted again.
A few recipes call for you to season the meat heavily or liberally with salt and pepper. To do this, I want you to coat the food thoroughly with salt and pepper until the spices fall off the meat. The seasonings infuse the meat with flavor and enhance the overall depth of the dish. On the other hand, a recipe that says to season lightly means to sprinkle a pinch of salt and pepper over the whole dish.
Rule number eight: Presentation counts. For each recipe, I will provide you with step-by-step instructions on how to create an elaborate-looking plate with your limited space and resources. Use my ideas as a springboard for your own creativity, because a plate is like a blank canvas for you to paint your own stroke of genius. When developing your style, start with innovative garnishes you find pleasing, such as the ones found in the Soup section, and move on to mastering simple Appetizers and Salads. The good news is that every recipe completed, not only brings you closer to culinary dominance, but closer to dinner!
Rule number nine: Keep a sink full of hot soapy water whenever tackling a big cooking endeavor, even if you have a dishwasher (I don’t in my Crappy Little Kitchen). Wash as you go, freeing up the pots and pans you need to use more than once, and cutting the end cleanup time to no time flat! Never let the pile of dishes left after a meal spook you out of cooking from scratch again.
Tuck these rules in your back pocket, and get ready to embark on a culinary journey only your Crappy Little Kitchen can provide. Nurture the love and cherish the uniqueness and glory of your Crappy Little Kitchen space. With my help and your willingness, your Crappy Little Kitchen will serve as the centerpiece for great times, gourmet food, and countless memories. With each recipe you’ll become a stronger cook, gaining confidence as a chef until, eventually, you won’t need me to tell you what to do. You will master the art of cooking, and take pride in your CLK and the special aura it creates. You will love your Crappy Little Kitchen as I love mine. I guarantee it.
Let’s hold off on the love fest and get down to the meat of the matter (pun intended) by experiencing the gourmet recipes that follow.
“A”-Game
Appetizers
Hors d’oeuvre is the French word for appetizer
and sounds a lot more, well, appetizing than appetizer. When was the last time you went to a party where the host served tasty tidbits beyond the mundane chips and salsa? Since you live with a Crappy Little Kitchen, no one would expect more of you. However, these recipes are designed to work for you in your CLK. It’s not the crappy old dart board, pool table, or card game that brings friends over to your parties . . . it’s the food!
I guarantee your guests will be impressed and come back for more! Everything else will be crappy in comparison.
The French can make anything sound extraordinary, so at your next dinner party you can throw around the term amuse bouche (pronounced uh-MYUZ-boosh), meaning “mouth amuser,” which is a tiny morsel of food sent to a table before the meal. Whether you serve a formal meal or host a casually passedhors d’oeuvre party, my recipes represent an excellent showcase for the artistry and showmanship of a chef under the worst of kitchen circumstances.
Shuttupahyourface
Bruschetta
Serves 15
Bruschetta is by far the most CLK-friendly canapé out there. Make sure to use freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano, a true Parmesan cheese, which is one of the best cheeses in the world. Find it in a gourmet market and freshly grate it. A small wedge of gourmet cheese takes up far less room in your crappy little fridge than a big plastic container of inferior cheese that was grated, heaven knows when.
1 French baguette, thinly sliced
Extra virgin olive oil, as needed
3 garlic cloves (1 whole, 2 minced)
4 Roma tomatoes, small dice
5 basil leaves, thinly sliced
¼ cup finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese
Sea salt, to taste
Black pepper, to taste
1 Preheat your oven to 400°. Lay the baguette slices flat on a baking sheet, and drizzle lightly with the olive oil. Bake them in the oven for 10 to 15 minutes or until they are golden brown. Once cool, rub the whole garlic clove on each crostini.
Did You Know This Crap?
In Italian, the word crostini (pronounced kroh-STEE-nee) means little toasts. You can easily make these gourmet treats by toasting thin slices of bread, drizzling them with olive oil, and serving them warm. They may be topped with a savory, finely diced mixture such as cheese, vegetables, meat, or seafood.
2 In a bowl, combine the minced garlic, tomato, basil, Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese, and 3 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil. The flavors of the tomato and basil will be brighter at room temperature, so allow the mixture to rest 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Don’t make the bruschetta topping too far in advance, or the basil will become droopy and look unappealing.
3 Carefully spoon a heaping tablespoon onto your crostini, and arrange them on a serving platter or tray. Assemble right before serving, or your bread will become sogg
y. Place any unused crostini in an airtight plastic bag or container where they’ll stay crisp for three to five days.
Chefology
PARMIGIANO-REGGIANO
This pungent cheese has been crafted by Italian artisans for the past 800 years. Each wheel of Parmigiano-Reggiano carries proof of its authenticity in its rind. The number of the caseificio, which is the Italian word for cheese house, along with the production date with pin dots forming the words “Parmigiano-Reggiano”guarantee that it is real Parmigiano-Reggiano.
Get Stoked for Artichokes
Serves 10
Try making this appetizer while a couple of your friends look on. Even put them to work! It’s not only a tremendously fun group activity, your friends will thank you for what they learned and will make the recipe for years to come.
2 red bell peppers
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
5 large artichokes, whole and fresh
Sea salt as needed
2 lemons, cut in half
1 teaspoon minced garlic
Black pepper, to taste
3 tablespoons chopped
Italian parsley
Chefology
JULIENNE
An essential skill for any chef, the French method of julienne means slicing vegetables into uniform-size matchsticks.
1 Preheat your oven to 500°. At this time, fill a 12-quart stockpot half way with water, and put it on high heat. Place the bell peppers on a baking sheet and drizzle with olive oil. Roast them in the oven for 15 to 20 minutes or until they begin to blacken and blister. Remove them and place them in a mixing bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and set aside. The peppers will steam themselves.
2 While you wait for the water to boil, cut off the top one-third of the artichokes and discard. Now, just as if you were shucking corn, peel off the dark coarse outer leaves until you reach the tender and pale greenish ones. Turn over the artichoke and trim off the dry green outer layer of the stem, then use a spoon to scoop out the inedible coarse purple flower or “choke” from the center of the artichoke.