Henderschott spoke, but it was hard to hear. “They’ll keep coming for you.” His eyes were locked on mine, even as his head lolled back at a sick angle.
I wanted to ask who, and I fought, fought for control of my voice. “Who…?” I said it, and it came out as a whisper.
He blinked his eyes, the blood trickling down from the top of his head falling into the lids, turning them red, as though he were crying tears of blood. “Omega.”
Before I could ask him anything else, my hands drew him back and heaved Henderschott off the side of the tower. I saw his eyes look at me as he passed, and they were haunted, horrible. He flew out in a lazy arc and started to fall. I watched him sail downward, but it took an impossibly long time for him to finally land on the street below.
When he did, a scream tore through my head and I realized it was my own. I dropped to my knees at the edge of the tower, Wolfe receding to the back of my consciousness. I cried out, again, tears freezing on my cheeks as I stared down, far below to where Henderschott had landed; the second person I had killed with my own hands.
I wanted to cry, wanted to scream, but I heard both from behind me before I could let out my own. I lurched to my feet and started back toward the far side of the roof. Gavrikov hovered, bursts of flame flying through the air, balls of fire aimed at the helicopter above, forcing it into motion.
Kat was kneeling next to Scott, whose body was burned horribly. Her hands were already on him and his skin was returning as I stepped onto the long, empty section of roof where they were. Gavrikov turned to them from where he hurled another bolt of fire at the helicopter and his face changed, even beneath the flames. “What are you doing ?” He threw a small fireball at Kat, forcing her away from Byerly. “I save you from them and this is the thanks I get?” The Black Hawk shifted and flew off, coming around in the distance angling to approach the tower.
“I don’t need saving!” Her words came out as a cry. I was still a good many paces away from them, but I could see Aleksandr’s skin begin to glow brighter. “I don’t even know who you are! I don’t want to go anywhere with you, I want to go back to the Directorate—it’s my home!”
Gavrikov was quiet for a moment, but he hovered only a foot or so off the ground. “I tried to save Klementina. My penance for failures, for crimes—for murder. For the murder I did when I was too young to know how to control myself.” He edged closer to her.
She skidded away from him, sliding across the roof, almost on her back. “I didn’t ask for this—not for you to help me, not for any of this!”
Gavrikov drifted closer to the ground. “I see how it has become. Things are not so different from the world we grew up in. Family betrays you at every turn, it is cold and dark and miserable and bereft of light. Everything Father did to us was nothing compared to what the world will do, with its cheap brutality and meanness.” He let out a tortured howl that shook me inside. His skin glowed all the brighter, but he had stopped advancing on Kat. “You’ll see soon enough.”
There was a crack of gunfire and a bullet whistling through the air. I saw it hit Gavrikov and he dropped to a knee, the flames around his shoulder dissipating to show puckered flesh, blood squirting out in short intervals. He seemed like he was going to fall over but steadied himself. “Thank you,” he said, “for proving my point.” He heaved the largest fireball yet at the Black Hawk and I watched it sway as Bastian tried to dodge, sending the chopper into a dive beyond the edge of the rooftop and out of our view.
I was only a few feet away now and Gavrikov saw me but didn’t react. I stopped, my chest heaving from the effort of crossing the roof. “And you too, matryushka ? You are more like the sister I remember than this one is.” His hand reached out, the flaming fingers extended to indicate Kat, who quailed away from him. “You know the pain she has forgotten. You have tasted the rich inequities of life.” He smiled, but it was rueful. “You have fought, been hurt, been beaten down.”
I stared back at him, exhausted. “What of it?”
He smiled and his chest burst back into flame. “I will give you the greatest gift I can.” He rose into the air a foot. “Life doesn’t get better from here, it gets worse.” His hands came up at his sides, giving him the rough look of a human cross and he started to grow brighter. “I will give you the only gift I can. The same gift I will give all these people.” His hand waved to indicate the city spread out before us. “Peace. True peace, lasting and final.”
“You say peace,” I said, drawing closer to him, “but I kinda think you mean death.”
Even through the fire that engulfed his face, I could see the line that was his mouth twist into a rough smile. “Death is the only peace in this world.”
The flames leapt all around him, the glow encompassing him like what I imagined the rising sun to look like. “I’m sorry, Aleksandr.” I peeled off my gloves and let them fall to the ground. “I can’t let you do that.”
His burning eyes looked down at me and he drifted closer, the flames receding from his face so that he could look at me with his own eyes. He glowed ever brighter and I knew I had only seconds. “What will you do?”
My mouth was dry. “Give you peace,” I whispered and brought my hands up to touch his face. I felt the skin singe as I touched him, the fire from his body so hot that it started to burn me. I ignored it and looked into his eyes, saw through the pain, the anger, saw the wounded soul beneath. He smiled when I touched him, and closed his eyes. His face went slack, even though I knew he hadn’t felt the effects yet. He jerked for the first time a few seconds later, and the fire around his body started to gutter out.
“A metal box to spend the rest of your life in would do you no favors,” I whispered as he sagged to the ground, then fell to his knees. I held his cheeks clenched in my fingers and he jerked again, the fire now out. Tears streamed down my face as I felt him heave for the last time and I let go, staggering back and falling over, my brain on fire with memories and visions, whirling in my skull. I looked over and saw his body start to blacken, then turn to ash that was carried away by the wind.
My head was pounding but I forced myself to turn over and sit up. Kat passed me and knelt next to Scott, putting her hands on him. He started to stir, a few moments later, his skin rejuvenated, coming back to life. I felt a hand land heavily on my shoulder and turned to see Zack. I tried to force words through the jumble of thoughts clogging my head as my brain made way for Gavrikov inside it. “Are you okay?”
“I feel like I just spent an intimate evening on the freeway being made love to by a Mack truck.” Zack’s face was bruised.
“Is that better or worse than spending the evening being made love to by a trucker named Mack?” I said it, huffing as I tried to stop the spinning in my head. I started to shake my head, but it felt impossibly heavy, like it would roll off my shoulders at any minute.
“What happened to Gavrikov?” Zack reached out and tugged at my arm, helping me to my feet.
“He wanted…peace.” I stared over the edge of the roof to the east. “I gave it to him…as best I could.”
“So he’s…” He looked around. “Gone?”
“No,” I said and pointed to my head. “He’s in here, now. With the other one.”
“Oh, I’m sure that’ll end well,” he said as I caught sight of Clary hobbling toward us from the stairs. I could hear the blades of the chopper as it hovered above us and Bastian drifted her down, using the wind to steer his approach. He brought the helicopter down to a mere foot off the roof, resting the front wheel as Kat and Clary helped Scott into the side of the chopper.
I paused as Zack pulled me toward the door and turned around. The sun was rising in the cloudless sky, a bright red disc slipping over the horizon, the sky lighting up gold around it, with the first strains of blue transitioning to a deep indigo in the west. I stared at it, trying to savor the moment. I stopped resisting Zack’s tugs and let him guide me into the helicopter and I watched the roof drop away beneath us as the Black Hawk t
urned and we headed west. I craned my neck in my seat, trying to watch the elusive sun as it cast a light on us.
“It does get better,” I whispered so low no one could hear it over the chopper noise but the one I intended it for, nestled as he was in mind. “It has to.” I watched the light as we raced the sunrise back to the Directorate.
Chapter 28
Our first stop once we landed was the medical unit. I saw Dr. Perugini waiting along with Old Man Winter, Ariadne, and Dr. Zollers as the helicopter came in for a landing. I thought about bracing myself for the inevitable onslaught, but instead I just soaked up the rays of the sun, beaming down from outside. When the blades spun down and the doors opened, Scott was the first out. He looked a little discombobulated, but his skin was pink and fresh, like I suspected a newborn’s would look. He caught my eye as he passed and nodded.
Roberto Bastian and Eve Kappler were in the cockpit but Parks and Clary were in the back with us. The whole way back, Clary had a look on his face like he was pissed off he missed the fight or something. Parks, on the other hand, stared out the window, like me. Zack had been on his headset pretty much the whole time, except for firing a reassuring smile at me now and again.
I waited until Clary had cleared the door and then Parks gestured that I should go next. Ariadne looked especially stiff, standing with her arms crossed, stern, head held high. Old Man Winter still dwarfed her, his hands relaxed at his sides. I felt Zack behind me as I walked across the helipad cradling my wrist. It didn’t seem to hurt anymore.
Dr. Perugini looked up from where she already had Scott on a gurney, wrapped in a blanket, and gave my arm a cursory glance. “Might be fractured. Let’s get it set before you do anything else.”
Dr. Zollers caught my arm as I started to go by. “We’re gonna have a long conversation later, I’m sure.” He didn’t look mad, just…knowing, or something. Like he was sharing a secret only I could know about. He pulled a needle out of his lab coat and pointed to my arm. I rolled up my sleeve and he gave me a quick shot. I felt the drug start to work in less than thirty seconds as the cacophony that had been present in the back of my head began to die down and I started to feel drowsy.
I followed Dr. Perugini as Clary pushed the gurney into the Headquarters building. We navigated the corridors to the medical unit quickly and were settled in within minutes. Dr. Zollers began monitoring Scott’s condition, more as a precaution, it seemed, while Perugini found her way over to me.
She poked and prodded at my hand and wrist. She reached under the cart she had slid over with her and pulled out a brace. “No point in doing a cast since you’ll be healed by tomorrow, but it will be best if we control the direction of the healing.” She took the brace out of the box and began to wrap it around my wrist. “Got into trouble again, eh?”
“See it however you’d like,” I said to her, inflectionless.
She didn’t bite immediately, but after a moment she did. “How do you see it?”
I thought about it before answering. “I made amends for some bad decisions in my past.”
She stopped and looked up from what she was doing, as though she were trying to smoke out the truth by looking in my eyes. Whatever she found, she kept to herself. “Good for you,” she said, and finished tightening the brace before she turned her attention to Zack, who was talking to Scott. “You! You’re next.” He protested, but she didn’t let him sway her. She had him take off his tactical vest and then his shirt, examining some bruising on his shoulders from where he jumped out of the helicopter. I watched.
Kat made her way over to me as I lay on the bed, trying to work up the motivation to move. “You saved my life,” she said with a little smile.
“You’re welcome.” Her eyes clouded over and she looked troubled, as though she were trying to find a way to say what was on her mind. “Spit it out,” I said with an air of impatience.
“I was thinking about the rooftop.” She fumbled with her hands, gripping the rail of the bed. “When you faced that maniac in your basement, you were the only one there.”
“Yeah, and?”
“So…I mean, you faced someone as bad or worse than…” she tried to say it but it didn’t come out as anything but a pronoun. “…Him. But you faced Wolfe alone, all by yourself. And on the rooftop, you didn’t have to be there. You had no reason to stay, you don’t know anybody in Minneapolis. Scott has family in the area and Gavrikov would have chased me around the planet…but you didn’t have any reason to be there.”
“I told you before.” I crossed my gloveless hands in my lap. “I had my reasons.”
“Well…thank you.” She smiled at me, and I still felt bad for her.
She started to shuffle back to Scott’s bedside but I called out to her. “Wait!” She turned, almost expectant. “Do you know if there were anymore of those turtlenecks and jeans in the closet down in the room you were being held captive in?” I fingered my shirt, which was once again tattered around the arms and shoulders and my jeans were wet and caked with dirt and blood from the rooftop battle. “I think the rest of my clothes got lost in the fire.”
“Yeah, there were a few of them,” she said. “Coats and gloves, too.”
“Oh, good.” I looked back down at my bare hands.
She walked back to Scott’s bedside and I looked around the room once. Zollers and Perugini were consulting in the corner, Zack and Kat were talking to Scott. I presumed M-Squad was with Ariadne and Old Man Winter. I tried to decide if I wanted to talk to them today or tomorrow and realized I didn’t really care which, so long as I got some fresh clothes.
I left the medical unit without saying anything to anyone. I didn’t sneak out; I didn’t have to. Everyone was occupied and no one saw me leave except Zollers, who caught me with a sly smile that told me I’d see him later. That was fine, so long as it wasn’t now.
I went to the staircase and found my way to the basement. The confinement room that they’d kept Kat in was unlocked now, no key card necessary. I walked in and went to the closet, finding exactly what she had promised inside. I grabbed a change of clothes, along with some undergarments that also fit me and went into the bathroom.
I took maybe the longest shower ever known to man, taking care to keep my wounded arm out of the spray but drowning every other inch of my skin in hot water. I scrubbed off the dried blood, the caked-on grit from the roof, and afterward I combed all the tangles out of my hair. I stared at myself in the mirror. I was the same girl I had seen a thousand times before, in the mirror of my own bathroom, back home, before all this happened.
Except I wasn’t. The blue-green eyes were different. Not weary, but aged. I’d aged even in the weeks since I left home.
I heard a noise outside and dressed quickly. I didn’t slide my gloves on until after I opened the door to find Zack waiting. I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding and rolled my eyes. “What are you doing here?”
He looked at me innocently. “Came to check on you. Kat told me you were coming for clothes but I didn’t realize you were going to shower too.” He nodded at my wet hair. “I can wait if you want to dry off first.”
I shook my head. “No big deal. I’m fine. I might sleep down here; it’s as good as anywhere else and I don’t know if I have it in me to walk all the way back to the dormitory building tonight. Besides, I’m sure Ariadne and Old Man Winter will be looking for me tomorrow morning.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that.” He said it with more assurance than I would have expected.
“I’m not worried.” I blinked my eyes, as though I could just shed the tiredness out of them with that little effort. “Worst comes to worst, I move along on my own.” I felt a strength in those words that wouldn’t have been possible a week earlier. “I’m okay with that, really. Maybe for the first time.”
“I don’t think they’re going to ask you to leave,” he said. “But why the change? Not that you showed much sign you were feeling all dependent before, but what triggered the shift
?”
I took a deep breath. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve been so busy feeling sorry for myself for all that’s happened, for all the tough breaks—literal, in some cases,” I held up my wrist, the brace still snug around it. “I’ve been jonesing so hard to be normal, whatever that is, that all I could think about was myself, about how I’d have to live a life where I had walls up all the time, where I couldn’t really connect with anybody.” I held up my hands as I slipped the gloves on. “Where I’d live untouched by people or emotion or life.”
He nodded slowly. “It’s up to you whether you connect with people or not. And I hate to break it to you, but your own little world is not the center of the universe.”
I cocked my head at him and shot him a “duh” look. “Thanks, Galileo. You’re a little late to the party on that one. And not fashionably so, like…party’s over, GTFO. I figured it out, thanks.”
“How?” He took a step closer to me, reminding me for some reason of Gavrikov as he took the first steps toward Kat.
“It was Aleksandr,” I said, thinking about it. “He lived over a hundred years with his flames up all the time, by choice, ever since…whatever happened with his sister. He chose to live that way, isolated, alone. I think…” I felt the loneliness creep over me, the walls start to rise, and pushed them away, “…I would give anything to be able to take the barriers down and just live. And I can do that for most of them.” I held up my hands, uselessly, showing him the gloves once more, the things that separated me from everyone. “All but one, anyway. It’s not normal, but it’s all I can do—”
He interrupted me by taking two strides to close the distance between us and before I could say anything his arms wrapped around my back, enveloping me, and he pressed his lips to mine. My eyes closed; the touch was magnificent, warm and sweet, and he pulled away just as I felt the first stirrings of my power start to work. I took a breath and opened my eyes, and his were staring back at me, brown and big and with his smile reflected in them. He had a really nice smile.
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