by Paige Toon
‘Hey,’ he says, swivelling in his seat as I come to a stop in front of him.
‘Hey,’ I reply, giving him a kiss. ‘This is a surprise.’
‘A surprise that I wanted to see my hot girlfriend?’ He raises one eyebrow.
I shrug at him and glance down at my outfit. ‘You like the dress?’
‘I like you.’
A shiver goes down my spine.
He nods behind me. ‘Go grab a table. What are you drinking?’
‘Just a mineral water, thanks.
‘Where’s Agnes?’ I ask when he slides into the bench seat beside me rather than taking the free seat opposite.
‘Last I heard, she was FaceTiming Brett.’
‘She didn’t want to come out?’ I ask, as he drapes his arm round my shoulder.
‘Nah.’
‘I feel bad that she wasn’t invited.’
‘Why? It’s not your fault.’
‘No, it’s just…’ I think of what Sienna said about Jack’s dad and decide not to elaborate. ‘Never mind.’
‘She’ll get over it,’ he assures me. ‘You been having fun upstairs?’
I nod. ‘I’ll never get used to this life.’
‘Yeah, you will,’ he says drily.
We both fall silent and then he takes my chin between his finger and thumb and turns my face towards him.
I’m tingling all over as he kisses me and I know I could sit here doing this all night, but it feels like a long time since we’ve been able to chat openly, to have a proper conversation for once. I bring him up to date with what’s been happening and go on to tell him that I feel bad for not speaking more to my friends back in the UK.
‘They’ll understand,’ he says. ‘You gotta lot going on.’
‘I just don’t want them to think that I’ve changed.’
‘You have changed,’ he states. ‘It’s inevitable. There will be people that you’ll leave behind.’
I frown at him. ‘But I don’t want to leave my friends behind.’
‘You can’t bring them with you,’ he says reasonably.
‘Maybe I can. I mean, it’s half-term in the UK in a couple of weeks. Maybe my dad would fly them over again.’ A bubble of excitement bursts inside my chest at the idea. ‘Oh my God, he really could do that. It’s our gig in San Francisco! They could come to that!’
He shifts in his seat. ‘Who would you ask?’
‘I don’t know. Nat, Libby, Lou…’
He looks relieved. ‘Not Tom, then,’ he says.
‘Well, he’s coming, anyway,’ I say with a shrug that freezes into tension.
Whoops. I haven’t actually told Jack that we’ve been speaking.
He pulls away to look at me directly. ‘What?’
‘His dad lives in San Francisco,’ I say defensively. ‘I’m sure I mentioned that. He left Tom’s mum for another woman so Tom’s coming over for a week to see him. I’m going to catch up with him when we’re there for our gig.’
Jack looks put out. ‘When did you decide this?’
‘A couple of weeks ago.’ I try to sound more casual than I feel.
He stares at me levelly. ‘Why didn’t you say anything?’
I guess I should be honest… ‘Because I thought you’d be pissed off about it.’
‘Glad we’re getting somewhere.’ He takes his arm out from around my shoulders and edges away from me.
‘Hey, it’s nothing. I told you Tom and I are friends. Why are you being shitty about it?’
‘If it was nothing, you would’ve mentioned it. Do you speak to him often?’
‘A few times.’
‘Does he call you or do you call him?’
‘A bit of both.’
‘So you’re telling me you rarely call your friends, but you make time for Tom?’
I swallow. That’s about the crux of it.
‘If you really want to know,’ I say, trying to offload some of my guilt, ‘I rang him from Big Sur when you stayed out all night and I couldn’t get through to you.’
He blanches. ‘Hang on, you called him because you couldn’t get hold of me?’
I shift in my seat. ‘Well, yes. I didn’t know where you were. I wanted to take my mind off it.’
‘So you called your ex-boyfriend?’
He looks thoroughly peed off, and I guess that’s understandable.
‘I didn’t know where you were,’ I say again, dejectedly.
‘So you don’t trust me.’
‘Well, no, now you’re asking, not really.’
His mouth drops open.
‘Are you surprised?’ I ask him. ‘We didn’t exactly get together under the most honourable of circumstances. You were still seeing Eve.’
‘Eve and I weren’t serious.’
‘That depends on your definition of serious, doesn’t it?’ I say with a spark of irritation. ‘You were having sex with her.’ And I wasn’t with Tom. That doesn’t need repeating.
‘I’m talking about how we felt about each other. You and Tom, well, you said you were serious.’
‘We were.’
‘Yet you kissed me when you were with him.’
Now he’s looking at me almost accusingly.
‘What’s that got to do with anything?’ I wish I hadn’t had that last cocktail upstairs because my mind would be a lot clearer.
‘You cheated on your boyfriend once. What’s to stop you from doing it again?’
I stare at him, gobsmacked. ‘Are you saying you don’t trust me?’
He shrugs. ‘You’re the one who cheated. Eve wasn’t my girlfriend. I told you that she and I just had a thing. She knew that I played around.’
‘Ha!’ I erupt. ‘You’ve just said it yourself! You play around!’
‘I thought we’d established that I don’t any more,’ he says, his eyes flashing.
‘You won’t even tell your bloody bandmates that we’re together.’ I lean back on my seat and fold my arms. ‘How am I supposed to know how much you care about me?’
He reaches for his drink and takes a large gulp.
I’ve had enough of this. I get my phone out of my bag and send Davey a text.
‘What are you doing?’ Jack asks warily.
‘Going home,’ I reply flatly.
‘You’ve gotta be kidding me.’ He gives me a hard stare.
My phone buzzes almost immediately with a text from Davey, letting me know he’ll be out front in two minutes. I shove my phone back into my bag and edge out from my seat.
‘You’re leaving. Just like that?’
I feel a pang of remorse. Do I really want to do this? No, but I’ll lose face if I back down now.
‘See you at band practice,’ I call over my shoulder, as I walk out of the bar.
Chapter 16
On Sunday morning, the first thing I do when I wake up is reach for my phone. I wanted to call my friends in England last night, but the time difference meant that it would be the middle of the night for them, so I’ve had to wait. I return Libby’s call first.
‘Hi!’ she exclaims when she realises it’s me. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to call you back,’ I say, feeling bad.
‘It’s OK. I know you’re busy.’
‘I am, but it’s no excuse. The time difference makes it hard.’
‘I know what you mean. And your life is so full now.’
‘Full-on, you mean. Yeah, it is.’
‘Well, don’t forget about us,’ she says cheerily, but there’s an edge to her voice.
‘I won’t.’
We talk for a good half an hour, catching up on everything that’s been happening, both in her life and in mine. She wants to hear about all of my celebrity gossip, so it’s a while before I get around to confiding in her about Jack.
‘Trust your instincts,’ she says. ‘If you think he’s a player, he probably is.’
It sounds like something she could have read in Cosmo magazine.
‘I don’t think he’s a player. At least not with me,’ I say defensively.
‘OK, if you’re sure.’
‘Well, no, I’m not entirely sure. We haven’t been going out for long. I don’t know what to think.’
‘I know Lou wasn’t keen on him,’ she reveals, to my annoyance.
‘What do you mean Lou wasn’t keen on him? She didn’t say anything like that to me!’
‘It was just an impression she got,’ Libby tells me, and I’m peeved to think about my new friend confiding in my old friend like she’s her best friend.
‘Yeah, well, Lou goes out with Tom’s best mate so I don’t imagine her perceptions are skewed at all,’ I say, unable to keep the sarcasm from my voice.
Libby falls silent.
‘Forget it,’ I say, realising that maybe she’s not the person to confide in about Jack.
For some reason, this thought leads me to think of Sienna and whether I could talk to her about him. I texted her last night to let her know I’d left the bar and she said she’d call me today. Despite what Agnes says about me being welcome to confide in her about Jack, I don’t really feel that comfortable. He is her brother after all.
‘Are you looking forward to seeing Tom in a week?’ Libby asks me.
‘It’ll be closer to two by the time I see him, but yeah,’ I reply. ‘How is he?’ I ask.
‘He’s great.’
An alarming thought strikes me. With me gone and Libby and Lou hanging out, have they become a foursome?
‘You don’t fancy him, do you?’ I find myself blurting out.
‘Of course not!’ she scoffs. ‘If anyone fancies him, it’s Nina. I keep seeing her talking to him in the courtyard at school. Probably trying to console him over your break-up.’
Nina is – was – one of my classmates and, before the news about me being Johnny’s daughter came out, she teased me that I looked like him. It wasn’t done in a funny way – more a mean, bullying way. I hate the thought of her getting her claws into Tom.
We end our call soon afterwards. I’m not really in the mood for another big conversation, but I know I shouldn’t wait any longer before returning Natalie’s call.
‘It is you!’ she exclaims when I say hello. ‘I thought I was seeing things when your caller ID flashed up.’
Ouch. ‘I spoke to you a couple of weeks ago,’ I say, slightly hurt that that’s not good enough for her.
‘Yeah, but I’m always the one to call you.’
Is that true? I cast my mind back to our rare conversations and realise that my friends are always the ones to instigate the calls.
‘Well, I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I’ll try to make more of an effort.’
My head feels like it’s going to explode with all of the pressure I’m under at the moment.
To say that I feel rubbish over the next couple of days is an understatement. Jack doesn’t call me and I don’t call him, so the next time I see him is at band practice on Tuesday and I’m nervous when Sam drops me there straight after school.
Unfortunately, Brandon and Miles are already in the games room when I arrive so Jack and I aren’t going to get a chance to clear the air.
‘Hey,’ he says to me, barely meeting my eyes.
‘Hi,’ I reply, steeling myself.
I’m not sure the atmosphere is frosty enough for our bandmates to pick up on it, but this will be a challenge for us both. Can we make this work for All Hype, even if it’s not working for Jack and me? Let’s see.
I adjust my microphone stand to make myself look busy and then turn round to see Jack crouching down in front of his pedalboard. A pedalboard lets a guitar player change the sound coming out of their instrument by turning a dial or pressing a pedal with their foot during a song. It’s how bands can create such different sounds within the same track.
Jack has collected a few different pedals over the years and Miles and Brandon often tease him that it’s his fetish.
‘Don’t tell me you’ve got another pedal?’ Miles grins at him.
‘Yep,’ Jack replies, glancing up at his mate with amusement. ‘Thought I’d try it on “Blue Tuesday”.’
‘Shall we do that first?’ Brandon asks me.
‘Sure.’ I nod, instinctively flashing Jack a playful look, but he doesn’t meet my eyes as he stands up again and I feel slightly sick. I turn away and face my mic.
Miles takes his place behind his kit and starts to bash out a beat, but I’m distracted and the words fly from my mind. We only wrote this song a week ago.
‘Hang on,’ I say, holding up my hand as Brandon and Jack kick in with their bass and electric guitars.
The music dies in a cacophony of sound.
‘Sorry,’ I apologise, blushing as I flip through the pages of my notepad. ‘I haven’t had enough time to practise this one.’
No one says anything, but I feel like I’m being judged as I quickly glance over the lyrics. ‘OK, I’m good to go,’ I say, stepping back towards the mic.
Miles starts up again and Brandon and Jack kick in. In the chorus, a new sound comes blaring out of Jack’s amp – it’s almost keyboard-like – and I jolt with surprise and look over my shoulder to see him grinning at Brandon.
Brandon throws his head back and laughs. ‘Awesome!’ he shouts.
Jack stamps on one of his pedals and the sound reverts to dirty and raw.
He catches my eye and I nod hearteningly, but he lowers his gaze and my stomach feels flat.
‘We should definitely commit that one to the playlist,’ Miles states afterwards.
‘It needs practice,’ Jack replies.
I bristle. ‘Sorry, guys,’ I say again, figuring that Jack’s comment is directed at me. ‘I’ll step it up, OK?’
‘Maybe we should meet daily for the next couple of weeks,’ Miles suggests, looking at each of us in turn.
I shift on my feet. ‘That could be difficult.’
‘You can’t scale back on your other activities?’ Brandon asks me, his brow furrowing slightly.
‘Of course I can. My singing lessons and driving lessons can be put on hold for sure, but my stepdad is arriving on Saturday. I want to spend some time with him.’
‘Saturday?’ Jack clarifies.
‘Yeah, it’s half-term in England. He’s a teacher so he has a week off.’
‘What’s half-term?’ Miles asks.
‘It’s a holiday we have halfway through each of the three school terms.’
‘Sweet,’ he says.
‘Anyway,’ I continue, ‘much as I’d love to practise more, I’m going to be in school all day and I want to see Stu in the evenings while he’s here.’
The look on their faces tells me this is just not good enough. ‘I’m sorry!’ I say, feeling like I’m being demonised. ‘It’s alright for you guys. You already drive, you don’t go to school and you don’t have homework. You play your instruments really well and—’
‘How about we practise at yours?’ Jack cuts me off, meeting my eyes at last. ‘That would shorten your travel time. Stu could watch. If Johnny’s OK with it, that is.’
I breathe a sigh of relief as the others shrug and nod. ‘That’s a great idea. I’m sure my dad will be cool. I’ll practise my vocals at lunchtimes. I promise I’ll be ready for the gig.’
Towards the end of our session, Agnes comes in.
‘Have you seen this?’ she asks me with interest, holding up a copy of Hebe magazine.
‘Is that my interview?’
‘Yeah.’ She grins and hands it over.
Miles is chatting to Jack, but Brandon ambles over, peering over my shoulder as I flick through the pages, looking for my interview. Suddenly there I am, standing in front of the Hollywood sign.
I snort. ‘It’s so cheesy,’ I say, glancing at Brandon to see him smirking.
‘You still look hot,’ he says with a shrug.
‘What’s this?’ Jack asks, glancing over. His bandmate got his attention with that comment.
‘Je
ssie’s magazine interview.’
He and Miles join us and I feel on edge, remembering how little I managed to mention the band. I wish I could read this in private. Knowing Annie, she’ll have a copy waiting for me at home. I put the magazine down, hoping they’ll lose interest in a moment, but Jack picks it up and buries his nose in the article, with Miles on his left and Brandon on his right. I turn to Agnes.
She was a little quiet yesterday at school and I wondered if it had anything to do with her not being invited to Gina’s launch party. I chose not to bring it up, which was a bit cowardly.
‘So two weeks until our gig. Have you decided what I’m wearing yet?’ I ask impertinently.
‘I’ve got some ideas,’ she replies with a smile at my tone. ‘You OK?’ she mouths, nodding at Jack.
I shrug at her.
‘Want to come and see what I’ve got for you in my wardrobe?’ she asks at normal volume.
‘Sure. That OK, guys? Are we done now?’
They wave me away, barely looking up from my interview as I leave the room.
‘What’s wrong?’ Agnes asks, as we walk into the house.
‘Jack and I had an argument on Saturday night,’ I say morosely.
‘So that’s why he’s been like a bear with a sore head,’ she comments, as she leads the way upstairs.
I sigh. ‘It’s pretty stupid. I don’t know why I haven’t just called him to apologise.’
‘It was your fault?’ she asks with surprise. ‘That’s new.’
I sigh, as we walk into her room. ‘Mmm.’
I’m a bit sick of everyone thinking it’s Jack who’s going to screw this up. No one has any faith in us as a couple. We don’t have any faith in us as a couple. ‘I told him I’d been speaking to Tom,’ I say.
‘Your ex-boyfriend?’
‘Yeah. We’re friends,’ I say firmly. ‘He’s going to be in San Francisco visiting his dad when we’re there for our gig. Obviously I’m going to catch up with him.’
