by Paige Toon
‘Sienna, no,’ I say adamantly, rounding on her in the hallway. ‘No way. Johnny would hit the roof! Meg’s not even going. Oh my God, imagine if the paps caught a picture of Johnny and Dana together at my gig? That would cause all sorts of trouble. She can’t come. I’m sorry. I know that you got on well with her last week.’ They met after school as planned. ‘And maybe she’s changed as you say, but if you bring her to my gig then you’ll really screw things up for me and my family. Please don’t do it.’
She looks completely put out. ‘Fine,’ she says. ‘I’ll tell her she can’t come. That’s gonna be an easy conversation,’ she adds sarcastically.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘You can still meet up with her before and after, right?’
‘I guess so.’
The bell rings. ‘We’re going to be late,’ I say, hurrying off along the wide corridor.
‘What are you doing after school?’ she asks, keeping pace with me.
‘Band practice.’
‘No time for shopping? We could go to Melrose Avenue, check out some gig outfits perhaps?’ she asks hopefully.
‘Thanks, but Agnes has that covered.’ I give her arm a squeeze as we head into the science lab, but I don’t think she’s very happy with me as we take our seats.
Chapter 18
Two days later, Stu and I touch down in San Francisco. He’s looking as green from the helicopter flight as I am, so it’s a relief to go to the hotel in a car.
We get ready for dinner quickly, but Tom is already waiting in the hotel restaurant when we come down and the sight of him still makes me jittery. I know this is not good.
He’s dressed smarter than usual in a crisp white shirt, and he’s gazing out of the window so I can see his profile: his straight nose and his long eyelashes. His brown hair has been styled back from his face, higher on top.
He glances our way, meets my eyes and grins.
‘Hello,’ I say warmly, as he gets up from his chair and gives me a hug. My heart pounds a little bit faster at the feeling of his chest against mine. He feels familiar yet completely unfamiliar at the same time. He’s wearing his usual aftershave and I breathe in as I let him go. He shakes hands with Stu.
‘Tom,’ Stu says.
‘Mr Taylor,’ Tom replies.
‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ I exclaim. ‘Shouldn’t he be calling you by your first name if you’re seeing his mum?’
Stu’s face flushes. Tom grins at him. ‘She has a point,’ Tom says sheepishly.
‘Call me Stu,’ Stu replies with an embarrassed smile, pulling out a seat and sitting down.
With Stu there, our conversation is very general over the course of dinner and neither Tom nor I can completely relax. I appreciate it when Stu decides to call it a night.
‘Don’t leave the hotel premises,’ Stu reminds me.
Miracle upon miracle, it has been deemed unnecessary for me to have a bodyguard this weekend, so Sam is flying here with Johnny and, in the meantime, Stu and I have been instructed to go incognito. We plan to do some sightseeing in the morning, but, with Stu at my side and a baseball cap on my head, it’s pretty unlikely anyone will recognise me as Johnny’s daughter. Sam will be there at the gig venue so that should be enough.
Finally it seems like they’re seeing sense with this bodyguard business. I just have to keep my end of the bargain and not take any risks.
Tom and I relocate to the bar and find a dark corner on a comfy, midnight-blue, padded bench near a circular, central fire.
‘So Stu talked to you about him and my mum?’ Tom asks with a raised eyebrow.
I nod. ‘He’s says they’re friends, but he likes her more than that.’
‘I think it’s mutual.’
‘How do you feel about it?’ I ask carefully. I know this isn’t all about me. It must be weird enough for Tom seeing his mum move on with any man, let alone his Maths teacher and his ex-girlfriend’s stepdad at that.
‘I’m OK.’ He shrugs. ‘I just want her to be happy, and Mr Tay—Stu,’ he corrects himself with a grin, ‘is a good guy.’
‘He is,’ I state.
He turns to face me, putting his knee up on the bench seat. I reach for my drink and take a sip.
‘How are things with you?’ he asks pointedly.
I smile and nod. ‘They’re good. What about you?’
I glance at him and realise with sudden sinking feeling that he’s looking very on edge. My first thought is: Nina. My next is: No!
‘What is it?’ I try to sound chilled. ‘Have you met someone?’ ‘Not exactly,’ he replies, sighing and raking his hand through his hair. He rests his elbow on the top of the seat back and chews on his thumbnail, avoiding eye contact.
‘Tell me!’ I try to sound light-hearted, but my voice is wobbling.
He sighs heavily. ‘It’s Isla.’
Gravity takes hold of my sinking feeling and pulls it even lower. Isla is his beautiful ex-girlfriend – the one who cheated on him.
Tom rubs his hands over his face and looks at me wearily. ‘We slept together a week ago.’
I feel sick, utterly sick. And I know that I have absolutely no right to at all. It’s his business whom he chooses to see – but he told me he and Isla were through, and the thought of him being with her in a way that he wasn’t with me… Sorry, but it hurts.
‘You had sex with her?’ I ask, shrinking into myself.
‘Yeah,’ he replies, studying my reaction. ‘It just happened. We were at a party. You know we still talk. I ended up walking her home and her parents were away and I went in for a coffee…’ He doesn’t need to elaborate.
‘I thought you said you never go back?’
‘I guess I was wrong.’ He meets my eyes for a long moment before I look away.
‘So will you and she get back togeth—’
‘No,’ he cuts me off. ‘We’d both been drinking, but, when we sobered up, I think she regretted it. The next morning I left to come here. I’ve had some distance and we can’t pick up where we left off. Too much has happened.’
It’s only a small relief. The fact still stands that he slept with her and the thought of them together like that makes me want to throw up. Yes, even though he’s no longer my boyfriend, I’m not over him. That much is clear. And it doesn’t matter how much I want to be with Jack, Tom can still affect me.
‘Are you OK?’ he asks.
‘Yeah,’ I nod.
He leans forward in his seat, regarding me intently. His gaze is confident and controlled. It’s almost as though my shaky reaction is giving him strength.
‘How are things with you and Jack?’ he asks.
I nod and look down at my drink. ‘Good.’
‘Are you out in the open now?’
When I shake my head, I feel sort of dirty.
‘Can we talk about something else?’ I ask, but I can’t relax after that, and it’s not long before I call it a night.
Tom says he will come to the gig the next night, but the following day I can’t stop thinking about him. Stu keeps asking if I’m alright and I tell him that I’m feeling a little off colour. It’s not a lie.
I’m still rattled later that afternoon when Drew, Jack, Brandon, Miles and Agnes drive into the city. Stu and I go to meet them for a snack in their hotel bar, which is a ten-minute walk away. Annie booked Stu’s and my rooms. I shouldn’t complain about five-star luxury, but I wish I could have stayed in a hotel that had enough rooms available for all of us.
Maybe Jack can sense that my mood is related to Tom, because the looks he keeps giving me are loaded. But we don’t get a chance to speak until afterwards when I’m in Agnes’s room, getting ready. He comes to knock on her door.
‘We don’t have a lotta time,’ Agnes chastises him.
He ignores her, tugging me into the bathroom and shutting the door behind me, turning the lock.
‘What’s wrong?’ He comes right out and says it, crossing his arms and staring at me with his blue-grey eyes.
; ‘Nothing.’ I shake my head.
‘Don’t lie to me. Tom?’ He raises one eyebrow. He is so far from being OK with me seeing my ex-boyfriend.
I sigh and sit down on the toilet seat, staring ahead morosely.
‘What did he say? Did he try it on?’
‘He slept with his ex-girlfriend,’ I say abruptly.
He reels backwards, staring at me with wide eyes.
I look up at him resignedly. ‘OK? That’s it,’ I state firmly.
‘It bothers you.’
I don’t deny it.
‘Really bothers you,’ he says, staring at me warily.
‘We don’t have time for this,’ I say. ‘We’ll talk about it later.’
‘The hell we will. Do you want him back? Is that it?’
‘No!’ I exclaim. ‘It’s over! I’m with you. I just feel a bit weird about it, OK?’ To my dismay, my eyes fill up with tears. ‘For God’s sake, you’re going to ruin my make-up,’ I snap. ‘I don’t want to talk about this any more. Go.’
He glares at me and turns round, leaving the bathroom without another word. I feel guilty, and confused, but I let him leave.
On the plus side, all of the drama with Jack and Tom makes me forget my nerves, so it’s not until we’re in the limo lent to us by Johnny’s record company that it actually hits me that I’m going to be performing to a sold-out audience this evening.
There are four other bands on the bill and we’re supposed to be on third, but, when we arrive at the venue, the manager tells us that he’s shifted things around a bit and wants us to go on last.
From the way my bandmates are looking at each other, this is good news.
‘You must’ve impressed them last time,’ Stu says, looking around at us.
‘The extra publicity has helped,’ Brandon states, raising a glass of champagne to me as I blush. Johnny popped the cork on a bottle when we got in the car.
‘So your teen girl squad is coming tonight?’ Miles asks, giving me a look that I’m not sure is more teasing or patronising.
‘They’re not all girls,’ I state. ‘Rafe is coming, and Justin Kelly, too. Oh, and Lottie is bringing Peter from her show.’
I glance at Brandon when I mention Lottie. He looks pleased. His girlfriend had a family thing on this weekend so she stayed in LA.
‘Is Tom coming?’ Stu asks me innocently.
I feel Jack’s eyes on me as I reply. ‘Yeah, he is.’ I turn to Agnes. ‘Could you do me a favour and look after him? He doesn’t know anyone here.’
‘Apart from me,’ Stu chips in indignantly. ‘Invisible, am I?’
‘No offence, Stu, but I can’t really see you up the front in the mosh pit.’
Beside Stu, Johnny stifles a smile.
‘What about you?’ Brandon asks, looking at my dad. ‘Can we expect to see you in the mosh pit?’
‘No, I’ll be backstage,’ he replies.
‘Really?’ Brandon frowns, and even Miles looks a little put out.
Johnny doesn’t respond, just looks at me and raises his eyebrows.
The last time we did a gig here, Johnny said that he’d stay backstage so as not to draw attention to himself. He said the gig was about us and our music and he didn’t want to detract from that. But this time I’m not really sure that’s necessary.
‘Why don’t you go out the front?’ I ask when we’re backstage in the green room. We’ve just done a soundcheck, and the venue doors are opening in less than half an hour. The green room is packed with four other bands and their friends and it’s like a party in here with everyone drinking and chatting away.
‘For the same reasons I didn’t last time,’ Johnny replies, indulging me with an answer where he didn’t for Brandon.
‘But everyone knows you’re my dad now. I’ve done interviews about it and it’s all over the internet. It can only help.’
‘You don’t need me to help you, chick.’ He eyes me levelly with those piercing green eyes of his.
‘We need all the help we can get,’ I state, begging to differ.
‘Trust me. It’s better that you do this on your own.’
I can’t help but feel annoyed at him. All publicity is good publicity, right? And my dad at the front of our gig would be absolutely incredible publicity. Why is he being difficult about this? Doesn’t he want us to succeed?
He squeezes my shoulder as Agnes joins us, and then leaves to talk to Sam.
‘You look super hot,’ Agnes says. ‘Even if I do say so myself.’
‘I really love this skirt,’ I reply with a smile. It’s the black with gold thread number and the bodice is fitted tight over my chest.
‘Let’s hope it’s good enough for Sienna,’ she says acerbically.
I purse my lips at her. ‘Don’t be like that. I told her I couldn’t go shopping with her.’
‘I’m just kidding.’ She smiles, but I can tell that she’s not.
‘You don’t mind that the girls from school are coming, do you?’ I ask awkwardly.
‘I guess not,’ she replies half-heartedly. ‘They’re right: it will help raise your profile – and theirs, too,’ she mutters as an afterthought. ‘But I kind of liked it when it was just you and me, you know?’
I smile at her sadly. ‘You’re still my best friend over here. I don’t know what I’d do without you.’
She smiles back at me and we give each other an impulsive hug.
‘Are you still missing Brett?’ I ask, pulling away to study her face.
‘Yeah, but I’m getting used to it. I’m actually thinking about going to Australia for Spring Break.’
‘That’s a long way to go for a week, not to mention expensive,’ I say.
‘It’d be worth it,’ she replies, brushing at a mark on my cheek.
‘Have you got lipstick on me?’ I ask.
‘Just a touch. At least I’m not wearing red like you.’
I’m wearing a deep crimson shade and my hair is in a loose updo with blonde tendrils falling down around my face.
‘Jessie!’ Stu says breathlessly. It looks like he’s been trying to hunt me out for a while.
‘Hi! What’s up?’
‘Tom texted me. He’s outside. Do you want me to let him in?’
‘Damn, I turned my phone off! Yes, please, thanks!’
He hurries off and I glance at Agnes. ‘You will look after him, right?’
‘I’ll guard him with my life,’ she replies, and then we both cast a look to where Jack is standing. He’s chatting to a couple of guys from a punk-rock group that happened to be here the last time we played. Maybe he senses our attention, because he glances over his shoulder and meets my eyes. A jolt goes through me and then Brandon joins us.
‘Is your dad seriously planning to hang backstage?’ he asks.
‘Yeah,’ I reply, rolling my eyes. ‘He won’t give. Sorry.’
He tuts. ‘So what are we doing after?’ He raises one eyebrow at Agnes. ‘We gonna hit a club?’
My heart sinks. Clubbing means Sam. Actually, Sam’s supposed to be flying straight home with Johnny…
‘My hotel bar’s pretty cool,’ I say. Just putting it out there…
At that moment, Stu returns, closely followed by Tom. Tom looks nervous.
He also looks gorgeous.
He’s dressed down for the gig in battered denim jeans and a faded black Arcade Fire band T-shirt.
‘Hey,’ he says, joining me.
I give him a brief hug and step back. ‘You remember Brandon, my bandmate,’ I say.
‘Tom, right?’ Brandon says, shaking his hand. ‘Glad you could come, dude.’
And then I remember: Brandon and Miles don’t know that we’ve split up…
Maybe it won’t matter, I tell myself in a panic. After all, even if Tom and I aren’t together, it doesn’t mean that Jack and I are.
I stifle a sigh. At first it was kind of fun, the secrecy. I enjoyed the thrill of sneaking away and kissing each other and trying not to be discovered. Bu
t now I’m a bit over it.
I glance back and meet Jack’s eye again. He breaks away from his conversation with the other band members and comes over.
‘Tom,’ he says in a voice laced with meaning, offering his hand.
‘Alright,’ Tom replies, giving Jack’s hand a reluctant shake. They’re not exactly disguising their dislike of each other.
‘Can I borrow you for a minute?’ Jack says to me.
‘Do you need me, too?’ Brandon chips in, overhearing. He must think Jack wants to discuss the band.
‘No, just Jessie,’ Jack states firmly. He takes my hand and tugs me out of the green room.
‘What is it?’ I hiss, irritably. ‘You made that a bit obvious.’
He leads me round the corner and out of sight, pulling me into the darkened stage wings.
‘Jack, no.’ I put my hand on his chest and push him away. He takes a step backwards, looking like I’ve thumped him. ‘You can’t kiss me, you’ll ruin my lipstick,’ I say.
He breathes in sharply. ‘Is that the only reason?’
‘Yes.’ I smirk at him and he looks relieved.
He takes a step towards me, placing his hands on my hips.
‘Will it ruin your lipstick if I kiss you here?’ he asks suggestively, pressing his lips a centimetre to the right of mine.
‘No,’ I murmur.
‘How about here?’ He kisses the underside of my jaw, near my earlobe. My heartbeat spikes. ‘Yes or no?’ he asks.
‘No,’ I whisper, shivering.
‘And here?’ He trails several kisses down my neck, sliding his hands up along the curves of my waist. His thumbs come to rest on my bodice, just beneath the inbuilt bra cups.
My head is spinning as I grab his face and hold him still. His blue-grey eyes stare back at me with amusement.
‘You can kiss me wherever you want later, OK? Just don’t ruin my lipstick.’
The corners of his lips tilt up as I realise what I’ve just said.
‘Wherever I want, huh?’
My cheeks flame and I let go of his face.
But he grins, raising one eyebrow as his thumbs stroke rhythmically across my ribs, back and forward.
A thrill ripples down my spine and I feel a little less shy and a little more confident as I stare back at him. And then I remember where we are.
