Though Jacob had given me detailed directions on how to navigate through the confusing hallways and staircases—seriously, it reminded me of a certain wizardry school—I found I didn’t need them. The loud hollering coming from the floor above me acted as my beacon.
“This is it. Time to stop being so scared all the time.” I gulped as I took a step up the staircase, gripping the railing as if my life depended it on it. My palms were clammy and slid up the metal railing, feeling slick and disgusting. With each step I took, the music grew louder and the cheers more intense. Accompanying the noise was the loud beating of my heart.
“Okay, Estelle. They’re just people. Nothing to be afraid of.” Was I really sure about that? I shook my head and sighed. “Let’s do this.”
With a few more silent affirmations, I pushed the door open and stepped inside, surprised to find such a small number of dancers. From the noises I heard, I expected there to be around thirty people crammed into the tiny dance studio, not the five who were scattered around the room looking as if they were having the time of their lives. I pressed myself against the farthest wall, trying to remain inconspicuous and took a moment to glance around. I recognized a few dancers including Arrow, Crimson, and that one girl, Gemma. My heart burned slightly when I realized she was sitting rather close to Jacob. Protégé or not, this girl was definitely as interested in him as I was. The only difference was, she had more of an advantage.
“Estelle!” Jacob greeted, jumping to his feet. Gemma’s face folded into one of surprise, but she immediately stood up and followed closely behind, eyeing me with curiosity.
“Hey,” I replied, praying my face didn’t reflect the nerves I felt inside. “I hope I’m not bothering you guys.”
“Does it look like you’re bothering us?” Jacob pulled me into a side hug, surprising me. His fingers pressed into the top of my shoulders, wrapping me in his cocoon. I stifled a satisfied sigh and merely smiled in greeting.
As soon as Jacob released me, Gemma was right in my face.
“Hi.” Her voice was tiny and exactly what I’d expect from someone so petite. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Gemma.”
“Estelle.” I gripped my camera as if it were a life preserver. “Just here to shoot.”
There was no mistaking the look of relief that flooded her face. With an invisible sigh of relief, she grinned. “Did Joe recruit you? I swear he’s as charismatic as they come. He could easily sell ice to an Eskimo.”
“Um, no, it’s actually for a project. Jacob’s helping me figure things out. According to him my first roll was pretty terrible.”
She threw her head back and laughed before reaching up to ruffle Jacob’s hair playfully. “He was never known for his ability to keep his mouth shut.”
My eyes darkened with envy. “No, definitely not.”
Jacob playfully shoved Gemma away. “Okay, E.”
“E?”
“We all have nicknames around here. Do you think Crimson’s mother gave him that name?” he joked.
“Nah, but his flow is as painful as it is to a uterus,” Gemma snickered.
“Shut the fuck up, Gemma. I heard that,” Crimson shot back, straightening himself.
“That’s what you get for naming yourself after a freaking period. No wonder women hate you so much,” she snapped.
Jacob rolled his eyes and looked back at me. “Don’t mind them. They kid around like this a lot.”
They were only kidding? What the hell was it like when they were actually fighting?
I let out a strained giggle and nodded helplessly. “Oh, yeah. Just a couple of jokesters, I see.”
Jacob threw me a strange look before clapping his hands together. “I guess now’s a good time as any to get started.” He paused and glanced around the room. “So I was thinking what you’ll do is just go about snapping pictures of whatever strikes your fancy. I’ll look over your shoulder and tell you what you’re doing wrong.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “So you assume I won’t do anything right?”
He grinned. “Oh, I know you won’t. Like I said, photographing breaking is an art form all its own. It doesn’t happen overnight.”
“You know what else doesn’t happen overnight? A penchant for photography. Who am I kidding? I’m a lost cause. I should have known better than take this stupid class,” I practically wailed.
“Confidence.”
I frowned. “What?”
“Confidence. That’s your first lesson. If you think you’re going to suck, then you will. However, if you truly believe in yourself then you’ll be quite happy with the outcome.”
“You should become a motivational speaker,” I blurted out before I could stop myself. Luckily Jacob only laughed.
“Give it time, E. I promise you’ll get better. Besides, confidence is really sexy.”
A blush spread across my cheek as his eyes bored into mine. Fortunately, before I could do anything stupid, he tore his gaze away, giving me room to exhale quietly.
If things continue the way they do, I’m going to pass out before the night is over, I thought wryly.
“Lady and gentlemen!” Jacob called out. “This is Estelle—you can call her E.”
I couldn’t help but snort, catching his attention. I smiled apologetically and quickly shut my mouth.
He nodded once. “She’ll be taking photos for a project of hers, so don’t mind her and just continue doing what you always do.”
“Just make sure you capture my good side!” Arrow joked, causing everyone to laugh.
“What good side? The doctor who delivered you was the one who cried when you were born.” another b-boy I’d never met before shot back, leading to even louder laughter.
Jacob chuckled and glanced over at me. “Well, since you’ll be photographing them, you might as well meet the crew, eh?”
I shrugged. “I guess.”
“This is Arrow.” He pointed to the familiar b-boy, whose golden brown hair fell in wisps around his face. I wasn’t sure if he was showing off or not, but he immediately fell into a weird pose that would have made Gumby proud. I couldn’t help but cringe as I watched him pull his leg behind him, gripping it tightly with his forearm.
Jacob continued his walk around the room and pointed to a caramel-skinned boy with shoulder-length hair, who merely flicked his wrist toward me as greeting. “That guy over there is Rodriguez.” Turning, he motioned toward a tall boy with dreads. “That jokester over there is Pharaoh.”
I lifted my hand and smiled shyly. The nickname ‘E’ seemed so boring compared to their cool monikers.
Jacob reached out and lightly pushed me forward. “What are you doing? Go on and take your pictures.”
Instead of replying, as I once again lost my ability to speak, I merely nodded and made my way around the room, feeling as if I were stumbling through the dark. I initially felt a bit self-conscious, snapping photos of people I hardly knew. However, it only took a few minutes before I found myself relaxing. None of the dancers seemed to mind my gigantic camera in their faces. In fact, I think my presence egged them on. They certainly looked as if they were having a lot of fun dancing.
I lifted my camera and peered through the viewfinder. As my fingertip brushed against the button I felt a rush of warm air on the crook of my neck. I shuddered in shock and excitement once I realized Jacob was peering over my shoulder. The shock only magnified when I felt his chin lightly resting on my shoulder.
“No, no, no. That’s all wrong,” he mumbled.
Okay, that excitement was short-lived. I shut my eyes tightly and threw my head back, forgetting how close he was. I jerked forward once I felt my head brush against his shoulders, giving myself whiplash. He gently took the camera out of my hand, but left the strap around my neck. Leaning into me, he tinkered with it until my latest photo was displayed on the tiny LCD screen.
“What do you see here?” he asked.
“It’s Rodriguez doing a…um…hollowback,” I murmured, trying
hard to recall the different poses I had Googled the night before. It was a bit hard to concentrate knowing that Jacob was pressed up against me. It was even harder to concentrate knowing the object of my affection was about to tear me down.
“And what else?” he asked calmly.
“What else is there?” I shot back in exasperation. Jacob opened his mouth to reply but I quickly cut him off. “If you say, ‘exactly’ again I am going to punch you in the face.”
Gemma overhead and laughed. “Do it! His Majesty does need to come back down to earth every now and then.”
Despite her slight jab, the look of seriousness did not leave Jacob’s face. “Okay, I guess I should be more specific. Tell me, what direction is this photo taken from?”
I lifted my hand to scratch my forehead, but found it awkward to do so given the position we were in. Any movement would lead me to, um, touch his butt. I gulped and squeaked, “Well I’m facing him, if that’s what you mean.”
“Facing him where?”
“His back.”
“Ex—” I shot him an irritated look to which he corrected, “Precisely.”
I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help laugh. “I take it that it’s wrong?”
Jacob nodded. “Yeah, you could say that.”
A shooting pain began to pulse on the back of my neck, shooting up the crown of my head and culminating between my eyebrows. “Ugh, I’m never going to get this right. Maybe I should just take pictures of stupid flowers. At least I know what direction to shoot them at.”
“Okay, let me explain it in a way you might understand.” Gently handing me back the camera, he lifted his hands as if he were a conductor at the symphony. It was the first time I realized he loved speaking with his hands.
I wonder what else he likes to do with his hands.
“Mind out of the gutter,” I berated myself in disgust.
“What was that?” he asked, gazing back at me curiously.
“Nothing,” I replied quickly. “Just asking you to explain further.”
Looking at me with doubt, he took a moment before speaking. “Think of a painting. Would you hang a painting backwards? Would you look at it from the back of the canvas?”
“Of course not.”
“Ex—precisely. Capturing a freeze like you did here is doing exactly that. Breaking is like a painting. As dancers we strive to portray a message.” He gestured to me. “An emotion. You can’t get that by capturing someone’s back.”
I nodded my head slowly, finally understanding what he meant. “Okay, I think I get what you’re saying.”
He continued to explain, “What you want to do is capture that certain feeling. You need to encompass the emotion from the audience, the b-boy, and most importantly, you.”
“Me? How can I do that? I’m behind the camera.”
“And a painter only holds the paintbrush,” he replied. “Yet, when you look at the Mona Lisa you can’t help but smile along with her.”
“I’m far from Da Vinci,” I said with amusement.
“Well, he had to start somewhere, correct?” He turned and called out for Rodriguez. “Hey dude, can you do that exact same run again?”
“Sure.” Rodriguez walked to the center of the room and wiped the sweat off his face. On cue, his feet began to shuffle, moving quickly from side to side.
Jacob looked back at me. “I want you to take that picture again only this time think about what I just told you. Think about the crowd, the dancer, and most importantly, think about you. What do you want this picture to say?”
My fingers shook as I lifted my camera. What already started off nerve-racking just got worse. I felt everyone staring at me as I walked around their make-shift cypher, snapping photos of Rodriguez, who seemed as cool as a cucumber.
Get a grip on yourself, Estelle.
Taking a deep breath, I knelt down and took a moment to observe the b-boy. Though watching him didn’t elicit the same effect on me as watching Jacob, it did make the whole process somewhat easier. I watched the way his arms flew through the air and admired the precise kicks of his legs. I noticed a look of anger on his face almost as if he was fighting some imaginary being, elbowing it in its imaginary face.
“Listen to the music,” I mumbled quietly.
I’d never taken music lessons of any kind before, but as I concentrated on the melody, I was able to count each beat. It didn’t hurt that my rapidly beating heart acted as a metronome of some sort.
No wonder Jacob loved this stuff. Your heart literally gets into it.
I opened my eyes and lifted my camera.
Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap.
My finger hit the button like a jackhammer pounding on asphalt. I was so lost in Rodriguez’s run that I almost didn’t realize he had finished until—
“Let me see what you got,” Jacob said, walking up to me.
I blinked and rose to my feet, handing him my camera. I watched as Jacob flew through my pictures and threw him a smirk. “By all means, don’t hold anything back. I know it’s hard for you to speak your thoughts.”
Whoa, where did that come from?
I smiled sheepishly as he replied, “Hey, an artist can’t grow without constructive criticism.”
“So I’ve heard,” I mused.
Jacob bit the inside of his cheek and glanced toward me. His eyes were partially hidden by his thick fringe of lashes. “Estelle, these are…”
I winced, waiting for him to finish.
“Better.”
“Better?” I asked incredulously.
He grinned knowingly. “Yeah. Better.”
I didn’t know how to feel. Though I was happy my photos weren’t horrible, I guess I was expecting a more enthused response. “Better? That’s it? That’s all you’re gonna give me?”
Handing my camera back he shrugged. “You definitely improved, but you can’t expect to become an expert after one try.”
“Yeah, I guess…” I muttered glumly.
Frowning at the look on my face, Jacob asked, “When is this project due?”
“In four weeks.” I sighed, rubbing my temples. “I’ll probably just drop the class.”
“Don’t do that. Quitters aren’t sexy, remember?” he said.
Hearing Jacob say the word ‘sexy’ caused my insides to churn and blood to rush to unspeakable places. My cheeks involuntarily reddened as the word ‘virgin’ flashed through my mind. Shaking it off, I cleared my throat. “I don’t want to turn something in that won’t do anything but embarrass me. Dropping the class seems like a noble thing to do.”
He bit at his upper lip and smiled. “I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you join us for our next few practices? You can snap a few more pictures and maybe there’ll be some good enough to turn in.”
“You sure?” I looked around the room. “I don’t want to intrude again.”
The other guys shook their heads, obviously not minding either way.
“It’ll be fun to have another girl around,” Gemma added.
“Aw, do you miss Vivian that much, Gemma?” Pharaoh said with a conspiratorial wink.
Gemma grimaced. “Are you kidding? I’m fucking glad Vivian stopped coming to these things. I hate that bitch. She stole my whole run!”
“Whoa, don’t hold back or anything,” Pharaoh replied with a snort.
“Yeah, be nice, Gemma,” Jacob chided. His eyes flew back in my direction. “Practices are held for that reason—practice. In your case, you’ll be practicing something other than dancing.”
He leaned forward, capturing my stare. As hard as I tried, I couldn't look away. I was entranced, captivated by the slight crinkles at the corners of his deep brown, soulful eyes. I only came back down to earth when Gemma walked up, linking her arm through his.
“What do you say?” she asked cheerfully. “See you next Tuesday?”
Dang, this girl really knew how to kill the vibe. I swallowed back the bitter pill in my mouth and nodded. “See you next Tuesday.”
C
hapter 16
The next few weeks became somewhat routine. I’d go to my regular classes—sans camera—then quickly rush over to the dance studio with my huge DSLR in hand. After a while, my initial apprehension was nothing but a distant memory. In fact, I had grown quite comfortable hanging out with the bunch and even considered them my friends. All the breakers were actually a great group of funny guys. Even Gemma had grown on me—well, maybe not fully. I really hated the fact that she hung onto Jacob like a little leech, but she was actually really sweet and easy to talk to. I guess that was worth something.
Then there was Mr. Spinja.
As hard as I tried, I couldn’t view him solely as a “friend.” I’m not saying my initial plan was unsuccessful. I mean, interacting with him was definitely much easier! We’d even tease and poke fun at each other during his photography “lessons.”
“Give me that camera,” Jacob would say. “I’ll show you how to do it.”
After a few pictures, I’d sneak a peek and burst into laughter. “You know it would help if you actually kept the subject in the frame. And what is that blur? Do you want me to fail?”
“I reserve the right to artistic expression. Maybe I like off-centered pictures and blurs.”
We’d snicker conspiratorially and continue with our pseudo-lesson plan. Gemma would always be just a few feet away, but she never showed any hints of malice or dislike toward me. I didn’t know why, but that rubbed me the wrong way. Not saying I wanted an enemy, but the fact she didn’t see me as any sort of a threat was somewhat of a downer. Was I not attractive enough? Was I not worthy to be deemed competition?
Probably not.
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, routine. One would think routine would become boring and mundane, but it was anything but. I loved it. Always a creature of habit, my college life was going as perfectly as I would hope. In fact, as routines went, I also kept up with my Saturday classes. It helped that David had become a confidante and one of my best friends. As each class increased in difficulty, he was always there to lend a helping hand. It felt nice to meet someone so genuine and fun to be around. Especially since my friendship with Anna had hit a stalemate.
Breaking Hearts (B-Boy #2) Page 9
