“I’m talking about Gemma.”
My eyes flew open. “Gemma? What do you mean?”
Anna tugged me toward her so I didn’t have a chance to look around. “She’s been sitting at the bar watching you the whole time. She honestly doesn’t look too pleased with you.”
I grunted. “I can’t imagine why.”
“Maybe because Jacob’s been eyeing you all night. I have to admit; maybe I was wrong about the whole ‘he doesn’t date’ thing.”
I immediately stopped dancing. “What?”
She nodded her head and smiled. “I didn’t want to tell you because I was afraid—”
“I’d do something stupid?” I finished for her.
She shrugged.
Ignoring Anna’s blatant assumption, I pressed, “Why would he be looking at me?”
“Why don’t you ask him for yourself?”
The blood immediately drained from my face. “What?”
“Hey!” Jacob came up behind me, taking my empty glass from my hand. He reached over a metal railing and placed it on the table behind it. “You having fun?”
I caught eyes with Anna, who shot me a wink. Still looking at her, I nodded my head and answered, “Yeah, a blast.”
“Good.” He smiled and took my hand. “Wanna dance?”
Anna smiled softly. “I could use another drink. See you guys in a few.”
My body immediately stiffened up. The ‘high school’ part of me wanted to run after her, but ‘college me’ wanted to stay behind with Jacob.
Time to grow up, I thought to myself.
My heart pounded as loudly as the bass from the music. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as Jacob placed his fingertips lightly on my hips. Guiding them gently, he and I swayed in synchronization. I sucked in my breath the moment my body melded into his.
Suddenly feeling lightheaded, I stumbled back, smashing into his chest.
He immediately jerked forward, grabbing onto my wrist. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. Sorry, the alcohol…” My cheeks were warm to the touch. It definitely wasn’t just the drinks getting to me.
He smirked. “I figured. Guess that drink wasn’t as light as I thought. Here, this might help.” He stepped behind me and grasped onto my waist firmly, pressing my back against his chest. His warm breath tickled my ear as he cooed, “I’ll keep you from falling.”
I knew he meant it literally, but figuratively it was too late. I had definitely fallen a long time ago.
Call it liquid courage or maybe something else, but somehow I felt my fingers traveling up the sides of his thighs. The warmth of his torso further relaxed me, allowing me to lose myself in the music and most of all lose myself in him. He must have felt the same way because soon his hands found their way to my stomach, pressing up against my navel softly.
The songs began to blend together as we continued to dance, never once stopping. I began to feel the sweat of his chest pooling against my bare upper back. Usually the squeamish kind, I found that I didn’t care. I was in heaven. That is, until he abruptly let go of me and stepped in front of me.
Before I could pout in disappointment, his fingers began to trail my hipbones as he came to face me, causing a shiver to ripple down my spine. I instantly froze when I caught his eye. Warm, kind, perfect—his eyes were definitely the windows to his soul.
My body involuntary froze up. It took me a while to realize that dancing with him had been so easy when I couldn’t see him. Now that we were staring at one another I felt extremely nervous.
We both stopped moving.
Jacob’s breaths quickened as he stared down at me. He reached out and brushed a damp tendril of hair from my cheek, leaning in closer.
“Jacob?” I whispered.
“E…I mean, Estelle, I…” He shut his eyes and sighed. As if waging an internal battle, he lifted his hand, which shook slightly in the air. “I think I need another drink. Do you want one?”
I frowned in confusion. “Um…no. Thank you.”
He nodded once and promptly left the dance floor, running his hands through his damp hair. I watched his retreating figure in confusion. The crowd beside me became nothing but a blur and the music nothing but white noise. I stifled back a small whimper and hugged myself. I was once again all alone, feeling utterly lost.
“Hey!” Anna said, walking up beside me. For the first time in weeks I was super happy to see her. She followed my gaze and frowned. “What was that all about? It looked like you guys were…”
“Beats me,” I answered quietly, trying my hardest to ignore the prickling of my nose. I had heard alcohol could easily amplify your emotions, but this was ridiculous! If I didn’t try hard enough I’d burst into tears at any moment.
For as emotionless as Anna could be, she knew when to be empathetic. She reached over and gave me a hug. “Boys are stupid. He’s probably just getting a drink.”
“Um, yeah. That’s what he said he was doing.” But I wasn’t fully convinced. Though a small voice in my head told me not to, I couldn’t help but watch after him.
I wish I listened.
I felt my heart crush slowly the moment I saw him take his place beside Gemma, who gazed up at him longingly. After a quick glance in my direction, she leaned up and placed a kiss on Jacob’s cheek.
Anna let out an audible gasp and crumpled up her face in remorse. “Oh. God, I’m sorry, Estelle.”
I forced myself to swallow the bitter taste in my mouth. “Yeah. Me too.”
Chapter 22
Words could not express how happy I was that Anna and I had driven separately from the rest of the group, especially since the night ended rather awkwardly. I was more than thrilled when Anna suggested we leave first thing in the morning.
I settled back into her passenger seat and slid my sunglasses over my eyes. I knew I probably had dark circles underneath, telltale signs of a night with no sleep and many silent tears.
“How are you holding up?” Anna asked, sliding into the driver’s seat. She handed me a cup of coffee and smiled. “Do you think we should have left a note?”
I snorted and took a sip of coffee. “No, that’s the great thing about rooming with a bunch of drunks. They’re too hungover to even realize we’ve gone. They probably won’t notice until we’re all the way back at Cal U.”
“I think you’re right.”
We drove in silence for a bit, listening to the radio. From my periphery, I noticed Anna sneaking sideway glances at me.
“What?” I sighed.
“Are you okay?”
“I said I was, didn’t I?” I snapped back.
“Estelle,” she said warningly. “I know yesterday must have been hard for you. I mean, Jacob has never done that before! Even I was surprised.”
“Done what, exactly? Play with someone’s emotions?” I was thankful she couldn’t see my eyes through my dark tinted lenses. Then she’d definitely know I was only putting up a strong front.
“No! I mean yes! I mean—”
“What do you mean?” I was getting tired of her bullshit. As I got to know her I quickly realized I wasn’t the only one putting up a front. Beneath all her bravado she really was just a confused eighteen-year-old like me.
She took a deep breath and bit her bottom lip. “I mean, I know I’ve warned you about him before—”
“So don’t say ‘I told you so,’” I snapped.
She shook her head and smiled reassuringly. “I’m not. What I mean is Jacob seemed genuinely into you.”
“Seemed,” I repeated in a huff. “That’s the keyword right there, Anna. He seemed into me before he left me on the dance floor and spent the rest of the night with Gemma.” I frowned, remembering the heaviness in my stomach as I watched the two breakers tear up the floor until last call. It was as if Jacob had completely forgotten about whatever moment we shared and turned into Spinja all over again. I bared my teeth in disgust. “Do you think he was into me when he stopped talking to me and avoided me at
the hotel all night, which was actually really impressive, considering our room was so small?”
Anna rolled her lips inwardly and frowned. “Not that I’m sticking up for him, but there has to be a good explanation for his behavior.”
“Yeah, I bet. The explanation is called, ‘being a dick.’”
Just then, my phone began to vibrate in my purse. Anna lifted her eyebrow in curiosity. “A bit early for one of them to be up, don’t you think?”
“So?”
“Estelle,” she groaned. “Just check who it is. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
As hard as I tried, I couldn’t help the excitement that worked its way into my heart. “It’s from Jacob.”
“Maybe he’s groveling,” Anna offered.
“I somehow doubt that.”
“Just read it.”
I sighed and scanned the message.
Guess you and Anna left. Safe travels. I’m sure your photos turned out fine. Good luck with that.
“Good luck with that?” I repeated incredulously.
“At least he cares?” Anna offered weakly.
I shook my head and threw my phone into the backseat, not bothering to reply. “He’s basically telling me not to go to another one of his practices. He totally doesn’t want to see me ever again.”
Anna laughed. “Really? You got all that from that one text? Talk about reading between the lines.”
I crossed my arms tightly against my chest and shut my eyes. “Yup. It’s exactly what he meant and you know what? I don’t care. He doesn’t want to see me? He won’t. I’ll be sure of that.”
“Whatever you say…” Anna took a deep breath and turned on the radio, which blared Adele’s soulful voice.
“Of course, why wouldn’t you be playing Adele right now?” I mumbled. “For once I’d really like to hear some of your Scream-O crap.”
Anna quickly glanced at me and switched the station, allowing the car to fill with Pentatonix’s soft croons. “Is that better?”
I leaned my head against the glass window and sighed. “I don’t think it ever will be.”
“Welcome to the Broken Hearts club,” Anna murmured. “It’s an expensive club to get into, but a bitch to get out of.”
“Can I revoke my membership?”
She shot me a sad smile. “Not until you die a little inside first.”
Chapter 23
Avoiding Jacob was easy. There were only two buildings on campus I needed to steer clear of: the Performing Arts Building and the Student Commons. To be honest, the latter was somewhat difficult to do, but if sacrificing pizza meant not seeing Jacob’s face, I was perfectly fine with that.
What I wasn’t okay with was the fact that my whole photography project reminded me of him. I wasn’t stupid; I knew it was all my fault for making it that way to begin with. There was only one remedy to that, and though most of my good pictures were all of him, I decided not to use any of his photos for my final project. However, that didn’t stop me from asking Anna to give him a few copies.
“Seriously?” Anna eyed the manila envelope in my hands and shook her head in disappointment. “Do you want my advice?”
“Not really,” I admitted. I pushed the pack into her hands. “Just do it. It’s for closure’s sake.”
She looked at me doubtfully and shrugged. “Whatever you say.”
***
It’s funny how the days blend in together when you’re a bit depressed. Before I knew it, it was time to present my project. I gripped my plastic covered portfolio and walked up the stone steps to the Fine Arts building when it dawned on me. I had been so fixated on my Jacob drama that I had forgotten about my drama with David.
“Ugh. Maybe being a relationship virgin had some perks after all. I never had to deal with stupid boys.”
I hesitantly entered the classroom and was surprised to find David greeting me with a big smile. “Well, if it isn’t Miss Ellie. I missed you last week!”
“You did?” I placed my portfolio onto the table beside him and looked at him in surprise. “Really?”
“Of course. My partner in crime wasn’t here.”
I was genuinely surprised—and really pleased—David was happy to see me, especially after how we had left things. That didn’t mean I wasn’t curious as to why the change of heart.
I pulled out my chair and took a hesitant seat beside him. “So…”
“So are you ready to present your project?” He smiled and gestured toward his portfolio. “I don’t think mine are any good, so I’m really excited about getting this whole thing over with.”
I breathed an internal sigh of relief and grinned back. “Nah, I’ve seen your test shots. I bet you’re just being too hard on yourself.”
“What about you?” He reached out for my portfolio, but I abruptly grabbed it away and brought it tightly against my chest. His eyes widened in surprise.
“I…I’m nervous too,” I admitted. “Truthfully, I think my project sucks. I think it was a bad idea choosing this topic.”
A bad, bad idea.
He nodded in understanding and threw me a wink. “Bet you’re just being too hard on yourself.”
I was, but for another reason.
***
David had absolutely nothing to worry about. His presentation was completely flawless. Besides the fact he had one of the most charismatic personalities I’d ever come in contact with, which truly made his presentation a joy to watch, his pictures were absolutely gorgeous. They looked as if they were torn out of the pages of some skateboard magazine. Even our teacher was impressed.
“Great job, David.” She silently clapped and gazed around the room. Once her eyes landed on me, I felt my world shake. “Estelle, do you want to go next?”
Not really.
I pressed my lips together and nodded. Walking to the front of the classroom, felt as if I were approaching the gallows. I was surprised not to hear a melancholic tune of horns and violins accompanying my every step. I took a gulp of air and began setting up my photos against the stand. The black matte boards wobbled with each breath I took.
Come on. You can do this.
I spun on my heel and smiled. “For my project, I chose to do a theme of Motion and Emotion. Dancing seemed the obvious route to capture my premise.”
Honestly, I had no idea what bullshit I was spewing. All I knew was that my mouth continued to move and somehow everyone in class was eating up whatever I had to say. It was all a blur and ended quicker than I could have anticipated. Once the class gave their obligatory applause, I quickly gathered my photos and sat back in my seat.
David leaned over and patted my back. “Those photos were great! My favorite one was of Rodriguez doing an airflare.”
I blinked in surprise. “You know about breaking?”
“Yeah. I told you my roomie does it all the time.” Before I could ask who his roommate was, he continued, “You really did capture your premise well. For someone who was worried, you really had nothing to fear. I could totally feel the emotion you were trying to project.”
I glanced down at my photos and grunted, wondering what emotion he was talking about. Maybe utter remorse? Though Jacob was obviously not included in my final five, I knew that if I had showcased any of his portraits I would have invoked only one emotion—heartbreak.
“Thanks,” I said quietly. “All I know is that I’m glad this stupid project is over with.”
David raised his eyebrows but didn’t respond.
I leaned back into my chair and eyed him quietly. He really was a good guy. Hell, he was even a great guy. So why didn’t I say yes to him? Was the reason why I rejected him due to my fear of losing a friendship or was it because he wasn’t Jacob?
“David?” I whispered.
“Mmm?” His head bobbed a bit, yawning as he tried to pay attention to the next presenter.
I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. “I thought about it and maybe I might have to change my mind about that d
ate.”
His head immediately jerked forward. “Really?”
My teeth pulled at my upper lip as I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Well, great!”
“Do I really need to tell you children to be quiet?” the teacher called out from the back.
David snickered sheepishly. “Sorry!”
There were a few giggles around us as our teacher crossed her arms and clucked. “We’re in college now, David. Keep your voice down.”
Waiting for her to turn around, I glanced back at my friend. “Yeah. I did a lot of thinking over the past week and figured I should listen to my roomie.”
“Oh? About what?” He leaned over in interest.
Anna’s words echoed in my mind, “Forget Jacob. Go for David! He seems like a really good guy! College is about experimenting after all.”
“Never mind about that,” I said quickly. “Just…let’s hang out.”
Chapter 24
The kohl liner smudged underneath my bottom lashes, causing me to look more like a drug addict than a supermodel.
“Rats!” I sighed and wiped the excess sludge off with my finger and grimaced. “I never know how to put this stupid crap on my face.”
Anna watched me in silence and sighed loudly.
“What?” I turned from the mirror and caught her staring at me sadly. “You know I could really do without the audience, right?”
“Are you okay?” she blurted out.
“What do you mean?”
“Going out with David.”
I let out a puff of air from my nostrils. “I don’t know what your problem with this is. This was your idea.”
“My idea?” she repeated incredulously. She rolled off the bed and perched her bottom on the edge of my desk. “How is this my idea?”
“You told me that maybe I should forget all about Jacob and just go out with David instead,” I reminded her.
“Ah, so this is about Jacob.”
I spun around and pointed my tube of mascara at her. “This is not about Jacob!”
Breaking Hearts (B-Boy #2) Page 13
