by LK Collins
After I lost Zoë, my parents went to our apartment to get my clothes and some essentials, and these clippers were one of the things they brought me. I’m not sure why; I didn’t ask for them. But right now, I’m grateful. Placing the cold steel at the base of my head, I lift upward and continue forward, shaving off all of my hair. I’m not even sure what guard is on here or what the adjustment is set to, but if Mia wants me cleaned up, well, then here you fucking go.
I repeat the motions again and again and then run my hands over my cleanly shaven head. Staring back at myself a little disconcerted, I’m so confused with the man that I’ve become. I’ve slipped so far away from who I used to be.
Brushing off the extra hair with a towel, I need to hit the road – the faster I get there, the sooner I can drink. I grab my bag and get in my truck to head towards the Hamptons, a place I sure as hell won’t fit in.
After an hour and a half of driving, I’m starving and anxious. Pulling up to the lavish hotel that Mia booked, I look for somewhere to park. Not seeing one spot, I decide to valet, then head inside keeping my sunglasses on, knowing the more I can hide the marks on my face, the better.
Walking in, I spot the check-in counter, and hear my name from behind me before I make it there. “Krane,” my mom calls out again. Slowly, I turn to see her, my dad, Mia, Wayne, and Shannon, Mia’s friend and I think the maid of honor, all staring at me. As much as I don’t want to, I know I have to remove my sunglasses and their expressions say it all. Both my mother and Mia gasp.
“What in God’s name happened to you?” my dad asks.
“I had a rough fight.”
“Oh my God, Krane,” Mia whines, “Do you realize how many pictures you are going to be in?”
“And your hair,” my mom adds. “What did you do?”
“Mia asked me to clean up, so I did. You all know what I do for a living, so my face shouldn’t be a surprise.” Everyone seems to be horrified by my appearance, except for Shannon…she just looks like she wants to jump me. I’m not sure why some girls are turned on by guys who fight, but whatever.
Mia storms off, like the drama queen that she is. Wayne and Shannon follow her and my dad says, “I didn’t think you were back into fighting.”
“Well, I am. How do you think I’ve been paying my bills and for two apartments?”
My mom steps to me and cups my cheek, “You should see a doctor. This looks infected.” She looks intently at a cut under my eye and I brush her hand away.
“I’m fine, Mom, really I am.” She shakes her head at my response and looks around the lobby. I was a little loud in my reaction and clearly she’s not wanting to bring any more attention than the eyes that are already staring at us. “I’m gonna check in, I’ll see you later.”
“Here’s your key,” my dad says passing me a small card. “It’s room one ten.”
I take it from him and walk off, leaving him and my mom, because quite frankly I need to get away. Being here alone is already harder than I expected it to be. If I had Zoë or even Ivy right now, I’d be handling this all differently. But, since they are both gone, I’m fucking angry and lost.
Not having Ivy this week to depend on the way that I had been has been hard. She got me through so much these last six months and now all because I can’t open up to her and give her more, I’ve lost her. Opening the door to the ridiculously elegant room, I set my bag on the bed and laugh to myself. My sister is truly a piece of work, booking a room like this and not thinking twice about spending the money on it. As I take out the handle of tequila that I brought with me, I count on the next few drinks to ease the pain. Pouring myself a massive glass, I swallow a huge mouthful and lie back on the bed.
Thinking about how my parents and Mia reacted has me stressed to go through all of this shit. Pulling out my phone, I dial Ivy. I need to talk to her and hope she’ll answer. But my call goes straight to voicemail and I hang up, pissed off.
Then there is a knock on my door and I contemplate not answering it, but knowing my crazy ass family, there’s no other option. Getting up, I open the door to find Wayne staring at me. I step aside and gesture him in. He looks at the drink in my hand and I say, “If you came here to give me a fucking lecture, save it, man.”
He sits in one of the chairs in the corner of the room and shakes his head. “You know that’s not why I’m here. You have to understand your sister. She’s really happy that you’re here, she’s just stressed.”
“Aren’t we all?” I respond under my breath.
“She has this vision that the wedding needs to be perfect, man, and I keep telling her it’s not going to be, that nothing’s perfect, but you know how women are; cut her a little slack.”
I take in his words, not really buying the bullshit that he’s selling. Stressed or not, Mia needs to let the fuck up and lay off my balls. “Wanna drink?” I ask, refilling mine.
“Sure.” I hand him a glass and sit in the other chair waiting for what else he has to say. I know Wayne, he didn’t just come here to tell me that Mia is happy that I’m here and to give her a break.
“Krane, I lost a girlfriend in college.” He pauses staring at the carpet and as I watch him, I can see the pain contorting his face.
“You did?” I ask, shocked by his confession.
“Yeah, she was my first love,” he says, with a wide smile remembering her. “We had so many plans for the future and then one night she overdosed. We were partying and I found her in the bathroom. What I’m trying to say is I’ve been where you are, brother. I don’t even remember the year after she died, I was a fuckin’ zombie. So I get what you’re going through, and I know everything feels hopeless and not worth it, but it will get better, and one day you will move on. When I found your sister, it was when I least expected it, and she pulled me from the darkness that I lived in. I didn’t think I would ever love again and because of her, I do. I know she’s hard on you, but it’s because she loves you and wants what’s best for you. Family isn’t perfect, man, you know that, but give her and your parents a little slack sometimes.”
I finish my drink with tears in my eyes, like a pussy. His words take me back to the night that I lost Zoë – she was my world, my everything. “I don’t know how to be without her. I’m so lost and angry inside.”
“You gotta let the anger go, for Zoë, and just be yourself.”
“I’ve been trying to, but the man I’ve become is not good enough for anyone, especially my parents and Mia. They all keep riding me like I’m not making them happy. No matter what I do, it isn’t good enough.”
“You know what, Krane? You have to be true to yourself right now. There’s no one else who’s gonna look out for you, except you. Try and find the person you are meant to be right now.” Wayne’s phone rings and he looks at it. “It’s Mia; we have the rehearsal at three.”
I nod and watch Wayne answer it. “Hey, baby,” he says and right away, I can hear my sister upset through the phone. He takes it away from his ear and says to me, “I’m gonna get going. Text me if you need to talk, brother.” I nod and listen to him calm my sister down as he leaves my room. I never would have thought that he’d experienced something so similar.
Wayne’s always had his shit together. He’s actually been someone that I’ve looked up to. It’s why we’ve connected. But seeing the pain in his eyes as he talked about the girl he lost shows me that no matter how much time passes, it never really gets any better. Losing the one person you love most will hurt you and haunt you for years. Yeah, he might have moved on with Mia, but the smile that was on his face as he remembered the past was nothing I’ve ever seen from him. I’ve had that smile myself and I’m convinced I’ll never have it again.
“To Mia and Wayne,” I force myself to announce. The alcohol flows through my system, boosting me on a high that will get me through the next few hours.
The room erupts in cheers and I’ve done my deed for the weekend. I’ve been fake as fuck, which is what my sister needed me to do, and no
w…I’m fucking done. Walking outside, the Atlantic Ocean shines in the moonlight. The waves splash against the shore, making my unsteady feet feel grounded as I watch their rhythmic motion. God, I love this feeling, so blitzed out of my mind that nothing else matters.
Not Zoë, not Ivy, nothing. Fuck life. I’m fucking numb to it all.
Walking down to a desolate spot, I get close enough to feel the ocean mist and then plop down, pushing my beer into the sand. As I lie back, I look up at the stars and watch the sky morph, twisting from the alcohol coursing through my veins. I close my eyes focusing on what’s inside of me.
I laugh sadistically to myself.
I feel nothing.
Everything that I used to be is fucking gone now.
I’m empty.
There wasn’t much before anyways, only agony and regret. The agony over the loss of Zoë and the regret over not being able to be a good friend to Ivy. I’m fucked up. But cutting ties with her is what needed to be done. I’m no good for her. I’ll only hurt her in the long run and she deserves someone so much better.
Someone that can give her the world.
Sitting up, I finish the last of my beer and rest back on my elbows, letting out a deep breath. My phone rings and I struggle to pull it from my pocket. I answer it without even looking at the screen, “What’s up?” I ask and wait, but don’t hear anyone on the other end.
“Yes, is Samantha there?” an older gentleman asks.
“You have the wrong fucking number,” I yell and hang up. Looking at the screen, it’s a number I don’t recognize. But as I stare at the call log for the last few days, it shows I have called Ivy over a dozen times. And I’ve texted her at least double that.
I’m so pathetic!
She hasn’t responded once, and I guess I should try to respect the boundary she’s obviously trying to draw.
Fuck me.
Going into my contacts, I delete her number. It’s the only way I can be sure I’ll stop harassing her.
Clearly, she wants nothing to do with me and maybe it’s for the best. Once the number is gone, I delete the call log and texts and then take the last of my beer in one gulp.
Getting off the sand, I head back into the hotel and to the bar where Shannon is sitting and ask her, “Is this seat taken?” She looks at me with her tight black dress distracting me and responds, “Nope.”
I sit down and notice her glass is almost empty. “What are you drinking?”
“Merlot.”
“Can she get another Merlot?” I ask the bartender, getting his attention as he’s talking to another employee.
He fills her glass and I pass my empty beer to him. He hands me a full one and she’s got a huge smile on her face. “Thanks, I’ve been trying to get his attention for like ten minutes.”
“Of course.” I take a swig and sense she’s staring at me. Like she’s been all weekend. Looking over at her, she’s leaning on the bar basically resting her tits on it and I’m not sure what to say next.
“How are you doing, Krane?” she asks.
“Good, when I’m drunk.”
“Amen to that,” she says taking a drink. “Isn’t there something that can make you happy though? You’re back into fighting I hear.”
“Only for the money really.”
“You know, I’m a nurse, I can clean your face up if you’d let me.”
“Nah, I’m good,” I respond.
“Really?” She leans over and whispers in my ear, “You’d be missing out.” She’s a little obvious in her attempt to hit on me, but for some reason I like it. Pulling away from her, I pat the stool next to me and she slides over to it. I lean into her ear and ask, “Tell me what I’d be missing out on?”
My eyes scan her tight body tucked into her little dress and she takes a huge drink of wine resting her elbow on the bar. She runs her tongue over her lips and says, “Well, my lips for starters, I’d love to wrap them around your dick.”
My cock grows instantly, awakening my body from her words. “Can I come deep in your throat?”
She nods her head and right away I grab her hand, feeling unsteady, but not caring. Leading her away from the bar and towards my room. As I look over at her soft red lips, my cock is throbbing. I open the door to my room and usher her inside. She takes her black high heels off and watches me remove my bowtie, then steps to me and deftly unbuttons my shirt. I stand there and let her do with me what she wants, bracing my weight on the wall next to me.
With only my pants on, I reach down and grab a handful of one of her tits. I’m spinning as she moans from my touch, pushing me backwards. I flop on top of the plush bed and watch her push the arms of her dress down, and then slowly she glides it down the rest of her body.
She has no bra on and as I lean up on my elbows, she removes her panties.
Jesus, I want to fuck her.
I lean back as she kneels on the bed next to me and rubs my cock through my pants, waiting for her next move. Her touch feels so good that long blinks take over as I enjoy this.
“Touch me,” she instructs, and I open my eyes, cupping her sex. She unzips my pants freeing my dick. She takes ahold of me and I reach her pussy, working two of my fingers in. She’s wet and I take the opportunity to penetrate her. She gasps, pushing down on me and grinds herself against my hand.
She’s horny and I love it.
Knowing she likes this, I finger her hard and fast. She gets lost in the moment, gripping my dick. “Suck me,” I command her. She falls forward, lips first, and takes my cock into her mouth.
I push my hips up, giving her a little more of my length, and we both work each other. Me with my fingers tucked tightly inside of her cunt, and her leaning down with my cock rubbing the back of her throat. My balls are tight and pleasure radiates through my body.
She sucks me good, making everything inside so hot. I want to fuck her badly as my balls begin to erupt and she moans, causing me to come harder. Letting go with my eyes closed, I fill her mouth with my cum.
For a very brief moment, I forget about all of the bad shit from the past and find a peace that lives deep inside of me.
However, quickly it ends and as I open my eyes, I’m determined to get it back. Pulling my cock away from her, I ask her, “Do you have a condom?” She reaches into her purse and hands me one. I waste no time tearing it open and rolling it down my hard shaft.
“Fuck me!” Then I guide her on top of me. She blinks a few times breathing heavily and whining as I work my way inside of her. I reach for her clit, rubbing it with my thumb as she watches me and then tosses her head back. I stroke myself inside of her. The walls of her pussy are so warm as she engulfs me.
Holding on to her sides, I help guide her up and down as I move my hips along with her. She braces her weight on my chest and bobs up and down. “Fuck, yes,” she cries out loud.
“You like fucking me, don’t you?” I grunt. The satisfaction of her on top of me and my cock pleasing her has me feeling great. I enjoy pumping her pussy. Her long black hair touches my thighs as her head hangs back.
“Fuck me,” she begs.
“Like this?” I ask, slamming our bodies together.
“Harder!” she demands.
I push her off of me and hold her facedown on the bed. Even being blitzed out of my mind, I stay in control. Reaching down I grip myself and slam into her from behind. She screams and says, “Yes, like that!”
“Take my cock!” I slam into her again and again.
“Yes!” she chants.
Her skin is red and I rest my hand on the small of her back as I pummel her. “Oh, God, Krane, make me com—” her words change to a scream and she shakes violently underneath me.
“That’s it, come on my dick,” I growl.
Her body settles and I pull out of her, lifting her ass up so she is lined up with me perfectly. Running my forearm over my forehead, I wipe away the sheen of sweat and jolt myself into her. Leaning forward, I pump at a good pace getting lost in the sensation
before I blow another load of cum, grunting barbarically, owning this pleasure…again.
Waking up next to Shannon, she is wrapped in my arms, her hot body still naked and I wonder how in the world we ended up together last night. My head is pounding and my brain feels mushy. I close my eyes, recalling the events that took place and all I can remember is pounding her over and over again.
Man, she was a good fuck, and a good distraction.
Looking back down at her and those lips, I can picture them wrapped so tightly around my dick. I’d love to come from them again. “Morning,” she says, slowly blinking her eyes.
“Good morning.”
She rolls over and looks at the clock, “Oh fuck.”
Then her phone rings and she jumps out of bed, scurrying around trying to find her purse. I can’t help but laugh. “What’s the hurry?” The wedding is over, so I see no reason to rush. I’d rather her stay and fuck me again, but she pulls on her underwear and says, “I’m an hour late for work.”
I’m silent as she pulls her dress over her head and tames her hair in the mirror, looking at me in the reflection. “Thank you for last night.”
I wink and then she scoops her shoes and purse off of the floor. But before I can answer her, she’s gone. I’m a little baffled by what just happened. But with how I am right now, it’s better that she’s gone; she was a good distraction and lay, but that’s it. Getting up, I shower to wash away last night’s remnants. Letting the water run over me, I can’t help but think of Ivy as I stare at the inside of the shower curtain and remember not so long ago when she sat on the other side. Even though I’ve pushed her as far out of my mind as possible, I’ll never forget her.
Sliding on a pair of underwear, I walk out of the bathroom and am startled by my mom gathering my tux off the floor.
