I’m frozen. I can’t move into the room. I can’t walk up to the front and look inside that fucking box. I can’t move. I don’t want to move. I feel sick and suffocated and the air in my lungs is escaping too quickly out of my mouth. My muscles became as taut and ridged as they were moments ago when I was sitting in my car. I just can’t do this.
I squeeze Zoe’s hand and lean in to tell her, attempting to tell her I’m leaving. She has a look of great sadness and it tears at my heart because I’m making this about me and my stupid fears. What else am I supposed to do? This is a fear I cannot face—I don’t want to face—yet I’m being confronted with it.
Zoe pulls me to her side and leans in. She rests her head on my shoulder and just stands beside me. We remain stock still in the back of the room while everyone else is sitting and waiting for the service to start. Zoe doesn’t ask me questions, she just remains by my side and I remain by hers. We are both grieving for her aunt, but saying goodbye to her is not my problem. I’ve made my peace with her death the night she died.
It’s Presley and the fact I cannot make peace with anything when it involves her. She was everything to me. I don’t know where I should go in life without her.
The officiator starts the service while Zoe and I stay in the back, standing against the wall, listening. Every once in a while she will lift a tissue and dab tears off her cheek, and I will swallow the giant lump in my throat.
Shortly after the service starts, three woman walk through the door, disrupting everything as they stumble in. When Zoe’s body hardens at my side, I turn to look over at her, seeing she looks surprised, angry and scared. I know immediately these are the women who have been so cruel to her, banishing Zoe from their lives. Two of them are older, in their forties I’d guess, and the other one looks to be our age.
When they walk deeper into the room, all their eyes connect with Zoe’s. The tension is palpable.
Zoe
I don’t say anything to Drake when we get into the funeral home. Even though he’s never told me about his girlfriend’s murder, I know this is the source of all his anger and hesitation today. I want to help him get better, to have acceptance.
If I’ve learned one thing from my aunt, it’s to face your problems head on. She’s said it to me for as long as I can remember, but it hasn’t been until recently that the advice has finally sunk in. The only way to move forward in life is to accept your past, work through it and walk forward.
I know I have to stand up to my mother. I have to tell her how I really felt when she chose to believe Fred’s lie instead of me.
I could have told myself that all day until the side door opens and in walks my mother, Rebecca and Sophia. My heart rate skyrockets as it beats wildly in my chest. I’m forced now to deal with my past as I say goodbye to the one person from my family who has given a shit about me. Our eyes meet and they say nothing. They find a place to sit and listen to the man talk about my aunt.
***
Drake refuses to go to the cemetery. He never tells me why, but I soon realize Presley’s grave is right next to the plot my aunt shares with her deceased husband. It makes me wonder how many times he has come out here, or if he comes at all.
I walk back to my car once the cemetery service is over. The snow is numbing my feet by the time I get back into my car. I quickly fire it to life and crank on the heater. When I look back, Darcie and Delilah are standing by Presley’s grave. They appear to be crying with their men standing strongly behind them. Reggie and Jake have their girls wrapped tightly in their arms then Delilah lays a bundle of colorful flowers in front of her grave.
None of them talk about her when I’m around, but I would like to know more. I want to know about her and what has happened to her. I really do like these people and being around them. I want to understand what makes them click together as a family.
Watching how Reggie and Jake comfort Darcie and Delilah makes me yearn to have that with a man. I want someone who will be in my corner when the weight of the world gets to be too much. I want unconventional Thanksgiving dinners, wild nights at the bar, and I want so much to have a family again. I miss it. I miss my family, but I know we will never be what we once were.
What I want more than anything is to have all of that with Drake. I want to be that woman in his life, and I want to help him care for his daughter. I know I could never replace her mother; I just want to be the woman who she looks up to as a mother figure. I want to be a family.
Before I can stop it, the sobs break free from inside my chest. I fold myself forward and then lean into the cold steering wheel. I cry for the family I’ve lost and the family I’d love to have. Can I have all of that with Drake? Am I strong enough to be that for him?
A loud knock on the glass shakes me out of my internal rant, and when I roll down the window, Sophia is standing next to my car.
“We all need to talk to you.” Her face is turned up in a wicked smile. The same smile she dawned when she told my mother and hers about my past with men. The same smile she had when I was forced to leave my family home, and was left to figure out the world on my own.
“I will meet you at her apartment. Do you know how to get there?” I ask, masking my anger just enough to get the words out.
As Sophia nods and leaves, I roll up the window and pull out my cell phone. I want to text him. I could use him right now. I need that rock to lean into, but he’s already been through enough today. There’s no sense in piling my troubles on his already weighted down shoulders. I tuck the phone back in my purse and dread the entire conversation I’m about to have.
I unlock the apartment and take a moment to clean up. The home healthcare staff has taken the last of the equipment and any traces that someone died in the house days ago. I remove my sweater and sling it over a dining room chair as I wash a couple of dishes in the sink. Rebecca doesn’t even knock when she opens the door and the three of them come storming in.
God, I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to see my mother—or any of them. I just want this all to go away.
“It smells disgusting in here. This is how you take care of my sick mother?” Rebecca sneers.
“Well, at least someone was here to take care of her, don’t you agree?” I snap back. The nerve of this woman astounds me. She’s never once cared about her mother or the sacrifices she’s made to make her happy. I never really saw it until I was away from their poisonous minds. “So what do you want?”
My mother steps to Rebecca’s side. She looks a little older from the last time I’ve seen her. She has more wrinkles around her eyes and a little more weight around the middle, but she’s still beautiful. I’m similar to my mother in a way because of my height and dark brown hair, however she has this old, Hollywood star glam look that is breathtaking. I’ve never had that glamorous look, just simplistic and natural.
“My sister has an estate and I need to see the paperwork to get it over to my attorney. Do you know where she’d keep that stuff?” Her voice is condescending and crude.
“Of course that’s what this visit is about, Connie’s money.” I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the counter. She doesn’t care that her sister, the woman who raised her, has just died. Oh, no. She cares about getting her greedy little hands on Connie’s money.
“It’s not only her money, Zoe. It’s my money, too. Our parents’ estate was left to her when they died and I am entitled to it.”The vein pops from her forehead and her wrinkles deepen as she intently stares me down.
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you. She never mentioned money to me so I have no idea where she keeps her papers.”
Rebecca walks to the backroom and stops in her tracks. She’s standing at the threshold of the spare room, staring at the child’s toys and bed. “What is this? Did your whoring finally catch up with you?”
Before I can get the words out of my mouth, the front door opens and Drake is walking into the apartment with Mia in his hands.
“Zoe?�
�� I hear him say, and then Mia comes running down the hallway.
I bend down to pick her up and she giggles. “Hi!”
“Hi, Mia. How are you?” I ask when she gives me a little hug.
“Fine!” She squirms from my arms and runs by Rebecca standing in front of her room. Mia starts getting toys from the box and begins to play.
We make our way back up the hall as Drake sets their coats on the back of the couch. He’s still wearing his black jeans and dark gray shirt, but the look of devastation is no longer on his face. It’s bewilderment instead.
“Drake, this is my mother, Virginia.” I turn and point to the others. “And this is Connie’s daughter, Rebecca, and her granddaughter, Sophia.” As I introduce them, I notice Sophia practically loses herself when she looks at Drake. She stands a little taller and pushes out her chest. Her eyes slant slightly as she puts on her sex kitten face. Yeah, and they call me the whore.
Drake holds out his hand and they all shake it. Sophia is panting like a dog in heat when she touches him. It’s disgusting. We are all standing there in silence and I’m praying they leave soon, now that Drake is here, but that doesn’t stop my mother from getting what she wants. She wants her money, and until she gets it, she will be a complete nightmare.
“Where does Connie keep her lockbox?” she asks, her harsh glaze is penetrating into my eyes.
“I told you; I don’t know,” I snap back.
“Fine, I will look for it myself.” Rebecca starts to move through the apartment, the sound of closet doors opening and closing in the background. She is disrespectfully going through her mother’s things, leaving a mess in her wake.
“Rebecca, stop! Your mother just died. Why is that the only thing you care about right now?” She is a shameless bitch and I can’t believe I ever looked up to her when I was younger. She and my mother were Sophia and my role models. Until I was kicked out of their lives, I idolized them.
I walk back toward the room, but she meets me just outside the bedroom door, a small lockbox in her hand. “Found it,” she gloats.
Rebecca sets the metal lockbox on the table and slams it down with a loud thump. The three of them collect around the dining room table, discussing amongst themselves on how they will open the safe.
“We could call a locksmith…” Sophia suggests.
“No, they will want proof that we live here before they will open the safe. How about a knife? Do you think a knife will pop it open?” Rebecca asks.
“It would have to be a small one,” my mother chimes in. As they continue to chatter about breaking into Connie’s privacy, it infuriates me. My skin begins to heat. I am boiling with rage.
“Stop it,” I say, moving toward the box. I refuse to let these horrible women disrespect my dead aunt. I will not allow them to tear through her things all for the sake of money. They are disgusting and the worst kind of human beings. “Give me the box!” I shout then step toward the table. My mother snatches it closer to her body, glaring at me to get back.
“This is none of your business, Zoe!” my mother shouts back.
“Don’t you have a venereal disease to treat, slut,” Sophia snaps.
“Fuck you, Sophia!” I shout and she stands, meeting me face to face.
“Are you mad at me because I speak the truth about your dirty crotch?”I roll my shoulders and then back slap her across her face. I am so distracted by their presence and my anger, I forget Drake and Mia are here until I feel his strong arms wrap around my waist, holding me firmly against his body.
He leans down to my ear and whispers, “Just blow her off.”
The anger inside of me starts to dissipate slowly as his arms tighten around my body. Drake holds me to his tight frame, protecting me from doing something I’ll regret.
“Who’s this, Zoe? Another John?” Sophia is such a stupid, jealous bitch—she wishes she could be with someone as amazing as Drake.
I glare at her, trying to ignore her comment. However, I can’t ignore how she appears whenever she talks. She looks constipated when she opens her mouth. The more I glower at her, the more I want to rip her head off.
I can feel my body tense once again, but Drake holds me firmly and whispers in my ear. “Ignore her. She’s trying to get a rise out of you on purpose. Just blow her off.”
“Excuse me, but who are you again?” My mother stands next to Sophia, the accusatory tone laced through her voice.
Drake stands up straighter and I can feel his body become rigid. “I’m Zoe’s and your sister’s friend, and I think it’s time for you to leave.” Drake’s voice commands attention and respect as he looks my mother over with his deep, black eyes.
He moves from behind me to stand by my side, keeping his arm tightly wrapped around my waist. It feels like home here, wrapped in Drake’s protective arms. I’ve never really felt like I was home anywhere until I came to Sulfur Heights, even when I was younger and had these women as my family. I know now what has been missing.
Maybe that’s why I’ve found comfort in other people’s beds—because I never really felt I belonged anywhere. I have always been an outcast. Yet when I moved here, every other place felt wrong. This is exactly where I need to be—where I should be. Having Drake here by my side only proves that what I’ve had before has been inconsequential. All of it was false, a fake sense of a family. I can’t believe I’m just figuring that out now, but damn it, I’m glad I have.
When I was straightening up Connie’s room, I remember seeing a small key taped to the inside of her top dresser drawer. That has to be the key to the lockbox. Maybe if I give them what they want, they will leave. I really don’t care about her money; I just want them to leave.
I abandon Drake’s side, heading toward my aunt’s bedroom, when I hear Mia. She’s building a tower with her blocks, perfectly content and happy. She looks in my direction, and a large smile spreads across her face as she comes scampering to my arms. I bend down and pick her up, captivated by her eyes. They are a beautiful, golden honey color that sparkle in the light.
“Hi, Zoe!” Mia wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a hug. My heart fills with joy at her generous touch. Mia is a sweet little girl and so full of life. It’s hard not to fall in love with her.
I walk out of the room and move to my aunt’s, carrying Mia with me. “Hi, Mia. How are you?” I ask as I rest the toddler on my hip and open the top dresser drawer in search of the key.
“Auntie D says Nanny’s in Heaven with Mommy.” I freeze. Mia is so matter of fact about the entire situation, but I’m ill prepared for these types of comments. How am I supposed to react to this? What do I say? I didn’t know her mother obliviously, but the statement throws me completely off guard.
“Yes, that’s right,” I barely choke out as I open the drawer and find the key for Connie’s lockbox taped to the side. As I pull it from the drawer, my hand is shaking and I’m trying to get it under control before I go back out there.
I can feel Mia’s finger on my earring. She’s twisting the diamond stud in my ear, fascinated by the sparkle. They’re the only thing of value I took when I left my family four years ago. They were a graduation present from Connie and they’ve been in my ears ever since.
“Pretty.” Mia smiles as she turns the stud in my ear.
“Nanny gave those to me.”
“I wuv Nanny,” Mia says sadly, bringing water to my eyes.
“I love her, too,” I say then walk from the room with the key in one hand and Mia in the other. I hope this will be enough and they will be satisfied. I hope whatever we find in that lockbox will be enough to keep them away and enough for Drake to want me to stay. I…hope.
Chapter 20
Drake
Zoe turns on her heels, heading down the hallway toward the bedrooms. I watch her as she walks away and see out of the corner of my eye she’s holding Mia. When I focus my attention back on Zoe’s family, I can understand why she has been so hesitant to be around them again. Her mother is cold, frozen i
n time, and refuses to see what she will be missing in the future if she continues to shut Zoe out. She’s already lost four years of her daughter’s life, you’d think she would want to salvage that. She doesn’t, though. Restoring their relationship is the last thing on her mind; her mother is blinded by money.
Then there’s Sophia. She hasn’t taken her eyes off me since I came into the apartment. Her eyes are icy blue, but have a sense of creepiness about them. As soon as she opened her mouth, throwing insults at Zoe, I began to loathe her. She’s catty and weak, knowing she can pry on someone’s despair. Rebecca is sitting next to Sophia and is s spitting image of a young Mrs. Fields. She has the same small frame, light brown hair and blue eyes. However, she doesn’t look sweet and endearing, that is definitely not a trait she got from her mother. Rebecca is the complete opposite—a cold hearted bitch.
I refuse to say anything to them, pretending to be distracted by my phone when I hear Virginia ask, “So is the child hers?”
My eyes pop immediately from my phone, anger ever present behind them. “What business is it of yours?”
“Well, being she could be my grandchild, I would say it’s all my business. I presume you’re her father?” I say nothing because I’m trying to swallow down the boiling rage that’s risen to the top of my throat. “Well, just a word of warning. Zoe isn’t who you might think she is. I’m not sure if she’s told you about her past, but she has problems keeping her legs closed. Which is why it doesn’t surprise me that she’s had a child, but you’ll want to make sure it’s yours if she asks you for money.”
I tuck my phone in my pocket and step closer to Virginia. She immediately takes in my size and how I tower over her. “I will warn you now,” I swallow again, doing what I can to not blow up on this woman, “say one more word about Zoe or my daughter and I will throw your ass out the door. Got it?”
Surviving Love Page 16
