This World

by Lee, TD

  “But-”

  Sadie interrupts me again, “Please, just hear me out. Heroes don’t have it easy. It may look like it, but we really don’t. We have so many people watching us, putting these expectations on us that are pretty impossible to live up to. But we do our best because we have to. And I can’t tell you how painful it was to get into my mech after failing to save people. Sometimes, a few months ago, even a couple years back, I found it difficult to even find a reason to leave my bed. What was the point if I couldn’t save someone? But then there was Hiro, this guy filled with so much determination that it was hard to not follow his example. Even after all that he’s been through, he still puts up a winning smile because he’s that hero that everyone desires. He’s someone so many people can look up to.”

  “Yeah, sure, look up to. He’s some role model,” I scoff.

  “You really don’t know him do you?” she repeats herself. “Even after hearing his backstory you still don’t really know him.”

  I ask, "How do you know all of this? About Hiro’s backstory, I mean."

  "It took a while, but Hiro told me. I was the one that asked though. He grew up without family for over a decade now. He was in and out of orphanages until they eventually just kicked him out. He was constantly bullied by other orphans. But he was also the sole survivor of some orphanages being attacked by villains or crumbling to the ground because of some sort of event happening. He had to make it on his own and lived on his own until he became a pilot," Sadie pauses briefly, a small smile creeps up on her face, "I can remember when he first moved into the facility. He looked so happy. Like he really genuinely smiled for the first time in his life because he felt he belonged somewhere. I was drawn to him even more because of that. I've never seen anyone so happy before. In all of the years I was in the same class as him, he always showed himself like he was happy, but I knew. I knew he wasn't. He was suffering, all this time he's just been suffering with no one to go to."

  I stare at Sadie blankly. Hiro was suffering? Does that mean that all this time he was just faking everything? Pretending like he was okay all the time?

  "You haven't noticed have you? Hiro faked a lot of his happiness and smiles. It was never quite genuine. Sure, he expressed and felt joy every so often, but there was always that sadness that quickly came over him because under that happy exterior is a broken and damaged person who never knew what it was like to be loved. He never knew what it was like to be accepted or belong. So, he adapted to the people he would be around simply to briefly feel accepted by them. And to this day, he blames himself for his family dying because he even admitted that he wished his family would die because of the constant abuse. He said he wanted his family to die and when it happened all he felt was more sadness."

  "What the firing hell?"

  "And you know what he said to me after he told me all of this?" I shake my head. "He said, 'I'm a pretty messed up person huh?' He even smiled and laughed after saying that. The world as he saw it was in black and white, no color."

  Sadie looks up at me with fierce determination in her eyes. There’s so much passion in her expression. "This is why I'm trying so hard to be with Hiro because I want to see him happy. He's been through so much that it's unfair. I've watched him through how many years of being in the same class, yet he always felt so far away from me. Even at the facility, a lot of people, like Arthur, don't accept him. A place where he thought he would be accepted, and yet he's rejected. Then after you guys fought with each other, he's been distant with everyone, including me. He may appear happy time-to-time, but recently he's just been quiet. Even if it's just me with him, he's distant. It’s like he’s not even there when I’m with him. It hurts, knowing that he’s hurt but I can’t do anything about it. I've seen and heard him try to apologize to you, but you keep ignoring him. It's hurting him a lot because he lost his best friend. That's not easy for anyone. I'm sure it's been hard on you too."

  I haven’t really thought about it. Hiro really did make things a bit easier on me simply by just being a guy I can talk to. Or being that guy that comes to me to talk to. I never quite understood why he chose to talk to me and continues to, but it’s something that actually means a lot. I never really realized how lonely I was without Hiro because I really don't have any other friends to talk to. Jaron, Beth, and Pat are way too extreme for my taste. "Yeah, it has."

  "That's why you and Hiro should be friends again! You're both hurting because you both know that you care about each other. Just please, Ridley, please talk to him. I can only do so much as his girlfriend," Sadie pleads with me with tears forming again at the edge of her eyes. "I was being selfish at first because I didn't want anyone to get so close to Hiro. I thought that I was the only one that can heal his broken heart, but he needs more people than just me. That's why I was so rude to you, because all Hiro felt was sadness caused by others. I didn't realize just how important you were to him because you two were best friends. For that, I'm so sorry. I'm really, deeply sorry about how I've treated you. Maybe it was jealousy because you were so close to him, but I see now that you're important to him."

  “I don’t know, I’m just so tired of all of this superhero shit,” I reply. If I mend things with Hiro, I know I’ll be tossed into superhero stuff some more and that’s just more annoying problems waiting to happen.

  “Please!” she begs, grabbing my hand. Her hands grip mine tightly.

  "Let me think about it. All of this info is really getting to me, it's a lot to take in at once," I say. How have I not known any of this about Hiro though? How could I even call myself Hiro's best friend if I didn't know any of this? On one hand, I feel guilty for not being able to help Hiro, but on the other I’m mad at him for not telling me this stuff earlier. Yet, I really don’t want to get involved with super people stuff that I really just want to avoid him. What a weird tug-of-war.

  Sadie stares at me intensely, like she knows what's on my mind. "Hiro always said that even though you didn't know anything about his history, it was the fact that you accepted him as your best friend and didn't push him away is what made you his best friend. Even though you may get annoyed at his tendencies to talk about superheroes, you never rejected him for it. He didn't want you to know all of that stuff because he didn't want anyone to feel bad for him. I failed at that."

  "I see, just wow, there's a lot to process," I say, is one of her powers to read minds? While I’m trying to process all of this information, I need to listen to something else. "Tell me though Sadie, what is it about Hiro that you like so much about him?"

  She smiles and quietly laughs under her breath. As she’s telling her story, she’s tracing the teacup with her finger. How is she being so accidentally cute? "What don't I like about Hiro is a better question. He's always nice to people, comforting, and reassuring. Hot body too, really hot body. Before I became a pilot, people didn't really pay attention to me. Hiro did though. He always greeted me, walked with me, sat with me if I was ever alone. I didn't care about being around other people that much, but Hiro made sure that I had someone to at least talk to. I was shy, so it was hard at first to really talk to Hiro, but he grew on me. And at that time, no boys would even talk to me, when they did they said I was ugly."

  "I guess puberty did you well then," I joke. Sadie is a very pretty person, I can't imagine her being ugly at all.

  She smiles, shaking her head at my bad joke. "I guess, but Hiro didn't care. At that time, I think all he wanted was to find friends and be accepted. Even if I was being cold or distant towards him, he would still try to be my friend. And to this day, I'm still grateful for the time he stood up for me. I was never really quite interested in dating or whatever back then, but Hiro is what my ideal guy is. That's why I'm holding onto him. Most people will never find their ideal person, but I did. Hell, I was the one that initiated and asked the question too. This whole time, he was a hero to me, but he never quite saw it in himself." Her expression grows a little sad as she adds, “It’s sad, but there wo
uld be times when you look at him, you could tell that he's sad. You're never quite sure why, but he just was despite how big his smiles were. And deep down in his heart, he hates himself. I don’t understand why, but the way he talks about himself, intentionally or not, shows that he’s a person that really hates himself. I want to help him with that. I want to help him realize the greatness that he is. How he’s an amazing person, that maybe I can be the one that can help him grow out of his self-hatred. I want to be able to help him because I lo-I mean, because I really care about him.” Redness subtly flushes on her cheeks as she quickly corrected herself.

  "Wow, that's a lot more info than I thought I was gonna get, but good to know," I remark. "But it's really reassuring to know and see that there's someone that really cares about Hiro. But what can I do? I’m just a person, nothing special. I yelled at the guy because I didn’t want anything to do with super people.”

  “Why were you mad with him in the first place?” she asks. The way she’s looking at me is filled with concern. Not angry, not jealousy, concern. This is so different.

  “It’s embarrassing to admit,” I mumble. Seriously, how childish was I? Getting mad just because I saw him with other super people at Hero Con. “I got jealous because I saw him with other people at Hero Con when he said he was doing a shoot or something.”

  “Oh,” she mumbles. “I’m sure he didn’t mean to do that. That shoot ended early and the other heroes happened to be there. I know this doesn’t excuse what he did, but I’m sure if you talk to him about it he’ll understand.”

  “Yeah, but it’s such an immature thing to get upset about. I don’t even know why I got so upset,” I remark, sighing deeply.

  Sadie chuckles quietly, “Would you believe me if I said I understand?”

  “Seriously? This is such a childish thing,” I reply.

  “So? Everyone has those moments of immaturity,” she chuckles again. She’s really warming up to me now isn’t she? Her appeal is starting to be more apparent. “But I really do understand. You get kind of jealous when you see a good friend of yours or just someone you care about having a good time with other people. Not that you hate the other people or anything, but you wish you were just a part of the group even for a moment. You see them happy without you which makes you think that you can’t make them happy. You just have this total sense of replacement because you just don’t feel like you’re good enough. I totally get it because I was that way with you.”

  “What?”

  “The reason why I was so mean to you is because I was jealous. Hiro seemed to always have a good time when you were around. He talked about you a lot because you’re his best friend and it made me jealous because I know I was able to make him smile, laugh, be happy, and I thought I could be the only one. I know this makes me sound like psychotic bitch, but that’s how it felt. But now, I understand why you’re Hiro’s best friend, you accepted him,” she elaborates, all with a smile.

  “Accepted him? Isn’t that just a normal thing for people to do?” I question.

  She shakes her head. “Not necessarily. People appear to accept others when in reality they don’t. It’s all just a façade they have. That’s how society is now. You put on your mask, a front, just to seem one way or another to other people. When in reality, most people don’t reveal their true selves. That’s why acceptance in a person is a great quality. You may not like something, but you accept it and continue on.”

  “Acceptance. I wonder if Hiro will accept me after I yelled at him,” I mumble.

  “You’re his best friend. Believe me, there’s only two really important people in his life: me and you. I know he’ll talk to you and if there are any people that can help him, it’s us. I’m doing what I can, so that’s why I wanted to talk to you. You have to do your part too,” Sadie answers. She sighs with a slightly saddened look in her eyes. “I’m sure if you try to talk to him, he’ll listen. You just have to give him a chance.”

  “But will he? If he wasn’t really happy at all, what makes you think I’ll help at all?” I ask.

  “If it makes you feel any better, he did say he was genuinely happy when you two went to Gourmet Duel together. He’s not always sad, he does become happy. It’s just the people he’s with that helps. You know him, he’s always trying to help others and make others happy. He’s a great person, but he doesn’t see that in himself. That’s where we need to step in as his friends to help him with that,” she answers.

  Damn that Hiro. Damn him because everything that Sadie is saying about Hiro is true. I’m sure the guy would be willing to talk to me if I tried. But I feel so guilty. I yelled at him, berated him. Honestly, I’d be surprised if the guy is willing to give me some of his time just to talk. He’s a good guy, he’s never been someone who would do something intentionally bad. Damn! I feel like such an ass.

  “I’ll try. Do you know when a good time is to contact him?” I ask.

  Sadie shrugs her shoulders. “Anytime really. If he’s not with me or piloting, he’s usually just at the facility playing some games in his room or something.”

  “You know, you actually are as nice as Hiro said you were, it’s just nice to finally see that part of you,” I chuckle a bit. Maybe this is a little too straightforward, but at least it’s honest.”

  She returns a laugh. “Yeah, I’m really sorry. I know a simple apology doesn’t make up for how I was towards you, but I hope from this day on we can be friends.” She extends her hand out for a handshake.

  “Yeah, of course.” I return the gesture. A sudden thought hits my head. "By the way Sadie, I think I asked you this before, but do you know anyone named Mariana?"

  Her brow rises as she answers, "Mariana? I don't."

  My brow rises as well. "Weird, she said she was friends with one of the pilots, but doesn't want to say who. All I know is that she's friends with a female pilot and the Mobile Knight they pilot starts with G."

  "That is weird because I'm the only girl that pilots a Mobile Knight that starts with G. Of the main Mobile Knights we have Geraint, Gareth, Gawain, Gaharis, and Galahad that start with G, but they're all piloted by guys. The only other Mobile Knight that starts with G is Guinevere and that's me. Are you sure this Mariana girl is really friends with any pilots?" She remarks.

  "She only mentioned it once to me, so I didn't really think about it at the time. It's not like I talk to her much anyway, she's just someone who I've seen every so often. It’s not a big deal, just a thought I had,” I sigh. Does Mariana actually know a pilot then? I wonder why she mentioned it when I saw her at the Mobile Knights facility during Hiro’s ceremony.

  My phone buzzes and I quickly check the message on the screen. It’s Jaron, wondering where I am and why I’m not at the park yet. Sadie noticed me checking my phone and asks, “Oh, sorry, I kept you here a lot longer than I planned. If you have to go somewhere, then by all means go ahead.” She smiles gently. So I'm finally seeing the nice Sadie that Hiro kept telling me about. I thought it was a myth, but it turns out to be true. Fascinating.

  “Yeah, sorry, but I do have to go,” I say, rising up from my chair.

  “No, thank you for coming and listening to all of this. I know it’s a lot, but really, thank you,” Sadie remarks, retaining her gentle smile. “Have a good day Ridley, I’ll see you later I hope.”

  “Yeah, see ya’, I’ll try to talk to Hiro sometime soon,” I say before I leave the bakery.

  “Good. It was nice talking to you Ridley,” she smiles, waving goodbye to me. She’s gentle, sweet, serene even. Her honesty is her best trait, even if it might be a double-sided blade. She does what she can to help the people she cares about, even admitting to her own faults. Mature, responsible, loyal, loving, all great qualities you would want in a significant other. You’re one lucky bastard Hiro.

  I leave the bakery to enter the downpour that is rain. Somehow it got even worse than it was before. Even with an umbrella, I feel like it’s not really saving me from getting wet. Whatever, I j
ust have to get to this one park, talk to Jaron and the others and hopefully they’ll understand and let me leave. Now I really don’t want to go to SAVE. After learning all of that stuff about Hiro, it feels so wrong being around anti-supers people. Maybe I can convince them that I don’t want to go and they should just go on without me. Then again, there’s Beth who is incredibly stubborn. Shit.

  "Ridley! Hey Ridley!" I hear a familiar voice call to me.

  I look to the side to find Beth running towards me, her arms stretched upwards as she waves. She’s wearing a hooded jacket that protects her from the rain, but why isn’t she carrying an umbrella? I slowly nod and greet her, "Hey." Oh shit this is gonna be so awkward.

  She grabs my hand and starts dragging me towards the direction she came from. "Come with me! I have something awesome to show you!"

  “W-wait! I have to tell you something!” I say, doing my best to fight her pull.

  There’s so much surprise strength from such a smaller set girl. “That can wait! Come on, Jaron and Pat found something in the alley!” she’s speaking so excitedly.

  Without being able to really argue back, I’m dragged into a long alleyway and around several turns. As we get closer to what I assume our destination is, I can hear people cheering over the rain. Our feet slam into several puddles, some almost causing me to slip. What can be so great that it’s so urgent to show me now?

  We meet up with Jaron and Pat standing alongside a few other people I don't recognize. They're standing over a kid dressed in all black. Fear is in their yellow eyes, as blood trickles down their scaly cheek. This kid is absolutely abnormal. Their clothes are tattered and ripped as I can see bloody bruises forming. Jaron is holding a rusty pipe as other people are holding other blunt objects as well. Some have blood dripping from them.