She glared at him. “To tell the truth? Of course I think that’s wise. I don’t want her to be a fool like I was.” She wished she hadn’t offered that last remark, but it was too late.
“You weren’t a fool, Carissa,” Tyler said, reaching out to take the sleeping Gloria. “Malcolm Lowe was the fool. You were just a girl in love.”
“Well, I’m not that girl anymore.” She looked up at him. “I was going to put her down somewhere quiet.”
“I know just the place,” he said, cradling the little girl.
The sight of them together caught Carissa off guard, and she thought it one of the most precious and painful moments she’d ever witnessed. Words stuck in her throat as Tyler stepped away and headed toward the house. She wanted to cry, but knew it would do little good. Gloria did need a father, but unfortunately Carissa didn’t need a husband. That complicated the matter rather considerably when it came to resolving her situation.
6
Days later, Laura and Carissa worked to pack up for the move to the Barnett ranch. Gloria seemed almost anxious, but Carissa assured her over and over that they were going to have fun.
“You will get to play with Marty and Robert and Daniel every day. Won’t that be fun?”
Gloria clapped her hands, then pushed back a mass of blond curls. “I wanna play with Marty. She fixes my hair.”
Carissa eyed her daughter with a raised brow. A hint of a smile touched her lips. “Well, I don’t know how she manages to get you to sit still long enough to do more than fix a few tangles, but she does seem to have the touch.”
Laura laughed. “I was quite impressed with the way she handled the children. Could be that with her helping out, we can get caught up on all of our chores for once.”
“Yes, but so much of what we hoped to accomplish needed to be done here,” Carissa countered. “Papering and painting can’t be done from a distance.”
“True, but perhaps we could slip away from time to time and come over here during the day.”
Carissa shook her head. “I doubt that. Tyler said the whole idea of our staying at the Barnett place was to keep us safer. I can’t imagine any of them would agree to the idea of our traveling back and forth. Tyler said it’s a dangerous time for many reasons.”
Laura frowned and continued placing several articles of clothing in a trunk. “Well, we can work on the curtains and rugs, and Hannah said she would teach us to make our own candles and soap. There’s so much you and I need to learn in order to be proper ranch wives.”
“I don’t intend to learn it for the sake of being anyone’s wife. Do you realize that I am old enough and qualified to take on a homestead? As the head of my household, I could sign on for a parcel, and I would have something like five years to fix things up. Maybe Father could help me with some extra money, and I could pay workers to do the building for me.”
Laura looked at her sister in surprise. “You’ve given this quite a bit of thought.”
Carissa nodded. “I read about homesteads in the paper a while back. I was thinking that with our family’s loyalty to the Union, Father might be able to work a deal with the administration.”
“It’s just not like you, Carissa, to even know about such things . . . much less to be planning out your future dealings.”
“I’m not the same person I used to be, Laura. I grew up. Nearly dying will do that to a person.”
Laura reached out to touch Carissa’s arm. “I didn’t mean to cause you pain. You have grown up, and I’m sorry that you had to have your innocence ripped away from you. I would never have wished that for you.”
Carissa had no desire to linger on the past. Instead, she placed a large stack of folded diapers near the trunk. “These are ready.”
Laura took the diapers and packed them with the other things. She glanced up as she worked, and for just a moment her expression suggested she would revisit her earlier comments. Then her face relaxed. “Hannah said to just bring what we needed to wear. She has all the cooking things we’ll need, as well as bedding.” Laura straightened and put her hand to the small of her back. “I already feel displaced, and we haven’t even moved.”
“I know what you mean.” Carissa reached down to take up Gloria’s stack of clothes from a basket. “Which trunk do you want me to use for these?”
Laura pointed to a medium-sized wooden trunk that their parents had sent filled with supplies for Carissa. “Use that one. It will be perfect. Just put all of Gloria’s things in it and you won’t even have to worry about separating them out once we’re at the Barnetts’. You can just use it as a clothes chest.”
Carissa looked to where Gloria was busying herself with Daniel. The two seemed intent on building a tall tower with Daniel’s wooden blocks. She couldn’t help but think of how tenderly Tyler had cared for Gloria the day of the Barnett gathering.
The scene continued to play out in her mind, and Carissa felt a sense of longing at the memory of Tyler carefully cradling Gloria’s sleeping frame. He had smiled and touched her golden curls as he carried her to the house. Carissa couldn’t help but wonder at his actions and feelings. Most single men had little interest in children; goodness, many married men felt the same way! But not Tyler. He played with Robert and Daniel quite enthusiastically, as she recalled. So she couldn’t say the attention was only for Gloria, although she found herself almost wishing it were. Gloria deserved fatherly attention. She deserved a father.
But that would require me to remarry, Carissa thought.
“Well, look there,” Laura said from the window. “It’s Tyler, and I believe he has a dog with him.”
Gloria jumped up, knocking the tower over. Daniel began to cry as Gloria ran to the window. “I wanna see the dog.” She pressed her nose to the glass. “Where’s the dog? Where’s Tyer?” Just then she spotted him and clapped furiously as she jumped up and down. “Tyer!”
“Let’s go downstairs and greet him properly,” Carissa told Gloria.
“You go ahead,” Laura declared. “I’m going to try and comfort Daniel and rebuild the tower.” She smiled and approached her son. “It’s quite all right, sweetie. We can stack them all up again. Let Mama help you.”
Carissa wasted no time. She lifted Gloria in her arms and hurried downstairs. She paused a moment at the hall mirror to check her reflection, then chided herself for being so silly.
“It’s just Tyler.”
“Tyer comin’ with the dog, Mama,” Gloria declared.
She laughed and nodded. “Indeed he is.”
She opened the door and put Gloria down in order to pull it closed behind her. To her horror, the child went running toward Tyler and the horse. The animal reared slightly in surprise, but Tyler turned the beast easily and reached down to pull Gloria into his arms very nearly in the same motion. For just a moment Carissa thought Tyler would fall from the saddle, but he quickly righted again and drew Gloria up with him.
Carissa had been about to call to her daughter, but fell silent as the pup began barking. She walked down the porch steps and shook her head. “Gloria, you know better than to ever run like that at a horse. What have I told you?”
“She was just excited.” Tyler slid from the animal with Gloria in his arms. “But your mama is right, and you have to be extra careful with the horses, Gloria. Promise you won’t run at the horse again.”
“I pwomise, Tyer.” She looked so contrite that Carissa could only smile.
“Good. Since that’s settled, look what I’ve brought you, Gloria. Your very own dog.”
“My dog!” Gloria said with her customary clapping.
Tyler laughed. “Yes. Yours and Daniel’s. You’ll have to share.” He whistled for the distracted animal. “Come.” The dog came quickly and sat at Tyler’s feet.
Carissa studied the reddish-brown-and-white animal. He looked like one of the many cattle dogs she’d seen in the area. He looked up at her with the strangest pale blue eyes and began to wag his tail.
“I think he like
s you both,” Tyler said, putting Gloria down so that she could pet the pup. “He’s about nine months old and already well trained. Andy’s been workin’ with him for some time.”
“So the dog is his?” Carissa frowned. “I wouldn’t want to take it away from him.”
“Nah, he had a litter of five to train. Rusty here is the last of the bunch to find a home.”
“Rusty, eh?” The dog perked and cocked his head at the sound of his name. “It suits him. He has a rusty-colored coat.”
“Rusty,” Gloria said, trying out the name. She put her arms around the pup’s neck and hugged him close. The puppy received the affection in calm order, much to Carissa’s relief.
“You’ll have to keep teaching him to mind,” Tyler told the little girl. “He knows how to sit and come. He knows his name, so when you call to him, he should always listen.”
Unlike Gloria, who by now was giggling at the way in which Rusty bathed her face in licks. Tyler looked at Carissa. “What do you think?”
“I think he will make a fine pet—perhaps a fine guardian in time.” Carissa watched as Gloria took off running, the dog on her heels and her laughter ringing out. “Thank you, Tyler.”
“You are quite welcome. Rusty already knows about snakes. We made sure he would know to bark, but then leave them alone. That way you can teach Gloria that when Rusty barks and backs away, she needs to, as well. As they develop a friendship, I’m confident Rusty will protect her and Daniel quite faithfully.”
“That’s a relief.” She put her hand to her eyes and looked to where Gloria was now rolling around on the ground with the puppy. “She’s so fearless.”
“Like her mother,” he countered.
Carissa met his gaze. “Hardly that. I live in fear of everything.”
His brows rose. “I find that hard to believe.”
“Well, just because I endure doesn’t mean I’m not terrified.”
“Why don’t we sit a spell on the porch and you can tell me about it.” He moved to the porch steps without waiting for her to agree.
Carissa followed him and took a seat in her favorite rocker. Tyler sat down beside her and waited for her to continue. “Doesn’t anything frighten you?” she asked instead.
Tyler nodded. “Sure, I have my moments. Sometimes my biggest fear is that I’ll never see justice done for my pa and the men who died with him.”
“That’s not a real fear. You aren’t seriously afraid of that—are you? I mean, do you lie awake at night and worry about it?”
His expression seemed to change in a flash. One moment he was tender and smiling and the next he was . . . well . . . almost angry. Carissa pressed back in her chair, afraid that perhaps she had said too much.
“I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since my father was killed. I should have been there with him.” He shook his head. “The killings were horrible. Then I went to war. . . . The things I saw there were enough to give me a lifetime of nightmares.”
“I’m sorry. I suppose my words sounded callous, and I didn’t mean for them to. It’s just that I always figured men, being men, had little that caused them fear. Women seem so weak and helpless in comparison. We cannot vote or make doctrine in our country. We can’t do business without facing a great deal of trouble and even then—more often than not we are refused. I find myself fearful of so much.”
“I wish you weren’t afraid,” he told her. Tyler’s expression softened once again. “I’m glad you’ll be at the Barnett ranch while we’re gone.”
“I wish you weren’t going away,” Carissa said without thinking.
“Gonna miss me, eh?” He grinned.
She felt her cheeks grow hot. “I . . . well . . . I’m going to miss all of you. I feel safer when you’re all here.” She hurried to put the focus back on Tyler. “So what would justice for your father and his men look like to you? Would you want to see the Indians go to trial?”
He shook his head. “No. I would want to see them dead.” His voice was cold, and the finality of his comment left Carissa chilled, as well.
“Would you . . . kill them yourself?” she asked.
He looked away at this point. “I would be glad to kill them.”
His tone reminded her of Malcolm, and she shuddered. Were all men so filled with hate?
Laura came through the door with Daniel on her hip. The moment he saw the puppy, he was almost impossible to hold on to. Laura descended the steps and let him go. He raced across the grassy yard to where Gloria and Rusty were still happily engaged.
“Tyler, I see you brought us a dog,” Laura said in greeting.
“Sure did. That’s Rusty. Like I was tellin’ Carissa, he’s trained to come and sit. He’ll need more training, but he’s a smart dog and works fast. I think if the kids spend a lot of time with him, he’ll be a good guard dog to them.”
“He’s also been trained to recognize the threat of snakes and to bark,” Carissa declared. “Tyler said he’ll bark and back away. That way we can teach the children that means danger, and they should move away, too, and get help.”
“Good. That’s something of a relief.” Laura put her hand to her mouth to suppress a yawn. “I do apologize. I’ve been so tired.”
“Why don’t you go take a rest?” Carissa suggested. “I can watch the children and sew. They’re completely enthralled with Rusty, and I don’t think they’ll be any trouble.”
Laura paused, hesitant, but Carissa insisted. “Go. Go now while Daniel is busy and doesn’t see you leave.”
“Thank you. I think I will rest for a bit. If you’ll pardon me, Tyler.”
“Of course. I’m havin’ myself a nice visit with Carissa.”
A smile touched the corners of Laura’s mouth, but she made no comment. For this Carissa was greatly relieved. She waited until Laura went back into the house before picking up the conversation. “I’m sorry if I upset you earlier. That wasn’t my intention.”
Tyler shook his head. “My thoughts are well-known around here. I hate the Indians.”
“All of them?”
He drew a deep breath. “No. I suppose not all of them. Just the ones who murdered my pa and the ones who go on murdering white folks.”
She nodded. “Why are they so angry? Why do they want us dead?”
For a moment he said nothing, and Carissa thought perhaps he wouldn’t answer her. Finally, however, he spoke. “I suppose when I really think about it, they are mad because we’ve taken their land. We’ve forced them to leave their way of life and live on reservations. And we’ve broken just about every promise we’ve ever made to them as a nation.”
“I suppose I would be angry in that case. Is it true that the army often goes on raids, killing the Indians en masse?” she asked.
“Where did you hear that?” He looked at her with a completely puzzled expression.
“I overheard some of the men talking the other day at the Barnett place. One of them said something about a massacre of Indians by the army. I think they said it happened during the war.”
He nodded. “They were probably talkin’ about Sand Creek. There was a big massacre there. I have to admit I don’t know a whole lot about it. I did hear that those Indians had been causing a lot of trouble in the warmer months when they’d attack whites on the trails.”
“And for that, they deserved to be massacred?” she questioned.
Tyler looked at her hard. “You haven’t had to worry much about Indians down in Corpus—have you?”
She shook her head. “No . . . and I don’t pretend to understand it all.”
Tyler started to say something, then shook his head. “I suppose nobody really understands. Seems to me like somethin’ could have been worked out a long time ago to let us all live together in peace.”
“I’m sure wrongs have been committed on both sides,” Carissa replied softly. “That’s usually how it goes.”
Tyler looked to where the children were playing and nodded. “I suppose that’s true enough. Still
, there have been a lot of unprovoked raiding parties in the last few years. The Comanche and Kiowa seem bent on puttin’ an end to the white man’s existence. They’ve murdered a lot of innocent settlers—children, too.” He turned his gaze back on Carissa. “How would you feel if they killed Gloria and Daniel?”
The very thought caused her to stiffen in fear. She had heard accounts of babies being dashed onto the rocks and killed. She shook her head. “I wouldn’t want justice,” she finally said.
Tyler’s brows drew together. “I don’t believe you.”
She shrugged and fixed him with a hard stare. “I wouldn’t want justice. I would want revenge.”
For a moment neither said anything. Carissa couldn’t help but wonder if she’d angered Tyler by suggesting that his motives weren’t justice as much as a desire for payback. A part of her wanted to further the statement and let him know that she certainly didn’t fault him for wanting revenge. She could understand that passion—that need. Even if the very thought terrified her.
7
I hope the rooms are to your liking,” Hannah said as she opened the door to the first bedroom. “Carissa, I thought this might work well for you and Gloria.”
Peering inside, Carissa found a small, but adequate, space. An iron-frame bed stood against one wall with a small oak nightstand beside it. Across the room was another larger table with a bowl and pitcher on top.
“It’s very nice,” Carissa said, nodding. “More than enough room for Gloria and me.”
“I had Will put the bed against the wall so that you could have Gloria on the inside. That way she won’t fall out at night.” Hannah smiled and turned to Laura. “Come, and I will show you to your room.”
Carissa wanted to follow after them, but didn’t. She knew Tyler would be coming along shortly to help Brandon bring up her things, and she wanted a chance to talk to him. Besides, she hadn’t been encouraged to join Hannah and her sister.
She walked to the edge of the bed and sat down. It felt comfortable enough. The mattress felt firm, but not hard. Carissa gave a sigh and closed her eyes for a moment. She was glad that Marty had taken the kids to play. Gloria had been so rambunctious that morning, and Carissa held little patience for her antics.
Tracie Peterson - [Land of the Lone Star 03] Page 6
