by Nikki Ash
“Marco, as long as you are following your dreams, you could never let us down. Never. But your reasoning is crap.”
“It’s fact,” he shoots back.
“So, Chloe is tainted?” Marco stays silent. He knows I have him. “Is she, Marco? Is Caleb tainted? Because you know what he went through.”
“His stepmom did that shit to him. That’s not blood.”
“And his father turned a blind eye.”
“I found my dad.”
“What?” I am shocked. Marco’s father, who wasn’t listed on his birth certificate is dead according to what his mom used to tell him.
“I mean, I know he’s dead, but I found his family. I hired a private investigator. Aunt Jenn knew his name and where he was from. She didn’t want to tell me but I begged.”
“Why?”
“I needed to know. My biological mom was always a drug addict since as far back as I could remember but she used to be a good mom before Chloe’s dad died. I don’t remember a whole lot. I remember certain things, but I have no recollection of my dad. My Aunt Jenn said my mom always struggled but was never into drugs until my dad came around.”
I don’t say anything, letting him tell me whatever he needs to say at his own pace.
“My dad was a huge drug dealer and he had several families. I have half brothers and sisters all over the damn place. The PI found a couple of the women and they are all druggies like my mom was. He destroyed each and every one of those women. So, while Chloe has our biological mom in her genes, I have that man in me. The one who fed woman drugs and destroyed their lives. At least Chloe’s dad wasn’t a piece-of-shit like my dad. Sure, he wasn’t the best role model but he didn’t feed my mom drugs and devastate everything in his wake like my dad did.”
“Oh, Marco. You are so wrong about genetics. Sure, you might share an eye or hair color but who your parents are doesn’t mean that’s who you are. You don’t do drugs and you don’t destroy anyone around you.”
“I was selling them at like twelve years old! I’m just as bad as he was! And then with Bella…” Marco trails off and I have a feeling he didn’t mean to let that part slip.
“Stop it!” I turn toward my son and look at him, for the first time realizing even after all these years, he’s still so broken. “You did what you had to, to survive. There’s a damn difference. If you don’t want to have kids or get married, fine! But don’t you ever compare yourself to anybody else, especially to that man. You are you. You are loving and caring. You are passionate and determined. You are my son and I love you. You complete me in so many ways.
“And your father, the man who has raised you. He was so lost when he met you. And you came into his life and saved him. So, don’t you ever say you are tainted. You are not a bad person, and you are ours.”
“I’ve done other bad shit.”
“Bella?” I ask, referring to his previous statement.
Marco looks at me and for a moment I think he’s going to open up to me but instead he shuts down. “It doesn’t even matter. I fucked up and I can never take it back.”
“Whatever you did, I want you to know I would never judge you and neither would your dad.” Marco flinches when I mention his dad but doesn’t say anything.
“Marco, I need to ask. Did something happen with Bella?” His eyes widen for a brief second before his elbows fall to his knees, his hands scrubbing over his face. He looks at me like he wants to talk to me and I silently beg him to, but instead he says, “No.”
We both sit in silence for a few minutes, drinking our coffees.
“Ryan is a cute kid,” Marco says changing the subject.
“Yeah, it breaks Bentley and Kayla’s heart that he won’t speak but hopefully he will soon.”
“What do you mean? He speaks.” Marco gives me a look of confusion.
“He is learning sign language, so he communicates, but he hasn’t spoken since the day they got him. His parents were young and into drugs. His mom committed suicide and the dad lost his rights. He was neglected.”
Marco shakes his head, looking perplexed. “Umm… Mom… Ryan speaks. He spoke to me.”
Kayla
“Wow! You guys, this tree is beautiful!” Bentley just got back with the girls and Ryan from handpicking a Christmas tree. He set it up in the stand, and the girls put water in it. It is big and fluffy and I love it. I also love that this is the first tree with Ryan and my mom here.
“Thank you for taking the kids. My mom and I had a nice talk.”
“Any time, babe.” Bentley grabs my hips and pulls me into him for a kiss. It’s supposed to be a quick kiss but nothing with Bentley is ever quick. His lips touch mine and his tongue enters, and like always, when my husband puts his hands and mouth on me, I melt like snow into a puddle of water at his mercy.
“Oh God! You guys!”
“Seriously! Will it ever stop?”
The girls start complaining and I can’t help but laugh into Bentley’s mouth.
“Do your parents do this a lot?” my mom asks through her laughter.
“All the freaking time,” Faith huffs out.
“It’s so gross and should be against the law.” I can hear Chloe’s eyes rolling to the top of her head.
Bentley gives me one more kiss then releases me. “Later,” he promises.
There’s a knock on the door and both girls run to get it.
“Marco!” Chloe gives her brother a hug.
“Geez Chloe, you’re acting like you didn’t just see me a little bit ago.” Marco laughs but picks her up giving her a bear hug.
“I know but I need to see you a lot now because once you go back to California you won’t come back for a long time.” Chloe pouts. Caleb and Hayley have taken her with them, when they have gone to visit Marco but it’s not the same thing as her brother living in the same city as her.
“I’m sorry, Chloe. I’ll try to visit more. Now that you are getting older, maybe your parents will let you visit me. I live on the beach so I can even teach you to surf.”
“Mom, can I?” Chloe starts jumping up and down in excitement.
“Maybe we can all take a trip out there. You know, I used to be a pretty good surfer.”
“Pretty good? Woman, you won championships before you moved to the northwest.” Bentley points out.
“Damn, Kayla. I didn’t know you could surf. Can Liz?” Marco asks.
“Ha! No way! She used to sit on the beach and read her books while I surfed. Gosh, it’s been so long. We should plan a trip to the beach soon.”
“My place is small but it’s surrounded by hotels. You guys should definitely come over,” Marco suggests.
“Sounds good! So, what brings you guys by?” I look at Hayley who appears to be nervous.
“My mom said Ryan doesn’t speak.”
“He doesn’t. But he will.”
“He does speak, though. Where is he?” He looks around for Ryan.
Bentley whips his head to me in shock when he hears what Marco said. “Wait a second. Marco, when you were keeping an eye on him for me and you relayed your conversation with him to me, were you being serious?”
“What conversation? When was Marco watching Ryan?” I’m confused.
“When we went to cut the tree down. Marco kept an eye on Ryan for me so he wouldn’t go near the trees or wander off. He was telling me all about Ryan’s favorite food and what he thought about the snow but I thought he was just playing around.” Bentley turns to Marco. “Were you just playing around?” Bentley’s voice is rough with emotion.
“No, I didn’t even know Ryan doesn’t talk. He told me that stuff himself. I swear.” Marco looks nervous.
“Marco, Ryan has never spoken. His biological father said he spoke at times so we know he can speak but he hasn’t since we got him.”
“Where is he now?” Marco looks around some more for Ryan.
“He’s in his room taking a nap.”
“Kayla, go grab him,” Bentley insists.
<
br /> “What if Marco goes up there and records it? That way Ryan doesn’t feel overwhelmed,” Hayley suggests.
“Facetime! He can do a Facetime chat so we can hear it live,” Faith exclaims.
“Yeah, I can do that… but…”
“What?”
“I don’t want you guys to be disappointed if he doesn’t talk again.”
“Marco, I can’t even believe he talked in the first place. This gives us such hope. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t. But maybe he trusts you, and he will.” I shrug. “It’s worth a shot.”
“Okay, I’ll go up there. Chloe, Facetime me so it’s live.”
“Okay.” She pulls her phone out of her back pocket.
Marco
I walk into Ryan’s room, my phone burning in my hand knowing everybody downstairs can see and hear everything. I’ve never been this nervous before. I know Ryan spoke to me—there’s no way I was imagining it—but now that I know he doesn’t usually speak I’m worried he won’t do it again and everyone will think I’m fucking nuts, or that I lied, or be disappointed.
My phone vibrates and I quickly look at it and see it’s Bella. I hit decline. I’ll deal with that later…Or not. Ryan is laying in his bed with his eyes closed. When I sit down, the bed dips a little and his eyes open.
“Hey Ry-man.” I set the phone down next to me so everyone can hear and maybe see. Ryan looks at me but doesn’t say anything. He blinks a few times, waking up, and I give him a minute. After he sits up I start talking to him.
“So, I was thinking maybe you and I could go build that snowman. What do you think?” Ryan nods. Shit, I need to get him to speak.
“And afterward we can get pizza.” He nods again. I need to ask a question that requires him to answer with words.
“What kind of pizza do you like?” Ryan blinks a couple times and I hold my breath. Then leans toward me and whispers, “The one with the red circles on top.” He speaks the words slowly, his eyes going wide.
“Pepperoni. I like that one too.” He nods.
“Who should we have go with us to build the snowman?” Silence. Then he whispers, “Faith…and Chloe.”
“Okay, what about your mom and dad?” He nods and smiles.
“Can you do me a favor, Ry-man?” Ryan nods.
“When we go downstairs, can you tell your mom that you want pizza?” Ryan’s eyes widen. He doesn’t answer one way or another.
“All right. Let’s go down and get everybody so we can make a snowman.” Ryan scoots off the bed and takes my hand in his. I pocket my phone and we head down the stairs back to everyone.
Bentley
His voice. We heard it. It’s soft and barely there but it was his voice. Tears fill my eyes and Kayla hugs me around the waist as we stare at Chloe’s phone. We can’t see Ryan or Marco but we stare at the screen anyway as the words come through the speaker.
“Oh, my God. Bentley. He spoke.” Kayla cries next to me as we take in the significance of this moment. Ryan and Marco come down the stairs and we quickly compose ourselves, wiping the tears from our eyes so Ryan won’t get scared.
Ryan walks up to us with his hand still in Marco’s. “Go ahead, Ry. Tell your mom what kind of pizza you want so she can order it.” Marco is soft-spoken and kneeling next to Ryan. Kayla kneels as well and gives Ryan a small smile.
Ryan looks over to Marco and Marco nods in encouragement. “Pizza with red circles.” It’s only four words spoken so softly you would miss them if the room wasn’t quiet, but fuck if they aren’t my new favorite words.
Kayla takes in a deep breath to keep her composure. I know what she’s thinking. If Ryan sees her crying, he will assume the worst, so instead she smiles big. “We will definitely get you pizza with red circles. What would you like to drink?” She’s hoping to keep him talking. I can feel everyone watching and waiting with bated breath.
Ryan looks to Marco. I have no idea why he’s attached himself to Marco but for whatever reason he has. It’s clear in the way he looks at him, he trusts him, and while it hurts that he opened up to him after only knowing him for thirty seconds, I will be forever grateful.
Marco nods and smiles encouraging him. “Milk, please.” His please comes out like peas and I turn my head for a second to wipe the tears.
“Pizza with red circles and milk. You got it.” She goes to stand but Ryan starts talking to her again, freezing her in place.
“And…melon.”
“Melon?” She clarifies.
Ryan nods. “The red one.” Watermelon.
“Okay, we’ll get you some watermelon.”
Ryan nods… and smiles. For the first time since he has moved in with us, he gives us a toothy grin and it just about brings me to my knees.
“Liz went into town to get…. something she forgot. I’ll call her to pick up watermelon,” Hayley says.
“All right, Ry-man. You ready to build that snowman?” Marco asks Ryan.
Ryan’s eye light up and he nods but then he says, “Yes.”
Best. Day. Ever.
Cooper
I take off to find Bella on foot. Since she must be on foot, I figured how far could she have possibly gotten. I don’t have to look far before I find her up in the Breckenridge ski resort. She is curled up in a reading chair with her iPad in her lap reading a book with a hot coffee in her hand. She reminds me so much of Liz at times. It shouldn’t surprise me, though. She raised her for the first four years of her life on her own. The bond they share is unbreakable.
From the moment I met my princess, we formed our own bond, one that has survived all the stages of my little girl growing up. It wasn’t until the last year or so that our bond has started to fray and my biggest fear is that when she leaves for college that thin thread will break and not be able to be sewn back together. My goal is to prevent that from happening but I know to accomplish this, I need to be prepared to hear anything she has to say whether I like it or not.
And let’s face it, at my daughter’s age, there’s a good chance whatever comes out of her mouth will be shit I’m not going to like.
“Mind if I join you?” I stand over Bella, waiting for her permission to join her. She clicks off her iPad and sets it down next to her, giving me a small smile.
“Of course. Where is everyone?” She looks around.
“They’re at the house. I wanted to spend some time with you. Talk to you.”
“You can talk to me any time.” Her nose scrunches in confusion just like her mother’s does.
I sit down in the reading chair next to her. “I feel like you’re slipping out of my grip.”
“I’m just going to college like one state over. I thought we already talked about this.” She frowns.
“It’s more than that. We used to talk every day while training. Now I feel like you have already moved even though you are still right in front of me.”
She sighs softly. “I guess I just feel lost right now.”
“Why?”
“I’m going to college because you want me to but all I want to do is train and fight.”
I know she hates that we have given her an ultimatum. Go to college or she needs to get a job to support herself. She’s not eighteen yet, so she can’t fight in the UFC and even then, it will be years before she’s making any kind of money. She’s got to start fighting and winning, first.
“We just want more for you, Bella. I didn’t go to college. Yeah, I inherited my dad’s gyms and did well in the UFC, but that’s not always the norm. And your mom, she was pregnant at eighteen and she struggled in college, juggling her school work and having a baby, but still graduated.”
“Do you think she regrets having me?”
“No way! That’s not what I meant. You are the best thing that ever happened to us, aside from your siblings. I just meant that we want things to be easier for you. We have worked hard so we can give you whatever it is you want.”
“But I don’t want college. I don’t think it’s for me but you are leavin
g me no choice.”
“Are you going away to California because you are mad at me?”
“No.” She shakes her head.
“Why don’t you stay here and go to a state college and train with me?”
“I- I just need to be on my own. I need some space.”
“What if we get you a place here?”
“Dad, I love you but I need some breathing room. I need to be able to grow and learn and make mistakes away from here.”
“What kind of mistakes, Bella?” She bows her head and I know she isn’t going to tell me. Hell, maybe she doesn’t even know what mistakes, yet. All I can do at this point is be there for her even when she doesn’t know she needs me.
“Hey,” I say, “Your mom and I are here for you. No matter what. Whatever mistakes you think you need to make, fine. But we are here. All we want for you is to pave a path for your future. Fighting can come first but you need a backup plan. You need a college degree.”
“I know, Dad. And I’m doing it your way.” I want to tell her she doesn’t have to go to college. I want to tell her whatever it is she wants to hear that will bring my little girl back to me, but the hardest part of being a parent is doing the things you feel are best for your children even if it hurts you to do so. And I really feel it’s best for Bella to go to college while training. All it takes is one injury and she will need to find another career. It happens to athletes every damn day. Hopefully one day she will understand where we are coming from.
“I love you, Bella.”
“I love you too, Dad.”
“Want to do some snowboarding? There’s still a couple hours of light left.”
“That sounds like fun. Let’s do it.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
We spend the next couple hours snowboarding. Bella might look like her mom and love books like her, but athletically, she is most definitely my kid. Fighting, skiing, snowboarding, it doesn’t matter what it is, she picks it up quickly and excels at it.
