by Wood, Lauren
I wasn’t doing any better than Lisa. Blair wasn’t getting it. When it came to guys, she never seemed to, and I wasn’t going to argue with her. She could think and say whatever she wanted to. I wasn’t going to let it go anytime soon.
“I’m just saying be careful Blair. I don’t want to see you hurt by him again.”
“Fine, but you don’t know if it’s not for me. It could be. It could be a ring and he could be asking me to marry him.”
“If he was smart, that’s what he should do. But…”
“I know, he isn’t very smart. You really got to get some new lines. They aren’t even inventive anymore.”
“You’ve dated this one a long time. I am running out of material.”
“And what would be better, doing it the way you do, having sex with a new one every night?”
I frowned for a moment before I covered it up. I really didn’t like the idea of that at all. The last thing I wanted to think about was Blair with more men. She was mine. That’s the way I wanted it to be. But Blair didn’t pay attention. She was far too wrapped up in finding the ‘perfect man’ that she didn’t even notice what was right in front of her.
“No, that wouldn’t suit you. Just find a good one that will do whatever they can to make you happy.”
She sighed and I saw the cynicism creep into her expression.
“That is what you call a fairytale Scott. They’re not real.”
Blair was a mix of personalities and for a moment, her somber, dark side came out for me to see. It had been a while since I’d heard her talk like this, but I knew it was because she had so much in her mind. It was always going and that’s one of the things I liked about her.
I had to get her off the subject, because I didn’t want to talk about Dominic. He was an idiot for not realizing what he had with her and I wasn’t that kind. I didn’t want to help him see Blair for how she truly was. Actually, I wanted him to screw up, so that Blair would finally be detached.
Blair dated a lot and when she told me about Dominic, I thought that he would be just another guy that she dated for a couple of months, never more than that. But now it had three years and I was ready for a chance. I knew how faithful she was, which meant I had to ride it out, no matter how long this game had turned out to be.
“So, are you ready for waffles?”
She smiled and for a moment, all of the rest of the world just drifted right on by. I knew that this was going to be a good day. I was going to make it as good as I could. If he was going to get her this evening, I was going to have to find a way to get her attention today. We only had a few hours.
“I don’t know if we should do waffles. I need to stick to this low-carb thing.”
“There are no calories during your birthday. I read a study.”
She shoved me with her shoulder, but I didn’t move much. That made her pout and I wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
“Besides, I will make sure that we find some way to work all of those calories off.”
Her look said it all, but I was the one that told her to stop having such a dirty mind. I loved the fact that she had went there, but it didn’t mean that it was helping my cause. Want and need were something that I knew well. It was also two things that made me act like an idiot sometimes. I really had to squash my feelings, like I had been doing for years now.
“So, this is your idea of burning calories?”
She was out of breath and sweaty. It was how I liked her, and I wanted to say that, it was at the tip of my tongue, but not to her. I didn’t want to ruin the moment.
“Yes, just wait, we’re almost there.”
Blair looked down and pulled her shirt out of her jean shorts. They were short and bared a long expanse of her thighs and it was pulling my attention to her more than I would have imagined possible. It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen it a million times before, studied the heart-shaped scar above her knee. Knowing exactly where she got it and when and with whom.
“I can’t go much further.”
“It’s not too much further. The hard part is over.”
She didn’t look so sure, but she didn’t say anything either. She just got this determined look on her face that I knew well. Blair didn’t say another word as we made our way to the summit. I wanted to talk to her, ask her a few things, but right now was not the time. She needed all her strength to make sure that she made it.
“You started smoking again?”
“No?”
I gave her a look, telling her that I knew better. She wasn’t a runner, but her stamina was just fine.
“Fine, just a couple at night when I get off of work sometimes.”
I shook my head. “No wonder you’re breathing like a ninety-year-old.”
The last step was taken and then we pushed past the trees. The summit was expansive and made me feel like I was as small as an ant. I wanted her to feel the same way as I did. The grin and peace on her face was enough of a thank you.
“I want you to look out there Blair.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s your life before, open wide for new adventures. Don’t settle.”
She blew out a breath and shoved me again.
“I should have known. All this to prove a point.”
I didn’t respond as she turned around, the view ruined and started back down. I was getting to her, I was sure of it. I hated to do it this way, but she had to see. We’d been trying to tell her, but she wouldn’t listen. I was ready for the two of them to be over, the last thing that I wanted was for her to get a marriage proposal. No one else was supposed to marry her. She was mine after all.
Blair
I got ready carefully, because it was the only way that I could settle my nerves. I just had too much on my mind and that was no thanks to my so-called friends. Lisa and Scott had gotten things in my head and now I wasn’t able to get them out. I didn’t want them to be right, but a slight part of me knew that they very well could be.
Pulling the top of my hair back, I let the red curls fall down the back of my neck and then a few escaped around my face. I wanted this to be the night, but I had to wonder if I would want to marry him, really. Was this just me afraid that I was going to be alone. Was I settling?
The bright green eyes in front of me, didn’t give me any answers. Sometimes I didn’t even recognize myself, but today was different. I wanted to see myself the way that Dominic saw me. Was I going to be his wife? Was it enough, that he loved me and wanted me enough to get married? Did it really matter how I felt about all of it?
“Nonsense. Don’t let them get into your head.”
I smiled at my reflection, trying to fake it, until it was real, but it never did fill my eyes with its warmth. This was going to be a good night. I was turning thirty and I wasn’t going to let the age of myself, ruin this. It was time.
The doorbell rang and I jumped in the vanity chair. He wasn’t supposed to be here yet. I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to answer it. I knew that I had to. He hated to wait, but I hadn’t even put my dress on yet.
“Coming.”
I stole one last glance in the mirror and sighed to myself. I didn’t want him to see me this way. I should be in the gown that I’d picked out for this night. Not my slip that was only on until I finished my makeup.
“Dominic, I thought we agreed on eight?”
The door swung open, but it wasn’t Dominic. It was Scott.
“What are you doing here?”
“Here to see you. Not Dominic.”
He was also a little drunk and I had no idea what had come over him. He certainly wasn’t usually a drinker, so it was odd to see him that way, especially after spending hours with him earlier climbing a damn mountain. What had happened since then?
“What’s up Scott? Are you okay?”
He moved passed me into the house and I didn’t even try to stop him.
“You didn’t drive here, did you?”
Scott grinned and his dark brown eye
s were darker than normal. He had this expression that I couldn’t wrap my head around. Something was on his mind.
“Yes, but that’s not the point.”
“I guess not but give me your keys. I’ll put them on the hook and then you can get them when you leave. I know how you lose things.”
And I knew that I wasn’t going to let him leave when he was like this.
“What happened?”
I kept asking, because he still hadn’t answered me. Instead he was looking at the room like it was the first time he’d seen it, instead of the thousandth.
“I need to talk to you Blair. I have a lot to say and I don’t want you to go with him. I want you to stay and talk to me.”
“What is going on? This isn’t like you.”
“I don’t want you getting engaged to that idiot Blair. Don’t you get that?”
“I do. You have never been silent about how you feel about him. I just don’t see why this is any different all of a sudden. You’ve never wanted me to be with him.”
“Things are different.”
“How?”
He was starting to scare me. Did he know something that I should know? Why was he being so cryptic, or did I just not get what was right in front of me?
“Because I am sick and tired of waiting. I’ve waited three years and I don’t want to wait for you to get married and divorced. I know that it will only be a few more years, but I just can’t any longer for you to figure it out Blair.”
I was starting to think that he had went beyond the limits of rational thinking. He was just too drunk to make any sense.
“Why don’t I get you into bed Scott? You can lay down for a bit and I’m sure you’ll be feeling better in no time.”
He didn’t fight it, but he wasn’t all that much of a help either. I had to let him lean heavily on me to get him to the room down the hall. Scott was a big guy and it showed when he wasn’t in control of his body all the way.
“Lay down with me.”
I’d barely gotten him into the bed, and I knew that it was going to be harder if he tried to get up. Scott had done this for me on more than one occasion and I was going to the same. If he wanted me to lay down with him, what was the harm?
“Fine, but just for a moment. It’s too early for me to take a nap.”
Scott pulled me in against his hard chest as he went to his side. His arm was like a band around my body and I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Why can’t you see what is right in front of you?”
He was talking to me, but not really talking to me. He had this look on his face that I didn’t understand all that well. Scott’s mind was somewhere else. He had a glaze over his eyes, but that didn’t matter. He was Scott. I’d known him forever. But that look… I’d seen it before.
He was pushing me onto my back and now his lips were pressed up against mine. I was somehow pinned underneath him and I felt a familiar pull of need. We’d been here before and it was just as devastating this time around.
His tongue flicked in my own and the weight of his body, pressed me into the mattress. I wasn’t able to get up, even if I wanted to, but I knew that it was getting out of hand. Scott didn’t know what he was doing, and my body didn’t care if he was a friend and not a lover. It was responding in the same way as it had before.
I pushed him back after a moment because too much was happening, and my mind was barely working now. I couldn’t deal with his touch and I sat up.
“You have to lay back and keep your hands to yourself Scott.”
He sighed out loud. “Fine, but please lay down with me?”
I couldn’t say no. Not with the way he asked me, the tone of his voice, but I didn’t want to say yes either. If I did, I was going to have to remember his touch and the taste of his lips on mine. I don’t know if I was ready for that or not.
“Do you promise to be good?”
He agreed, but I still couldn’t be sure. He wasn’t in his right mind at the moment and after the way he had kissed me, neither was I.
“Yes, I promise Blair. It was just a kiss.”
Scott was slurring his words and I helped him with his boots. It was something to distract me and I went back to my side of the bed, sitting on the edge like I was ready for flight. Maybe I was.
“Goodnight Blair. Happy birthday.”
I said it back to him and then sat in the dark. It wasn’t long at all before his breaths were even and I knew he was asleep. It was strange to have his body next to mine. It was so big and solid, and he had a smell of pine that I was trying to place. Everything about Scott was so familiar, but now I was seeing him in a whole new light. I liked the way this looked much more.
Not too long after I started to think about getting up, I heard the doorbell ring and I knew that it was Dominic. He was here to pick me up for our date, but I wasn’t going to make it. I should have got up and went to the door. I should have at least said something to him, but I just laid on the other side of Scott and closed my eyes.
After a minute I heard the knob turn and I was surprised that it was locked. I was glad it was of course. There was no way that I wanted to be caught in bed with another man by my boyfriend. That wouldn’t end well, excuse or not.
The bell rang a couple more times and then my cell phone started to go off. He wasn’t going to let it go and I wanted to get up, but about the time Dominic knocked the last time, Scott shifted and threw his heavy arm over my waist. I’d told him no funny business, but it wasn’t hard to see that he was out of it. He didn’t know what he was doing and I’m grateful for that, too grateful most likely.
I did get up eventually, but it wasn’t to go to the door. By the time I got out of bed, Dominic was long gone. I turned off my phone, not sure why I was doing this. I got in the bathtub and ran hot water into the tub, adding a fizzer bar to turn the water colors. What was I doing? After telling myself that I wanted this, I had just thrown it all away. It didn’t make sense.
It was the kiss. As I sat there in the hot water, letting it sink into my bones, I knew one thing for sure. It had nothing to do with Dominic. It didn’t have to do with what Lisa or Scott had said. I was willing to put my life on hold for one drunken kiss with a friend I’d had for a very long time. It didn’t make any sense and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I’d obviously lost my mind. It was the only explanation that I could come up with.
Getting out of the shower, I wasn’t sure where I was supposed to go. I knew that sliding back into bed with Scott wasn’t an option now. It had been in the past, many times, but not now. Something was different between us and it made me ill because I didn’t know where I stood. How could everything get screwed up with just one kiss?
Scott
Waking up with a hangover, wasn’t something that I hadn’t done before. I knew the moment I started to open my eyes, that I’d drank too much the night before. My head was ringing and all I could think about was going back to sleep. My mind was trying to search out what I had to do for the day. It felt like there was something I was supposed to be doing.
With my eyes closed, my nostrils flared to the smells around me. There was perfume in the air and something else. Bacon.
That got me up a little faster. I cracked on eye open and took in the surroundings. I wasn’t at home, thus why there was the smell of bacon in the first place. It took a moment to realize that I was at Blair’s. How had I gotten here?
I laid back and groaned out loud. I had started drinking, thinking about her getting engaged to Dominic. I’d came here to tell her how much I loved her, but I don’t think it really came out. And if it did come out, she hadn’t taken the time to really listen. Instead, she had put me to bed like I was a child.
Then I remembered the kiss and that had me sitting up again. Not only was I unsure what all I had said, but I was just as unsure of what was real and what wasn’t. I’d dreamed of Blair for many years, but this was different. It felt fresher and somehow because of that, more real.
I wanted to believe that we’d kissed, but I couldn’t be sure. It was all too fuzzy.
One way or another, I had to get up. I sat on the edge of the bed and did my best to get myself together. I was here for a reason. I knew what that reason was, but did Blair know? How well had I told her how I felt?
There was no time to really find out because I heard Blair in the hallways. She popped the door open and I smiled her easy smile. God, she was even more beautiful with her hair fluffy around her shoulders and not a speck of makeup on.
“I thought I heard you in here. I am glad that you’re finally up. I don’t know if you have to work today or not.”
I waved her off because the last thing I was thinking of, was work. I was thinking way more about the smells in the air and the gorgeous woman in front of me, wearing a silken robe that made my body stand on end.
“No, I just have to get my head right. Is there coffee?”
I asked, desperate for there to be some. I was sure, all I needed to do was get my hands on a strong cup of coffee and all of this would make sense. I was desperate that it was the case. I didn’t want to feel this way much longer. Something had happened between me and Blair, and I wanted to make sure that I hadn’t screwed things up. She didn’t seem to be any different, but that could just be me hoping for the best.
“Yes, of course there is Scott. I know how you are.”
She did. Blair knew me too well. She knew what made me tick and now she knew that I had feelings for her. Not like the youthful ones of the past, but real feelings. Though, I think she does. I don’t know what the hell I said, and I was afraid to ask. Instead, I was just going to take her lead on this and hope for the best. At this point, it was all I could do, and I felt like I was doing it rather often. There was nothing that I could do now, whatever I had said and done, was over now. Now there was only the aftermath of it all to deal with and I kept assuring myself that I could handle it.
When I got to the kitchen, I spent a little too much time studying those long legs of hers. They were so long and speckled with freckles that had always caught my attention. There was nothing that I could do about my attraction to her, no matter how badly I wanted it to not be the case, I couldn’t help it.
