I try to sit up, the memory of what I had done so horrifying that I want to get away from it.
“Hey, hey,” Jax pushes me back down on the bed none too gently. “Yeah, you killed some of those bastards. So what? Would you rather they have killed Tater, or Finn … or me? And they would have. They would have killed all of us, but you. You were what they wanted. You saved us, Tara. All of us.”
It must be a hard admission for him, being saved by a New Blood ‘cause he don’t look too happy about it. His blue eyes are like ice chips, and he runs an irritated hand through his spikey hair. Not much of a thank you, but I figure it’s about all I’m gonna get out of him.
“But we were surrounded.” I still don’t understand. “How did I save any of you?”
I look at Finn, still sitting beside me. He don’t want to meet my eyes, but I force his chin up.
“Finn, tell me and speak the truth,” I say.
He looks to Jax first, who gives him a slight nod as if giving him permission. Permission for what? I think.
Finns voice is hesitant, scared. “It ain’t like nuthin’ I ever seen before. There we were, surrounded. The Army was everywhere. You were shot, Tara. I could see all the blood, and I was so scared. I thought for sure we were all done for. But then you … you started yellin’. It weren’t no words I could understand, but something happened. It was like … Hells, I don’t know. It was like the land itself was being summoned by you, controlled almost. It rose up like a dust devil only bigger. Much bigger. We were in the middle of it. It didn’t touch us at all, but the Army … When it cleared, they were just gone. There weren’t nuthin’. No bodies, no horses. Just gone.”
He stops talking, but his eyes desperately search my face for an explanation. One I cain’t give him. How is that even possible? Surely, Finn must be wrong about the whole thing. He’d been scared, terrified. He must have imagined it. But then I look at Jax, and I see the confirmation in his eyes. It’s true. All of it. A coldness starts to move over me, and my whole insides feel numb. It’s like my brain cain’t process what Finn’s just told me, and I stare at him in disbelief. That surely isn’t something no normal person should be able to do, raise a dust storm. Jax is right. I am a freak. A mutation. Horrified and overwhelmed at what I just heard, I try to sink further into the soft bed.
“I wanna be alone,” I say dully, turning my head from both pairs of searching eyes. I just want to slip back to unconsciousness, to see Grada and Ben again. To be back in Rivercross where things made sense and I was normal.
“Tara—”
“Get out!” I scream, cutting off Jax’s words. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want their questioning eyes looking at me anymore. I’m grateful they do as I ask ‘cause they don’t get a chance to see the hot tears that start to flow down my cheeks onto my pillow. I cry and cry. I cain’t stop. Everything that has been building up over the past few weeks, it lets loose, and I cain’t control it. I cry for Grada, Rivercross, Ben … for everything that I’ve lost.
Grada was so wrong. It is all my fault. The sobs rack my body uncontrollably, and my gut feels like it’s on fire with every convulsion but I keep crying. I cry for the lives I’ve taken—they weren’t just Army. I figure they had been someone’s son, father, husband, and I killed them. I ain’t no better than any of them.
The tears flow heavily for a long time. Surely, there cain’t be any left. I sob into the pillow, bashing it with my fist. Why did all this happen? Why was everybody I ever loved taken from me? Why in the name of the gods am I being tested so? But no answers come.
Slowly, my sobs subside into deep, shuddering breaths. Exhausted, I lay against my wet pillow too spent to move or to care. I feel numb, emotionless. Like every feeling I had inside of me was now cried out into my pillow. And tired. So tired.
I get no relief in my eventual sleep; however, ‘cause then the night terrors come. Filled with images of bloody, gaping head wounds and giant dust storms and burnt crops and bodies. I deserve it, I guess. Evil dreams for an evil soul. It’s fitting.
For days I refuse to see anyone except Vi, Jax’s ma. I ain’t up to facing any of ‘em. I don’t want to see their questioning looks and to try and give them answers I don’t have. They try to visit, especially Finn, but I keep refusing. Vi agrees to my wishes, and every day turns him away with a quiet but firm, “Not today.” She’s my only connection to the world outside, bringing me food, changing my bandages, and never judging. For the first time in my life I realize what it must be like to be under a mother’s care, and I am grateful for her strength. But with each kindness she shows me, I cain’t help but think about my own ma. Did she abandon me ‘cause she knew what sort of monster I would turn out to be? Was the thought of it more than she could bear? I guess I cain’t never know, but the thinking about it just sends me spiraling deeper and deeper into despair. I’m in one of those dark moods when Vi brings me my meal.
Without a word to me she lays the soup on the table by my bed and then opens up the shutters covering the small window in the room, letting in the bright sun. Wincing, I cover my eyes with my arm.
“Could you close those back up please, Vi?” I say.
“I could, but I won’t,” she says, and I stare at her in surprise. She ain’t ever denied me anything since she’s been caring for me.
“Enough is enough, child.” She stands over me, arms folded. “For days now, I’ve watched you wallow in self-pity, turning away those who care about you, and for what? Because you found out you are different?”
She sees my shock and nods. “Yes, I know what you are even though Jax tried his best to hide it from me.” She sighs. “I swear sometimes that boy thinks I’m an idiot.”
“How did you know—”
“That you’re a New Blood? Well, if your rapidly healing wound wasn’t a dead giveaway, it would have to be your resemblance to her.”
I frown at her, puzzled. “Her? Who?”
“Jenna. Jax’s sister and my daughter. You remind me of her so much. Oh, not in appearance other than the hair of course, but your temperament and stubbornness and sadness. In that, you are very similar.”
I’m surprised by this revelation. “I didn’t know Jax had a sister.”
Not that he would have told me anyways. We ain’t had much of what you would call civilized conversation in the time we’ve known each other.
She sighs again and sits by me on the bed. “No, he doesn’t talk about her at all anymore. But as children, they were inseparable. He loved her very much.”
“This is her room, ain’t it?” I say.
Vi just nods and looks around fondly. “All these dolls … Jax made them for her, or found them over the years. It was the one thing that made her happy.”
“She was … odd? Like me?” I say, already knowing the answer. At first, I don’t think Vi is going to answer, but then she sighs.
“We didn’t know. Oh, we had heard stories, tales of New Bloods and such, but we never imagined. We thought them to be myth. Campfire talk.” She gives a harsh little laugh. “There were signs, things I should have seen, but I guess I didn’t want to see it. Jenna was always different. We lived a simple life, the four of us, a happy life. We had our hardships; what life doesn’t? But basically, we were happy. Gray Valley was pretty much left alone by the Prezedant’s Army as long as we paid our taxes, gave them most of our crops. But then it all changed.”
Her face hardens, and even though she’s sitting next to me on the bed, in her mind’s eye she is far, far away.
“He came one day. I don’t know how he found out about her. Maybe some trader passing through recognized her for what she was. I can’t rightly say. But they came, an army of them. He tried to take her from us. They dragged her from the cabin. She was crying, screaming as they tried to lock her in their traveling cage. Why? I wanted to know. What had she done? She was just a little girl … an innocent little girl. Jax and his father were in the fields with the other men, but they came running at Jenna’s cri
es. Her father, he attacked the guards putting her in the cage. He was a strong man, my husband, but he stood no chance against their weapons. They killed him with no more thought than if they were slaughtering a hog. Jenna, she couldn’t handle seeing her father cut down in front of her like that. She … she …”
Vi stops speaking, but she don’t have to say what happened. I know what Jenna must have gone through. I’d already experienced it: Chi. My hand reaches for hers, and she holds it tight.
“She couldn’t handle it, my Jenna. She wasn’t strong enough, not like you. It overwhelmed her, destroyed her. And even though I was there to see with my own eyes, I can’t really explain what happened.” I watch Vi struggle to tell me, holding my breath, scared for what I will hear.
“I watched as this light formed around her. The two guards holding her, they fell immediately. Dead from what, I cannot say. Then the light got brighter, and she started screaming as if it were hurting her … burning her. The villagers that had come running at her cries to help, the ones closest to her, they started falling too, just like the guards. I tried to run to her. I needed to reach my little girl, but Jax had ahold of me and he wouldn’t let me go. He knew it was too late. That I would die just like the others. That I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t help my little girl …,” her voice trails off, and I think she is done but then she starts talking again.
“By the time it was over, nine other innocent villagers had perished, and my little girl? There was nothing left. It was like she had burnt away on the inside and left an empty, hollow shell.”
Tears fall freely down her cheeks, but she don’t try to stop them. We sit in silence for a bit, me holding her hand while she remembers the horrors. Finally, she speaks again, but this time her voice is hard and unforgiving.
“He watched it all happen—the death, the carnage—from atop his horse. He watched them shoot my husband and my baby girl destroy herself. He ordered his remaining men to take four other children as our punishment for resisting them.” Her voice breaks again, but she continues on, “And when it was over, after so many people had died, after he had destroyed so many families, you know what he said? ‘Pity, she may have been of use.’ I will never forget that as long as I live. ‘She may have been of use.’ So don’t you dare feel remorse for what you did to those bastards. You saved my boy’s life and the lives of Finn and Tater.” She nods at my questioning look. “Yes, Finn told me what happened, most of it anyway. And I know that’s some of what’s been keeping you awake at night and causing your grief. So don’t you dare shed another tear over any of it. You, my child, have been touched with a special gift. Why you’ve been able to handle that gift while my Jenna was not, well, that’s for the gods to know. You’ve been chosen for a reason, and what you do with that gift is up to you. But let me tell you this. As long as that evil creature lives, no one is safe.”
She stops talking but continues to hold my hand tight. We sit a moment in silence as she struggles to compose herself, to lock those horrible memories away again, and I try to take it all in. What had happened to Jenna scares me. Vi had said it was like she had burnt from the inside out, and I kinda know what she’s talking about. The Chi, well, it had felt like my blood ... my whole body was aflame. But why hadn’t it killed me like it had done to Jenna? And what must it had been like for Vi? What she must have endured to witness not just her husband but her child perish in front of her and be so helpless? Kind of like me and Rivercross, I guess. But I don’t say that. There was nuthin’ I could say to help take away any of that pain. I know that firsthand. So I just keep holding her hand as she cries. Finally, she gives my hand a little shake and stands up, wiping the tears from her face. She smooths out her dress, her emotions back under control again.
“I’ve said my piece; now get up. You’ve wasted enough time.”
I don’t want to do that. I’m too full of fear and questions. I don’t want to get up, but I also don’t dare oppose her. ‘Sides, I don’t think it would have done any good anyways. I kind of can see where Jax got his stubborn streak from, but I ain’t telling her that. I stand up tentatively, surprised that the pain I’m expecting don’t come.
“Don’t worry; it’s almost healed. One of the advantages of your kind.” She taps me on the nose gently as if to take the bite off of her words. “And just in time, too. I have a surprise for you.” She turns to leave the room, but I grab her arm.
“Wait. There’s one more thing I need to know. Jax, he blames Jenna for what happened, don’t he? For drawing the Prezedant here. For his pa’s death. For the villagers. That’s why he … why I disgust him so much,” I say.
She nods and gives me a sad little smile. “You have to remember; he was barely past being a child himself when all this happened. He didn’t understand. He needed someone to take the blame for his loss, to help him make sense of all that happened. Someday, he will understand. He will forgive her, of that I have no doubt. Now, come with me. Your surprise awaits.”
Surprise ain’t ever been a good word in my opinion. The scrub tub full of hot water she had waiting for me I appreciated since, I’ll admit, I’m starting to smell pretty ripe. Her washing and braiding my hair with tiny ribbons I tolerated since they do a fine job of hiding my white stripes. But this? This is ridiculous.
“Stop fidgeting, Tara. You look lovely.”
“I cain’t help it. It’s itchin’ me something fierce.” I skulk along behind Vi, tugging at the constricting, frilly neckband of the stupid dress I’m wearing and fully aware of all the curious onlookers. How she’d talked me into wearing this ridiculous getup I still cain’t figure out. I’d taken one look at the ruffled contraption earlier when she’d showed me and backed away in horror.
“Oh hell no. You ain’t gettin’ me into that,” I’d told her, but she was insistent.
“You don’t have much choice, child. Your own tattered, bloodied clothes I burnt, and until I can get a pair of Jax’s trousers altered for you, this is your only option.”
“Fine then. I’ll just wait in bed ‘til you’re done the alterin’,” I’d said, but she wasn’t having none of that.
“You will do no such thing, young lady. Tonight is a grand event, a betrothal celebration. You can’t miss this. We’ve been saving for this all year. There’s going to be music, dancing, storytelling, and the food, oh my! Roasted rabbit, meat pies, fresh corn, sweet biscuits. Why, just thinking of it is making my mouth water.”
Mine too, but I wasn’t going to tell her that.
“I know what you’re tryin’ to do,” I’d said. “And it ain’t gonna work.”
Shizen. How many villagers lived here anyways? And what are they all looking at? Ain’t they ever seen a girl in a dress before? Vi keeps smiling and waving at everybody as we make our way through the village. Why she gotta be calling attention to us like that? I cringe a little bit more every time she calls someone’s name, wishing the ground would open up and swallow me. A little dark-haired girl, no more than nine or ten born years, runs right up to us and grabs my dress tail, nearly causing me to trip over it.
“I’m Nina,” she says, smiling at me like I was her long-lost kin. “And you’re Tara. Finn told me all about you.”
“Is that so?” I say, still giving anyone who dares look my way the evil eye. It don’t work. They’re all still staring at me like I’m some weird sand lands critter. I give up and focus on the child’s face in front of me just so I ain’t got to be looking at everybody else.
“Where is Finn?” I say to her. I notice my words come out all breathless and high-pitched ‘cause the dress is cinched so damn tight about my waist it’s making it hard for me to breath. She just giggles and points.
“Over there at the table. Him and Cat. Cat is so pretty. I just love her. She licks my face all the time, and her tongue is so cold.”
“That it is,” I say, opting to omit the devouring incident at Finn’s village to the girl. Poor kid don’t need to know where that tongue has been.
I see Finn then, just like she said, propped up against a table so laden with food that my eyes almost bug out of my head. Vi wasn’t lying; there’s so much food! Finn is stuffing his pie hole so fast I’m scared he’s going to choke. Cat is lying under the table, chewing contentedly on a big old bone, but at seeing me she rears up and lunges at me. I brace myself just in time as she rams her big head into my chest, rubbing against me like crazy.
“Okay, okay, calm down, you overgrown lap rat. It’s good to see you too,” I say, trying to push her away. Finn spots me then, and he ain’t no better than his beast. He comes flying my way, and his scrawny arms circle my waist.
“Tara. I’m so glad you got better. I was so worried. You wouldn’t let me see you, and I’m real sorry about before … about bein’ scared and all.”
“Shush,” I say, cutting off his words. “I know you’re sorry. Don’t say no more ‘bout it.” Besides, I don’t want to talk about that, not here in front of everybody else. He just nods at me in understanding and then slowly looks me up and down as if suddenly realizing something is different about me.
“Tara, are you wearin’ a dress?”
“What of it?” I say a little sharper than I intend to. “Ain’t no law against wearin’ a dress, is there?”
Vi smiles at the boy and tousles his hair. “Doesn’t she look lovely, Finn?” she asks, but he just shrugs.
“I guess so,” he says, eyeballing me with doubt. Yeah, that really makes me feel a whole lot better.
But he don’t have time to say no more before Tater comes lumbering over to us, a mug of ale in one hand and a huge smile covering his flushed face. It was my first time seeing him since our run-in with the Army. If he’s bothered any by what he’d witnessed me do, he ain’t showing it.
“Ah, the sleeping princess has arisen from her chambers at last. It is truly wonderful to see you, my dear, and in such fine attire. Being in the constant presence of such a lovely lady as our Vi here has most certainly rubbed off on you. Given a little more time, I have no doubt she could perform the impossible and turn you into a remarkable lady of refinement.”
New Bloods Boxset Page 15
