He tries to stop me by throwing an attack. It shimmers through the air, but I brush it aside, and it bounces into the nearest shanty, exploding the building on impact. He attacks with another. And another. He keeps sending attack after attack, but they are no match for my own anger fueled Chi as I increase my pace and ignore the fiery debris falling all around me.
A soldier leaps from my right, but I barely give him a second look as I grab the arm and knife arcing toward me. Squeezing his forearm until it snaps, he drops the knife with a scream, and I catch the blade with my other hand, sending him airborne with a slight toss. I leap at the Prezedant.
“Let go of my pa!” I yell, simmering with rage.
Ernst falls to the side, yelling my name, as I take the Prezedant down. He lands on his back with me on top of him. Driving my knee into his chest, I hold my blade against his throat. I swear my Chi truly makes me froth at the mouth as the sweet taste of revenge fills my heart. His death will be payment for everyone I've ever lost at his hands. My ma, my village, Grada, Lily. The need to avenge 'em far outweighs any voice of reason in my head right now, and the knife blade digs deep into his flesh as I ready to pull it across his throat.
“I wouldn’t do that. Not if you want everyone to die.” I pause in confusion at his calm words, ignoring the Chi shrieking in my head to slit his throat.
I blink down at him wondering what the hell he’s going on about. He’s about to be ripped open from ear to ear, why's he smiling?
“So, you have a choice, my dear.”
His voice is as calmed and controlled as before. Not filled with the terror expected from someone about to have their head severed from their body.
“You can release me and come with me willingly, or you can watch someone you love die. Look around.”
How dare he threaten me? I'm the one holding a knife to his throat. Making sure my Chi keeps him pinned, I raise my head, trying to understand.
Every bit of warmth is sucked right outta my body and replaced by ice as I see the reason for his gloating. While I'd been so intent on reaching him, so intent on my revenge, the soldiers had gotten the upper hand. Some of his men stand spread out behind me, holding captives of their own. Everyone I love is standing at the wrong end of a shooter. Jax. Tater. Ben. Mack. Belle. And my pa.
No!
“What will it be, Tara? You have a very important decision to make. Your Chi is very impressive, I will admit, and I'm dying to find out how you achieved that level of power. But I don't believe even you are strong enough to take on my men and me at the same time, and keep everyone you care about alive. Someone will die.” He lifts his head back offa my blade and laughs like he ain't in the least concerned about the blood trickling from the cut and staining his pristine white robe. “Oh, my, it's like a game of Russian Roulette. Will she do it, or won't she? And which one will she sacrifice? Fascinating.” His eyes study me in amusement, and I wanna listen to the Chi screaming in my head something fierce. Slit his throat. End it.
A moan of defeat rattles in my chest as I stare back into the faces of my people. I cain't let any of 'em die. I just cain't. But the devil below me is right. I don't think I can hit 'em all at the same time, and keep him under control.
“Tara.” Ernst’s quiet voice floats across the span separating us. “Don't listen to him. You can do this. Finish it.” His gray eyes shine bright with tears, but I know he ain’t crying for himself. His tears are for me.
“Yes, Tara, finish it,” the Prezedant echoes in delight, jerking my attention back to him. “Kill me and watch those you love die as well. For the moment I die, so do they.”
“Shut up,” I snarl and tighten my Chi around his throat, taking pleasure in his flinch of pain.
My gaze finds Jax and his blue eyes stare back at me with such fierceness and loyalty it takes my breath away. But there's also acceptance, and I know he's saying goodbye as he nods at me. Everyone of my kin carry the same look. They're all willing to die to end it.
Lily's words from so long ago echo loudly in my head like she's standing right next to me.
“When the time comes, you must act with decisiveness and trust in your power. No one person is more important than your purpose. Do you understand?”
“I'm sorry, Lily,” I murmur as my decision is made, and I jolt upright before the Prezedant realizes what I'm about to do. Holding my arms wide, I allow my Chi free reign. It rips from my body like it's tearing me in half, and I scream in pain as the Prezedant yells, “Now!”
All hell breaks loose. A towering wall of flame shoots from the burning shanties, slicing a divider between me and the Prezedant. He crawls away from the scorching heat, separating him and most of his army on one side and me and my kin on the other. The wall does nuthin' to stop the slug that hits me in the chest.
I ignore it at first, too intent on saving those I love. One by one, the soldiers threatening my kin drop like dead maskeetos as I whirl and focus my power on them, taking 'em outta the equation. Another slug hits me in the shoulder, and I stumble forward but don’t lose my concentration. It must only last a few moments, but to me it feels like an eternity, as my Chi takes no mercy on our enemies.
But then the blackness threatens me, and my legs start to wobble, and I look down at my slug wound. Only it ain't no slug. A familiar looking cylinder with a bright red end is sticking outta my chest, and realization sets in with overwhelming dread. They shot me with serum. Yanking out both cylinders, I throw ’em on the ground in disgust. I fight against the ice ripping through my veins and force myself to stay on my feet, but the damage is done. I stumble as the screams and echoes of the battle fade in and outta my head and I shake it, trying to stay focused.
Stay awake. They need you.
The screams of the villagers surround me as they make a run for the valley entrance and their lives.
“Shoot them,” the Prezedant orders from his side of the inferno, but I ain't about to let that happen. As the soldiers on the other side of the wall take aim, the power emanating from me creates a vortex of flame that blows 'em offa their feet and crashes their bodies into the background of shanties. Most of 'em, along with the Prezedant, disappear under the jumble of burning debris.
“Get her out of here. We got this” Mack practically pushes me into someone’s arms, and they catch me as I stumble. But then I notice the one last soldier I'd missed. He looks terrified at knowing he's left on the side of the wall with me and my kin, but his gun don't waver from his captive's head. I focus my Chi, try to take him down like the rest, but I falter and the attack misses its target. The serum fights against my heated blood, making me weak. I cain't stop the darkness threatening to take me under, no more than I can stop the soldier's slug from exploding into the skull it lays against. The last sound in my head is my wail of anguish as I stare into my pa’s eyes just before he dies.
20
Pain and Guilt
The warmth of a fire heats my cheek, and the flickering flames create shadows against the inside of my eyelids. At first I think I’m being engulfed by the wall of fire, and a small whimper escapes the back of my throat.
“Easy now. Everything is over. You’re safe.” The voice is welcoming, as is the warm hand that caresses the side of my face, and I open my eyes to Jax’s cobalt gaze. I’m so happy to see him that I yank him down to my level, and plant my lips on his with reckless disregard. The kiss is passion and happiness all rolled up into one, and he responds back with a fire equal to my own. But then a bloody image enters my head, and my heart shatters all over again.
“My pa.” The whimper reverberates with anger and grief at my loss. Guilt engulfs me as the terrible image refuses to get outta my head. Tears roll down my cheeks and drip from my chin even as my Chi bubbles restlessly underneath my skin, demanding revenge. “I couldn’t save him.” The tears turn into a wail as the grief consumes me, and I start shaking uncontrollably. Jax pulls me into his arms, holding me close.
“It’s okay. It’s okay.”
“Hey.” Jax shakes me a little as he holds me at arm’s length, the firelight reflected in his tear-filled gaze. “It wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you coulda done, Tara. You did your best and saved so many others. Ernst would have wanted it that way. He was so proud of you, and he believed in you so much. You could see it at the meeting when he stood up for you. His blood is on the Prezedant’s hands, not yours.”
I wanna believe he’s right, but his words do nuthin’ to ease the ache in my heart. My pa is gone. I watched him die. I couldn’t save him. Gone, just like my ma and Grada. Suddenly, Jax’s words register through my grief and I bolt upright, looking around at our surroundings.
“The others?” I question, finally realizing we’re alone. “Where’s Finn and Belle and Ben? Where’s everyone?”
Jax averts his eyes, and I know I ain’t gonna like his answer. “We had to get you out. You were shot with enough serum to take down a horse. You couldn’t even stand on your feet, let alone fight. And we couldn’t let you get captured. So Ben, Belle, and me, we got you out while the others stayed behind to keep the Prezedant and his men from following. I’m not sure where they are, or if they even made it out.”
I close my eyes in despair. I understand the reasoning behind their decision. I do, but it don’t make it any easier to hear what Jax is saying.
“They made it,” I say, trying to convince myself just as much as Jax. “And Finn and the young’uns? Please tell me they’re here.” Wherever here is. I finally take in my surroundings. Looks like we’re in the mountain cave where we had stayed on our hunting trip, which means we’re out in the sand lands. The light from the fire illuminates the rock walls surrounding us, but I don’t see another soul.
My eyes open wide at realizing we’re alone, and it’s the last straw. “You’re tellin’ me you left Finn and the young’uns behind? We gotta go back. Right now. We gotta find ‘em and make sure everyone’s okay. I cain’t lose anyone else, Jax. I cain’t!”
I try to get to my feet, but without my Chi fueling me, my thigh has other ideas, and as soon as I put weight on my leg it gives out underneath me and I fall. I woulda hit the dirt if it weren’t for Jax catching me about the waist.
“Hey, slow down. You gotta rest. Your leg is in bad shape. I’m hoping your Chi can heal it quick enough before infection sets in, but you’re not going anywhere for at least another day or so.”
“But we need to go back. How did you get me here?”
“We carried you out to where the truck was hidden, and got you out into the sand lands. We needed to get you somewhere safe for you to heal.”
“Then we’ll take the truck back in. We gotta go find everyone. You left them behind.” I can hear the angry accusation creeping into my voice, but Jax don’t take no offense. He merely stares sadly back.
“I did. And it was the most difficult decision I’ve ever made, but you were the number one priority. Understand that if the Prezedant had managed to capture you, there would be no stopping him. Everyone else knew that too. That’s why they chose to stay and fight. And Finn’s a smart kid. Him and Cat will have kept the others safe and hidden. You don’t have to worry about them. After Ben and Belle dropped us here, they left right away to go back and look for the others. They’ll find them.”
Jax don’t say it, but I hear the unspoken words in his strained tone. Whoever’s left.
His reasoning does nuthin’ to ease my anger at myself for my failure. I failed. Like always. How stupid was I to think I could do this? The pressure in my chest builds up. I feel it growing. The anger, the overwhelming helplessness, the letdown. Maybe it’s my grief at Ernst’s loss and the loss of so many villagers. Maybe it’s the serum. Maybe a combination of both, but I break. I feel the fissure crack open in my heart and cover my body, tearing me apart. The wail that falls from my lips is painful, even to my own ears, but Jax ignores it as he pulls me back into his arms. I lose myself in his embrace as the tears flow outta control again. I cain’t stop ‘em. I failed. I let ‘em all down.
I don’t know how long I sob like a baby, but Jax never lets go. Not once. He simply rocks me back and forth in his arms, murmuring consoling words over and over against the top of my head. How it ain’t my fault. How I ain’t a failure. How as long as we’re still alive, there’s hope. I don’t believe a word of what he says, but his soothing voice finally lures me into some semblance of calm. I stay that way for a bit, my face buried in his neck as I breathe in his reassuring, familiar scent.
Finally, I suck in my last sob and take a calming breath. Pulling away from his chest, I let his sad smile wash over me as he wipes away the remnants of my tears.
“I’m glad you stopped crying. Crying don’t become you, Tara. You’re not the prettiest sight right now, gotta say. That red nose of yours kinda reminds me of Larius.”
I choke out a weak laugh. I know he’s trying to make me feel better and take my mind offa other stuff, but I don’t doubt the truth behind his words. “Jackass,” I mumble, but my comeback is halfhearted.
He links his fingers through mine and raises them to his lips. “Your jackass,” he says, and those two simple words sucker punch me in the gut because I know he means it, unconditionally. I stare at him in silence, the crackling fire the only noise as I take comfort in his presence and his touch. And as much as the worry of my kin’s fate and the grief at Ernst’s death weigh heavy on me, I know there’s no other person who can soothe my soul like Jax. My rock. My heart.
“I love you.”
I don’t mean to say those words. Hell, I ain’t even aware I was thinkin’ ‘em until they pop outta my mouth. But say ‘em I do, and I’m more surprised than Jax, I think. His eyes come alive with the brilliance of a thousand stars as they bore into mine, and my heart nearly beats outta my chest at what I see in ‘em. The love and hope that shines from ‘em nearly takes my breath away, and I know without a doubt that this man has somehow gained total control of my heart and soul.
“Right back at ya, Freak,” he whispers as he leans toward me. “But gotta say, you have the worst timing.”
His lips connect with mine, swallowing my smartass comeback. His mouth is warm and comforting, as he runs a hand down my back. I stop thinking. I stop mourning. I stop feeling sorry for myself. Instead, I bask in the feelings he arouses in me. He makes me feel safe, and whole, and most importantly alive, and I know I need him right now to chase away my fears. If only for a brief spell.
To my disappointment, he tries to pull away, but I hang onto his shirt with all the desperation of a drowning person, pulling him closer.
“No,” I mumble against his lips, kissing him back with exaggerated fervor as I fall on my back and pull him with me. He sighs again and tears his lips from mine as he hovers over me.
“Tara, as much as I want this, this isn’t the time. You’re injured and grieving, and I don’t want you to regret anything. I want this to be perfect for both of us. We should wait.”
“To hell with waitin’,” I whisper as I wrap my hands around his neck. “I grieve every day for those I’ve lost. Today is no different. If there’s anythin’ I’ve learned lately, it’s that life is short and unpredictable, and we need to make the most outta every second. No more waitin’, Jax. I’ve never been so sure of anythin’ in my life as I am right now.”
I press my lips to his in desperation.
“Stop,” he says against my lips.
But I don’t.
He grabs both my hands from around his neck and pins ‘em tight to his chest.
“Tara, just stop.”
I cain’t quite get my breath as I stare up at him, dazed.
“Why? What’s wrong? Don’t you feel the same?”
“Of course I do. I want you so much it hurts, but you’re not thinking straight, and I’m not taking advantage. You suffered so much and you’re blinded by pain right now.”
I yank my hands outta his and shove them under his tunic, trying to pull the damn thing over his head. My craving to touch more of him overrides my common sense. He convulses as my hand touches the taut skin at the waistband of his trousers and trails up the lean chest, coming in contact with the puckered scar on his shoulder blade. I run my finger over it, daring to touch it now, unlike before when I first seen it. Even as a low moan rumbles in the back of his throat and desire blooms in his stormy gaze, he hinders my hands once again.
“Tara, stop.”
“Why?” I hiss, anger tightening my chest.
“Because this isn’t what you want right now. Grief and stress do strange things and—”
“Don’t tell me my own mind.” The humiliation of his rejection almost blinds me. “If you don’t want me just say so, but I don’t need a lecture. Just say it. Say it, Jax.” I push at his chest. “Go away.”
Even as much as I wanted to touch him earlier, now I try to force distance between us. He don’t want me. My cheeks burn and I turn my head, wanting nuthin’ more than to sink into the dirt I’m lying on.
“Tara.” He forces my gaze back to his.
“I said go away. Get out. Leave me alone!” I slam my palm against his chest with every scream as the anger bubbles outta me. He don’t listen. Instead, he flops beside me on the dirt and pulls me into his arms, holding me tight as my screams resonate offa the stone walls. He don’t say a word as my yelling tapers off, and I finally lay quiet and spent. He just keeps holding me. I lay still, letting his calmness seep into my body. Finally, I’m ready to face him, and I roll over so we’re nose to nose.
“I’m sorry—”
“Don’t say it. There’s nothing to be sorry about. Let your grief out. It’s the only way to heal.”
New Bloods Boxset Page 75
