To open herself up to him would be a game changer between them. She knew it and was aware he knew it as well. He’d made it known he wasn’t looking for another friend with benefits. He wanted someone he could get to know, become involved with. Not behind closed doors but out in the open. Out in front of prying eyes and uncensored comments.
But then, what would happen if she discovered what Ms. Gertie told her was true? Would she be strong enough to face the lies, the hurt and the betrayal? She didn’t want to consider the possibility that her parents had not only outright lied to her, but they had taken her child away. A child who was alive out there somewhere.
Thinking about it was almost too much, and she buried her face in his chest again as she fought back tears. Not only tears for Ms. Gertie, but tears at the thought that the two people a child should trust most, their parents, could outright betray them.
“Vashti?”
She lifted her face from his chest and gazed into the dark depths of a pair of concerned eyes. When he pushed a curl of hair back from her face, she said, “When I was sixteen and pregnant, my parents took me to a home for unwed mothers in Arkansas to have my baby. They took me there, dropped me off and turned around and left. I think they came to see me a couple of times and that was it. Aunt Shelby and Ms. Gertie came to see me often. Then to punish me, my parents restricted their visits. I didn’t find that out until I wrote my aunt and questioned why they weren’t visiting me anymore. That’s when she told me why.”
Pausing a minute, she remembered that time. “I was furious with my parents and called them, but they refused my calls. So I had to stay there at that place alone without any connections to my family. They wouldn’t even tell Bryce or Kaegan where they had taken me.”
“That was awful for a child to endure,” Sawyer said.
“Yes, I felt I was in prison. But being alone helped me bond with my baby even more. I felt it was us against the world. The people at the home were nice, but I still felt alone and ostracized.”
She stopped talking and swiped at tears, remembering that time and how alone she’d felt. “Then I delivered my baby. I went into labor a day or two earlier than expected. They called my parents and they rushed there. I remember seeing them before I was given something for pain. I remember hearing my baby cry and then nothing. When I came to hours later my parents were there. They told that although my baby had been born alive, it had died within hours because his lungs were weak and had collapsed.”
She remembered all the tears she had shed that day for the baby she’d lost. The baby she had never gotten to see. “I asked to see him, but they said he’d already been taken away. I didn’t get to name him or anything. I never got to hold him.”
She had to stop and breathe or the tears would come again. “My parents, namely my mother, said my baby’s death had been for the best, and that I could get on with my life and return to the cove like nothing had ever happened. They just didn’t understand that a lot had happened. At least to me it had.
“On two occasions since returning to the cove and visiting Ms. Gertie, she told me something. The first time I just thought she was talking out of her mind and what she was saying couldn’t possibly be true—after all she did have dementia. But she told me the same thing again today. I’m beginning to think there might have been some truth in what she said and it scares me, Sawyer. The thought that it could be true really scares me.”
He frowned as if the thought of anything frightening her bothered him. “And what did she tell you?” he asked as if he had every right to know, and in a way, he did. Whether he knew it or not, Sawyer Grisham had crossed over the threshold into her heart. She hadn’t wanted him to and had fought it, but in the end love had won.
“Ms. Gertie said while she was the midwife taking care of me during the early months of my pregnancy, my parents came up with this plan that she refused to go along with.”
Sawyer lifted a brow. “What was the plan?”
Vashti then told him exactly what Ms. Gertie had told her. The arms holding her tightened. The eyes staring down at her were deadly sharp. “Are you saying Ms. Gertie suspected your parents lied to you about your baby dying?”
She nodded. “Yes. She believes they got that home in Arkansas to do what Ms. Gertie refused to do.”
“Did you confront your parents about it?”
“Yes. I asked them about it the first time Ms. Gertie told me and they denied it. They got upset that I would even ask such a thing. But now I can see them doing that, Sawyer.”
“How? Why?”
“They didn’t want me to keep my baby and I hadn’t planned to give it up for adoption. I can see them coming up with this plan to suit their purpose. I was a minor, but they couldn’t make any decisions for me regarding my own child. Although they knew how much I wanted my baby, I could see them tricking me into signing papers I thought was about my medical care and then putting my baby up for adoption and hoping I never found out.”
He asked. “I know you said that you and your parents didn’t have a real close relationship, but do you honestly think they would do such a thing?”
“I don’t want to believe it, but yes, I honestly think they would. What I have to do is to find out if they did. I owe it to myself to know the truth.”
“Keep in mind, Vashti, even if Ms. Gertie believed what she told you, she had no proof, so in essence it’s her words against your parents.”
“I know.”
“Do you think your aunt knew of Ms. Gertie’s suspicions?”
Vashti shook her head. “I asked Ms. Gertie and she said no, she didn’t tell Aunt Shelby because she had no proof of anything. The only reason she said she was telling me after all this time was because she’d wondered if over the years I’d found out whether her suspicions were true.”
He was quiet for a moment and then said, “As a cop I operate on the side of facts and not just suspicions. But usually my suspicions turn into facts. Not saying that’s how things will be in your case, though. You also need to consider the possibility that Ms. Gertie, because of the dementia, was not giving you full facts, Vashti.”
“I know, but I can’t live my life not knowing one way or the other.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know yet. I have a lot to think about.”
“Yes, you do.” He eased up from the sofa and placed her on her feet. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”
She lifted her brow. “A walk?”
“Yes, on the beach.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
SAWYER TOOK VASHTI’S hand in his and led her toward the back of the inn. The moment they stepped out the French doors she breathed in a deep breath of ocean air. It had been a hot day but the sun had gone down and a cool breeze was coming off the water.
With him holding her hand Vashti felt a sense of comfort she associated only with Sawyer. They’d made it to the boardwalk before he spoke. “I envy you with this in your backyard.”
She glanced up at him. “I don’t think I truly appreciated it until after I moved to New York. That’s when I truly missed it.”
“But you never came back.”
She shook her head knowing his words had been a statement and not a question. “No, I never came back, although I was tempted to. My parents moved away a year after I left for college, but Aunt Shelby was here. She knew why I stayed away.”
They had reached the steps off the boardwalk that led to the beach. The lanterns located in the marsh had come on and provided a golden glow to the overgrown marsh and wet prairie grass that were growing on both sides of the boardwalk. The sound of shorebirds, waders and ducks could be heard as they headed in to roost at dusk.
“Let’s take our shoes off and leave them here,” Sawyer suggested and she followed his lead to remove her sandals. She glanced over at him when they were both in their b
are feet. “You don’t look like a walk-on-the-beach sort of guy.”
He threw his head back and laughed. “Typically, I’m not, but I could tell you needed this.”
She tilted her head and looked at him. “How could you tell?”
“Men’s intuition. Don’t think for a minute it belongs only to women.”
She smiled. “I won’t.”
Reclaiming her hand they walked down the steps and the moment her feet touched the sand an exhilarating feeling spread through her. This was her first walk on the beach since she’d been back. She’d told herself she was too busy to do something so frivolous. Now she didn’t see it as frivolous at all, but therapeutic.
Sawyer held firmly on to her hand and she loved the feel of his jean-clad thigh brushing against the part of her thigh not covered by her shorts. Although neither said anything, their breathing pattern said it all. Deciding they needed conversation between them, she said, “You were off today?”
He nodded. “Yes. I don’t have designated days off. It depends on when my guys want off. Most are young with little ones, so I know weekends mean a lot to them, and I try to accommodate their needs. Being home today worked out because I had yard work that needed to be done.”
“And I pulled you away from it?”
“No. I got up early to beat the sun and was finished before noon. Then I decided to bring some sort of organization to the detached garage in the back.”
“Did you finish?”
“Let’s say I did as much as I wanted to do today. Then I went inside, showered and was about to grab a beer to sit on the patio a spell. That’s when I got Jade’s call.”
“I’m sorry.”
He stopped walking and since he was holding firm to her hand, she stopped as well. He turned to her and stared into her eyes. “You’ve already given me an apology that’s not needed. Jade did the right thing and she didn’t interrupt anything. I came because I wanted to come. I’m still here because there’s no place else I’d rather be.”
She knew this should not be happening, but there was no way to stop it. She’d tried that morning in New York when she’d told him why they couldn’t be together once she moved back to Catalina Cove. At the time what she’d told him had made sense to her. Now, none of it mattered.
“Are you sure there’s no place you’d rather be right now?” she asked him.
“Positive.”
“That’s good because there’s no place I’d rather be as well than walking on the beach with you.” He gave her a skeptical look and she understood, after all she’d said in New York.
He moved closer. “You sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
He pulled his hand from hers and reached up and cupped her chin. “I’m going to take you at your word, Vashti.”
At that moment, her pulse raced and her heart began pounding in her chest. The eyes staring down at her were filled with a need she felt in every part of her body. She wasn’t sure how one man could have so much sexual power over her, but at that moment she didn’t care. It was such a heady feeling she felt like she was floating.
And then he lowered his mouth to hers.
* * *
WARNINGS SIGNS FLASHED through Sawyer’s mind. When he’d arrived at Shelby by the Sea he should have kept his hands to himself. Then he would not have touched her. He’d been a goner the moment he’d done so. And now he should not be kissing her but he was driven to do so.
He’d gone over two months without her taste and it had been hard. He had kept the memories of their one night together, although he had tried forgetting it. But he’d discovered that he couldn’t. He went to bed thinking about her and woke up thinking about her.
And now he was tasting her in a way that should be outlawed. It was one of those deep-down, rack-your-brain, locked-lips sort of kiss. And she was kissing him back with equal fervor. They were standing so close he could feel the heat from her body being transmitted to his.
And then she did something he hadn’t expected. While their mouths were still locked she tugged at his T-shirt then slid her hands beneath it to stroke his stomach before moving upward. The feel of her fingers running through the hair on his chest shot sensations all through him. Made him moan in their kiss and tighten his hold on her.
He deepened the kiss as emotions he couldn’t control took over his mind, body and senses. A shudder of intense desire rushed through him and he moaned so loud he was certain the sound carried across the gulf.
When he felt her fingers working at his zipper he knew he had to stop her. Grief made people do things they hadn’t planned on doing. He of all people should know. He had gotten Johanna pregnant the night of his foster-father’s funeral.
He reached down for her hand and then broke the kiss. Releasing her hand he took a step back as his gaze held hers. He saw the look of confusion in her eyes. “Why did you stop me when you know I want you? When I know you want me?” she asked him.
If only she knew just how bad he did want her. “Because I’m not a man to take advantage of a grieving woman, Vashti. No matter how much I want her. Besides,” he said. “No condoms.”
She lifted her chin. “I’m on birth control. I told you that in New York.”
He remembered. “Yes, but I’m not about to roll around in the sand with you. You deserve better. And before you offer your bed, I’m sticking to what I said earlier. I’m not a man who would take advantage of a grieving woman, so come on, let’s walk.” He took her hand again and they continued their stroll on the beach.
* * *
“SO, WHAT DO you suggest I do, Sawyer?” she asked a short while later as they continued their stroll.
“About what?” he asked glancing down at her.
The moment she gazed into his dark eyes she had to recall what she’d asked him and why. She forced herself to remember. “How do I find out the truth as to whether my baby lived or died?”
“The law enforcement side of me would go into an investigative mode. I’d check records. Do you know if that home for unwed mothers is still in business?”
“The first time Ms. Gertie mentioned it to me, I checked. It closed down ten years ago.”
“That might be the case, but the law requires birth records be kept indefinitely. Probably the best thing to do is hire a private investigator.”
A private investigator...
She recalled her divorce attorney had suggested the same thing when Scott had tried being difficult. The guy he’d recommended had been good. Costly but good. But as far as she was concerned, any amount of money she paid to get the truth would be worth it.
“I think hiring a private investigator is a good idea and I have one in mind. I could use the same guy I hired for my divorce. He was thorough.”
“Then I suggest you use him.”
She smiled. “I think I will. I’ll give him a call tomorrow.” They headed back toward the inn. When she almost stumbled in a low spot in the sand, he caught her. “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Instead of letting her go, he gently pulled her into his arms and kissed her again. She needed the kiss. But deep down she knew it wasn’t just the kiss. She needed Sawyer and not just physically. How could she tell him that after what she’d said to him in New York?
He broke off the kiss and rested his forehead against hers and drew in a long, deep breath. “Come on, sweetheart, let’s get back before we get into trouble.”
She didn’t say anything as they walked back toward the inn, pausing briefly to put back on their shoes. When they stepped off the boardwalk they could see the headlights of a car coming up the driveway.
“Expecting anyone?” Sawyer asked her.
She shook her head. “No.”
By the time they made it to the gazebo Vashti saw it was Bryce rushing toward them. “Hello, Sawyer,” Bryce said,
with a bemused look on her face before turning her full attention to Vashti. “I just heard about Ms. Gertie and immediately thought about you. Are you okay?”
Vashti nodded. “Yes, I’m fine. Sawyer suggested a walk on the beach.”
“Oh.”
Vashti could see how Bryce would be confused. After all, the last time they talked she’d made it clear to her best friend that there could never be anything personal between her and Sawyer.
“I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about, so I’ll leave you now,” Sawyer said.
“Thanks for everything, Sawyer. I appreciate your being here.”
He gave her one hell of a sexy smile. “Don’t mention it.” He then turned to Bryce. “Good seeing you again, Bryce.” Then to both, he said, “Good night, ladies.”
He sauntered off toward his SUV and Vashti watched him. When he stopped in front of his vehicle, he glanced back at her and his gaze practically burned into her. “Excuse me a minute, Bryce.”
“Oh. Sure.”
Vashti strolled to where Sawyer stood and when she reached him, she said, “I think you forgot something.”
“Did I?” Sawyer asked her.
“Yes.”
Holding her gaze, he asked. “And what did I forget?”
“This.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and then on tiptoe, she leaned up and pressed her mouth against his. She thought she was doing a pretty good job kissing him, but then he took over. Tightening his arms around her and deepening the kiss, as if they didn’t have an audience of one.
Vashti wasn’t sure how long they kissed, but when he finally pulled his mouth away, he drew in a long breath and smiled at her. Against her moist lips he whispered. “Only you know where all this is going, Vashti. Think about it before you make your move because when you do, there’s no turning back for us. Understood?”
Love in Catalina Cove Page 24
