“Do you trust me?” I ask quietly. Because I want that. I want that so much—no one but Collin has trusted me in so long I’ve begun to forget what it actually feels like to not be looked at with scorn and hate.
Oh, some people, the smart ones like Lissel, will keep some respect in their eyes. But it’s not for me. It’s for Thrasher’s solider, the one who still has ties and a past.
I hate her, for dying. For leaving me behind with this mess while she escaped. I hate myself, more, for living.
“You don’t make trusting you easy,” she says.
I incline my head, acknowledging that. I don’t. I never will. It is who I am.
“Yes,” she says.
A little bit of the tension inside me eases, and I put a shawl around her shoulders. “Come on, Ren. We’re gonna be late.”
The party is, quite predictably, ridiculous.
Women in slinky dresses, men in suits, not a single one of them carrying weapons.
Cater waiters—fucking cater waiters— wandering around with trays of delicacies and dishes nobody's ever heard of.
Except here. Here the stupid extravaganza is commonplace. It's nothing—just a little party to welcome home a hero.
Not that anyone believes that. No one here thinks I’m a hero. No one has for a very long time, and I can see it in the looks that they give me when I think I'm not looking.
Fuck it. And fuck them. I don't care. I watch Ren, concentrating on her as she navigates this glittering ball of vipers.
She moves through the crowd like she was born to it, with smiles and little laughs and the occasional small talk when someone stops her. Kenny is escorting her around, and that brings people’s attention to her. That, and she looks just like Kelsey.
I shake my head. There is a general approaching me. I recognize him vaguely. He must have fought in the war.
For a while I'm caught up in the crowd, making small talk about the last Haven we were in, avoiding dirty looks, and hating every fucking minute of it. How on earth did I let myself get dragged here?
I manage to slip in a few questions about the Black Priest, but no one knows anything, and if they do, they aren’t talking. Not surprising. The Order doesn't have much of a presence in 1—or at least they didn't when I left.
Politicians have very little use for a cult other than their own.
Somehow I manage to keep track of her, so I see when she loses it, when her eyes get a little bit too wide and her breathing little bit too fast, the smile on her face a little too stiff.
Buchman is still talking to an advisor.
Two politicians’ wives are praising her dress and touching her, and I can see that she's about the bolt or snap and pull her weapon. That would make my night, but I sigh and step into action. I’m moving across the dance floor before I can stop myself.
“Nurrin,” I say sharply.
She jerks, startled, and then a small smile of relief forms on her lips, quickly gone. I offer my arm, and she steps away from the other women, away from Kenny, who is approaching her, pushing into my space.
He frowns. And even though I know he's the president of the fucking United States, I have a very hard time seeing him as anything more than the little boy who followed me and Kelsey around.
“You aren't leaving are you?” he asks.
“No,” she says quickly. “I just need some air, and Finn needs my..."
"I need to talk to her,” I add, wrapping an arm around her waist.
Knowing this is rude, knowing that people are watching, I turn away without waiting for response and lead her out of the room.
The farther we get the crowd, the more she relaxes until finally she shakes my arm and says, “You have to quit doing that.”
I don't say anything, just smirk. I lead her to the back of the building to the small staircase that leads the roof.
Her eyebrows go up when she sees it. “How did you know about this?” she asks.
“Always. Always with the questions.”
She grins. “You would have no idea what to do with me if I quit asking questions.”
I let my eyes do a slow crawl over her, tracing from her hair, still in its comb, to the high collar of her dress, all the way down, tracing every curve along the way. Then I flick my gaze back to hers and give her a slow smile. “I could figure something out.”
She flushes. There’s an interesting bit of color crawling up her neck, just enough to get me interested in how far down it goes.
“Promise?” she whispers.
“Don't,” I say soft and, low my voice a warning. “Don't do this if you're not incredibly sure it’s what you want.”
She steps to me, and her lips cover mine. All thoughts ceases for a few seconds. Her soft lips part, her tongue darting out to flirt with mine. I'm against her, and it takes a huge effort of will to step away. More than I thought possible, but somehow I manage it.
“Stop,” I whisper. “This isn’t what you want. And I don't want his sloppy seconds.”
The color in her cheeks now isn't arousal—it's anger. She steps back. Frowns. “You really are an asshole, you know. I have no idea how Collin put up with you for so long.”
I keep my face blank. "I'm an acquired taste, sweetheart."
She snorts. Steps away from me to peer over the Haven. The lights are on in full force tonight, illuminating the Haven, the limos that wait in the street for their respectable occupants.
How many whores will find their way into the back of those cars tonight?
"It's insane, you know?" she says softly. "I never dreamed a place like this could still exist.
Collin would talk about them. Places like this. But—I just...it never seemed real. It doesn't seem real now. How do you leave a place like this?" It's easy.
I don't like everyone knowing everything about me.
“I don't like being questioned every time I open my front door. I don’t like everyone thinking they know what is right for me and being in my business. Right now, sitting there, you see it. It's beautiful and glitter and Kenny is charming. What we don't see is how fascinated they are with gossip and how much they don't care what happens outside their walls. They’re selfish and self-absorbed and bored.”
She’s quiet, staring off into space. Softly, she says, “Havens are falling. The infection is changing. People are dying by the thousands, and 1? They don't care. They throw parties.”
“I saw that a long time ago, after the war ended. I left and I found a place where I could live. It was a good place, though you hated it,” I say. She’s staring at me like she’s never heard me speak—and to be fair, I don’t usually talk this much.
“Collin did. Hate 8. But he would love this.”
“Yeah, it's beautiful. I hope you enjoy it while we're here. Just don't forget why we're here. Don't let Kenny charm you out of remembering your brother.”
She inhales sharply, a stinging little noise, but I don't take it back. I don't explain myself. I just leave it there. I leave the party behind—if she wants Kenny, let him bring her home
I’m downstairs, and almost to the door, when he stops me. I don’t know why I didn’t expect it. Or maybe I’d just deluded myself into thinking this wouldn’t happen. That Kenny would be smart enough to leave me alone. But he isn’t. Not terribly surprising, in retrospect.
“Nurrin—she’s a lovely girl,” he says, sipping at a drink. I eye him briefly. “She reminds me of Kelsey.”
“That you can say that with a straight face is a little disturbing, Kenny. Kelsey was your sister, after all.”
“I know exactly what she was. And I know that you are responsible for her death.” His genial smile is gone, replaced with a cold mask. There it is. The man behind the charm. “I want Nurrin. And I want you out of my Haven.”
“Pity I don’t much give a fuck what you want,” I say lazily. “I’m here looking for information. By your own family’s decrees, I’m given safe passage and shelter in this Haven. You broke your own laws by vi
olating the sanctity of my house.”
“It was Kelsey’s,” he growls.
“And she’s dead. So what the fuck do you think it matters? She deeded it to me, and I was using it, in good faith that it would be undisturbed when I returned home. You broke that faith. Not me.”
“We gave her to you, in good faith that you would bring her home.”
I look away, too tired for this fight. “I did,” I say softly.
“You brought home a corpse,” he snarls. I blink. I don’t want to do this. I want my quiet haven—and Collin, with no questions. I want the orchards around me as I listen to Nurrin and her friends. I want the warm sun and my bike, and I want—more than anything—I want it all to be over. This whole fucking thing.
I’ve been wrapped up in it—the disease, and Kelsey, and the war—for too long to ever truly separate myself from it. I should know better. I do know better.
“Are you throwing me out?” I ask softly. “And before you answer, know this—Nurrin will come with me. I won’t fight for her—she’ll come because I am still the only person who can help her find her brother. One night of charm and drinks won’t distract her from that.”
“Maybe not. But you are fighting an uphill battle. The Order doesn’t like you—and the word about your history with Omar is filtering out of Vegas. The generals don’t like you, and I can’t blame them at all for that. And I don’t like you. Who the hell do you think is going to take your side—stand by you—in 1?”
I cock my head and give him a smile. “What makes you think I need an ally? I’ve always worked very well on my own—it’s one thing the Thrasher valued most about me.”
I use her title on purpose—I know it annoys him. A vein pops in his forehead, and I smirk and step away from the wall. I can see Nurrin reentering the room, see the way the crowd reorients itself around her. They react to her the way I remember people around Kelsey—like she is special, something different that needs protection.
In a way, they’re right. She is special. She is different, and that deserves to be treasured.
In a way, they’re better for her than I am. I am too fascinated in how breaking her can make her stronger to consider protecting her. I know that she’s different—but I know that as lovely and strong as she could be, there is so much more to her. There is a world of strength waiting to be discovered in her moments of weakness.
They don’t see that. Dustin didn’t—none of the Walkers in 8 saw it. They saw a pretty girl, another Haven girl perfect for raising the next generation and taking care of her husband— worrying about him. They didn’t see a girl whose strength matched their own.
Surprise flickers on her face, and I wonder how many of my thoughts she read in my expression. I force it blank, slipping behind the mask. She frowns, but an Alderman is talking to her and she is distracted briefly. I exchange a long look with Kenny. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him to stay away from her, but I remember the boy he was.
The more interest I show, the more he will want something just to take it from me. It’s the reason he’s always been fascinated with Kelsey.
“I’ll send some men to escort you around the Haven tomorrow,” he says, his tone firmly back in warm politician mode.
I shrug. “Don’t bother. I’ll be out most of the day.”
He’s still forming a response when I turn away. I see a party of five arriving, Priests of the Order in pristine robes. Black, Red, Gray, White, and Blue.
There is a stronger presence here than I believed. My gut twists, and I catch her eye again. They’re a bit wide and a little glazed—to anyone else, she looks calm and collected. But I can see the subtle tells of fear. I arch an eyebrow and watch as she takes a deep breath, steadying herself and her nerves. She gives me a tiny nod.
And against all good sense, I leave her there, surrounded by my enemies.
Chapter 38.
In Haven 1
I leave in the morning, while she is still sleeping. It was a shitty night all around—I was restless all evening, waiting for her to return, and the tension didn’t die down when she did. If anything, knowing she was on the other side of the suite made it even worse. I wanted to slip into her room, into her bed, kiss her until she forgot Kenny and the politicians, her own name, forgot everything but me.
I didn’t. Of course I didn’t. But the temptation was there, and it was damn hard to ignore.
And sleeping was difficult—too much silence. I shared space with her for long enough that being on my own feels strange.
Which is fucked up. And fucking annoying.
I make a face and grab some fruit off a platter provided by the Embassy. Then I head out, deliberately leaving her behind.
Here’s the thing. When you leave a place, it kind of freezes in your mind. Even knowing that our world is defined by blood and adaptability, it’s strange to see the changes in 1. I wander the Haven for four hours, find deserted shops in the places of friends. I find my way, slowly, to the barracks.
It’s where I should have started.
Being a Walker—and before that, a special forces solider—means I’m most comfortable with weapons and men who know how to use them. But even here, it’s like a different world. The rooms are different, the faces filling them unfamiliar. The commander is a man I’ve never met, and he gives me a brief look when I’m ushered into his office. “President Stiles said you’d slip my men. I sent the best I have.”
I shrug. I saw the Walkers in the Embassy lobby as I ducked out.
“Sorry,” I say, completely unrepentant.
He grunts. “They’ve better things to do than chase a has-been war hero.”
I smirk. He’s got a lot disdain for a man he’s never met. I wonder what Kendall told him. The Commander sits back, rubbing his eyes. Orwell is a trim man, mid-thirties, with hair that is going salt-and-pepper at the temples. His eyes are brown, and cold as they stare at me. “What the hell are you doing here, O’Malley? I’ve heard the stories. I know about Columbus. I’ve read the reports—the one President Buchman didn’t have redacted. I never understood why he bothered with that. Why he protected you.”
Because he trusted me. The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t say them. I don’t say anything. I stare at him until he finally sighs. “Tell me what you want.”
“A Black Priest.”
Orwell’s face takes on an expression of distaste, and my impression of the man inches up. “I can’t help you with that. The Order is not a fan of mine.” “Why?”
He pauses, studies me. Then shrugs. “I’m new to the command—Stiles gave me the appointment a year ago. The Order had a man up for the job—one of their Black Priests. Not the High Priest. But he chose me. They haven’t been happy with the president since.”
“So he’s not in their pocket.”
“It’s hard to determine. A Blue is in his cabinet, and several Grays have been made Science Czars. But for now, he’s keeping the military away from the Order.”
“Because of Omar. As long as he controls the Blacks, Kenny won’t want anything to do with them,” I say quietly. The Commander’s eyebrows go up, but it makes sense.
“You don’t have to have ties to the Order—but you monitor who comes into the Haven. Have any Priests come by recently? From 6?”
“I’ll have my assistant check the records. It might take a few days—we have six gates and several hundred visitors on a daily basis. You understand.”
I do. But it makes me twitch with impatience. “I need this quickly. 1 is not a friendly place for me or my companion.”
“Nurrin Sanders? Stiles seems very taken with her.”
I nod, my lips pressed together. “That would be the issue.”
Understanding and amusement fills the other man’s eyes. “Don’t worry. Stiles is easily distracted—another pretty face will arrive from another Haven, and he’ll forget all about your girl.”
For some reason, that bothers me even more.
I’m leaving the
Commander’s office when I see them. Kendall is dressed down, in jeans and a button down shirt with two buttons undone.
Nurrin is dressed up. She’s put on a dress, of all things, and a pair of heels that stretch her legs and curve them. Her hair is up in a messy knot on the top of her head—the same way she wears it when she’s fighting or working out, or when she’s running the track. With the dress, it doesn’t look sweaty and messy. It looks sexy, finger-tousled, and freshly fucked. She’s holding his arm, her head tilted to him, a smile on her face.
I can’t hear what he’s saying, not from here, but I can see how incredibly beautiful she looks, and how she hangs on everything he says.
I stay in the shadows, watching as he leads her, as he settles her into a chair at a café— only in 1 would they have open air cafés. He orders for her, and I see the annoyance in her rigid shoulders before she lets it go, smiling at the waitress and Kenny.
I should leave, but I can’t bring myself to move. So I lean back, into the shadows of the door way, and watch as he flirts and charms, as she asks questions and sips at the drink he selected for her. What the hell does she think she’s doing? What game is she playing?
They talk for a while, until she finally shifts and stands. Kenny stands with her, and I can’t see his face, but I see his move. Rage flares in me as he kisses her. But still, I watch as she leans into him, fitting against him, the soft drift of her eyelashes as she closes her eyes and brings a hand up to twist in his hair. I hiss, a soft noise I’m glad no one can hear, and then she’s pulling away, a soft smile in her eyes. She says something else and moves away. I let her take three or four steps, until I know she will be sure to see me. Then I step out of the shadows clinging to the door.
Nurrin goes still, startled, her eyes wide. Her lips are still wet and lush from his kiss, color in her cheeks, but there is a touch of fear in her eyes that I know is for me. Just me.
I stare silently for a long moment, until she’s fidgeting, and then I let my disgust seep through. She flinches, as if she’s been struck.
The World Without End [Box Set] Page 26
