by Clancy Nacht
Still smiling, Edwin handed the coffee back to him and then sat on the edge of the bed to pull on socks and shoes. His wallet and keys had been thoughtfully slipped into his pockets, and as Edwin stood, he combed his fingers through his hair in lieu of actual grooming. “I’d better go, but I’ll leave the cat cabin for Miss Frannie downstairs before I leave. See you tonight, Mr. James.”
“Yeah. See you.” Forrest exhaled shakily, two bright spots of red forming over his sculpted cheekbones.
Edwin gave him another kiss and whispered, “You smell like heaven,” as he pushed past him onto the stairs with Frannie hot on his heels.
As he left, he noticed the clock on the wall showed almost nine. Edwin wondered just how much time all those little kisses could possibly have taken.
He gave Frannie a final cuddle and ducked out the door to avoid the growing urge to linger. He didn’t know about Forrest, but Edwin had lived alone too long for so much togetherness all at once. He needed to reach the sanctum of his office, the kingdom of his classroom, and regain his equilibrium.
When he sat in the driver’s seat and started the Golden Hawk, he realized he could still feel the deep ache of Forrest inside him. With trembling fingers, Edwin turned on the radio. After a decade of not listening, he didn’t recognize the music.
He adjusted the dial until he heard a song he vaguely remembered. It was sweet and sad, but it didn’t rip out his heart like every song had for so long after Howard died. As Edwin pulled onto Lamar and started for the university, he found himself singing along.
Chapter Seventeen
The first half of the day passed swiftly, but as Edwin began revising lesson plans over lunch at his desk, he realized the afternoon would be one long block of confused frowns from students whose ideas about Spartans came from movies and whose grasp on the First Peloponnesian War would be nonexistent.
There was a light knock on the door frame. When Edwin didn’t turn immediately, a young man cleared his throat. Edwin looked up to find the last person in the world that he wanted to see.
Corey.
He was the portrait of insouciance, sucking on a lollipop and wearing a striped polo and long jean shorts. At the car show, Edwin had been struck by how much younger Corey was than him. In the context of the classroom, Edwin noticed the softness of his belly and thinning hair.
Corey was younger than Edwin—younger than Forrest, even—but was also older than most of Edwin’s grad students. Still, he was cute. Bee-stung lips, wide green eyes, glossy black hair. It wasn’t impossible to identify what Forrest saw in the man.
Edwin took a deep breath, reminding himself that Forrest said he hadn’t been with Corey since he and Edwin slept together. Susie had said Forrest was actively avoiding him. Clearly, Forrest preferred Edwin’s company, but doubt still niggled whether he could come out ahead in a side-by-side comparison.
Corey smiled and ran his red sucker over his bottom lip. Apparently, he thought Edwin was checking him out rather than cataloging his faults.
“Hello, Professor. Looks like you remember me, huh?”
“A memory for inconsequential details is a prerequisite of my profession.” Edwin let the statement hover for a moment in insult territory before smiling faintly. “After that, names and faces are easy. However, drama belongs across Speedway in the East Mall. If you’ve come to campus looking for that, you’ll not find it here.”
With a disingenuous smile, Corey strolled into the office and shut the door. “Oh honey, I’m not here to throw a fit about you stealing my man. The truth is, I’ve never had any trouble sharing Forrest. We just need to come to an understanding.”
Edwin tilted his head to the side and considered Corey afresh, taking in the minute details of his expression and trying to acquire a baseline for the conversation. Then he pushed his glasses farther up his nose, steepled his hands in front of him, and leaned back in the enormous leather desk chair.
“Yes, it sounds like understanding is something we sorely lack.”
Corey’s smile broadened as he sat on the edge of Edwin’s desk.
“Look, I realize that I’ve been somewhat neglectful of Forrest’s more domestic needs. It’s just not my thing to be tied down like that. But you—” Corey pointed with his sucker. “You can stay home with him, and then I’ll just take him out for adventures and threesomes. He and I have been together practically forever. I’m sure he’s all excited by the new pussy, but he’s too young to be all cooped up, don’t you think?”
“I am under the impression that what the ‘new pussy’ thinks matters little to you.” Edwin’s voice was without inflection, but he could feel his features shifting into an expression his students sometimes referred to as the that’s-it-you-all-flunk look. “I may be in my forties, but you’re no twink yourself, and somehow I get the feeling Forrest isn’t as into ‘adventures’ as you’d like.”
Corey’s gaze sharpened. “I was there before you, and I’ll be there after you, old man. But I don’t want to fight about this. It’s silly. I can cut you in. I’ll even fuck you if you want. You can pretend I’m one of your students or whatever. All you have to do is get him to talk to me. I can handle the rest.”
A shock of pity hit Edwin square in the gut. He frowned at Corey, trying to unravel the tangle of wrong and find a starting place for his reply. Finally, he took off his glasses, set them on his desk, and pinched the bridge of his nose as a headache formed behind his eyes.
“If I wanted to fuck a student, I could fuck a student. Perhaps I’m not your type, Corey, but I can assure you that I do not suffer from any dearth of offers. I’m simply not interested in anyone but Forrest. Please refine your assumptions and begin again.”
Corey frowned. Maybe he didn’t get into many situations he couldn’t seduce his way out of. He seemed baffled where to go from here.
After looking around the office, he said, “I used to go to school here. Few years ago. This is what, history?”
“That is correct. I specialize in pre-Christian Mediterranean history.” Edwin granted Corey a thin smile. “I’ve been told I am the most difficult professor in the department. Most students drop after realizing that no matter how clever their delivery of the line, ‘This is Sparta!’ I will never laugh.”
“You must’ve been here awhile. Probably when I went here.” Corey eyed Edwin, then tossed the sucker in the trash can. “I came from a shitty little town here in Texas. Was a virgin when I got here. Didn’t think I’d ever get laid.”
Corey gestured around him. “Then here I am in a big town with a bunch of people who aren’t hung up or hiding in the closet or whatever. I love getting fucked. You love it too, don’t you?”
Edwin sighed and put on his glasses, pushed them into place with one finger, and reached for his coffee with his other hand. It was lukewarm, but he drank it anyway before setting aside the empty mug. He considered his options, then reached into his desk like he’d done when Susie visited him. He pulled out the photograph of Howard, Francesca, and a much younger Edwin, gazed at it briefly, before turning it so Corey could see.
Edwin tapped the new glass over his own image and gave Corey an expectant look. He knew exactly how sexy he’d been back then, and he knew Corey could see it.
The young man’s expression tightened, mouth twitching as he reevaluated his opponent. The fresh respect there helped Edwin find his footing.
“When I was young, I got laid like crazy. I wanted it all day long, every day, new and different sometimes, and the rest of the time comfortable and sweet with my husband. I thought maybe in another few years, Howard would seem like enough, and we’d get old together, and I’d have taken full advantage of my glory days. He’d go out with me sometimes, but mostly he asked why I wouldn’t stay home more. He didn’t understand how good it felt to walk into a room and know I had something everyone there wanted.”
Then Edwin put the picture away. Corey watched the movement with narrowed eyes.
With the shadow of a smile, Edwi
n met that appraising stare with one of his own. “You’re having a hard time, though. You’re not aging gracefully. Your hairline is thinning. You used to be some cute, barely legal piece of ass, and it didn’t take you anything to get people fighting over who got to take you home.”
Edwin would’ve felt bad for reading Corey, but the moment his conscience prickled, he recalled the games this man played with Forrest’s head. “So now you’re stalled out, watching the new crop come in every fall and get all the attention you used to get. You don’t realize you could be so much more than that. You can’t figure out how to grow into this next phase, so you’re trying to cling to Forrest like he’s your gold-plated retirement plan.”
Edwin’s stare moved over Corey’s face without missing a detail. “Don’t bother telling me I’m wrong. And don’t bother trying to make a deal with me. You had no idea who I was when you walked in here, but you know now.”
Corey started to protest, but Edwin held up a hand to cut him short.
“Let’s not kid ourselves. You’re afraid, and what Forrest wants and what’s good for him aren’t very high on your list of priorities. If Forrest ever asks me to share him, I’ll try to be gracious about his needs, but what I think he needs more than anything is to be the center of someone’s world, and that’s right where I want him.” Edwin paused a beat. “Do you think you can lie well enough to convince me you don’t know that?”
Corey adopted a cagey air, probably going over what his next move might be. He seemed fairly clever to Edwin. Poor judgment, yes, but he possessed some ability to reason.
Then he asked a question for which Edwin had left himself wide open.
“What happened to your gold-plated retirement plan? Some old dude show up and steal him away?”
“He died.” The words ripped from Edwin’s throat, leaving a heavy, dull ache in his chest, but he didn’t feel hopeless saying them anymore. “We’d had an argument about why I was never home, and the next thing I knew, he was gone. I learned from it. I recommend that, by the way. Learning from your losses.”
Edwin half expected to hear laughter. Instead, Corey looked horrified. Edwin tried to remember that age, tried to imagine how he would’ve looked if someone had said something of that ilk to him.
It wasn’t too far off. Maybe Corey did have feelings for Forrest.
Corey let out a long, low breath. “I know what it looks like from the outside. And I’m not going to pretend that I listened to his needs. But not talking to me at all is harsh.”
Edwin made a soft, noncommittal noise and ran a hand through his wiry hair. “I’ll let him know you came to see me. I can’t promise you anything more. But Corey…”
An exhalation burst from Edwin’s lips, and he didn’t realize what he was saying until it was coming out of his mouth. “You can move on. You can be more. Life isn’t over when you stop being the hottest shit at the club. I don’t know what you like, what your talents or hobbies are, but I guarantee you can find someone who shares them. You can find several and date them all. Just stop selling yourself short, okay? You’re a good-looking young man, and you’ll be okay. I mean it.”
“Oh? I thought my hairline was receding.” Corey snorted. “I think Forrest was the only person in this town who saw me as relationship-worthy. They laughed at him over that, and I laughed with them. I don’t think any of those people would take me seriously now. Even if they would, I don’t think I could take them seriously.”
“This may come as a surprise to you, but the men you’ve met and fucked at your little clubs and parties are just a fraction of the gay men in this city. There are so many people you’d never meet that way. You’ve got tunnel vision. Stop looking for people who’d make the boy you were five years ago happy. Start looking for the ones who’ll make the man you want to become happy. Break free, grasshopper.” Edwin raised a brow in challenge and waited for whatever smart-ass thing Corey would come out with next.
“Yeah? Where are these men hiding out? Dusty, old offices?” Corey stood and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Do me a favor, though. Tell Forrest I want to talk to him. Even if it’s just to apologize. Or say good-bye. He and my stupid coffee-shop job are the only things that have been stable in my life, and I hate that job.”
“I’ll tell him. But listen to me, all right? Never pass up free advice from someone who’s been where you are.”
Edwin gave Corey a chance to blow him off, but Corey just stood there. Seeing Corey intended to listen, Edwin took one of the business cards he kept in a neat brass holder on his desk and offered it to him.
“If you need help finding a better job, I can give you some ideas. Put together a list of your skills and what you like and e-mail it to me. I’ll see what I can do. As for where all the hot guys you haven’t fucked yet are hiding out, I bet you’d find them if you tried group activities that didn’t revolve around the collective worship of horny eighteen-year-olds. Google is your friend.”
“Not sure if a list of my skills would be appropriate for a résumé. Or do you just want a dirty e-mail?” Corey raised a brow and took the business card. That look made Edwin a little nervous.
“I’d prefer not, unless you’re looking to get published in the thrilling field of erotic fiction.” Edwin offered Corey a chilly smile. “If this comes back to bite me in the ass, please note that I’ve been dealing with young, angry men bent on revenge for the better part of my long life. I’ll take much more pleasure in helping you than in destroying your hopes at a productive future, but if you push me, I’ll make sure your career culminates with the making of license plates.”
Before Corey could get defensive, Edwin held up a hand, fixing Corey with a wary look. “Imagine for a moment how many students have come through here in the last decade and how far they might have made it in their professions by now. Imagine how many influential young men and women remember Dr. Blais as an inspiration, how many used me as a reference when they got the job of their dreams, and how much influence I could wield for good in your life, if you make a good-faith effort to cooperate.”
Edwin paused for effect. When he was certain Corey was absorbing what he said, he went on.
“I owe you nothing. No man can be stolen who doesn’t consent to his own theft. You were not exclusive. This was your oversight. Your reasons are your own, but also irrelevant. What I am offering you is one time only. If you turn up here again uninvited, security will escort you off campus.”
Corey stared.
“You have my contact information. You have been invited to e-mail for assistance with digging out of the mess in which you find yourself. I trust that makes us more than even in the cosmic scales. I will inform Forrest that we spoke and that you wish him to contact you. I will encourage him to do so, if he wants.”
Finished with his lecture, Edwin rose to his feet and offered Corey his hand with perfunctory grace. “Good afternoon, Mr.—”
“Ashdale. Corey Ashdale.” Corey shook Edwin’s hand, still sizing him up as if looking for another angle.
After he broke the contact, Corey paused and looked around the office again. “Never could figure out a major while I was here. I don’t know if that’ll change. And I don’t think Forrest will talk to me unless he’s made to. So if you would, tell him I’m sorry. And that I loved him as much as I’m capable of and that I hope he finds happiness.”
Corey backed toward the door. “And that he knows where to find me if he doesn’t.”
At that, Edwin chuckled despite himself. “Oh, I’ll make sure he knows when he’s tired of the new pussy, there’s always you, Corey. Have no fear.”
Edwin followed Corey to the door, shut it behind him, and locked it. Then he returned to his desk, sank into his chair with a sigh, and closed his eyes. If he concentrated, he could still smell Forrest on his skin and feel the stretch of Forrest’s body inside his own. It comforted him.
He hadn’t wanted his life to get so complicated, but the only way out was through. No one was going to scar
e him away from Forrest. Not now.
Chapter Eighteen
Edwin kept it together as best he could through the rest of the afternoon, but he couldn’t wait to finish the lecture and get on with his life. He wondered if this was how the other professors felt every day and whether that was why they persisted in thinking he’d want to join them for coffees after work.
Maybe Edwin was finally entering the ranks of the sociable.
Or not.
As class wore on, his focus shifted from the political and cultural ramifications of the First Peloponnesian War on the Athenians and on to the mass-scale carnage. If it was more passionately graphic than usual, well, he didn’t think he could be blamed.
Detailing siege engines, nautical disasters, and the sacking of coastal cities took the edge off his growing sense of uneasiness. Fair or otherwise, Edwin enjoyed picturing Corey’s face on the vanquished soldiers whose fates he related with unprecedented cinematic flair. After the lecture, he received a smattering of applause from a few kiss-asses, which he waved off, and a concerned look from his assistant, which he did not.
Instead, he said, “Hold the fort,” grabbed his briefcase, and took off like the hounds of hell nipped at his heels.
Some part of him still felt the paranoia of impending ambush, like Corey might leap from a cluster of students, shout, “Gotcha!” and insist on following him home to Forrest. Despite his protesting muscles, he didn’t slow until he reached the Golden Hawk and locked himself in. He was fighting a battle of his own now.
The front seat felt too big without Frannie’s cabin in the passenger seat, and it reminded him that he’d said he’d bring some things to leave at Forrest’s condo. Edwin frowned at the empty seat, started the car, and rolled down the windows to escape the oppressive heat. Forrest’s too-big shirt clung to him like a hug, and as he pulled out of his parking spot and eased onto the road, he let it comfort him.
Whatever else happened, he’d spent last night with his head pillowed on Forrest’s chest and Forrest’s arms around him. That was worth any amount of drama.
