by Robert McKay
Her bread and gravy was delicious. She was thinking so hard, she almost didn't pay any attention to it. She savored the last few bites and decided she would make a big breakfast and question Josh once he had a stomach full of her cooking. It would catch him off guard.
With that decided and her belly full, Beatrix slipped down to the library. She reasoned that she wasn't distracting herself from her objective, just killing time until she could implement it. She headed straight for Josh's reading alcove, determined to quickly grab a book and take it to her room so she could read peacefully until morning. She was in such a hurry that she didn't realize Josh was slumped in one of the chairs until she was practically on top of him.
"Beatrix," he said, his voice softer, with more round edges than it usually had. He pulled himself to his feet, reached out a hand, and gently squeezed her shoulder. "Please don't run. We need to apologize."
Beatrix pulled back and glared at him. "No, you have nothing to apologize for. You're just working your agenda, whatever it is. You wanted to get close to me. My contact with my friends is monitored, so I don't feel truly connected to them, so I got closer to you because you pretended to care about me. It makes sense. I don't know what your end game is, but I'm not playing any more, so there's no need to apologize." So much for her plan to fill him up with food and interrogate him. She turned and started to walk away when there was a loud, meaty thump.
"Beatrix, please don't go." There was another thump and Josh grunted.
She wanted to flee, but her curiosity got the best of her. She turned in time to see Josh smash himself in the forehead with a book. It hit with enough force to rock his head backward. He did it one more time and then slumped into his chair. He sat there dazed for a few seconds and Beatrix stepped forward, her rage growing. He was playing more games. She grabbed a large book off the shelf and held it above her head, intent on smashing him with it. Slowly his eyes cleared and looked up at her. He didn't grab her, or jerk away. Instead, he smiled, in such an unguarded, adoring way that she couldn't bring herself to hit him. "Why are you smiling? I was about to brain you with one of your own books."
"Well, I did give you the idea, and your fierce spirit is why I like you so much, so I could hardly be upset when it comes back to bite me." His voice was so smooth and clear that she barely recognized it. A lot of her time spent in the hospital was fuzzy and hard to recall, but she did remember him speaking in that voice.
Beatrix lowered the book and dropped it on the floor, her anger transforming into confusion. "What's the game this time?" She hadn't missed the sudden change to referring to himself in the singular.
"No games. I just needed to talk to you and apologize for how confusing this must all be for you. I should have just let you go about your business, but I couldn't resist. The more I talked to you, the more I found I was able to assert my will over that of the leech." He tapped the black strip of flesh on his forehead. "I was able to show you more of who I truly am. I love books and talking about them. I enjoy making people laugh by being ridiculous. Every day I find new ways to express myself that I wasn't capable of before. Without that, I wouldn't have been able to advance the porcine wingman plan so much in such a short period of time."
Beatrix slumped into her chair, trying to absorb everything he'd thrown at her. He whacked himself in the forehead again. She thought back to what he'd said that day in her hospital room. He'd called himself Arryn and he'd apologized for killing her father. He hadn't talked to her like that since then. Their conversations had slowly gotten less antagonistic, but there was always an edge to his voice and a cagey look in his eyes. That was gone now. If he was acting, it was the performance of a lifetime. She decided it would be more expedient to go along with it and try to puzzle it out later, rather than wasting her time arguing with him. "So, are you going to tell me the plan, or do I have to guess?"
Josh frowned and rubbed his chin. "I would, but there are still some elements that I have to put into place, so it's not safe yet."
Beatrix growled in frustration. "So if that's not what this whole thing is about, what is it?"
Josh looked down and to the side, fidgeting with a rip in the arm of his chair. "I, um, just really couldn't stand having you be angry with me. I know you must be conflicted at the very least. You saw me kill your father, and here I am trying to be your friend." He looked up, shyly. "At the very least, I owe you an explanation—one that is nearly impossible to give—but I have to try. I am Arryn. It was the Anthrak that killed your father. I was not able to stop it. For that I am so sorry." A small tear trickled down his black cheek. "When you cut the leech from my head, you changed something. You gave me some freedom from the Anthrak. In essence, you created the person you call Josh. He is a diluted version of my true self, mixed with the Anthrak. I could never repay you enough for that, but I will do my best if you'll let me. If you won't allow me any more than what you've given me these last few days, I understand, but know that I truly cherish them."
Beatrix didn't know what to do with all of the information he'd dumped on her. He said he wanted to be her friend, but it was clear from his tone and the look in his eyes that he wanted more than that. Then there was the information about the Anthrak. That was too much to think about, especially while he was still holding her captive. Every thought she had circled back around to that one. How could she trust anything he said when he was holding her captive?
She thought quietly while he watched her and every now and then hit himself with the book. If his people felt pain, it had to be killing him by now. Still, he said nothing to rush her.
She didn't have many choices if she ever wanted to be free. She wasn't making any progress at planning an escape on her own, and even if she did get her friends out of the cells and out of the house, there was little chance of getting back to Nedran air space alive. The only thing left to try was getting into the west wing, and she had only gotten her chance to check it out by being pleasant with Josh. She had to try it again.
"I still don't think I can trust you, but I am willing to talk to you about books and generally resume the activities of the last few days." His smile returned and she realized that she'd given too much without asking anything in return. She was the one with the leverage in this situation. "But first I want you to answer a couple of questions."
Josh's smile faded, but his eyes remained hopeful. "I'll answer as best I can. Just be careful. I have dazed the leech, but he is still listening and fighting for control."
"Where do you and the rest of your men sleep at night?" asked Beatrix without preamble.
Josh blinked several times and then shrugged. "I sleep in the west wing. The other men have a house nearby that is being used as a barracks."
Now she knew that she would have to wait for him to be out of the house, or risk sneaking in when he was asleep. She didn't bother to give a false explanation for her question, since he didn't ask for one. "Why is all of the stuff you use in space grey, when everything here is so colorful and beautiful?"
Josh's mouth opened and an inarticulate groan came out. He hit himself three times in quick succession, and then shook his head. That one had just been idle curiosity. So strange that it had set him off.
"Final question. What is your favorite book of all time?" Josh smiled and started to speak, but Beatrix cut him off and gave him a devious grin. "No, not the book that you tell everyone is your favorite and makes you look good for having such good taste. I mean the book that you read over and over again and probably lie about how much you like it because you think it gives people the wrong impression about you. I want to read that book."
Josh grimaced. It made his vaguely feline face comical, but Beatrix held in her amusement. She knew if she laughed, he probably wouldn't give her the real book. There was a lot you could tell about a person by the type of book that is close to their heart. If she couldn't trust his words, maybe she could figure him out by the book he gave her. "Very well," he said, and stood. He reached up and hesit
ated at the top shelf, his hand grazing a couple of well-worn books, then reached higher, and slid a book off the top. It had to be good if he put it where no one could even see it. He looked at the battered cover for a long while and then handed it to Beatrix with a small smile.
It was a hardcover book without a dust jacket, so it looked very plain. It had been handled so much that the title wasn't even legible; she had to turn to the first page to learn its name: Moonage Daydream. Yes, this was the book she was looking for. She couldn't think of further questions that he would actually answer, so she snapped the book closed and nodded. "That's all. I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast."
"Thank you," he said. It was just two words, but they were so loaded with feeling that they made Beatrix uncomfortable.
She wanted nothing more than to flee, but she had promised books for her friends. She turned and walked away from Josh to end the conversation, and grabbed a few books that had interesting titles. Beatrix marched out of the library and down to the wine cellar. She banged on the heavy steel door with the spine of one of the books. Woolly answered with his usual sneer. If he noticed the stack of books in her arms he paid it no attention. The other guard unlocked the inner door on the other side of the small chamber and waved her through. She got the feeling that her arrival was expected and it made her skin crawl. Woolly took his usual spot just inside the door.
The visit with her friends was quick. Once they got done squabbling over who got what books, they looked so happy that Beatrix didn't want to stay and keep them from their entertainment. Besides, she had her own book to read, and it might just hold the key to their escape.
She turned on her heel and walked away. She was ten pages into the book when she felt her way into her bedroom, unwilling to look up to see the doorknob.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Moonage Daydream was a strange and wonderful book. On the surface it was science fiction about telepathy and telekinesis, but at its heart, it was a grand romance. The two main characters lived parallel lives where they used their powers to help mankind overcome the difficulties of space travel. Despite traveling in a rather small circle of acquaintances, they didn't meet until they both responded to a disaster on their planet's moon outpost. They worked together to resolve the issues on the moon and started to fall in love. Unfortunately, once the moon job was over, they had to go their separate ways. They were only able to keep in touch telepathically. Using their telepathy over such long distances expanded their powers beyond anything their people thought possible. The stronger they became, the further their jobs moved them apart, and the more demands they had on their time. Until, like all romances, there was an inevitable breakdown in their relationship. They were never more in love, but they were frustrated with only having a day or two together every couple of months. They agreed to see other people, and both tried with limited success. Eventually, there was an accident and one of them was injured. The other gathered all of their considerable power and made the next step in the evolution of their powers: teleportation. They teleported hundreds of thousands of kilometers in an instant and came to their partner's rescue. They realized that with their new-found power, they could not only make their relationship work, but change their world for the better, and it had all happened because of their love.
By the time Beatrix was half way through the book, she was completely enamored with the characters and the story. At the end she found herself wanting to start it all over again, just to feel those same emotions. It was the middle of the night, and there was little else to do, so she did just that. She fell asleep thinking about it, and woke up the next morning with it still in her head. It wasn't until she smelled breakfast that she truly thought about Josh and the fact that this was his favorite book. The idea that she loved something so completely that he'd given to her, and that he loved it just as much, shook her to her core. She'd taken the book to gain insight into her captor and instead she had found a kindred spirit. That wasn't possible. It didn't mean anything. It was just a silly book. Nevermind the fact that she always worked books into conversations with people so that she could decide what she thought of them based on their taste. She was certain that when she talked to Josh about Moonage Daydream, she would find his take on the book abhorrent, and she could go on finding him deplorable. For the hundredth time Beatrix found herself wondering why she even cared what he thought.
Beatrix practically ran to the bathroom and dressed in the new clothes there. This time the blue pants and white blouse were in a futuristic style that immediately reminded her of Moonage Daydream. She wrote it off as something the designer had done on a whim, having grown bored of using the same color palette over and over again. She grabbed Moonage Daydream off her bedside table and stomped down to the kitchen, ready to discuss the book, and found a stack of pancakes sitting on the table. Josh was in his usual spot, grinning at her with unusual cheer. As she stepped closer she found that each of the pancakes had been made into intricate designs of moons, retro-looking rayguns, and various other Moonage Daydream related designs. Each one of them had lighter and darker areas that provided the shading and detail. It was amazing. Next to the stove was a trash can nearly full of botched attempts. He had to have been at it for hours. Her thoughts swirled through a dizzying array of responses before they settled on, "I thought you didn't know what a pancake was?"
Josh's smile broadened even further. "It took a lot of searching through the data we've compiled from your internet. Once we found out what they were though, we found the one way in which pancakes are actually superior to waffles." He held up a pancake shaped like a raygun. "You can make them into fun designs if you put the batter in the pan at different times." Beatrix slumped into her chair and set the book on the table. "We hope that the shapes on the pancakes don't constitute spoilers."
There was something so innocent about his last statement that Beatrix burst out laughing. The whole breakfast was so well put together and considered that if it weren't made by Josh she would have considered it incredibly romantic. She stared down at the battered book cover and then looked up at Josh who had cautiously joined in on her laughter. It was by far the most bizarre and emotionally complex experience of her life. Her thoughts of discussing the book were immediately tossed aside. She couldn't handle any more thoughtful revelations. Instead, she just piled pancakes on her plate and ate. Annoyingly, they were delicious.
Josh watched her eat and nibbled delicately at his own pancakes. He occasionally looked at the book next to her plate. She knew he was waiting for her to finish, so she ate far too many pancakes in an attempt to avoid the conversation. When she couldn't stomach another bite, she shoved away the plate and waited for him to ask. It took about half a second.
"You read it then?" he said, leaning forward on his elbows and nearly dipping one in his plate.
"I did," she said as flatly as she could.
"And what did you think of it?" he asked. His voice was pitched low and there was the slightest amount of hesitation before he spoke. Beatrix knew how vulnerable she would feel in his place and couldn't decide if she was projecting her emotions onto him or not.
"How about you tell me why it's your favorite first," she said.
Josh squirmed in his chair and looked down at his hands before answering. "Because it's just so romantic, and despite the fact that they're using telepathy and telekinesis, all of the emotions and reactions feel so real and authentic. We loved and hated them both at times. And in the end, they find a way to overcome the odds and be together, and even help change their civilization."
Beatrix grumbled and contemplated eating more pancake so she wouldn't have to reply. Her stomach promised a revolt if she tried that tactic, so she heaved a sigh and stared at the table instead. She thought up a dozen convincing lies and discarded them all. She wanted to tell him she hated it and make fun of him because it was the only way she could hurt him. Instead she gave him the truth. "I loved it. I loved everything about it. I loved how the author made thei
r telepathy into a semi-tactile experience and blurred the lines between emotion and physical feelings. Their love made me ache for something that real in my life. I read the book twice last night and might have read it again if I hadn't fallen asleep." She told herself she was being practical; she needed information from him and he wouldn't provide it if she was antagonistic.
Josh's smile had grown so big Beatrix barely recognized him. It was as if his face had been made for that look of pure joy and his usual taciturn state was just a weird perversion of it. For the first time, she was able to look at him and see only a person, and not a beast pretending to be human. Beatrix beamed back at him and dove headlong into a three hour conversation about every detail of the book. The longer they talked, the more Beatrix felt that Josh actually understood her. So many of his insights were nearly identical to her own. They laughed and joked about a few of the book's shortcomings, but, like Beatrix, he felt they only added to its charm.
Their conversation didn't draw to a close until Josh looked at the clock on the wall and muttered a curse. "We're sorry Beatrix. We would love to stay and talk more about Moonage Daydream, but we have to get going. We have another meeting to attend. Sadly we won't be back until tomorrow evening. Maybe we can discuss some other books when we return."
"That would be lovely," said Beatrix and then groaned mentally at herself. When did she ever use the word lovely?
"If you would like to take a look at some of our other favorites, they're on the shelf directly below where Moonage Daydream was hidden. We think Space Oddity would be our next recommendation. It's by the same author."
