I couldn’t answer her. She had me stumped on that one. She was giving me a lot to think about. Was I taking care of things the right way in my life when it came to Tori? I mean, I did miss the girl. I was all confused, but I knew soon I would get it figured out.
I put that conversation to the side and enjoyed the rest of the time I had with the sassy girl I liked talking to. Hanging out with Savoy, I knew I couldn’t do anything right then about Tori, so there was no need stressing about that. I liked the point where I was. I was a man. I wasn’t a dog, but I was a brother who definitely knew what I liked. And I couldn’t say that was all bad.
“Come on, Damarius, man. You slippin’. You can’t press two hundred? What’s up?” I teased my boy as we lifted weights.
Damarius tried again. “Aw, Perry, lay off me. I’m handling mines. I got this. You just step back and get on out the way.”
“Cole, you better get over there and spot the boy before he falls out! You know that’s still too much for him,” I taunted as Cole nodded.
Actually, I knew Damarius really could lift the weight, but sometimes he thought he couldn’t. I had to trick him. Use negative reinforcement to get him to cross over the line. If he wanted to show me up to make me think he was the man, then he’d do it. And that’s just what he did.
“Take that! I should’ve bet you, man. I would’ve been rich,” Damarius said as soon as he put the weights back on the bar.
He and Cole slapped hands, and I nodded my head in approval. If he could get those grades up, then all three of us would be going to college for sure. I just hated that it seemed I had more dreams for my friend than he had for himself. I couldn’t understand why that was, but I couldn’t give up on him. I cared about his crazy self too much.
Next, it was Cole’s turn. He was loading a lot more weight to both ends of the bar.
Damarius got up in my face and said, “Hey, man, why you stand us up yesterday, anyways?”
“I ain’t stand y’all up,” I responded. “I called and left a message on both of y’all cell phones.”
“You ain’t tell us what you had to do,” Damarius fronted me.
“I had a date.” I said. “Come on, Cole. Man, don’t listen to him. Do your thing. I gotta bench press, too.”
Cole didn’t move. He was waiting on me to elaborate, while Damarius sat on the other side of the bench also waiting on me to tell them my business. At first I was hesitant. Discussing it with them would only lead to the “S” question. But then I realized they knew this girl, and it would be interesting to get their take on the whole thing.
“You know my sister’s boyfriend, right?”
“Some dude from Aiken,” Cole said. “He plays with Dakari at Georgia.”
“Yeah. I went out with his cousin,” I responded.
“Dang! You had a blind date. They set you up? Was she tore up, bro?” Damarius asked, laughing.
I bragged, “Man, you would’ve wanted to be in my shoes last night. Trust me.”
Damarius boasted back. “Please. Ciara keeps me busy enough and plus, I gotta whole bunch of extras on the side that I’m quite satisfied with, thank ya kindly. I don’t want Perry Skky’s leftovers.”
“Not even if it’s that girl we met at USC with her twin brother, Saxon?”
“You ain’t go out with her,” Damarius said, coming over to my side of the bar.
“For real, you did?” Cole responded, as he saw in my face that I was serious.
“What? So Saxon is related to your sister’s boyfriend?” Damarius asked.
“Yeah, they’re first cousins. I didn’t even see him, but his sister was straight.”
“Man, we trying to get you hooked back up with Tori!” Cole said.
“Actually, Savoy was talking that same stuff last night,” I revealed. They both looked at me as if I’d spoken Chinese.
“So, you saying you went out with a new girl that’s telling you to get back with your old girl? You’re losing your touch, Perry. You need to step aside and give me her number!” Damarius said, trippin’ like he was the man.
I busted his bubble and told him, “You the wrong color, homeboy.”
“Oh, she likes them white boys?” Cole asked. And I nodded. “As dark as you is Damarius, you far from her taste!”
“Man, she probably was with that wrong kinda dark chocolate that ain’t have no taste. But wait til she have a piece of this sweet stuff! I’ll win her back over to the brothers, trust me. The digits, please,” my friend said as he held out his hand before I tapped it and pushed it aside.
I said, “Come on, Cole. Finish the workout.”
“For real, though, if she already taken—white, black, Boricua, it don’t matter—you need to do what you gotta do and listen to her or us and get back with Tori. Brianna told me the girl been crying,” Cole said as he laid down to bench press.
I hit him on the head. We finished our brutal workout. Before we parted ways, they made me promise I’d think about the whole Tori thing.
Later that night as I tried thinking about football and school, I sat on the couch and all I could do was think about Tori. I didn’t need any persuading. I missed being with the girl. I missed seeing her cute little face. I missed hearing her sweet, precious voice. What had I done breaking it off?
My mom brought me a plate of food. It was actually a bowl of food, a little country shrimp boil with crab legs, corn on the cob, potatoes, sausage and shrimp all smothered together in a broth. Dang, it looked good! I didn’t know where to start. I was still so messed up with my heartbreak that I brought on heartburn and couldn’t eat it. I sat it on the coffee table, and my mom sat next to me.
“Okay, something’s wrong with you. My son not eating? What’s up?”
“Naw, Mom. I’m straight.”
I was a big boy. I didn’t need my mom all in my problems. Plus, I didn’t want her knowing that I just wanted to have sex. Naw, that was okay.
“Did I tell you Tori called?”
Quickly my head turned toward her. “No, when?”
“She actually called a couple of times, but I spoke to her the last time she called. She sounded sorta down, too.”
“What’d she say?”
“Mmmm, just that you weren’t too happy with her, and that she thought you guys were over for good this time. Is that true, Son?”
“Oh, come on, Mom!”
“Oh, come on, Junior! You’re my son. I’m a woman. Looks like you got troubles with your girlfriend. Talk to me.”
“Trust me, just take her side.”
“Is her side the right one? The one that would honor God?”
“Where’d that come from, Mom? Dang!”
“ ’Cause, boy, I raised you to know what’s right from wrong. And if what she’s standing for will please God, then you need to quit tripping, cut her some slack and get over your own selfish ways. How about that? You don’t have to tell me nothing. We don’t have to talk about it. You don’t even have to eat my food. But I know you ain’t crazy, and I know you’re hungry. You’ll ponder on what I said, and you’ll eat all this in front of you,” she said.
She was right, too. I was making myself sick over my decision to cut things off with Tori. I only hoped I could figure out what was right to do. Mom’s grub was smellin’ good. I felt my appetite coming back.
She continued, “I worry about you a lot. You’re about to go out into the real world. I know you’re more than just book-smart. You’re street-smart, too. So, use your common sense, ’cause you ain’t no fool. I never wanted you to get too serious with girls. Thankfully, the one you got has her head on straight. It’s a whole bunch of these fast mamas out here that I certainly don’t want you to get caught all up with. So, if you’re with Tori, at least Mom won’t have to stress, you know? Plus the girl truly cares for you, she’s not around for the sport, not around for the fame. Think about that, Son.”
She kissed me on my forehead and left me to my thoughts. I kept looking at the phone beside me, pic
ked it up and dialed Tori’s number that was etched in my brain. When I got her answering machine, I left a message telling her how I really felt.
“My mom told me you called. I don’t know. If an apology is enough for you to forgive me, then I’m sorry I’ve been pushing you away. Even though I’ve physically kept my distance, you haven’t been out of my heart and mind. I want us to get back together. If that’s what you want, then give me a call. I miss you, girl.”
After I hung up the phone, I picked up the seafood dish in front of me and gobbled it down. My mom was right. I wasn’t crazy. Tori was a great girl and the food was the bomb! All I could do was my part. I didn’t know if she would take me back. I just knew I wanted her to. And now the ball was in her court.
Until she called me, I had to relax. Lay off it a bit. Though I made some mistakes with her, I had made my bed, and now I had to sleep in it. If she didn’t take me back, I’d find a way to be cool with it. I was tough, but I also knew when to admit when I was wrong. For the first time in a long time I could feel good, knowing that with my girlfriend I was handling my business.
3
Being in Control
I became more filled with excitement with each mile I drove to Lucy Laney High School. It was time to get ready for the first day of football camp. This was my senior year. Though I was one of the top recruits in the state going into football season, I was ready to try and be the best player in Georgia. Not because I had something to prove to anyone else, but I wanted to prove to myself that I was great at the game I’d worked so hard on. For so many years, I’d studied the game, watched the film and learned from coaches. Now I was ready to perform.
I also knew this wasn’t going to be a cakewalk, either. As many fans as I had out there, I had many naysayers who were wanting me to fail, wanting me to give up and not wanting me to live up to my expectations. And all of that just made me strive harder and become more explosive on the field.
When I pulled up to the parking lot, everybody on my team was pulling up at the same time. Looked like they were as eager as I was. We were ready to win state and take it to the Dome. Show people some things. Show them that this little school from Augusta was a powerhouse. There was one big setback, though. And that was the fact that we had a new head coach. Coach Pugh, our former leader, had come upon a great opportunity. He had wanted to coach on a college level for years. He now was the head coach for Fort Valley State University, a historically black college in Fort Valley, Georgia, about three hours away from us.
Some young guy named Coach Robinson, who had won a national college championship at Georgia Tech in 1990, was our new coach. He had played a couple of years with some pro team. I didn’t know much about him, but I heard he was a pretty cocky guy. Though I had been in the school’s weight room a lot over the summer, our paths had never crossed. He’d invited me to his home for dinner, and had other team member meetings, but I missed them due to my trip to South Carolina and family vacations.
I got called into the coach’s office before I could even put on my pads. I wondered, What does he want with me right now?
“Perry Skky! I’m excited that you could honor me with your presence,” Coach Robinson said sarcastically.
I sat down in a chair and said, “All right, Coach. You gotta problem with me or somethin’?”
I wanted to have respect for the man, but he didn’t need to come at me like I was a chump player. The respect thing was a two-way street, and he needed to know that up front. I wasn’t asking for first-class treatment, but he wasn’t about to make me redeem my stripes again, either.
He stood up from behind his desk. He was a buff dude. He came on around, looked me straight in the eyes and boldly said, “I understand that you can be a flash player. A lot of colleges think you got unbelievable talent. ‘Throw the ball to Perry. He can make amazing things happen!’ papers say. Well, on my offense, I call the plays. If I want you to get the ball, then, and only then, will you have it. I don’t like showoffs. I’m the coach here and I run the show, you understand?”
“Never questioned it. Is that all?”
What did he expect me to do? Get down on my hands and knees and worship him or somethin’? Yeah, right. He could talk all that lame stuff. I’d show him out there on the field that the team really did respect me.
Almost reading my mind he said, “In order to be a leader, Perry, you gotta have the respect of your teammates.”
“I do, Coach.”
“I don’t think so. Marlon Barksdale was in here all summer going on and on about how you think the game is all about you.”
“He’s just hating.”
I mean, that was a joke to me. Marlon was on the other side of the field with my same position. He was just jealous that the ball mostly came to me. When he did get the ball into his hands, he let the team down, missing catch after catch.
In reality, he couldn’t keep up with me on any level. Academically, he wasn’t on the Principal’s List, making straight A’s. Socially, none of the girls were after him. He really had it out for me because my girl was the one he had wanted so desperately. She wouldn’t give him the time of day. Economically, his car looked like a broke-down Beetle, which could barely make it from point A to point B. And physically, he had nothing on me. He was a short receiver with sloppy hands, and he wasn’t as quick as he needed to be.
Of course the guy was going to down me. Marlon couldn’t beat me, and I didn’t want him to join me. He was stupid and made dumb decisions. And in his mind, all he wanted to do was bring me down. But if the coach wanted to get on his bandwagon, fine with me.
“Whatever, Coach. I don’t have the respect of the team, ’cause you listen to Barksdale. All right, cool.”
“Well, you seem a little arrogant with me right now. Why should I think that you’re a humble guy?”
“Coach, you’re getting on me, and I don’t even know you!”
“So, why don’t you make me wanna like you? Why are you making it so difficult?”
“I give off what I get, sir. Not trying to be difficult, just being real. I won’t give you any problems on the field. If you wanna give me the ball, it’s your call. Is that all, Coach?”
“For now, Perry. That’s all.”
I was so sorry in practice that first day. For the second and third day, I wasn’t at full speed, either. Neither was the rest of the team. I wasn’t showing any leadership. I wasn’t trying to motivate them or correct them. Coach Robinson thought he was the man, and he needed to step up and clear up the mess that I was seeing before me.
At lunch, Cole came up to me and we sat down under a tree. We nibbled on ham sandwiches and chips, and drank Gatorade. Then I caught my boy looking at me like I’d let him down.
“Perry, what’s with you? We better do something. We got a game next weekend. If we keep playing the way we practicing, we’re gonna get beat like we stole something!”
“Why you over here talking to me about it? I ain’t the head coach. Go talk that mess to him,” I said as I pointed to Coach Robinson.
“He coaches offense. That’s why I’m talking to you. Shoot, the defense is tight! Y’all ain’t score nothing on us, even in the scrimmage yesterday. Coach said something to you the first day, and you still trippin’. But let me ask you this. You gon’ let him stop what’s inside of you to do?”
“What you talking ’bout, Cole?”
“I’m just saying, Perry, you’re a leader. And you’re being suppressed because of what somebody said to you. Coach Robinson ain’t nobody. Don’t let him ruin what’s yours this season. Every team needs a leader. And you the man. Be it.”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself, Cole,” Coach Robinson replied from behind us.
Cole was startled. “Oh, Coach, Coach, Coach, Coach!”
My friend had his foot caught in his mouth, talking about our head coach and he was listening. I didn’t care, though. I was glad the man heard that other players thought he wasn’t all that.
&
nbsp; “Give me ten laps while I talk to your boy,” he told Cole.
I questioned, “You gon’ make him run laps because you stepped in on our private conversation?”
“I’m making him run ’cause he looked a little slow out there in practice today. But you and I need to talk. Go ’head, Cole,” Coach Robinson said. My friend quickly jogged away.
“You think I don’t like you, huh?” Coach asked.
“I know you don’t like me.”
“And that makes you real angry, like you don’t wanna put forth no effort, right? Like you’re trying to punish me and do bad.”
“I ain’t trying to punish nobody, I’ma do mine. You give the ball to me. I’ll make something happen with it. If you don’t, then the rest of the world will know that your play calling is definitely questionable.”
“So, as I said to you earlier in the week, it is about you, isn’t it?”
“It’s really not about me, Coach, is it? You’re the leader. This is yo thang. How come you’re not able to get the team looking any better?”
“I played on the highest level, Perry, and it’s not easy up there. I know you’re a smart kid, but to be great at anything in life, you gotta overcome obstacles. Even ones that are self-imposed.”
I didn’t know what he was talking about then. But for the first time, it didn’t seem like he was talking at me but talking to me. And for that, I kept listening.
“I said some tough things to you ’cause I wanted you to step up and be a leader. But you stepped back. Instead of letting what I said challenge you, you let it take the air and wind outta your sail.”
Was he right? Did I let him make me less of who I was?
“In reality, Perry, I am the one who calls the plays and makes the decisions. But this team needs both of us to succeed. You are a senior and you are a captain. Don’t be passive. Do your job. Don’t let any situation or anybody make you abandon it. Not even me. You’re over here eating with only one player, while the rest of your team is over there trying to get a spark going. What are you going to do about it? We have a game in a week. I don’t know if you want the NFL, but I know you want the state championship. I had a talk with Coach Pugh, and he told me you wanted it. So, what are you going to do to get it? What are you going to do to help your teammates get it?”
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