“Look, I’m real sorry about all this.”
She sniffed and held back her emotions. “What’s done is done. Congratulations on winning homecoming king. I’m really happy for you.”
We held hands for a moment, and I hugged her tight. With my embrace I was saying, “Be strong, girl. Hang tight. Be the Tori I know you can be.” With the look she gave me when we let go, I had the satisfaction of believing she would be okay.
Sunday after church, I was at the monthly Beautillion meeting. As soon as I walked in the place, I wondered how in the world my mother had talked me into doing this. Though I’d teased Damarius and Cole about them not wanting to get refined, I, too, wasn’t up for all the polishing. But I needed to get the negative thoughts out my mind quickly, or the next two hours would seem like twenty-four.
This time the fraternity brothers from Omega Psi Phi were giving the presentation. And they knew how to break the ice for all of us. They came in stepping in their gold boots, gold construction hats, purple shirts and olive army-style pants. Decked out, they were looking bad! And on top of that, they were hype.
“All right, all right,” they chanted.
After the guys got our attention, they gave us their history and then asked questions about what we just heard. Maybe schools needed to take a page from this method of teaching. Everybody, even Saxon, could answer every question.
The taller, built dude said, “I’m Cleo Armstrong and this is my partner, Sylvester Blue. We are here today to talk to you guys about how you treat a young lady.”
“The actual topic,” Mr. Blue said, “is being a prince on a date.”
Saxon just chuckled. Mr. Armstrong came straight over to him, grabbed him by his shirt and lifted him up. Saxon was quiet then.
“Something funny?” Mr. Armstrong questioned.
I knew if some of the ladies who were in this program would’ve seen how the Omegas were handling our session, they’d be tripping. However, we boys knew they deserved respect, and they were gon’ take it if they didn’t get it. We all sat up in our seats. Even tough Saxon apologized.
“Naw, man. I’m just playing with ya. I ain’t mad at you, brother,” Cleo said as he straightened out Saxon’s shirt. “But I’m glad I was able to prove a point. When you’re in a leadership role, there’s a certain way you should act.”
A lot of us looked confused. Dating? Relationships? What was this guy talking about?
“How many of you young men believe in God?” All ten of us raised our hands. “How many of you young men think that you’re gonna get married one day?”
Saxon left his hand down. Nine of us raised them up. As they started counting, he eventually raised his hand up, too.
“Yeah, I’ll probably be like forty-five, but I will marry one day,” Saxon joked.
I had no doubts he believed his own bull.
Then Mr. Blue went on to tell us that one day when we got married and believed God’s principles for our union, then we as men would be deemed as head of household. He told us we would be looked upon to lead and he didn’t think we could learn how to do that overnight. He said that we needed to be taught how to treat women right, even in our dating relationships.
Mr. Armstrong said, “If we would one day love and respect our wives, then in dating relationships, we ought to be able to be sincere and care about the young women we take out.”
A lot of us coughed on that one. Not me. I understood where they were coming from. One day I did want a family. One day I did want to have some woman follow me. And as I thought about how my dad had been leading lately, I knew deep down I didn’t want that, even though my actions weren’t that different from my father’s. We both were committed to someone else and got busted.
Cleo Armstrong said, “See, all that being a dog, trying to be a player and have many women and stuff is for punks. True men of valor, men with principles and integrity, can date a few honeys at a time, but keep everything on the up and up honestly. Not trying to take anybody for anything. Having serious relationships right now is kinda crazy, anyway. You guys are only seniors in high school. You’re ’bout to enter into college. Trust me there are going to be plenty of fine babes to blow your mind. What you don’t want to do now is break somebody’s heart. That stuff comes back on ya. And I believe in karma.”
I thought about what he was saying and I certainly knew I needed to get on my knees and ask for forgiveness ’cause I didn’t want anything negative to come back on me. Or had it already? Amandi had ran her mouth about me still being a virgin. Her loud mouth was ruining my reputation. And had I done so much damage to Tori that I hadn’t even received my payback yet? If that was the case, I did need to start praying.
I blurted out, “So do y’all think if you dog out a girl, that stuff will come back on you?”
“More or less. I mean, we’ve lived long enough to know that when you do wrong, you pay for it in some form,” Sylvester Blue answered.
We went on and on to talk about how you should end one relationship before stepping into another one.
Cleo said, “And even though some girls can never take no for an answer at least when you say it’s over verbally, you’re not responsible for what they do after you move on. It’s when you make them think you down with them and you still having fun in other places that it’s your fault. That’s when character gets into question.”
We ended up doing some role reversals. In one scene, a guy broke up with a girl. In one version, she took it well; in one version she didn’t take it so well. We all came away learning to take the high road. Being the gentleman, bowing out and not forcing yourself on her was the right way to go.
We also talked about other dating do’s for gentlemen, like holding the door for our date. Or when a guy asks a girl out, he should pay and try and always meet her parents before taking her out. From what the Omegas say, we can definitely earn brownie points with the ladies this way.
Though my parents had told me this growing up, I enjoyed the session given by two cool guys. I got the message. I knew I needed to tighten up a little bit. Even though I could dog out some women because of my popularity status, it didn’t mean I should. I didn’t really want Tori anymore. My feelings for her had changed, and I was glad things were over. And Amandi really wasn’t my speed. So I’m glad we were over as well.
Whenever I got that next girl God would send my way, I was gonna remember all the things I’d learned here. And hopefully implement them to make God proud. I was a gentleman and I now knew I needed to treat women better.
“Oh, now since you homecoming king and all you don’t have time to do no favors for your big sister, huh?”
“Now why you had to throw that all in my face?” I asked Payton over the phone as she was trying to bully me into coming to some Fellowship of Christian Athletes high school retreat.
I was not excited about going to the woods with some people I didn’t even know. Supposedly, it was this cool resort site in Stone Mountain, Georgia. Driving two and a half hours to be way up on a mountain really wasn’t my idea of fun.
“Perry, consider the invitation. There’s gonna be tons of athletes there.”
“Sis, I just don’t wanna drive there.”
“Okay. I’ll call you right back.”
I just knew I had her off my back. But then, ten minutes later the phone rang and it was Payton again.
“I talked to Tad and he told me his cousin Savoy is coming with one of her girlfriends. He talked to her, and she said that since you’re only ten minutes away, as long as her dad says it is cool for her to pick you up, then she would drive. You have any more excuses?”
I knew this was a Christian event, and I felt sorta bad. However, I had to admit that after learning Savoy was going, my interests were a little bit higher. I kept my thoughts in check, though. After all, we were just friends and all, and I knew she had a boyfriend. However, she did come to my birthday party, so I knew she had some interest in me, even if it was only a little bit.
/> “So when are we going to know if her dad says it’s okay?” I asked my sister.
“See, I knew you’d be down to come to this thing if it was all about girls and football. Boy, you better get your life straight. Lately, you’ve been real excited about the wrong stuff. You need to be excited about God like that.”
“Pay, don’t be preaching to me. Be happy I’ll come.”
“Tad’s gon’ talk to his uncle. Call you later.” My sister got off the phone with much attitude.
After I hung up, I felt compelled to get on my knees and pray. It’d been a long time since I actually gave God his real reverence. My sister thought I didn’t hear stuff she said. Actually, a lot of times I didn’t pay her much mind. But a lot of times the things she mouthed off to me made sense to me.
So I prayed:
“Lord, I have been really caught up with football lately. And you know girls have been on my priority list, too. I’m just keeping it real. I’m willing to go on this retreat this weekend and maybe it’s all for the wrong reasons. But if it actually works out and I go, help me understand You more. I’ll be open-minded. Amen.”
Three days later, I was in the car with Savoy and her friend Ellis headed to the Atlanta area for the FCA retreat. Ellis was a pretty girl: dark mocha-colored skin, petite, with a short, fly curly hairdo, curves in the right places and spunky. She was checking me out from the moment I got in the car.
Savoy, on the other hand, was sorta hard to read. She was cordial and nice and everything, but because she was concentrating on the road, it was hard to make her out. I wasn’t trying to win her over or anything, but I didn’t want the ride to be a drag. Remembering my seminar on how to take the lead, even though this wasn’t a dating relationship, I was a perfect gentleman.
So I tried to ease the tension and said, “Savoy, thanks for letting me tag along with you guys. I’ll be able to drive if you want. Pops said our insurance would cover it if something was to happen.”
“No problem, Mr. Skky. I appreciate you saying that. I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Ooh, ooh!” her friend teased. “Girl, he’s a keeper.”
Savoy made a smirk.
“I ain’t talking ’bout for you, you got already got a man. I’m the single one. We’re already bonded. His name’s Perry, my name’s Ellis.”
I was confused. I didn’t know what that had to do with anything. And then all of a sudden this girl said, “We’re a clothing line. We already go together. Get it? Perry Ellis ...”
The three of us just started laughing. Then Savoy put on this gospel CD by J Moss. As I leaned my head back and listened to the some of the words, I was just taken over by something I hadn’t felt in a while. It wasn’t about the ride. It wasn’t about the girls. It wasn’t about football. It was about worshipping God.
I just remembered the chorus singing out so well, “No matter who or what we are, we must pray.” It was like before I had even got to the retreat, God was answering my prayer. He was letting me know Him more.
And this song was saying that to get to know God more, I just needed to give praise and give thanks to Him. I learned to just be into Him and expect good things in return. The three of us spent the next hour talking about just that. Ellis tried to get off subject every now and then, but Savoy and I knew we were very focused where God was concerned.
Stone Mountain Park was absolutely beautiful. They had some events on the campground. But most of the stuff was taking place in the Evergreen Hotel. It was a Marriott resort. My sister had hooked me up. Although I was used to being in nice hotels because of all the recruiting, this was better. It was just nice to get away and not have to worry about someone wanting something.
At first I was excited because I thought I was going to get to know Savoy better. Before the end of the first day, however, I was beginning to know God more. It was an experience I couldn’t explain.
The Georgia Tech chaplain I’d met a couple of weeks ago was giving the evening message. Hearing him present the Gospel charged me to want to live my life for God. He was absolutely dynamic and passionate. He talked about athletics, but then he took stories from the Bible and made them apply to how he walked with God.
So I sat on my seat and listened while he closed his sermon. “So, athletes, if you’re in that crunch time and need something positive to happen in your life, remember Moses’ story. God can deliver. Remember when you’re thrown into the lions’ den, God can get you out. When you sense the Holy Spirit leading you to do something that you and everyone else thinks is crazy, just follow that intuition. Keep letting God lead you. Remember Noah’s flood was going to come, and yours will, too. You need to be prepared. And under God’s umbrella, He protects you and keeps you safe. In order to follow God and know that He delivers, you gotta trust Him. And so I close with the story of Peter. God said he could walk on water, but he just had to get out of the boat first. So wherever you are in your life, get out of the boat. Know that God’s got it. Know that Jesus wants to praise you and intervene. Even if you have accepted God into your life, make nothing more important than Him.”
I sat there with tears in my eyes because I had been more focused on many other things—grades, girls, cars, football, scholarships, money—everything but God. I felt bad, I felt sorry. Savoy took my hand, and I didn’t even notice until I looked up and saw her eyes were just as red and welled up as mine. Together we walked toward the front of the aisle while the soft music was playing.
We recommitted ourselves to Christ as the chaplain closed by saying, “Most people are either brought out of a situation, in a situation or about to get into one. As athletes, you’re faced with all three, all the time. But to be victorious whether you win a game, lose a game, get hurt, stay healthy, have to deal with the fame, have to deal with standing on the sidelines, or whatever it is, be a part of God’s team, and you’ll be victorious. It’s not about winning the trophy, being MVP or state champs ...”
He paused for a second and let all heads be bowed. I knew what he was saying. I understood it. I felt it as I squeezed Savoy’s hand tighter. I hoped she got it.
The chaplain said, “It’s about winning the crown.”
12
Praising His Name
It’d been a week since the retreat. As soon as I got back from my mountaintop experience I went to the mall and bought my own J Moss CD. Not only did I understand every song, I felt myself connecting more and more with God through the music.
My mom even knew his songs from me playing them over and over in my room. When she passed by to get to the laundry room, she sometimes heard it ’cause my room was right next to there. She even heard the music outside when I blasted it while I was cutting the grass or washing the cars.
Since my dad was scarcely around the place, she and I had a much stronger bond. We both wanted to focus more on Christ. We were all about lifting Him up. And it wasn’t about God coming through. He’d already done enough by sending His Son to die on a cross for our sins. It was about us just giving God glory. Letting Him be enough to fill us, though life was somewhat uncertain. I needed God to show me what college to go to.
As she started preparing Thanksgiving dinner, I went into the kitchen with my iPod in hand and started the music all over. When she turned around, I saw that her eyes were watery. I didn’t know if it was from the onions she was chopping for the stuffing or if she was sad. Either way, as soon as I played an up-tempo beat on the CD, she smiled.
“Thank you, baby. That’s what I needed to hear.”
I went and wrapped my arms around her neck. “Mom, what’s up? You can talk to me. I know I’m your son, and it might be a little weird to unload on me, but I’m stronger than you think. How am I supposed to grow up and be a man if you don’t let me help you?”
She placed her right hand on my cheek and rubbed it gently. Then she looked into my eyes and said, “You are a young man, aren’t you, Perry?”
She had called me Junior for so long it felt kinda weird hearing
her call me Perry. I think it caught me off guard. She just stared at me.
“You look so much like your daddy. Ain’t that funny! I met him when I was a freshman in college. Then he was around your age.”
“So that’s what you’re doing, Mom? Thinking ’bout him?” I asked harshly, as I took her hand off my cheek and held it firmly.
She looked away. “Son, I don’t wanna worry you with that.”
Mom started back preparing the Thanksgiving meal. By then, my stomach was growling. This wasn’t about me being filled with food. This was about me being filled with comfort that my mom was going to be okay with my dad maybe gone and me leaving soon.
She sensed that I had something heavy on my mind. She turned around and said, “I haven’t seen your father in a while, you know that? Even in separate bedrooms, he’d get up early in the morning and come in late at night. I don’t know what he is doing in his life and I don’t know what’s going to happen with that man. I don’t know if I really want him anymore. But let’s not think about that now. Your sister’s on her way home, and she is stopping to pick up your grandmother.”
We hadn’t seen my dad’s mom in a while. I hated that because I knew she’d been through it since she lost her husband. My granddad died of natural causes the Christmas before. I just hoped our time together would be civil. Payton and my grandma didn’t know that there was stuff between my folks. I hoped I didn’t mess up the evening and let it out.
My mom shared my same concerns. “I’m not looking forward to dinner, Son. Payton loves your dad to death, and your grandmother loves her son to death. And right about now he’s one of my least favorite people. I don’t want my feelings to show. This is going to be stressful for us.”
“Ma, you know I got your back.”
“I know that, baby. But it shouldn’t be about that on Thanksgiving. It’s not about being sad, it’s about being thankful for what God has given you. And that’s what I’m going to try to do: appreciate you being concerned and reading through my distress. But I’m not gon’ break. God’s making me whole. He’s doing amazing work for you, too. I’ve been seeing you skipping around to His beat. We gotta keep being into Him and not our own problems. It’s going to be a great day. Okay, baby?”
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