All he could see from the dim light given off from Ty’s nightlight was a small lump under the covers and a shock of pale hair. He stood beside the bed and watched the steady rhythm of Ty’s breathing for some time, automatically smoothing his hair back from his forehead when he stirred.
As if sensing his presence, Ty muttered in his sleep and rolled over. ‘Grandma?’
Leo felt gutted as Ty called out for Amanda’s deceased mother. How was it that he had got the care of his young son so wrong? How was it that he had been so blind to so many things? Lexi was right, he hadn’t faced anything. He’d just buried it in a six-foot pit and piled a heap of manure on top.
He lay down on top of the covers and curled himself around Ty’s sleeping body as he had seen Lexi do weeks earlier. A lump formed in his throat and his nose tingled as he fought to hold back tears. This was his son. His own flesh and blood and he’d used every excuse he could come up with to stop himself from feeling anything for him. To stop himself from loving him. And all because he was afraid.
Leo thought about himself as a boy, hiding under his blankets late at night as he listened to his parents fighting and then, full of worry for his mother, creeping into the hallway to make sure she was okay.
He remembered how lonely he had felt, sitting with his back to the wall in a tight huddle. How … stoic. How strong he had decided he needed to be to survive. He hadn’t shown emotion even then.
No wonder his mother had said he was like his father! And yet she had still called him every year to maintain a connection with him. Maybe she had loved him. Maybe Lexi was right in saying that she had just been so overcome with grief that she had only seemed to close off from him. And, drowning in his own grief, he had pushed her away so that he didn’t have to face his own guilt. His own fear of hearing how like his father he was.
Leo grimaced. He had unknowingly made himself over in his father’s image anyway and he was still doing it.
Bohze; he didn’t want that any more. He recalled the blissful nights on the yacht, with Lexi sleeping beside him all soft and warm. He’d convinced himself that it was just sex that had given him the sense of well-being he always experienced in her arms, but it wasn’t.
It was her.
He thought again of that last morning they had been together and the moment he’d felt sure she had been about to tell him that she needed him. At the time it had sent him into a flat spin but now … now he was ready to admit that he needed her too. Needed her more than his next breath.
Bohze!
She’d made him care and he’d been so afraid of admitting it, he had driven her away. Had laughed in her face at the notion that he was falling in love with her. Which he was. Had.
He loved her.
The thought hit him with the force of a bullet.
What an ass he was. He loved her and he had pushed her away.
He had to tell her. He had to have her. And he was sure she felt the same way. He was sure she wouldn’t have given herself to him, lain with him every night in his bed, if she hadn’t had strong feelings for him. So okay, maybe not love—yet—but he’d move heaven and earth to change that.
‘Grandma?’
Ty stirred again and Leo stroked his brow. ‘It’s not Grandma, Ty. It’s Papa.’
He felt a sense of warmth he’d only ever experienced in one other person’s arms steal over him and it was as if a lifetime of pain and suffering just melted away. He could feel Sasha in Ty’s small body, but it was different.
When he’d held Sasha he’d done so with the arms of a child. Now he could feel Ty with the arms of a man. He could sense his own strength compared to Ty’s vulnerability and realised that he didn’t feel any of the vindictiveness his father had expressed through violence. He just felt love.
Lexi read and reread the email and knew she should feel happier.
‘So Darth Vader has approved the loan?’ Aimee said with a gleeful smile as she read over Lexi’s shoulder. ‘You are such a legend. Three weeks ago, I thought there was no chance we’d get the money but now …’ She did a little jig. ‘Now we move on to phase two.’
Lexi nodded. ‘It’s thanks to Leo Aleksandrov that we have the loan approved.’
She flicked through a couple more emails knowing that Aimee was watching her sympathetically. When she had returned from Greece a week ago she had been red-eyed and hadn’t been able to hide her misery. Of course she’d told her friend everything. Including the full extent of the hurt Brandon had once caused her, which had been easy because it no longer had any effect on her at all. What hadn’t been easy was waking up each morning with the memory of how it had felt to have Leo spooning her, of draping herself over his hard male body, and knowing she’d never experience that again.
‘Don’t look now,’ Aimee whispered, ‘but the man in question has just walked in.’
‘Mr Hammond?’ Lexi looked around despite her friend’s warning.
‘Not Darth Vader. Leo Aleksandrov.’
‘Wha—’ Lexi closed her mouth, her eyes fixed on Leo’s blond head as he walked through the main childcare room holding Ty’s hand.
‘I wondered whether Ty would be back,’ Aimee mused. ‘Do you want to go out and greet them?’
Did she …?
‘No!’ Not on your life. ‘In fact—’ Lexi stood up and looked around for a place to hide ‘—you go, and lock my door after you. If he asks, and I doubt he will, tell him I’m sick.’
Which she was.
Heartsick.
‘Too la— Good morning,’ Aimee trilled.
Lexi felt Leo’s presence and deliberately kept her eyes on the cooling cup of tea on her desk.
‘You must be Aimee.’ His deep voice resonated inside every one of Lexi’s cells. ‘It’s nice to meet you properly. I am Leo Aleksandrov.’
‘I know.’ Aimee sounded breathless and when Lexi looked up it wasn’t hard to discern why. Leo filled the doorway of her office, wearing black low-riding jeans and a peacock blue T-shirt that matched his eyes and hugged every one of the hard muscles lining his chest. Wasn’t today a work day?
She drew in a slow, discreet breath and tried to put on a brave face. If she had thought about Ty returning to the centre at all she hadn’t considered that Leo would be the one to bring him. Amanda maybe, but not Leo.
She looked at him, her brain empty of everything but getting through the next few minutes.
She cleared her throat discreetly before speaking. ‘If you want the sign-in sheet, then—’
‘I don’t want the sign-in sheet.’ His dazzling eyes, which seemed impossibly blue, held hers. ‘I want you.’
Lexi felt light-headed. Oh, boy, how easy would it be to misconstrue that statement?
Aimee made a squeaking noise. ‘I think I have some wool to wind.’ She made a dash for the door and Leo stepped into the room to let her past.
Lexi’s knees went weak and she dropped back down in her chair, not caring that it made him that much taller.
‘So how can I help you?’ she asked carefully, pleased with her moderated tone.
‘You’re wearing more make-up than usual,’ he rasped. ‘Why?’
Lexi felt herself redden. She was wearing more make-up because she was trying to hide the bags under her eyes from lack of sleep and too many hours pining over him.
‘This is what I normally wear,’ she lied.
‘You don’t need it.’
Lexi cleared her throat again. This was excruciating. ‘I can’t believe you stopped in here to discuss my make-up requirements,’ she said, wishing he’d just say what he had to say and leave.
‘No.’ He rubbed the back of his neck and she noticed for the first time that his own eyes didn’t look that rested either. Was Ty keeping him up? He wouldn’t have been happy to see her leave the yacht, but he had seemed fine with Carolina …
‘I came to tell you that I’m buying a new house.’
‘A new house?’
‘With a garden.’
&nbs
p; ‘Oh.’
‘And a pool.’
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
He pulled out the visitors’ chair and sat down opposite her, looking far too big for the tiny structure. ‘Don’t you want to know why?’ he asked carefully.
Lexi took a deep breath. ‘If you want to tell me.’
‘I’m keeping Ty.’ His words were quiet and sure, his eyes shining. Then he shook his head. ‘That makes him sound like a pet. What I meant to say was that I have agreed to take full custody of Ty and Amanda has agreed to see him during the holiday periods.’
Lexi swallowed and contained the surge in her heart with some difficulty. ‘So …’ she cleared her throat ‘… I need to amend his forms.’
‘Damn it, Lexi, I don’t give a stuff about Ty’s forms.’ He rose and stood in front of her as if he wasn’t sure what to do next and then he paced to the back of the room. ‘Bohze, I’m making a hash of this.’
‘Making a hash of what?’
He frowned. ‘Of telling you how I feel. It’s because I’ve never done it before.’
Lexi was pleased he wanted to tell her how he felt about Ty, but really she would have felt less pain stretched out on a rack of ten-inch nails with rats gnawing on her stomach.
‘Leo, I couldn’t be happier for you and Ty but—’
‘I’m not here because of Ty. I’m here because of us.’
Lexi watched him warily. ‘You made it pretty clear last week that there was no us.’
‘I said a lot of stupid things that morning. Most of them, as you rightly pointed out, because I couldn’t let go of the past. I’m sorry I hurt you. In my defence, I was feeling a little unhinged that morning.’
‘Because your mother called?’
‘Because my mother called. Because our lovemaking the night before had been so damned beautiful.’ He paused, watching her as if trying to gauge her reaction to his words. ‘For years I buried myself in work and refused to face Sasha’s death because I was afraid to let emotion in. Only you made it impossible for me not to feel. Not to care. But the truth is angel …’ his voice cracked ‘.the truth is that I love you.’
‘You love me!’
‘Not just love you. I adore you. I fell in love with you the minute I saw you and—’ he grimaced ‘—I’ve been running—’ He stopped. Stared at her. ‘You took off your necklace.’
Lexi reflexively touched the place her necklace had hung for too many years, her mind still spinning from Leo’s passionate declaration. ‘It was time.’
‘No; I ruined that for you.’ His voice was soft, remorseful. ‘I’m sorry.’
Lexi shook her head. ‘Please don’t apologise. I had some growing up to do where my father was concerned. For years I refused to face that he wasn’t coming back, idealising him as much as my mother had, but I was living in the past. When I was younger I wore the necklace to keep a connection with him, but over the years it had become a habit. And I guess, as you said, I never wanted to admit that he chose his other family over us.’
Leo obviously heard the catch in her voice because he rounded her desk and pulled her out of her chair and into the warmth of his embrace. Lexi sank against him like a stone, her nostrils flaring as she drank in his familiar male scent. God, she had missed this. Missed him.
His hands ran over her back soothingly.
‘Angel, he was a weak man. Like my father. They could never accept responsibility for their actions. I was like that for a time but you pointed out to me that life is a choice. We may have been given a bad start, but if we really want something different we can have it. At least I hope we can.’
She raised her head and dared to hope that maybe his declaration of love before wasn’t just a fantasy she had conjured from thin air. ‘What do you mean?’
He shook his head and moved back to perch on her desk, taking a deep breath. ‘I need to touch you but …’ he folded his arms tightly across his chest ‘… first I need you to know that, even though you refuse to see what I have inside of me, I nearly killed a man once.’
Lexi stilled. ‘Tell me.’
‘It was a month after my uncle’s death. He was in a bar, spouting off about his promotion because of his cost-saving strategy. A cost-saving strategy that meant he’d bought substandard equipment that had ended my uncle’s life.’ He swallowed and she knew how hard it was for him to talk about this. ‘I saw red. Hit him. And I didn’t stop. Four men had to pull me off him. If they hadn’t …’ He shuddered.
‘Leo, you were young, hurt. What you did was wrong, but I know that deep down you’re not a violent person.’
‘I nearly hit Tom Shepherd.’
‘But you didn’t.’
‘Because of you.’
‘No. You chose not to. Leo, you might have used your fists when you were younger, but—’ she took a chance and stepped forward, cupping his face in her hands ‘—I know that’s not who you are now.’
‘Lexi, I love you. Marry me.’
‘What? You don’t do commitment.’
‘That’s because I’ve never been in love before. But I’m not letting you go, moya milaya.’ His hands dug into her waist and his lips claimed hers in an elemental kiss that went on as long as time. Finally, when breathing once again became a necessity, he released her mouth and leant his forehead against hers. ‘I used to think that love was to be avoided at all costs. That it meant nothing but pain. Now I know that one day with you in it is worth a thousand without you. I’ve missed you, angel. Say you’ll marry me. Say you’ll make me the happiest man alive and Ty the happiest child by giving him ten siblings.’
Lexi felt so choked she almost couldn’t speak. ‘Ten!’
‘Okay, maybe I’m thinking of the practice more than the reality of ten kids, but at least two. Whatever you want. I will be yours to command for the rest of your life if you’ll have me.’
She smiled. ‘Really?’
‘Yes.’ The glint in his eye was devilish. ‘Of course you will have to wear a very short skirt when you do it.’
Lexi’s insides melted as she recalled their incredible lovemaking that night on his pool deck.
‘I think I can manage that,’ she murmured huskily.
‘For ever?’
‘It will take me that long to believe this is all true.’
‘Oh, its true, angel, and I’ve a mind to show you just how true right here on this desk.’
‘Only we’re in the childcare centre and that’s a really clean window,’ she pointed out.
‘I told you your standards were too exacting.’
‘No, they’re not. They’ve just been holding out for you.’
Leo groaned. ‘I adore you Lexi Somers.’
He kissed her fiercely. ‘And you haven’t said it yet.’ His voice had a rough quality that held a note of uncertainty.
Lexi stroked her hands over his chest and reached up to loop them around his neck. ‘I love you.’
‘And?’
‘And yes, of course I’ll marry you.’
A slow grin spread across his face. ‘That’s all I wanted to hear.’
‘You’re very easy to please.’ Lexi laughed, feeling wildly ecstatic at the realisation that the man of her dreams loved her as much as she loved him.
‘Actually, I’m not. No woman has ever come close to pleasing me the way you do. You’re the most beautiful woman I know—inside and out—and I still don’t think I deserve you.’
‘You do, Leo. You definitely do.’
‘Shall we go and tell Ty the good news?’
Lexi felt her heart swell. It felt as if she had loved Ty since the moment she’d first met him but … ‘What if he doesn’t accept me in such a permanent role in his life?’
‘Lexi, he adores you. As do I. Come. You have nothing to worry about.’ He looked at her fiercely. ‘Ever again.’
Lexi knew her eyes were glowing with happiness. ‘Have I told you that I love you?’
Leo smiled down at her and gathered her in
tight. ‘Not enough, angel.’ He brought his mouth to hers. ‘Not nearly enough.’
All the characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author, and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all the incidents are pure invention.
All Rights Reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Enterprises II BV/S.à.r.l. The text of this publication or any part thereof may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, storage in an information retrieval system, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the prior consent of the publisher in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
® and TM are trademarks owned and used by the trademark owner and/or its licensee. Trademarks marked with ® are registered with the United Kingdom Patent Office and/or the Office for Harmonisation in the Internal Market and in other countries.
First published in Great Britain 2012
by Mills & Boon, an imprint of Harlequin (UK) Limited.
Harlequin (UK) Limited, Eton House, 18-24 Paradise Road,
Richmond, Surrey TW9 1SR
© Michelle Conder 2012
ISBN: 978-1-408-97435-3
Table of Contents
Excerpt
About the Author
Title Page
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
His Last Chance at Redemption Page 17
