Thick fingers comb through my hair and I tip my head back to kiss those handsome lips. “Kiss—” A sudden rush of wetness gushes from between my thighs, severing my words. Mine and Big’s eyes burst wide as I step away from him in shock. Glancing down, my feet are bathed in wetness, as are his. The water doesn’t stop there as it continues to trickle down the insides of my legs, and the extreme need to bear down consumes my lower half. Gritting my teeth, my hands clenching and unclenching at my sides, I meet my midwife’s beaming gaze.
“It’s time for the pool. But you need to take off most of your clothes first.” She stands from her chair, the guru of calm.
Nodding, I fumble, trying to grab the hem of my gown. Big gently bats my hand away. “I’ve got this, Sugar Tits.”
With ease, he tugs the garment over my head, exposing every part of me to the entire room, apart from my breasts, which are stuffed into a maternity sports bra. Even Gunz, who’s keenly watching my every move, gets an eyeful. The fact that Big isn’t stabbing his eyes out at this moment is astonishing. He tosses my gown to Pixie, who begins to fold it in her lap.
Taking my hand into his, Big steps into the pool first and then helps me inside. The warm water gently laps at my calves, easing the rising tension. Kneeling, Big maneuvers his body so he’s sitting on the bottom, submerged waist deep in water, legs straight out.
“Sit on me,” he instructs.
Watching his giant hand tap his immersed knee, I shake my head. “That’s what got us into this mess in the first place,” I deadpan.
He and the rest of the room laugh at what they thought was a joke, but my face remains impassive. I’m not kidding. That dick is what got us into this fucking mess. Me wanting him, when I shouldn’t have, even though he’d just fucked a club whore. Sometimes things work out for the best. Hard to put any of that into perspective at the time. But looking back now, I’m glad I did. Even if I’d rather rip his cock off at this moment for putting me through yet another ounce of pain. At least, this time, it’s physical pain. I can definitely handle that a helluva lot better than emotional.
Still amused, he pats his lap for the second time. “Come on, Sugar Tits. Sit on my fuckin’ lap. Doc’s gonna have to examine you again. So please, sit on me. I promise not to cop too much of a feel.” He winks, grinning. What in the hell is up with this man today? Being sweet. Cracking jokes. Acting playful. This isn’t a playful kinda time. I’m not in the laughing mood. Not when … son of a bitch… Another contraction catches up to me and Big grabs my hand, forcing me into his lap before I collapse. My ass settles on his thighs, my back reclining on his beefy chest, head on his shoulder. Muscled arms curve around me, holding me as I grit, grind, and writhe through the agony. Debbie wipes my brow with a cool washcloth, and I revel in the sensation.
No sooner does my contraction subside when Big grabs my knees, forcing my pussy to open as my midwife puts her gloved hand in the water to check me. I squirm as her King Kong fingers probe. Unable to suppress it, I wince for a moment, wanting to punch her in the face.
“You better be fuckin’ careful with her, Doc,” Big growls.
“I’m trying to examine her.” She glares back at him, her brown irises glazed with fire.
“Then check her pussy without makin’ my old lady wince. Ya got me?”
“Have you had a hand shoved up your most private parts while you’re trying to push a small human out of your body?” Her eyes continue to stare daggers, fingers digging for gold. I throttle another wince, sucking it down deep. An uncomfortable knot forms in my gut.
The huffing in Big’s throat, and the sudden stiffness of his frame, tells me he’s keyed up. This is not the time. I don’t want to tame the beast, so they need to put a lid on their shit. “No, but she’s been through enough and you hurtin’ her even more, I’m not gonna fuckin’ tolerate,” he emanates with a menacing thunder. The impulse to elbow him in the ribs is high, but I stamp down the need and let them have at it. Harley is coming whether they duke it out or not.
Doc’s blazing eyes never leave Big’s as her hand re-emerges from the water. The relief is instant and I melt into him, my body going temporarily lax. Arms made of steel fold over my chest, somehow holding me tighter, nearly cutting off my air supply. Struggling, I wiggle in his embrace and he slackens the bands a fraction. On impulse, I inhale an audible lungful of air.
Ignoring Big, my midwife retrieves an underwater monitor from her bag, then places the little probe on my belly. The steady beat of Harley’s heart is immediate, as it floods the room with its cadence. “She sounds perfect.” Doc smiles, meeting my eyes. “And you’re at ten centimeters. It’ll be time to push whenever you’re ready.”
My legs tremble at the thought and I flash her a tight smile, my fingers gripping Big’s arm that is across my chest.
Oh, shit. I don’t think I’m ready. If I am, then I’m officially a mother. And that means this little life will be birthed into this world—my world. A world full of men, leather, bikes, and booze. A world where family and loyalty is number one. I thought that I was ready for this. I did. I’ve spent hours powering through unyielding contractions. Now … Now, I don’t know what to do. I’m freaking out here. A mother. I’m going to be a mom. The single most important job in the entire universe. Now if that’s not an unnerving revelation, I don’t know what the hell is. I can’t believe I let Big do this to me. I should hate him for making me this scared. For knocking me up. Even though I don’t regret my daughter, not in the least, this wasn’t exactly a planned pregnancy. But I can’t seem to conjure a sliver of hatred or anger toward him for knocking me up. I love him too much. After everything we’ve been through, I love him even more. Not sure if the asshole deserves it. Nevertheless, I do with every part of me, and I know he feels the same.
A single tear slips down my cheek, and I brush it away before anyone notices. Big’s lips press to the side of my head, delivering a lingering kiss before whispering, “You ready, babe?”
Am I ready? Hell no, I’m not ready. I didn’t nest like all the books said I would. I don’t know the first thing about being a mom. What if she doesn’t like me? What if I fuck up? What if I’m like my mother? Oh shit … what if I am like her?
Another tear breaks free as the edge of another contraction coils in my spine before spreading into my belly like roots of a tree. The growing urge to bear down swarms my brain, and my body reacts on a million-year-old instinct. On its own volition, my body curls forward over my belly. To assist me, Big grabs my knees, pulling them apart as he brings them closer to my shoulders.
Oh … dear lord!
Holding my breath, I push like I’ve never pushed before, yet nothing seems to change. There’s a burning inside my pussy that makes me want to scream or kill Big, but I can’t as my jaw locks and I keep pushing. Clamping my eyes shut until my forehead aches, my legs quake and tears mat in my eyes. I feel everything spread open, and then the contraction subsides. Thankfully, the gnawing sensation to bear down scatters, leaving only the niggling urge in the back of my mind.
“That was a good one. But you need to breathe through the next. Don’t hold your breath the whole time.” Reassuringly, my midwife strokes my leg from the edge of the pool where she’s kneeling, her eyes swapping between my birth canal and my face. “And keep your eyes open. You’ll want to see her come out.” She looks to Big. “If you want to, once the head is out, put your hands between Bink’s legs so you can deliver your daughter yourself.”
“O-kay,” Big croaks, then clears his throat. “I’ll deliver her.” It comes out stronger this time.
Glancing around, I realize that everyone is now standing. Gunz has his phone out to snap pictures. Jez and Pixie are locked arm-in-arm, observing. Deb is on her knees behind Big as she swipes the cool rag over my forehead again. Beth’s standing idly beside Gunz, her eyes matted with unshed tears. The only people missing are my sister Jo, who had to work, Dixie, who’s visiting family, and Candy Cane, who’s busy watching the kids at h
er house. Pretzel was brought there today, too. That’s where Big had gone when I’d first come upstairs. We didn’t want to worry about him getting too over protective of me. It’s bad enough I have Big to keep at bay. Add my pups and it’s too much to deal with at a time like this. Not when I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown.
My nose burns as I try to reel in my emotions. The itch to cry digs to the surface, so I close my eyes, tipping my head further onto Big’s shoulder.
He kisses my temple. “You’re doin’ great, babe.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready,” I whisper, expressing my deepest fears aloud.
Another stupid tear finds its way down my cheek, but before I can bat it away, a warm, rough finger catches it. Peeking through eye slits, I watch Gunz wipe it on his jeans. A sense of warmth skitters through me, strengthening me from the inside out. My family is here, and I’m gonna get through this. We’re gonna get through this.
Big’s calming breath fans over my ear. “You’re my old lady. And ya wouldn’t be my old lady if you weren’t the most amazin’ woman I’ve ever fuckin’ met. You can do this. I’ve got ya, no matter what. You two are the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me. You’ve got nothin’ to be afraid of. We’re doin’ this together til I’m rottin’ six feet under. Ya got me?” His arms give me a quick hug before securing my legs all over again. A marshmallow sweetness sticks to my heart, making it swell. How does he know what I need to hear, when I need to hear it?
Before I’m able to respond, the next contraction inundates me with unabating pain. The urge to push swallows me whole, and I can think of nothing else as my body takes over. Bearing down, I breathe like I was instructed; in, push for the count of ten, out, air rushes from my lungs. Blood pounds like a maddening drum in my ears. The faint voices of encouragement play in the background, unable to crack the haze of white-hot agony. Sweat pours down my cheeks. Unable to give up, I push harder. A stabbing strikes through my pussy, warning to me to stop. I don’t. Another deep inhale and I hold my breath to push with everything I’ve got.
Through the grinding of my jaw, Big’s loving words filter through my inner torment, settling in my brain. “I love you, Sugar Tits. I love you so fuckin’ much. You’re doin’ it,” his voice waivers, clogged with emotion.
The unfathomable searing of my flesh eviscerates me, and I scream inside my mind as my daughter’s head dislodges itself from my birth canal just as my contraction abates.
“Touch her.”
With a hard tug, my midwife peels my hands off Big’s forearm that I didn’t even realize I was clawing at and forces me to feel my daughter’s head. Big’s hand joins mine as we run our fingers through her hair. Leaning up, I’m able to get a tiny view of her head poking out of me. Somehow, deep inside, the pain I know I’m feeling recedes, and all that I can focus on is her. That beautiful little head spreading me open, as the love of my life touches my hand as we hold her head together. I choke a sob, willing myself to wait until she’s born to let my guard down. I’m almost there.
“Just one more, and she should be out. This was a lot quicker than I expected.” My midwife sounds surprised.
The sniffles of my sisters register, as does the heavy rise and fall of Big’s chest against my back. Turning my head, I meet his eyes. They’re teeming with tears. I lean in to kiss his lips. They tremble when we touch—warm, soft, and full of unspoken emotion. “You’re about to be a daddy,” I whisper, and he nods, his lips timidly kissing mine once more. Listening, I hear his throat work as he swallows thickly. Giving him a moment to gather composure, I turn my sights back on our daughter. Big’s hand is bigger than her head itself. My heart squeezes at the magnificent view.
“On your next contraction, I’m gonna need you to listen to me. You can push a little, but I need to make sure the cord isn’t around her neck. Then Big Dick,” I nod, and her eyes move from mine to his, “you can pull her from the water once her shoulders come out.”
He doesn’t say a word, but from the way my midwife looks at him, she knows he understands.
The welling ache in my back starts as all of my contractions have, and then I’m being thrust into the most painful moment of my life. Jez takes one of my legs as Gunz grabs the other so Big can ready himself to catch our daughter. Chin to my chest, I inhale one final breath and hold it, before putting every ounce of my fading energy into pushing my daughter out.
“Push, baby,” Big encourages, and I do. Every part of my body coils tighter, and my eyes widen as fire consumes my pussy like the flames of hell. I breathe through it, wanting to wail in pain and triumph as I hear my midwife confirm she’s almost out and her cord is fine.
Milliseconds feel like hours as my oxygen dissipates, because I refuse to stop pushing long enough to breathe. A sensation of emptiness envelopes my aching pussy as Big lifts our daughter from the water and lays her tiny body on my chest. Gasping for breath, my hands instinctively wrap around the bundle in my arms as Big rubs her back to coax a cry from her.
“Come on, sweetheart; give Daddy a little somethin’,” he speaks softly to her. “Come on.” He pats her back as my midwife stands at the edge of the pool, watching us.
Jostling her in my arms with her daddy tapping her back, Harley finally cries for the first time. The music to my ears turns my world upside down, and suddenly, I’m bawling in succession with her little wails of life. Her little fingers flex on my chest as she squirms on me, her squinted blue eyes cast up at my face.
“Shhhh,” I soothe, rocking her in my arms, trying to calm her. Reacting almost instantly, she quiets down, snuggling into my chest. Big reaches the cups of my bra, carefully ripping them down so my skin is on our daughter’s. I press her tiny, tulip shaped lips to my nipple, and, as if on instinct, she opens up. Big holds my breast for me, feeding it into our little one's mouth as she attempts to suckle.
“My girl’s got good taste. She likes her mama’s tits as much as I do,” Big coos, and I shake my head, smiling as droplets of happiness keep running down my face. Leave it to him to be that inappropriate.
Doc gets the tools around to clip Harley’s cord. Then she clamps it and hands Gunz the scissors. My eyes grow huge, and I turn to look at Big, mouth agape.
“I told him he could do it,” he expresses, his hand busy caressing our daughter’s back.
“You’re letting him cut your daughter’s cord?” It’s still not registering. I can’t believe this.
“Are you okay with it, Baby Doll?” Gunz places the scissors on her umbilical cord.
“Um…” I look to Big again. “You’re sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Gunz is her grandpa, and she’s probably gonna be his only grandbaby. I wanted him to do the honors. Don’t worry, babe.” Big kisses the side of my forehead. Damn, he’s been awfully selfless. That’s a huge damn thing to give up.
With the nod of my head and a warm smile, I give Gunz the go ahead. Her cord is snipped, and he, too, wipes tears from his eyes. “Proud of you.” He rubs my knee. “Very proud.”
“Thanks,” I croak, more tears trickling.
“You did good, Mama.”
Big kisses the side of my head, and I turn so I’m able to acquire a kiss. He doesn’t leave me hanging for long when our lips meld together and he thrusts his tongue hungrily into my mouth. Mmmmm. A stout thickness starts to prod at my ass, and I pry my lips from his with a gasp. How can he be hard at a time like this?
“You’re turned on?” I tease, stifling a yawn. Honestly, I’m wrung the hell out, and could really use a good seven days of sleep. Not that I think that’s gonna happen anytime soon. I’m well aware that motherhood means countless nights of little to no sleep.
“I’m not meanin’ to be.” He grins, sliding a strand of my hair off my forehead and tucking it behind my ear. Then he kisses me there. “I can’t fuckin’ help it. When I’m happy, I’m happy. And look at her.” He nods toward our little bundle, and I follow his gaze, watching her sleep on my chest, my rigid nipple hangi
ng from her mouth. “She’s fuckin’ gorgeous. My cum made her.”
Oh. My. Fuck.
This man…
Those surrounding the pool chuckle quietly.
“I can’t believe you just said that,” I mutter.
Even my midwife is amused by him. Her hidden giggle and amused eyes tell me as much. Goofy, deliriously happy Big is not a norm around here. The guy is smiling nonstop, and his eyes won’t stop shining. I adore that look on him.
He shrugs. “Hey, it’s true. I might’ve fucked up a lot of shit in my life. Done a helluva lot I’m not proud of, but her…” He nods downward. “She’s the best fucking thing I’ve done, aside from claimin’ you.”
Leaning back, I peck his lips once more. “You know you can be sweet sometimes.”
“I’m not sweet, Sugar Tits. I’m honest.”
Honest, sweet, same damn thing in my book, if he’s acting this way.
Cuddling into my man’s arms, our daughter sleeping on my chest, we wait for the rest of my pregnancy to conclude as I try to relax and let nature take its course. Big rubs Harley’s miniature back as my eyes turn heavy. I can’t wait to take a nap. Looks like my little girl has already beat me to it.
I’m a mom. I can’t believe it. A mom … and nothing has ever felt so perfect as this moment.
Turning onto my side, upstairs in our comfy bed, I stretch and smile at the beautiful sight before me.
“Hey, Sugar Tits.” Big grins dreamily my way, with our daughter curled on his bare chest, wearing nothing but her diaper and a pair of pink booties. His hand covering her back works as a makeshift blanket. From this angle, the contrast of his vivid ink clashing with her milky skin is shocking, but adorably so. A blissful grin quirks from the corner of my lips.
“Hey.” I reach out to rub her tiny hand that’s flat on her daddy’s pec. Fast asleep, she wiggles a little under the pad of my finger. “How long have I been out?” I remember giving birth and delivering my placenta after Gunz clipped the cord. And I vaguely recall Big helping Harley and me from the pool and into this bedroom. He’d taken her from my arms, wrapped her in a towel, then used another to dry me before helping me to bed and onto of one of those giant blue pads. You know, to catch anything gross that might leak out. From there, my midwife had come in to check me. Then, unable to keep my eyes open, I passed out from exhaustion. Even though I really didn’t want to.
The Diary of Bink Cummings: Vol 4 (MC Chronicles #4) Page 4
