I thought of Naomi. She was all that mattered to me now, all that was good and wonderful about my life. Had I taken the time to consider the last few years, I would have fallen into self-pity and despair. All I cared about remained in her tiny body. If it were not for her, I didn’t know if I could go on. I saw her beautiful blue eyes and her hair, black as mine was. She looked so much like me. She had Janie’s blue eyes and full lips, but otherwise she was entirely my daughter. I wanted to pick her up from my parents’ house, but I was too distracted. She was better off with her grandparents when I was in this frame of mind. But I would not leave her another night. Before the day was over, I would go and get her.
My mother answered the phone when I called. “Did you sleep last night Oz? I want you to come over here and stay with us. You can’t be in that house all by yourself! Pack some clothes for the two of you, and head over right away. Oh, and please bring some toys for Naomi. She seems bored with the ones we have over here. Don’t forget her sippy cup and her books. She asked your father to read to her last night, and he picked up Don Quixote! Oh, Colin, grab her before she runs into the bookshelf! Oz, you should see your daughter; she has your father, Rosaria, and I in a panic! I remember when you were a child; you didn’t start this until you were a little older. We asked the doctor if you… oh, never mind. Has Janie’s sister, Madeline, called you? She said she was going to. She wants to set up lunch for the two of you soon. No rush darling, obviously when you are ready, but I think it would be good for you. Don’t forget her toys!”
I listened to my mother’s nervous ramblings with a small smile. I did not envy the duty of family in the time of grieving. My heart was suddenly full of love for her.
“I’ll stop by tonight, Mom. I need to take care of a few things, but I will come by afterward.”
“A few things? Oz, no one expects you to take care of anything right now! I want you to come over here right away. Oh, I cannot believe I even let you go home last night!” She was distraught and began to cry.
“Mama, please don’t be upset.” This term of endearment was one I seldom used as an adult. “There is something I need to do. I promise I will come by tonight.”
She sniffled on the other end of the phone, but calmed some. “Okay, baby. Please don’t be long.”
After I hung up the phone, I took a quick shower, grabbed an apple from the basket on the bar, and drove out to Ophélie.
Though I'd used Adrienne’s shoulder to vent, and even asked her to stay, the animosity I felt toward her did not disappear until I heard the familiar worrisome tones of my mother. She had a way of making me forget my own emotions.
Adrienne left no note when she departed that morning, but I knew she would be waiting for me at Ophélie. She would not have made an effort the previous day had she wanted nothing. I would go to her and find out what she was after, so I could remove her from my life for good. But I would give her nothing until she delivered the explanation she owed me. I was not the chump, the pushover, I had been when I had loved her.
Strategy decided, I allowed my mind to be free of thought for the remainder of the drive. I turned the radio on low and watched the cars around me, passing the slow ones and keeping pace with fast ones. When I pulled off the highway at the Gramercy exit, I hugged the curves of the windy road at eighty miles per hour. Not for the thrill of my youth, but because I was in a hurry to get this over with, to get back to my daughter.
I pulled into Ophélie less than an hour after leaving my house, and saw there were several new cars in the garage. I wondered if they all belonged to Nicolas. Then, I remembered Jesse. It was possible she had gone back to the bayou and married the guy, just as she intended to do.
I looked across the garden, up to the gallery, and saw the figure of Adrienne disappear into the double door of Nathalie’s room.
Condoleezza answered the front door. “Monsieur Colin!” she exclaimed, lifting her hands to her face. She turned abruptly, and yelled toward the stairs, “Monsieur Nicolas, come down! It is Monsieur Colin!”
Nicolas came not from the stairs, but the study. When he stepped into view, Condoleezza excused herself, still excited about the unexpected visitor.
“Ozzy,” he said and took my hand. He was excited to see me, but I saw the hurt caused by my own selfishness in his eyes. “It’s been too long, asshole. Come in.”
Nicolas had grown older, somewhat surlier, but surely more handsome since I had seen him last. He had a touch of facial hair on his chin and upper lip; his eyes were deep-set and serious. I was filled with shame at my defection of the friendship. My resolve to forget about Adrienne had cost me someone very dear to me.
Painful as it was, I would have to ignore him once more because of her.
As if sensing my intentions, Nicolas stopped suddenly without turning around and invited, “She’s upstairs, but I think you already knew that.”
“Nic-“
“I heard about your wife, Oz. I’m truly sorry.” He walked into the study and closed the door.
I wanted to go to him, but I couldn't. I would make everything up to Nicolas, soon even, but that would have to wait.
She was back on the gallery when I went upstairs, this time outside of her bedroom, facing away from me. There was a slight breeze, and her hair blew softly behind her. She turned around and smiled; her peacefulness only incensed me.
“I am not here to thank you for last night, Adrienne. I want some answers.”
Her smile faded. “What answers?”
She turned back around but I reached for her arm and spun her toward me. “Quit playing the victim! I want to know whatever it is you’re not telling me, and I want it right now!”
She pulled herself free and brushed my hand away. “Oz, you and I both know no matter how many answers you get, you’re never satisfied.”
My chin trembled as I looked at her with true rage. No sooner did this feeling consume me, then I realized how unnecessary it was. Why was I getting worked up over someone who no longer had any effect on my happiness? I had more important things to consider. My wife had died and my daughter needed me.
This was a waste of time.
I turned around and walked away.
“Oz, please wait!” she cried.
“Why?”
“I’ll tell you what it is you wanted to know.” Her voice was filled with sad resignation. She sat down on the lounge chair and began to cry. “I’ll tell you everything.”
I turned around and looked at her. “No more lies, Adrienne.”
31- Adrienne
“I practiced what I would say to you if we ever came face to face again. I’ve even imagined your reaction, and what would happen after this was all out in the open.
“This is very difficult. I don’t know if you can understand what it’s like to believe you’re the cause of everyone’s bad luck. None of the good times we had even matter anymore, for all the hurt I’ve caused you.”
At Oz’s cold resolve, Adrienne wiped her tears, took a deep breath, and forged ahead, determined to get it all out this time.
“I will confess to you now, I didn’t tell you everything that night in the rain. The worst of it was what came afterward, but there were things then I kept from you. Oh, I could give you many reasons which sounded good to me, but it is really nothing more than cowardice. If I had told you everything, you would have wanted to do the right thing and come to my rescue again. I couldn’t let that happen.
“You and I both know we were living in a fantasy when I came to see you two years ago. Let’s be honest with ourselves, Oz. Neither one of us was acting with good judgment. I came here to learn about who I was, and all I did was keep you from your life. And you, you could have stopped it at any time, but you were as caught up in the spell as I was. What fools we were!
“If it hadn’t been the phone calls, it would have been something else. Possibly even worse. I knew right away it was Angelique. This is why I appealed to you when we went to Ophélie; what caused my stra
nge behavior. Like a child, I thought we could somehow hide from it, and from everything else, and it would all be okay.
“Please, don’t think I was, or am, upset with you for how you reacted. I knew it was unreasonable to think I could keep hiding, but do you understand that I had to at least give it a shot? I knew as soon as you plied your reason this was something I had to face, and probably alone.
“Could I have brought you into this mess? Of course, and we both know you would have jumped in with both feet, sword drawn, shield raised. I prayed nightly you somehow knew and understood what I had done, and would be waiting for me.
“But I couldn’t. So I did the only thing that seemed right at the time. Once again, I left you."
A curt nod from Oz was the only acknowledgement Adrienne received.
“Angelique acted as if I'd never left. I made it home in time for dinner, and she had already set a place for me. She said nothing about the fact I’d been missing for two weeks, and asked me to say grace.
“I wasn’t the only one who found this odd. Jesse watched me all throughout dinner. His eyes were so sad, and filled with many questions I knew he would never ask. He felt like second choice, discarded. I wanted to say something to make him feel better, but I was so exhausted I had nothing left over for anyone else.
“Two months after my return, Angelique surprised me by finally addressing the issue. Her voice was quiet, cold, authoritative, and a bit placating. It began with her asserting control again, scolding me for ‘abusing her trust.’ The conversation ended with the revelation of how she knew my father.
“Nothing is coincidence. My father used to own the fields her husband worked. I will spare you the details, but he took a liking to the younger Angelique and they carried on an affair, primarily behind the tool shed. When Angelique became pregnant, she ended the relationship, and seduced her long-neglected husband with the intent of passing the child, Anne, off as his.
“The conversation in the car made sense now. Cordelia knew. As did Anne. She and Angelique conspired to keep my identity from me. Revenge, I suppose. It had been Angelique who kidnapped me before I was sent to boarding school."
Oz's eyes widened slightly at this solved mystery, but he remained stoic.
Adrienne went on, “At the end of our conversation, Angelique revealed she knew my predicament, and encouraged me to make the same choice she had. To ‘protect my family.’
“Oz, please forgive me now for what I am about to say. I was pregnant, with your child, and the next night I consummated my relationship with Jesse in order to pretend it was his.”
The silence in the room was heavy. Adrienne would have preferred Oz’s rage, or tears, to his pained, wordless stare.
“I see the pain in your eyes, but I must continue or I never will. My pregnancy brought me such heartbreak. This was something I wanted so much to share with you, but I knew I would never be allowed to. And Oz, it was something our love had produced twice now.
“It hurts so much to tell you this. I was pregnant with your child when I left for vacation with my family. It was the secret I dangled before you, like a child.
“I lost our first child when I drowned. It was deprived of oxygen for far too long, and was barely two months along.
“Oz, I am so sorry. I can say nothing else except that I am so sorry."
Oz's cold silence persisted, though his brows furrowed slightly. Adrienne bowed her head over her folded hands, and drew from her strength to continue.
"My pregnancy wore on, and life was smooth for the most part. Angelique seemed satisfied I’d given up on any thoughts of a future with you. She was partially right; my decision was more for you than for me. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. I knew keeping this child from you was wrong, but I thought things would be better for all of us if I stayed away.
"Christian Austin was born exactly nine months after you last saw me, and no one but Angelique noticed he was born too soon to be Jesse’s. Oh Oz, he is so beautiful! When I first laid eyes on him, my heart broke all over again, but I knew, somehow, with him I would always be close to you."
This time, Adrienne forced herself not to look at Oz, fearing his reaction might forestall her courage. She drew in another deep breath.
"Then, Angelique brought me in a copy of the Times Picayune with a satisfied smirk on her face. She had it folded neatly, the announcement of your engagement to Janie under her finger.
“'Your little lawyer is getting married. Should we send a gift?'
“'I couldn't care less,' I said disinterestedly, but inside I was burning with torment. I heard the door close and threw myself on to the bed, sobbing into my pillow. My heart was broken in pieces. I had left you with no explanation, no hope for my return, and you had gone on with your life. I couldn’t blame you, but I wanted to die. I had your child now, and if I had only told you sooner…
"It was obvious with one look at Christian's penetrating green eyes, and shocking black hair, who he belonged to. I even named him partly after you, though I kept the middle name a secret. No one ever said a word about him being yours. I think for Angelique, having to raise the boy with a man other than you was, torture enough for me.
"I heard Christian crying and I went to him. I looked at him and it was as if I was looking at you. God had given me a second chance at the motherhood taken from me before. I knew, even if I never saw you again, it would be okay because I had Christian, and being a mother surpassed any other joy I had ever experienced.
Adrienne released a long, slow breath.
"I was wrong. Christian filled many gaps for me, but he could not fill the void left by you. When Angelique returned a couple of weeks later with the birth announcement of your daughter, I felt deeply saddened for Christian that he might never know the father Naomi knew. I thought of scenarios in which I could unite the two of you, but I didn't want to interrupt your newfound life. I finally realized I had to stop fantasizing of a life that was not mine any longer. The series of choices I made, right or wrong, sealed this. I decided to be happy for you and your new family.
“Nearly a year later, your wife Janie showed up at our door.”
32- Oz
Adrienne paused for a moment. I was tense with a mixture of shock, disbelief, and anticipation. I hadn't yet fully allowed the news of my son to sink in, and a child lost. As she had spoken, my mind briefly drifted back to the Deschanel Magis’ attempts to locate Adrienne, and arrived at the painful realization the sixth death they presumed was her, was in fact my child’s passing.
Now she was suggesting she met my wife?
“Janie was completely unaware of our past,” I finally had something concrete to wrap my mind around. “I made damn sure of that.”
Adrienne shook her head slowly, patiently. “You asked me for the truth. You didn’t ask me to make you believe it. Should I continue?”
I nodded and waved dismissively, but perched forward in my chair, ready now to rebuke anything she said which did not jell with the truth as I understood it.
“Let me finish. Then you can ask questions. No interruptions.”
I released a long, strained sigh. “Fine.”
“I was the last person to see her alive. By telling you about this, I believe I’m giving up any chance for your forgiveness, but you asked for the truth and I owe you at least that much.
“She showed up in Abbeville, and had Naomi in the car with her. Naomi was asleep as far as I could tell, but she stayed in the backseat and I only saw a glimpse of her.
“Unaware, I answered a knock to the door. Janie was pacing, wringing her hands. When I opened the door, she said ‘Oh God,’ or, at least, that is what it sounded like.
“She knew my name and told me who she was, and that she had come out for the same reasons you came to me today. She wanted answers; she wanted the truth. In sum, she wanted to know the very things which would cause her to end her life, and I willingly, naively gave them to her. She asked me what the exact nature of our relationship had been
.”
“What did you tell her?” I pressed. My palms were sweating, and my face was damp from pressing my hands up against it.
“I told her the truth. That I loved you. But I also told her I made you miserable and things were long over between us. ‘Oz loves you, not me,’ I told her.
“She mulled that over for a few moments, but her fidgeting never ceased. She became more erratic, and then she looked at me and asked me, 'So when I’m dead and in the tomb, what will keep him from coming back to you, little girl? What then?'
“'He doesn’t love me anymore, Janie,' I said to her, worried she would snap at any moment.
“She suddenly shrieked and brought both hands to her mouth in a fury. When I turned to meet the subject of her gaze, she was staring at Christian, who was standing in the corner of the room. ‘Mother of God, it’s true! Oh, sweet Jesus, it’s a tiny Oz!’
“Then, just as quickly as she lost it, she slowed her breaths and began to sob.
“Oz, I felt so terrible for her. All the jealousy I projected at her over the past year was replaced by pity. In our own ways, we’d both lost you.
“’What can I do?’ I asked her. ‘What can I do to ease your suffering?’
“’Let me die in peace,’ she replied in a thick voice, so deep with sorrow my heart was breaking. ‘Let me die knowing he really, truly loved me and that you meant nothing to him.’
“’How do I do that? Tell me. Whatever it is, I will do it.’ I owed her nothing. The woman who stood between you and I was standing in my doorway, and I was ready to give up anything to ease her pain.
“’Promise me you will never tell him about this child,’ she pointed at Christian. ‘Promise me, little girl. I’m not a selfish woman and I ask for very little. I know one day Oz will get on with his life and remarry. But promise me it will not be with you.’
St. Charles at Dusk: The House of Crimson and Clover Series Prequel Page 26
