by Pamela Clare
Rain brought Lark up to date on the house, and they agreed Lark would bring her boyfriend for dinner on Friday, Dec. 14, after her last final.
“She thought of me as a father figure?” Joe asked when Rain ended the call.
She slipped into his arms. “I might have encouraged that—just a little.”
He raised an eyebrow. “And I didn’t know about this?”
“Nope. Still, you always managed to say the right thing to her.”
“I did?” He sounded utterly taken aback.
“Always.”
Twenty-one days till Christmas
Rain went back to work the next morning to the sound of cheering from the staff.
“You’re back!” Cheyenne ran up to her, hugged her.
“It’s about damned time!” Marcia called from behind the bar.
Rico winked when she walked into the kitchen. “Sorry about your house. That sucks. How was your … uh… snowcation?”
She hugged him. “It was amazing—thanks in part to you.”
She did her best to act like nothing had changed, but it wasn’t easy. Just meeting Joe’s gaze from across the room made her face flush. There was something arousing about it, too—being close to him, but not being able to touch him. She found herself thinking of all the things she would do to him when they got home. She could tell he was doing the same thing—undressing her with his eyes and fantasizing about what would happen tonight.
Thanks to the storm, Rain was behind on lots of projects, and that included the Christmas Tots Tree—a tree with paper ornaments on which were written the ages and genders of children from impoverished families in the Scarlet area. People who wanted to participate took down an ornament, bought clothes and Christmas gifts for a child of that age and gender, then brought the wrapped packages to the fire department for delivery by the firefighters on Christmas Eve.
But she wasn’t the only one who was behind. Eric hadn’t yet dropped off the paper ornaments. She asked Vicki if she would mind texting her husband and asking him to bring them by, then Rain went to work decorating the small artificial tree, which usually sat in a corner near the front door.
“He says he’ll bring them by at lunch,” Vicki told her.
When Eric walked through the door in his turnout pants and jacket, it wasn’t the Christmas Tots project that popped into her mind. It was Cadan.
She hugged him, suddenly fighting tears. “I’m so sorry about Cadan.”
“About … who?”
“Cadan Hawke, your great-great-great-grandfather.”
“Oh, yeah.” He stepped back. “That was a long time ago, but thanks.”
“Do you know what happened to his wife, Molly?”
Eric nodded. “My mom says she ended up marrying some Methodist minister and had a few kids with him.”
Rain wondered if that had been the minister who’d been with her when Cadan had been hanged. “Do their kids have any descendants in town?”
Eric pointed toward the bar. “Yeah, the Rouses. Marcia and I are third cousins—or something like that.”
Rain laughed. “You and Marcia? Really? I didn’t know that.”
Eric handed Rain the box of paper ornaments, each a little circle cut from red construction paper and threaded with a green ribbon so that it could be hung on the tree. “There you go. We’ve got sixty-eight kids this year—a dozen more than last year. I hope enough people participate to cover all these kids. I hate to disappoint any family.”
“I’m sure it will work out.” Rain knew what Eric didn’t.
Joe always took the leftover ornaments home with him and bought gifts for those kids himself. In all the years they’d done the Christmas Tots project, not a single child had been left out. Thanks to Joe.
“Hey, Eric, your lunch is on me,” Rain said. “Thanks for rescuing me.”
Eleven Days Till Christmas
Joe drove with Rain to the bus stop to pick up Lark and her boyfriend Zander—a surfer dude who instantly got on Joe’s nerves—then took them to see the concrete slab that had once been the foundation of Rain and Lark’s house.
Rain had allowed Joe to bring in a deconstruction crew, insisting that she pay him back when the insurance money came through. She’d been afraid that waiting until sometime in January—the insurance company didn’t seem to be in a hurry—would mean greater property loss from snowmelt. Her SUV was now in the shop getting body work done, and her car insurance was covering that. She wouldn’t have enough money to rebuild the house, but Joe had a couple of ideas about how to manage that. He hadn’t shared them with her yet. One day at a time.
He turned the corner onto Rain’s street, drove slowly over deep ruts in the ice.
“Oh, my God!” There was genuine shock in Lark’s voice. “It’s just … gone.”
“The deconstruction crew finished a few days ago,” Rain said. “Everything they were able to salvage is in boxes in Joe’s garage. Your baby photos made it—thank God! My box of keepsakes from your school years survived, too. That’s what worried me the most. All of our Christmas stuff made it. We lost most of our dishes and most of the furniture too. Grandma’s crystal vase was broken, but Joe says he can get it fixed.”
Joe had already shipped it off to Tokyo, where an artist he knew “glued” crystal and porcelain objects back together using gold or platinum. The vase wouldn’t be what it had been before, but it would be in one piece and usable again. More than that, it would be a work of art with a history. Joe thought Rain would appreciate that.
“You’re the only thing I care about.” Lark’s voice quavered. “You might have been killed, Mom.”
Joe parked in front, and mother and daughter climbed out of the vehicle, walking hand in hand up the driveway, Lark now in tears.
Zander started to follow, but Joe held him back. “Give them some space, okay?”
“Yeah, okay, man.” Zander watched him. “Lark said you’ve known her and her mom since she was a baby.”
“Yep.”
“Are you going to tell me that you’ll kill me if I hurt her?” There was a note of humor in Zander’s voice.
Joe didn’t laugh. “I don’t have to tell you if you already know. Besides, you won’t have to deal with me. Lark can take care of herself.”
Zander shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Dude, I was just joking.”
Joe met the kid’s gaze. “I’m not.”
When the women were ready, Joe drove them up to his house.
“You live here?” Lark’s words reminded Joe of Rain’s reaction.
He said the same thing to Lark that he’d said to her mother. “I live at Knockers. This is just where I sleep.”
“Dude, you must be loaded,” Zander said.
Joe pulled into the garage.
“That’s it?” Lark looked at the stack of boxes. “That’s all that’s left?”
“It’s more than I’d hoped for,” Rain said.
The women stayed in the garage for a time, looking through the boxes, while Joe got started on dinner, drafting a reluctant Zander to cut and seed acorn squash while Joe sautéed Italian sausage with celery and onion. By the time Rain and Lark stepped inside, the squash were baking and stuffed with the Italian sausage mixture.
Lark looked around her, eyes wide, a smile on her face. “This is beautiful! I wouldn’t mind staying here.”
“You’re welcome anytime.” Joe hoped this would be the first of many visits from Lark. If he had his way, this would be her mother’s new home.
His phone buzzed. It was his jeweler. He needed to take this in private. “I’m going to grab a bottle of wine. After that, I can give you a tour.”
“I’d love that.”
Joe disappeared down into the wine cellar. “Moffat here. Is it ready?”
Seven days till Christmas
Rain lay in a gown on the exam table, her feet in cold stirrups, a blue paper sheet draped over her knees. Why did rooms where people got naked always have to be cold? “Is thi
s going to be painful?”
She hated pain.
Leah Voss, her gynecologist, pressed on her belly to feel her uterus and ovaries—not the most comfortable thing in itself. “Some women have bad cramps after insertion, but you’ve had a baby, so it probably won’t be worse than a PAP smear.”
That didn’t sound too bad.
“When are you expecting your next period?” Leah asked.
Rain had to think for a moment. “Day after tomorrow.”
“Have you had unprotected sex in the past month?”
Rain assumed this was a routine question. “We had a condom break, but I took Plan B within the seventy-two-hour window.”
Leah inserted a speculum—they were always cold, too—and then a moment later removed it. “I don’t think we’ll be doing the IUD today. I’m almost certain you’re pregnant, sweetie.”
“What?” Rain raised herself onto her elbows, adrenaline shooting through her, her pulse throbbing in her ears. “I … I can’t be. I took the pill.”
“Hormonal contraception is only about seventy-five percent effective after intercourse.” Leah patted her thigh. “Get dressed, and then we’ll talk.”
Rain sat, staring after Leah as the door shut. She didn’t want to get dressed. She wanted her IUD. She wanted to go home and have her life be normal with no bad news.
No. No. No.
The doctor had to be wrong. This couldn’t be happening—not again. She was thirty-seven. She couldn’t have a baby now. She didn’t ever want to go through that again. She wasn’t ready to start from scratch with a newborn.
God, what was she going to do?
Joe didn’t want kids. He’d never wanted kids. He would be so angry with her, and this precious thing they had together would be ruined just because a condom broke.
Rain got down from the exam table, tears blurring her vision. Her fingers fumbled with her bra clasp and the buttons of her blouse, panic making her almost sick.
A knock came at the door. “May I come in?”
Rain zipped her jeans and sat, pressing her hands into her lap to keep them from shaking. “Yes.”
Leah sat across from her. “I take it that this isn’t welcome news.”
Rain shook her head. “I can’t go through that again.”
“Having a baby in a hospital with a good epidural and a supportive partner and caregiver is a completely different experience than giving birth alone in a minivan as a terrified teenager.”
They could not be having this conversation.
“Wh-what makes you say I’m pregnant?”
“Your cervix is soft as if you’re about to ovulate, but you should be past that point if you’re expecting your period to start in just a couple of days. Also, there are certain changes in cervical mucus early in pregnancy, and I see those quite clearly. Are your breasts sore?”
Rain nodded. “But they’re always sore before I start my period.”
“Have you been tired or felt nauseated?”
“No nausea. I’ve been tired, but it’s really hectic at the pub with Christmas season and ski season. Plus, my house collapsed, and I’ve been dealing with that.”
“I heard about that. There’s certainly a lot on your plate.”
“The man I’m with—he doesn’t want kids. He’s always been really clear about that. He’s going to be so angry.”
“I have to ask—is there any chance that he might hurt you? If so, there are shelters and people who can help.”
Joe? Harm her? Never.
But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t break up with her.
Rain shook her head. “No, not at all. But what am I going to tell him?”
“Let’s do a blood test today to confirm. If the test comes back positive, my advice would be to give yourself some time to think about it and decide what decision is right for you. Then talk it over with the father when you’re ready.”
Rain didn’t know whether to laugh or cry—or throw up.
Chapter 15
Joe got a text from Rain just before lunch saying that she didn’t feel well and needed to go home and rest. He texted back.
Is there anything I can do?
After a few minutes, he got her reply.
Just love me.
He replied immediately.
I do.
He messaged her later in the afternoon but didn’t hear back. Worried and not wanting to leave her alone, he ordered one of Vicki’s deep-dish pizzas to go and left Rico and Marcia to manage the place.
He arrived home to find the house dark and Rain asleep on his bed, still in her clothes, the fireplace casting an orange light over her features. He walked over to her, drew up the covers—and saw the tear-stains on her cheeks.
Shit.
Something was wrong.
He left her to sleep and went downstairs to eat a slice of pizza while it was hot. He’d just put his plate into the dishwasher when she appeared at the top of the stairs. “I brought home a pepperoni deep-dish for supper.”
“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.” She walked down the stairs and over to the sofa. “Can we talk?”
Hell.
That couldn’t be good.
He went to sit beside her on the sofa. “What’s wrong?”
She sat with her hands in her lap, looking at the floor, misery on her face. “I… I’m pregnant.”
Her words hit Joe like a fist, made his head spin. “You’re … what?”
“My GYN wouldn’t insert the IUD because … I’m already pregnant. I guess there are changes, things she can see inside.”
“You’re pregnant.” There didn’t seem to be enough air in the room.
“She did a blood test to confirm. It came back positive.”
Joe’s mind struggled to keep up, shock making him stupid. “I thought you took the morning-after pill.”
“I did.” Tears spilled down Rain’s cheeks. “She says it’s only about seventy-five percent effective. I … I guess I’m in that twenty-five percent. I know you don’t want kids. I didn’t want to have another baby either. Never. I don’t want to go through all of that again. But I’ve thought about it all afternoon, and I can’t just get rid of it. I know I couldn’t put it up for adoption either. The moment I see it, I’ll love it. That’s how it was with Lark. The moment I held her, I knew I couldn’t give her away.”
Joe caught most of what Rain was saying, his mind racing with denials. This could not be happening. He didn’t want kids. He didn’t want to continue the Moffat line. He was supposed to be the last. Besides, he wasn’t cut out to be a father. He didn’t know the first thing about love or family. He wouldn’t know what to do with a child.
Then Rain lifted her gaze to his, and he saw it—the fear in her green eyes, the doubt, the despair.
The sight of her anguish cut through the maelstrom of his own emotions, clearing his head, slowing his pulse, making everything crystal clear in a single heartbeat. He would not be the next man to let Rain down.
He set his own emotions aside, reached out, cupped her face between his palms, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. “What you’re telling me is that we’re going to be parents.”
She nodded. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m not trying to trick you into anything or manipulate you.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I was there, remember? The condom broke. I let the condoms expire. If you’re pregnant, we know who’s to blame.” He drew her into his arms, held her tight. “God, honey, you’re shaking like a leaf.”
“I’m so afraid. I don’t know how I can face this again. I’m thirty-seven now, not sixteen. It was so hard when Lark was born. It was terrible—like a nightmare. The pain was so bad. I thought I was going to die.”
Something twisted in his gut at the thought of her suffering like that.
He held her closer, stroked her hair. “It won’t be like last time. I’ll be right there. If you want all the drugs in the world, I’ll make sure you get them. If you want t
o skip straight to a C-section, we’ll do it. Whatever you need, I’ll make sure you get it.”
His money had to be good for something, right?
You’re going to be a father, man.
But first Joe had to be a man worthy of his child’s mother.
Rain took refuge in Joe’s embrace. “So you’re truly not angry with me?”
He drew back, a warm smile on his face, his gaze gentle. “How could I possibly be angry at you? It’s not like you managed this on your own. I’m not like him. I’m not going to abandon you. I’m not going to leave you to face any part of this alone.”
He meant it. He truly meant it.
Relief washed through Rain, leaving her almost weak and bringing fresh tears to her eyes. “I didn’t know how I was going to tell you. I didn’t want to see the love in your eyes disappear.”
He reached out, placed a hand on her lower belly. “Never be afraid to tell me anything, okay? A man who stops loving you when you tell him that he got you pregnant is a man who never loved you in the first place.”
She sniffed, managed a smile. “People are going to gossip, you know. They’ll probably say I was trying to trap you into marrying me or something.”
“Yeah? Well, fuck them.” He frowned, seemed lost in thought for a moment. “I need to run upstairs for something. I’ll be right back. Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine—now.” While he walked upstairs, she blew her nose, then went to the kitchen sink and splashed her face with cold water, her mind fixed on a single thought: Joe wasn’t going to abandon her.
She turned on the Christmas tree lights and the fireplace, then went to sit on the sofa again just as Joe came back downstairs.
Joe walked over to her, knelt in front of her as if he were about to propose, which was absurd because he wouldn’t do that. He didn’t want to get married. She knew that. Everybody knew that.
“I was saving this for Christmas Eve, but I want you to have it now,” he said.
She looked down. “Oh, God! It’s beautiful.”
