by John Roeburt
“My foot.”
“Cut the jokes and tell me a straight story.”
“I am. Listen: I came to this house to see a man. Some old little guy in a turtleneck sweater who doesn’t speak much English told me the fellow would be back in an hour. I was walking around when two young fellows pulled guns on me—all that stuff I told you happened back where they’re knocking down the buildings. When I left you I returned to this house and these two jokers were waiting for me. When I found they were private peepers, I refused to go with them.”
“Where were they taking you? What did they want?”
“Beats me.”
The young cop sighed. “Everything happens to you.” He pulled out his notebook. “What’s your name and address?”
I told him Mickey Anderson, a phony address in Tampa. A radio car drove up and two more cops came over, went into conference with Babyface. The private eye finally sat up, groggy as hell, a little blood on his ear. I managed to stand and the young cop grabbed me as I started for the snooper. “No more roughhouse, Anderson.”
“I’m getting fed up with it myself. I’m too old for these falls. But I want to ask this character what the devil this is all about.”
The other cops were helping him to his feet and my cop told me, “They’re going to take him to the station house, see if he needs a doc. You can use a medic yourself, your neck is all blood.”
I put my hand to my neck and stared at the blood on my palm. “I’m okay. That’s from the bump on my head. I was slugged last night.”
“You really live dangerously. What business you in?”
“Shrimps.”
“That hooked up with the rackets?”
“No. I keep telling you I don’t know what this is all about. I’m only up here for a vacation. Where are they taking him?”
“I told you, to the precinct house. If you feel okay, let’s you and me talk to the old man you claim you saw in this house, then we’ll go to the station.”
“Fine.”
When we rang the bell the little old jockey opened the door immediately and said, “Officer, I’m glad you’re here. This man has been a ruddy nuisance!” He had a mouthful of perfect teeth and spoke with a clipped British accent.
The cop gave me big eyes. “This the fellow you were looking for?”
“No. He’s the one I talked to, who told me to come back in an hour.”
“I thought you said he spoke broken English?”
“He didn’t have his teeth in then.”
The little man drew himself up. “What sort of bloody nonsense is this? Officer, do I have to be insulted on my own property? This creature has been making a pest of himself for…”
“Who called those two private bulls waiting for me in the living room?” I cut in.
“I haven’t the smallest idea what you are raving about. I run a respectable rooming establishment and resent these thugs scuffling in front of my property.”
“Let’s start from the beginning. Did this man come here an hour ago?” Babyface asked, pointing his night stick toward me.
“Indeed he did. He seemed to be under the weather, too. He asked for a former tenant. I tried to explain that Mr. Sowor no longer lives here. He returned minutes ago, obviously after having imbibed more liquids and having been in a drunken brawl. He again asked for Mr. Sowor. I again informed him Mr. Sowor no longer is a tenant here and shut the door in his face. The next thing I knew, there were sounds of scuffling and I looked out to see him and another chap stretched out on the sidewalk.”
“He claims two men, including the one on the sidewalk, were waiting in your house when he returned,” Babyface said.
The little man threw back his head and laughed, showing all his too-white teeth. “One only has to glance at him to see a drunken…”
“Where is Willy Sowor?” I cut in.
“Poor Mr. Sowor died many months ago. He was run down by a car on the avenue on a rainy night not far from here. I must say Mr. Sowor also imbibed a great deal.”
“What kind of business was he in?” I asked.
Turtleneck blinked. “You have your blasted cheek! All I ask of my tenants is for them to pay their rent on time and respect my privacy—and I certainly respect theirs!”
The cop wrote down his name and the address of the house and as we walked down the steps I said, “That little clown is lying in his store teeth!”
“Maybe. Only two things in your favor: you weren’t drunk when I saw you on the brick pile, and the old man is wearing false teeth. We’re three blocks from the precinct, can you walk it?”
“Sure.” People were turning to watch us. I wiped the blood from my neck with a handkerchief and threw it in a trash can, turned up my coat collar.
“What was your business with this Sowor fellow?”
“No business. A girl I used to know once mentioned him. Being in New York, I looked him up in the phone book, wanted to ask if he could tell me where this girl is now.”
“Why didn’t you phone him?”
“Come on, a guy doesn’t give out personal info over a phone. If he’s dead, how come he’s still listed in the book? Anyway I can check to see if he’s really dead?”
“Since the accident was in our precinct, I can find out. As to the phone book, they can’t change a listing until a new book comes out, and I think that’s once a year. Have you ever been in trouble before, Mr. Anderson?”
“Before? What kind of trouble am I in now?”
“You know what I mean, any police record?”
“Nope.”
He sighed. “Your story sounds so fantastic I almost believe it. Also you don’t look smart enough to think up a lie this big.”
I said, “Well, thanks, officer,” my voice full of sarcasm. “When we talk to that private dick, we’ll find out what this is all about. I’m going to get to the bottom of this.”
“You’d better. You’re looking worse every time I see you. That’s some tin ear you’re sporting. I’ve heard of ’em but you don’t see them nowadays. When were you a pug?”
“I did some amateur boxing years ago.”
Reaching the police station Babyface took me before the desk lieutenant and saluted. He started to explain what had happened when the desk officer, a dapper fellow of about forty-five dressed in a pressed white shirt and plain black tie, cut him off with, “I know all about the case, officer.”
Babyface went to the rear of the police station. The desk officer studied me for a moment, like a judge, then he said, “This is your lucky day, no charges were pressed against you.”
“Against me?”
“You could have been rapped for assault, disorderly conduct.”
“Lieutenant, haven’t you got all this a wee bit rump-backwards? I was the one attacked—or maybe kidnapped is a better word. Where’s the private eye? Will it be okay if I talk to him in his cell—through the bars?”
“You can talk to him wherever you wish, but not in here. Since he didn’t press charges, we had no reason to hold him,” the desk officer said, his voice sounding bored.
“Are you telling me you let him go?”
He nodded. “You look in rough shape. Want me to call an ambulance doc?”
“Of all the… I have to speak to that guy!” I yelled, refusing to believe what I’d heard. “What’s his name and address?”
The desk officer looked thoughtful. “Let me see… Joe…or Jack… I had a fast peep at his credentials but you understand, I have a thousand details to take care of and so I…”
“Look, are you sitting up there and saying you didn’t even take his name down, that you haven’t any record at all of this?”
“What do you think the blotter is, an autograph album? Mister, a guy is brought in dazed, beaten up. Against my advice he flatly refuses to press charges, or even medical aid. I have no reason to book him or…”
“Damn it, how come you couldn’t at least wait until I came here! I was the one attacked!”
The lie
utenant gave me a buddy-buddy grin. “On the contrary, he told us you had kicked him—without provocation—as he was walking along the street. I figured you for a slim type—to kick that high. The officers who brought him in said you acted like you were bagged. I asked him to press charges but he refused, so I could hardly detain him.”
“Of all the goddamn…!”
“Don’t raise your voice, this is no gin mill!” he snapped. “You look like a brawler but we tranquilize rougher punks than you every day. Let me see some identification.”
“I lost my wallet.”
He gave me a cynical smile.
“He reported that to me, sir, before this…latest incident.”
I spun around, hadn’t heard Babyface return. He told the desk officer about finding me walking around among the leveled buildings, my story about being shot at. Then seeing me stretched out on the sidewalk in front of Sowor’s house, his conversation with the old man with false teeth. “I’ve called downtown, sir. A Willy Sowor was killed by an unknown hit and run driver last November. Also, there’s no yellow sheet on this man.”
The lieutenant shook his head. “That’s the worst crock of bull I’ve heard this week. Roll back your sleeves and pants legs.”
“What?”
“Come on, do what you’re told.”
I showed him my arms and legs and he said, “You looked too-healthy for a junkie. My advice to you is, go home and sleep it off. Keep on talking like this and I’ll send you to Bellevue for observation.”
I started to say something but didn’t. I had a feeling I was not only wasting time here but that I was dealing with the enemy. The only thing was to go back and have a talk with the old jockey. The desk officer must have been a mind-reader. He said, “I’m going to give you a break, let you go. But get this straight, haul your hips out of this precinct and fast. You annoy anybody else around here and I’ll put you in a straightjacket!”
I hesitated for a moment. The place seemed to be filling up with uniformed cops. I felt trapped. I shrugged and headed for the door. Suddenly I wasn’t as much angry as plain tired. All I wanted was to get out of this rat trap, return to Rose and our boat; get the hell back to Ansel’s island where the only problem was whether we’d sleep all day or go underwater fishing. I don’t know, maybe I was nuts. Or everybody else was.
Walking outside, I wondered what to do: I didn’t have one cent on me. I didn’t even have a cigar butt. I could phone Rose and reverse the charges, but I needed a dime to do that. And suppose I did call, Rose would have to come to New York to get me. Or wire some money, and wire it to where? I could wire her collect and wait for the money at a Western Union office, only—would they give it to me without identification? For all I knew, in this weird setup we found ourselves in, a telegram might lead them to Rose and the boat. I couldn’t risk our last out.
But along about now Rose would begin to worry, might even set out to find me, and that would be a mess. How could I travel the hundred miles, or whatever the distance was, to Asbury Park? The way I looked, nobody in their right mind would let me hitch a ride.
Two columns of cops smartly marched out of the police station and stood at attention on the sidewalk. A sergeant dismissed them and as they broke ranks and walked away, more policemen began to approach the station house. They were changing tours. I watched like a hick until I told myself to snap out of it. I didn’t have a friend in town, least of all the cops, and I had to borrow money to reach Rose. But wait—I did have one buddy in the big city.
Hal Anderson had said he lived in New York. If he wasn’t at sea I could borrow from him. I walked into a drugstore and looked in the phone book. There were three Harold Andersons in Manhattan, two in the Bronx, and four in Brooklyn and Queens. I racked my brains but couldn’t come up with the name of the steamship company Hal worked for, and even if I knew, they probably wouldn’t give out his home address. When I asked the druggist if he could spare a hunk of paper and a pencil, he gave me a nervous look and mumbled he was busy. I didn’t blame him. I saw myself in a shaving mirror on the counter and I looked like a goon who’d been worked over.
I walked out to find another store. I’d tear the pages out of the phone book. A highschool kid with a brush crewcut and wearing an old windbreaker was crossing the street toward a parked car. He waved at me and walked my way. It took me a second to recognize my young cop. He grinned as he said, “Better not hang around here, Mr. Anderson. The lieutenant can be a wild hair, and give you a hell of a rough time, when he feels nasty.”
“How come he let that guy go without getting his name and address?”
“Well, it was a bit unusual. He should have waited until I—as the investigating officer—showed up. I’ve covered myself in my memo book, though.”
“You know the dick’s name?”
“No. But I wrote that upon reaching the precinct house I found the alleged assaulter, an ‘unknown male,’ had been released. Maybe the lieutenant was hasty, but consider things from his side, your story sounds fantastic. He…”
“Bull! He let him go before he ever heard my story!”
Babyface shrugged. “Strictly between us, the private badge must have been from a big agency. I shouldn’t be telling you this, but the locker room grapevine says the dick was working for an oil company. Big stuff.”
“Oil? What’s an oil outfit got to do with this?”
“You tell me. The point is, the lieutenant can’t buck the big wheels. Nor can I buck the lieutenant. As I said, perhaps he did act too fast, but that’s all. We police have to follow the law, too.”
“Don’t talk to me about the law. In less than twenty-four hours I’ve been slugged, shot at, and rooked—mostly by jerks sporting badges of one kind or another!”
“I don’t know what you’re mixed up in, Mr. Anderson, but here’s some straight advice. Don’t hang around here or you’ll have more badge trouble.”
“I’ve had my fill. Look, when I lost my wallet I also lost all my loose change. I haven’t a penny, can’t even board a bus or subway. Can you lend me a buck? Give me your name and address and I swear I’ll mail you back five tomorrow. Or take this busted wrist watch. I broke it on those damn bricks.”
The cop dug in his pocket. “A buck? You must travel in style. A subway token costs fifteen cents. Here’s thirty cents, which will get you any place in town. Don’t worry about returning it. You’re better than a cops-and-robbers movie. Now keep moving, chum.”
I took the quarter and nickel. He headed for his car, stopped, and called out, “I can drive you part of the way downtown.”
“Thanks, but I have to make a call. I don’t exactly know where I’m going. I mean, I have to see which of my friends is in town.” I knew it sounded stupid but I didn’t trust any cop now.
He said, “You’re a real case, buddy,” and got in his car.
For a split second I wondered if I could make a deal, have him drive me to Asbury and give him fifty or a hundred bucks? But I couldn’t afford that risk.
I walked down a few blocks and into a candy store, looked up the Harold Andersons in the phone books again. I had three chances out of nine of hitting the right one: three to one odds were rough. It seemed to me Hal had said something about a house and from the little I’d seen of Manhattan, it was all apartment houses. I decided to risk my money on the Bronx and Brooklyn. When I asked for change I thought the fat lady behind the counter was going to scream for help. But she gave me three dimes, even if her hand shook.
I dialed the first Hal Anderson in the Bronx, working the dial carefully—a wrong number would ruin me. A man answered and told me he certainly wasn’t a ship’s purser and hung up. Next I tried a Brooklyn Harold Anderson and didn’t get any answer. I went through a bad moment waiting for the dime to return. I picked another Anderson number in Brooklyn and a woman’s voice with a warm accent said, “Oui,” when I went into the ship’s purser bit. I realized she had to be Hal’s French wife and I couldn’t have felt better if I’d hit the
daily double. I said, “My name is Mickey Whalen. I was a friend of Hal’s down in Florida. We had a boat together.”
There was a brief silence and I had a chill. Suppose Hal had never mentioned me to his wife?
“Ah, yes. He often talks about you.”
“Is Hal home?”
“No. His ship is not due for another week. Too bad, he would want to see you.”
“Mrs. Anderson, I’m in a kind of trouble. I know this sounds odd, but I fell down and lost my wallet. I need a few dollars and don’t know a soul in the city but Hal—and you. I have no one else to turn to.”
“Well…” There was another silence, then she asked, “What was the name of the boat you two had?”
“The Sea Princess. Did Hal tell you he saw me down in Haiti a month or two ago?”
“Yes. How much money do you need, Mr. Whalen?”
“A few dollars. I arrived in New York this morning and had this accident with my wallet. Can I come over to your house, now?”
“Of course. Have you…?”
The operator cut in to ask for another nickel.
Hal’s wife asked, “Have you a car?”
“No.”
“Where are you?”
“In Manhattan.”
“Then take the D metro, the subway marked D to…”
The operator demanded her nickel again and I said, “I’ll be out, Mrs. Anderson, but I have to walk. Wait for me.
I hung up and used my last dime to dial the Anderson who’d been out, to erase the call in case I was being followed. I was getting worse than Rose, didn’t put a thing beyond whoever was after us. The party was still not home. So I had a big fat dime, and the subway cost fifteen cents.
Stepping out of the phone booth I wiped the sweat from my face as I asked the old lady behind the counter, “Which way is Brooklyn?”
In a thick accent she said, “Walk two blocks down and turn right. That’s the subway. Get on the downtown side and then ask the conductor for…”
“I’m walking. Which way is it, please?” I knew I was talking too much. If I was being followed and this plump lady told them about Brooklyn—but then Brooklyn must be a big place.
