"Good, he's awake." Greg said. "This would be a good time to tell me you have a plan." He looked like someone had taken a baseball bat to his face, with one eye swollen shut. His mouth wasn't really working all that well, so he was a little hard to understand.
Before I could come up with something witty to say, Mike looked up at me and said "I'm sorry, James. I blew the whole operation. They appeared out of nowhere, and I couldn't fight them. I ruined everything, I'm sorry." Mike actually looked in the best shape of all of us, even though his face was red from shame. It looked like the bad guys hadn't wasted much energy on the humans, concentrating the beatings on Greg and me. Even Stephen looked pretty fresh, although his lip was swollen and there was a splash of blood down the front of his shirt. Sabrina was sporting the beginnings of a black eye, but otherwise just looked really mad, not badly injured.
"Don't sweat it, Dad. I shouldn't have had you stationary. It was dumb on my part. You and Alex should have been circling the business park, not sitting still."
"But another vampire would have heard them coming." He said.
"Yeah, but I'm kinda short on vampire friends, so I gotta go slumming with humans." I laughed at my own joke, and the laugh started a coughing fit. The coughing fit racked my chest until after about half a minute of coughing and spitting up blood I heard the plink of a piece of bullet bounce off the concrete floor. "That's better. Lead tickles when it comes up, did you know that?" I asked to no one in particular.
Lenny stepped out of the shadows and responded, "I've heard something about that. Well, vampire, now you know that getting shot in the heart won't kill you."
"Now it's time to find out if the same is true for greasy fairies." I said, spitting a gob of blood on his expensive Italian loafers. He calmly pulled a handkerchief out of his breast pocket, wiped off his shoe, and then kicked me square in the balls. My vision went white from the pain and I tried my best to curl up into a ball, which is really hard when you're hanging from your wrists with your feet dangling six inches off the floor. Who would have thought the little chump could kick so high?
"I think we're past insults, don't you?" He said when I was able to focus my eyes on his face again.
"Not at all. You're still ugly and your mother dresses you funny." This time he reached out and grabbed my calf, which apparently still had a bullet in there somewhere, because I could feel it move around as he dug his thumb into the muscle, making me scream and pass out again. When I came to again, the smarmy little fairy was still there, grinning like a cat with a spare canary.
"Now would you like to hear my proposition, or should we just trade barbs and torture all night?" Lenny asked.
"Which one is going to hurt more?" I asked.
"Well, one has the potential for great pain, while the other has the certainty."
"Then why don't we go for 'potential' for a change? I'd hate for you to get bored with torturing me."
"Oh don't give up on my account; I have a great deal of patience when it comes to torture."
"Oh good lord, will you get on with the witty repartee already!" Greg yelled. I shot him a look and Lenny crossed the floor to face my partner, who was putting some serious strain on the ceiling joists by hanging there.
"I'm sorry, vampire, I don't think anyone was talking to you."
"Oh come on, dude. We've all read the comic books. This is the point where you tell us your diabolical plan for world domination, so we can come up with some clever and unexpected way to stop you." Greg looked down at the greasy fairy and continued. "It's a formula thing, just go with it."
"Well, Mr. Knightwood, I hate to disappoint, but I have no aspirations to rule the world. I just want to make a lot of money. And you fine lady and gentlemen are going to help me."
"I doubt it, asswipe." Sabrina chimed in.
"Detective Law, sit there and shut up when the more evolved species are speaking. It's better for your health and you might learn something." Lenny took two long steps to where Sabrina and Mike were sitting and slapped her, hard across the mouth. She rocked back and I saw blood coming from her split lip.
"You done beating up humans and defenseless vampires, or are you going to prove your sexual inadequacies a little more before you make your offer?" I said.
He turned to me, glaring. "Here is my offer. I have a fight scheduled to take place in thirty minutes, and thanks to your interference, I am one fighter short. You have two choices: you can provide me with a fighter, or you can all die."
"Wait a minute; this has all been about a fight club thing the whole time?" I asked.
"What do you mean?" Lenny looked confused at the question.
"All the attacks on the fairies around town, they haven't had anything to do with species-hunting or race hatred, you've just been kidnapping people for your fights?" I said.
"Yes. We capture the fairies, put them in combat with the trolls, and then return them to their homes when the fights are done. It's all very civilized, and besides, most of our people who find themselves trapped in the mundane world relish the idea of showing their real selves for a change and battling with their racial enemies. It's a lovely evening out on the town for the humans, who think they are seeing spectacular special effects, and a very lucrative enterprise for everyone involved."
"Except the fairies." I said.
"Well, there are always the little people, aren't there, Mr. Black? Certainly my troll compatriots have come out of the past week somewhat the worse for wear, but you don't hear them complaining, do you?"
"I don't think they can string that many words together. But what's your point?" I replied.
"My point is that prior to your interference, we had a nice little business going. We made money, the trolls and fairies got to exercise their long-term grievances, and all was right with the world. It wasn't until you, Mr. Neal, that we had anyone resist the offer." He looked at Stephen with what seemed to be genuine confusion.
"I had no idea what a troll was, you idiot! I've been here my whole life! I didn't even know I was a fairy until I was twenty. Not that kind, anyway." Stephen yelled at the shorter fairy.
"Oh, a changeling." Lenny sneered. The way he said changeling was like it was some kind of incurable disease that just wasn't discussed in polite company. "That explains everything."
"Well," he continued, "that's beside the point. I need a fighter, and you need to get out of here alive. So," he clapped his hands together with a big grin. "Who wants to fight a troll in a cage match?"
Chapter 31
The crowd was rabid as I walked to the ring. I was dressed in clean clothes that Lenny had brought over from our place. Too bad fairies don't have the same breaking and entering restrictions as vampires. He had taken the time to feed me, and since he'd ordered his fairy ninja bodyguards to let me drink from them, my wounds had pretty much healed. I looked across the ring, and standing there with a battle-axe in each hand, was my old friend Gorton the troll. He looked pretty healed, too, and pretty grumpy with me. I was unarmed, except for my teeth and my wits, which basically meant that I was totally unarmed.
Lenny walked into the center of the ring, and a microphone descended from the rafters. "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Fright Night Fight Night!" The crowd actually cheered for this crap, proving that there really is no relation between taste and cash. "We have a very special treat for you tonight, a battle of legendary enemies, creatures whose races have hated each other since before the dawn of human history. The hatred that these monsters bear for each other makes a Sarah Palin and Joe Biden look like bosom buddies!" The crowd laughed again, and I looked over at Gorton, trying to see if he had any deep-seated hatred I hadn't noticed in our first fight.
He just looked back at me as if to say what can you do, he's got the microphone and is a wee bit nuts besides. I shrugged back and turned my attention back to the fairy on the microphone, thinking how much I'd rather have him locked in the cage with me than the troll. Lenny went on "And tonight, ladies and gentlemen, for your entertainment, we ha
ve a first here at Fright Night - a duel to the death!!!" The crowd went wild cheering, and Lenny turned around in a slow circle, basking in their cheers. I looked across at Gorton, and he actually mouthed "sorry" at me. I was going to feel bad about killing him, even if he was a troll. Of course, I'd feel even worse if he managed to kill me. But since I'd technically been dead for most of two decades, I didn't mind all that much.
"As you all know, ladies and gents, the betting windows are open, and we are laying pretty heavy odds on our champion here, so get your last bets in! It won't take me long to go over the rules of the fight, because there aren't any!" Even this got a laugh. I couldn't figure out what it was - the ponytail? The earrings? The fact that the whole crowd was plastered? He wasn't any funnier than me, but he had these folks eating out of his hand. I shook my head, then suddenly noticed that Lenny wasn't talking anymore. As a matter of fact, he wasn't even in the ring. I was now locked in a cage with a troll who wanted to cut my head off, and a whole bunch of people just outside that had serious cash on him doing just that. Even if I beat Gorton, I might not make it out of this alive.
I didn't have a whole lot of time to contemplate that, because the second the cage door shut behind Lenny, Gorton charged at me, twirling his battle axes like a Bruce Lee villain. Except they usually had nunchuks. And except that Bruce Lee could usually beat them. And except that was in the movies, and this was frighteningly real. Okay, now that I think about it, it was nothing like a Bruce Lee movie, but in the heat of the moment, that's what came into my head. Gorton came at me in a dead run, and I sprinted away from him, running in circles around the cage while I frantically tried to think of a plan. I'm sure I looked like Andy Kaufman in a wrestling ring, but I had no idea how I was going to go toe to toe with a nine-foot troll and live, especially since he had two battle-axes and I just had me.
Then it came to me - I had me. I was a lot faster and at least marginally smarter than the troll, so that's what I had to work with. I stopped abruptly, diving backwards toward Gorton and flipping over his back. He almost turned himself inside out trying to reverse his run and get turned around to face me, and that's when I was able to snatch one axe out of his hand and fling it outside the cage. I heard a few shrieks from the crowd as the six-foot axe cleaved a bleacher, but they weren't high on the list of things I was worrying about. I guessed they even bet on the troll.
One axe out of the way, I squared off against Gorton, who had regained his balance and was facing me head-on. He feinted once at my head, and then made a huge upward sweep at my face as I ducked. If I'd been human, that would have split my head open from jaw to eyebrows, but I haven't been human for a long time. I pulled my head back in the nick of time, and lashed out with a kick at Gorton's knee. My foot connected solidly, and I heard something go crunch. The troll didn't fall, though, just shifted his weight and brought the axe back around. I gotta get a book on monster anatomy, I thought as I skipped sideways to avoid a huge over-handed slash that tore the canvas and splintered the wooden floor underneath.
"Careful, there, Gortie. If you break the cage it's gonna come out of your pay." I kept dodging, hoping I could rope-a-dope long enough to get a good shot in.
"What pay, vampire?" The troll asked as he slashed at my head again.
I ducked easily and rolled forward under his arm, forcing him to stop hacking at me for a minute to untangle his feet again. "You mean you're letting the fairy make all the money? That's generous of you."
"What I need money for? He gives me blades and things to hit. That's all I need." He raised the axe over his head and charged again. I slid sideways and gave him a couple of quick punches to where a human's kidneys would be. By the grunt he gave, I hit something uncomfortable at least.
"Don't you want more out of life? A little piece of land with a house, a yard and a Mrs. Troll in the kitchen?" I ducked another attack and this time threw a knee at the big muscle in the troll's thigh. He yelped and backhanded me across the cage. I slid all the way into the mesh walls, and heard people outside yelling for my blood.
"You ever seen a lady troll, vampire? If so, you know why I never want to get married!" He came at me again; axe slashing the air at waist height. He made a nasty sideways stroke, and I decided to do the last thing he expected. I stepped inside the axe strike, blocking his arms with my body. His elbow caught me in the midsection, but I was able to reach out and land a punch right on the tip of his bulbous nose.
I don't care how big you are, a shot to the nose is the great equalizer. Your eyes get blurry and there's nothing you can do about it for a couple of seconds. And a couple of seconds was all I needed. As Gorton reached up to grab at his face with one hand, I took his other wrist, the one closest to me, in one hand and put the other hand on his bicep. I put all my strength in one huge move, and slammed his outstretched arm across my upraised knee with a sickening pop that sounded for all the world like a huge balloon exploding. Gorton's elbow snapped like kindling, and his axe went clattering to the floor.
I held onto his wrist and pulled him around with all my might. He overbalanced easily, going head over heels in a move I couldn't replicate if I tried it in the gym a thousand times. The troll landed flat on his back with his arms and legs splayed out wide. I picked up the axe and raised it high over my head. I looked down and saw the troll close his eyes as I brought the massive blade crashing down.
Then his eyes flew open as the splinters scratched his face when I buried the axe in the floor beside his head. "Don't move." I whispered to the troll, and jumped from the middle of the ring to the upper corner of the cage, balancing precariously on the upper rails of the chain link.
"I win, Lenny, and the troll lives!" I shouted. "Now open the door. I'm hungry, and I don't really care if I eat you or one of your patrons!" I looked down at a balding man in a suit that cost more than my first car. He had a woman on each arm, obviously rentals or just run-of-the-mill gold diggers, and a Tag Heuer watch that kinda caught my eye. I bared my fangs at him, and he fainted dead away. The girls ran off, and I jumped down right beside the fainted wuss. "Nice watch. Thanks." I said, slipping it onto my wrist.
"That's not very nice, Mr. Black." Lenny's voice came from right behind me, and I turned to see him pointing a revolver at my head. It looked like a .357, but it was hard to tell with it pressed up against my nose.
"I'm not a very nice person, Lenny." I reached up and pushed the barrel of the gun aside. "Now open the doors. My friends and I are leaving." I looked at him and put a little mojo into my voice, but it had no effect on the fairy.
"You cannot bespell our kind, you idiotic little vampire." Something in the way he said that sounded familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. "And you are most certainly not leaving. I promised these people blood, and blood they shall have." He clapped his hands, and a small army of trolls stepped forward out of the shadows. One held each of my friends, and the ones that weren't holding prisoners held nasty-looking axes, swords and short spears with barbed points that looked like they could do really unpleasant things to people.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a fantastic surprise for you this evening! In addition to the battle you have just witnessed, we have another first for you here at Fright Night - a Battle Royale!" He spun around, and I noticed that even without the microphone he didn't have any problem being heard. "Now this isn't the watered-down excuse for a Battle Royale that your silly 'sports entertainment' programs will show you. This is a true battle, where only the strong survive! But first, please step away from the cage, I think we may need a little more room for this performance." With that, he waved his hands in the air over his head, and the cage grew. And it didn't just expand outward, it got taller, too. Where once had stood a fifteen-foot square with maybe ten-foot walls, now we were standing outside a cage the size of half a basketball court, with walls a good twenty feet high. And somehow, I noticed, Lenny had transported all of us inside the cage. The spectators were outside, but Sabrina, Greg, Stephen, Mike, Alex and I
were in the cage with a good baker's dozen of trolls and one fairy magician.
I looked over at Greg and said the only thing I could think of. "I've got a bad feeling about this."
He looked up at me and nodded. "Help me, Obi-wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."
Chapter 32
We were still unarmed, and even more outnumbered than when it was just me one on one with a troll. I ran to the side of the cage and picked up the axe that Gorton had dropped when I felled him. He was still laying there, rolling around a little and moaning, but he obviously wasn't going to be a problem. When Lenny had made the cage bigger, the other axe ended up on the inside of it with us, so I grabbed it too. I sprinted back to my friends and handed one axe to Greg.
"I figure we've got a few seconds before they figure out a plan and come after us. Sabrina, stay here and protect the humans. Greg, Stephen, come with me." I snapped the head off the axe and gave Sabrina the handle. It made for about a four-foot bo staff, but it was the best thing I could come up with.
I grabbed the axe just behind the head and looked over at Greg. "Fastball special?"
Black Knight 02 - Back in Black Page 15
