by Katie Cross
Because what were we anyway?
Ghosts. That's what it felt like. We were surging toward something, and now he seemed to have pulled back. Then again, maybe he thought the same about me and these were just miserable circumstances.
Plus, I hadn't exactly responded to his last text.
Tonight, I was too emotionally exhausted and numb to reach out. Sleep was the next best step. Knowing Benjamin, it didn't mean anything that I didn't hear from him except he didn't want to deal with text messages. Or maybe he was avoiding me now that Sadie had reared her ugly head again. Every nerve end in my body felt frazzled, and I just wanted to curl up at home and sleep.
Tomorrow, I promised myself. I'd have a very frank, honest conversation with him then. We'd lay it out and get this awkward space behind us.
The drapes parted with the hiss of metal on metal and drew me from my thoughts. I braced myself for the nurse, but a weary face and bright eyes met me instead.
“Sera baby?”
Tears filled my eyes as Mom stepped into the room and threw her arms around me. I melted into her with relief, grateful to turn this disaster over to her more capable hands.
“Mom,” I whispered. “I’m so glad you came.”
I kept my eyes closed, but could feel her scrutiny of Talmage over my shoulder. She'd hold strong right now, but later, when Dad showed up, she'd break down. It was her way. And tonight, I was so grateful for that strength.
23
Benjamin
Pins and needles had taken over my body in a ruthless assault. When the welling nausea attacked again, I leaned over the toilet and vomited. Once my stomach emptied for the tenth time, I sank to the floor and pressed my face to the cold tile.
I wanted to die.
In the doorway, Ava pranced closer on her tiptoes. Her snarled hair fell in her face, and her pajamas were rumpled. Through the haze of illness, I could at least tell that she was walking on her own this morning.
“You're sick too, Daddy?”
“Yeah,” I croaked, then groaned.
“Want some fizzy stuff?”
“Sure.”
I didn't, but it gave her something to do instead of staring at me, curled on the floor and ready to pass out. Several minutes passed. I may have started to fall asleep again because I jerked back to life when Ava set a cup on the floor next to me.
“Here Dad.”
“Thanks. Why don't you go watch ponies?”
“Kay,” she said softly, then padded away. She wouldn't be able to go back to school today, even though she appeared mostly better, and I couldn't have driven to save my own life. Somehow, I managed to crawl back to my bed and grab my phone. Every part of my body felt weak as I unlocked the screen and pulled up my messages to send one to Serafina.
Benjamin: Sick today don't come over
Only a few seconds passed before a reply beeped through. Or maybe it was hours. The spans of darkness that happened in between everything made it impossible to know. My brain could barely hold onto my own name, I certainly wasn't tracking the passage of time.
Groggily, I forced myself to look at the new message.
Serafina: Oh no! I'll bring soup as soon as I'm off work. Need anything else?
Before I could respond, I fell back to sleep on the thought that Ava had it right. It would make me feel better to have someone playing with my hair right now.
24
Serafina
The enticing smell of coffee drifted into my nose as I climbed the spiral staircase to my loft after work. The whirring of machines and quiet murmur of voices was a distant sound as I shut the door and let out a long sigh.
The smell of chicken noodle soup and fresh cookies greeted me next. Mom stood in my small kitchenette with a black apron on. Several small boxes stood in old grocery bags, no doubt filled with fresh soup ready for Benjamin. As soon as Ben had texted, I'd forwarded it to her. She replied, I was born ready for this.
She glanced up with a smile.
“Hey. Just got everything ready for Ben and Ava. I found crayons with glitter in them for sweet Ava. Can you believe that? Where have they been all my life?”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“You bet.”
Her cheeks and eyes were slightly reddened and swollen, even though she didn't so much as sniffle now. Definitely had been crying. A bag of cookies lingered amongst all the goodies, and it smelled like another batch might be in the oven. Mom was stress baking. I leaned against the wall with a sigh. Only one person could cause that right now.
“News on T?” I asked quietly.
After she'd talked to the doctors last night, and briefly with Talmage, who said almost nothing, we'd come back to Pineville in her rental car and crashed. A measly four hours of sleep lay behind me, combined with a long day at work, but I was grateful for a routine to fall into.
A morose expression crossed her face. “I'm able to sign him out of jail in just a few hours. They took him back after the hospital cleared him.”
“And then?”
“We have flights home this evening.”
“He's going with you?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I'm getting him out of here. I spoke with him this morning. He's still not feeling great, but he's good enough to fly. Your father will pick us up at the airport.”
“And then?”
“Rehab, I hope. That kind of depends on what he decides. There's only so much help we can give. He has to do the rest.”
“Good. I'm relieved they'll let you take him.”
“For now, yes.”
“You seem . . . sad.”
Tears sparkled in her eyes, but she blinked them back. “I am. I'm very sad. Talmage deserves better than the choices he's made. But I'm working through that. We'll bring him back in six weeks for his court date, but Dad is already looking at rehab centers, and T has agreed.”
Relief expanded in my chest like a cloud.
“That's wonderful.”
A watery smile came next. “It is. Let's hope that we can get him out of his situation, sell his house, and help him start over again.”
There was such hope in her expression that I didn't have the heart to beg her to stay with me. To tell her that I needed her. She was such a light that I couldn't bear to have her leave. Not with things so uncertain around Benjamin and me. But I held back. No, Mom needed to conserve all her emotional energy to get back home with Talmage. I'd be fine here.
Now Talmage would be gone, and hopefully that rat Amber would disappear to destroy another hovel. My responsibility to my brother had been fulfilled, so I didn't have to stay. My thoughts ran to Benjamin. We desperately needed to talk and lay out where things sat so I didn't make assumptions and break my own heart before there was need. Ava and Benjamin were my only ties here now. I wanted them.
Did they still want me?
Although I didn't know for sure, the discussion about Sadie still hung over my head like a dark cloud. While I had no blame there, I had a feeling Ben was pulling away because of what happened. Sadie's ghost, or something. The same ghost that seemed to have him convinced he was a terrible father, when he wasn't. Had Sadie told him as much?
Until I spoke with him, I couldn't confirm any of my suspicions. Now that Mom had finished everything here with T, I could go over and check on Ben. I straightened up when my phone buzzed in my back pocket. My heart illuminated with a moment of hope, then fell when I didn't see his name.
Bethany: Serafina! Any chance you can stop by and check on Ava for me? I got tied up with something and can't get over there until tonight. She's home sick with Ben. He might be too.
* * *
Serafina: Already on my way with some soup! I got this, you take care of that.
* * *
Bethany: Text me updates. Thank you so much!
Mom pulled the apron off. “Well, at least we've started the process of getting T somewhere better. We'll see if it can stick.”
“I'm happy for Talmage having a new start,” I sa
id with a trying smile. “And glad that we can get him into a better place.”
It felt like a death knoll in something, but I wasn't sure what yet.
“You going to Ben's now?” She nudged the bags packed with containers. “Lots of goodies ready for them.”
“Thanks, Mom. If Ben is saying he's sick, it's probably death-bed level serious.”
Mom reached out and put a hand on my face. I leaned into her warm, comforting touch with a rush of gratitude and love. A loving touch that someone like Amber probably never had. A loving touch Talmage did have, but bad things happened to all people regardless. He had his own demons, apparently. I soaked it up, then gave her a huge hug and kiss.
“Thank you,” I said, and she held me close for a long, restorative moment.
As soon as she pulled away, she shoved the food my way and reached for the car keys. “Let's go help them feel better. I'll drop you off. Ava needs a woman's touch now more than ever, I'm sure. Love you, honey. Be safe.”
Bags rustled off my arms as I shuffled into Ben's house a few minutes later. Mom pulled away in the rental car with a wave and I responded just before I shut the back door behind me.
Now, the sound of a TV played in the background as Ava rushed over, still in pajamas that had been buttoned wrong and wild, tangled hair. She smiled and threw her arms around my legs.
“Serafina! I missed you.”
“Hey girlfriend!” I set the bags aside and crouched next to her to receive her hug. Her little body felt normal and her eyes were clear. “I missed you too! Sorry about yesterday. You're sick, huh?”
With a pathetic face, she nodded. “But I'm feeling better now.”
“Are you hungry?”
Her eyes widened dramatically. I nudged her toward the table. “Go sit down. I brought hot chicken noodle soup and my Mom sent some cookies.”
Ava obeyed while I did a quick scan of the house. Chaos abounded. Dishes on the counters, open cracker packages, five different types of drinks, and clothes on the floor near the washer. While I ladled some soup in a bowl for her, Ava hummed and shoved her gnarled hair out of her eyes every five seconds.
“Where's your dad?”
“In his room. He's sick too.”
“Have you been throwing up?”
Her nose wrinkled. “Yeah. Dad too.”
“Tummy still hurt?”
“A little.”
She grabbed the spoon when I set it in front of her, but I held up a finger in warning. “Eat slowly,” I said. “See how your tummy feels. Just a little at a time, okay? Then we're going to take a bath and brush your hair. That will help you feel lots better.”
“'Kay,” she said, and shoved a heaping spoonful in her mouth. I monitored the first few bites, my stomach in a knot for her. Everything seemed to stay down so far. Next, I had to find her father. Did I want to find Benjamin? His text at work today had been a relief, and a worry. Maybe he hadn't responded yesterday because they were sick.
I found him in his room, curled up around his covers like a peanut and pale as his sheets. He had a low fever when I pressed my hand to his face. He stirred with a moan, but didn't wake up. A wet rag and a giant bowl sat on this bedside table. The room smelled acrid, so I yanked open a window to bring cool, fresh air into the room. He didn't even wake up.
I stopped at his bedside. Even in sleep, he had a sort of power about him. His firm jaw. Thick neck. A lock of hair had fallen across his neck in an adorable little curl that I pushed to the side.
Affection welled up inside me, followed by a healthy rush of fear. Would he push me out of his life because of Sadie?
I banished the thought. It wasn't helping at all.
Over the next couple of hours, Ava and I made sense of the house again. She took a long warm bath, I brushed the snarls out of her hair and French braided it so it would be out of the way for a few days. Then we played a few games, made sure she was caught up on her homework, and she wearily went to bed early.
Darkness had fallen on the house by the time I checked on Ben again. He tossed and turned in his bed every now and then, and I'd thought I heard retching at some point, but he hadn't emerged from his room.
Just before full dark, I put the soup in a container, shoved it in the fridge, and left a note.
* * *
Hope you feel better soon. Soup in the fridge. I'll stop by to pick Ava up for school in the morning.
* * *
With regret, I left the house to walk home when all I wanted to do was stay.
A bowl of half-eaten soup, some cracker crumbs, and a glass of tea dirtied the counter when I showed up the next morning to take Ava to school. Benjamin's door was closed, so I didn't venture into his room. Just quietly helped Ava get ready, grab a quick breakfast, then left out the back door. Thankfully, Dagny covered my early shift by herself at the Diner. I returned to work and felt like everything inside me waited on tenterhooks.
Would Benjamin be okay?
Would he text me?
My phone remained obnoxiously silent. I'd sent a message to Benjamin this morning after I dropped Ava off, asking him if he felt better. No response so far.
“Uh oh,” Dagny mumbled under her breath. “Here c-comes trouble.”
My head lifted. A rush of nerves followed when a familiar head of greasy, mousy blonde hair stepped into the Diner. Amber looked skeletal this morning, her face thrown into gaunt shadows, particularly around her eyes. For a moment, all I could do was blink at her in shock. Why had she come here? I'd never seen her away from my brother's house.
“Call Hernandez quietly,” I murmured to Dagny. “Just let him know she's here. He wanted to talk to her. I'll deal with her.”
“G-got it.”
Dagny disappeared into the back as I advanced into the Diner with a falsely warm smile. Amber folded her arms across her middle and glared at me. Her gaze darted around the half-full tables.
“Hey, Amber. Table for one?”
“Where's Tal?”
“He's gone.”
She shifted uneasily. “He okay?”
“No.”
“He must be alive,” she snapped, a little too loudly, “or they wouldn't have released him from the hospital.”
“Oh.” I arched an eyebrow. “So you know that he needed a hospital stay?”
Her frown deepened, giving her an otherworldly, terrifying kind of look. The listless edge of her eyes was frightening enough. Taken with her contempt and desperation as a whole, I'd never met anyone that startled me this much. Not even when I'd backpacked through southeast Asia.
“When will he be back home?” she mumbled.
“Never.”
Her gaze jumped to mine. She had the audacity to gasp. “What?”
“My mom is taking him back to live with them and go into rehab for whatever disgusting filth you've been giving him. As soon as he approves, the plan is to put his house up for sale to resolve his debts.”
A derisive snort took over her face, twisting it grotesquely. “Of course. Mommy saves the day. Must be nice.”
Frustration welled up within me, warring for compassion. She was such a pathetic little creature. At one time, she was probably normal. Lovely. Full of chance and a bright future. But life had beaten her down. Circumstances beyond her control had probably nudged her onto this path, and she'd chosen to stay and invite others to it. She probably didn't have family that could, or would, swoop in to help out, which made me sad for her.
But I wasn't about to let her near my brother again.
Whatever her path, she'd made choices too. Now, I just wanted to never see her again and wish her luck on her path.
“We could get help for you too, if you wanted it,” I said quietly, although it was a promise I had no power to make.
Amber rolled her eyes. “Can I speak with him?” she asked. “I just . . . need to talk to him about something.”
“Money he owes you?”
She fidgeted with the bottom of her shirt and didn't answer.
I folded my arms across my chest.
“No, you can't see him again, but I'll let him know you asked.”
Annoyance made her gaze hot. Her nostrils thinned.
“I cared about him.” Her voice was a dark rasp, and I sensed sincerity behind the words. “It's . . . he's a nice guy. I don't want him to get hurt.”
“Little late for that.”
Her jaw tightened.
“I'm sorry, Amber.” I softened my response. “But you'll never see him again, if I have anything to say about it. He's going to go get better and he won't be back. With any luck we can sell the house and he can start over at home.”
“He owes me a lot of money,” she hissed through clenched teeth, her gaze suddenly bright with something like rage. Any caring she'd had—or pretended to have—disappeared. “I can't just walk away without anything.”
“Hernandez is looking for you,” I said. “Dagny called to tell him that you're here. He has questions for you. So you can stay and wait for him to show up, or you can make yourself scarce. I'd prefer the latter.”
Amber snarled at me and advanced a step. “You think you can sweep in and save Talmage? You think I won't have the last word? He is my boyfriend and I love him! He owes me money!”
Her love and his debt seemed inseparably connected in her mind, and maybe they were in a life like this. Her voice rose several pitches, drawing the gaze of everyone in the Diner. I held my ground, arms at my side, chin high.
“If you love him,” I said, “then you'll let him go.”
Dagny stepped out from the back, followed by our fry cook, a burly man with a baby face and jowls like a pitbull. Amber shrank back at the sight of him.
