Woods, Lakeboat, Edmond

by David Mamet

  PIMP: You looking for that joint, it's closed.

  EDMOND: What joint?

  PIMP: That joint that you was looking for.

  EDMOND: Thank you, no. I'm not looking for that joint.

  PIMP: You looking for something, and I think that I know what you looking for.

  EDMOND: You do?

  PIMP: You come with me, I get you what you want.

  EDMOND: What do I want?

  PIMP: I know. We get you some action, my friend.

  We get you something sweet to shoot on. (Pause.)

  I know. Thass what I'm doing here.

  EDMOND: What are you saying?

  PIMP: I'm saying that we going to find you something nice.

  EDMOND: You're saying that you're going to find me a woman.

  PIMP: Thass what I'm doing out here, friend.

  EDMOND: How much?

  PIMP: Well, how much do you want?

  EDMOND: I want somebody clean.

  PIMP: Thass right.

  EDMOND: I want a blow-job.

  PIMP: Alright.

  EDMOND: How much?

  PIMP: Thirty bucks.

  EDMOND: That's too much.

  PIMP: How much do you want to spen ‘? . . .

  EDMOND: Say fifteen dollars.

  PIMP: Twenny-five.

  EDMOND: No. Twenty.

  PIMP: Yes.

  EDMOND: Is that alright?

  PIMP: Give me the twenty.

  EDMOND: I'll give it to you when we see the girl.

  PIMP: Hey, I'm not going to leave you, man, you coming with me. We goin’ to see the girl.

  EDMOND: Good. I'll give it to you then.

  PIMP: You give it to me now, you unnerstan'? Huh? (Pause.) Thass the transöcftorc. (Pause.) You see? Unless you were a cop. (Pause.) You give me the money, and then thass entrapment. (Pause.) You understand?

  EDMOND: Yes. I'm not a cop.

  PIMP: Alright.

  Do you see what I'm saying?

  EDMOND: I ‘m sorry.

  PIMP: Thass alright. (EDMOND takes out wallet. Exchange of money.) You come with me. Now we'll just walk here like we're talking.

  EDMOND: Is she going to be clean?

  PIMP: Yes, she is. I understand you, man.

  (Pause. They walk.)

  I understand what you want. (Pause.) Believe me.

  (Pause.)

  EDMOND: Is there any money in this?

  PIMP: Well, you know, man, there's some . . . you get done piecing off the police, this man here . . . the medical, the bills, you know.

  EDMOND: How much does the girl get?

  PIMP: Sixty percent.

  EDMOND: Mm.

  PIMP: Oh yeah. (He indicates a spot.) Up here.

  (They walk to the spot. The PIMP takes out a knife and holds it to EDMOND’s neck.)

  Now give me all you’ money mothafucka! Now!

  EDMOND: Alright.

  PIMP: All of it. Don't turn aroun’ . . . don't turn aroun’ . . . just put it in my hand.

  EDMOND: Alright.

  PIMP: . . . And don't you make a motherfuckin’ sound. . . .

  EDMOND: I'm going to do everything that you say. . . .

  PIMP: Now you just han’ me all you got.

  (EDMOND turns, strikes the PIMP in the face.)

  EDMOND: YOU MOTHERFUCKING NIGGER!

  PIMP: Hold on. . . .

  EDMOND: You motherfucking shit . . . you jungle bunny . . . (He strikes the PIMP again. He drops his knife.)

  PIMP: I . . .

  EDMOND: You coon, you cunt, you cocksucker . . .

  PIMP: I . . .

  EDMOND: “Take me upstairs"? . . .

  PIMP: Oh, my God . . . (The PIMP has fallen to the sidewalk and EDMOND is kicking him.)

  EDMOND: You fuck. You nigger. You dumb cunt . . .

  You shit . . . You shit . . . (Pause.)

  You fucking nigger. (Pause.) Don't fuck with me, you coon. . . .

  (Pause. EDMOND spits on him.)

  I hope you're dead.

  (Pause.)

  Don't fuck with me, you coon. . . .

  (Pause. EDMOND spits on him.)

  Scene 15

  The Coffeehouse

  EDMOND seated in the coffeehouse, addresses the waitress, GLENNA.

  EDMOND: I want a cup of coffee. No. A beer.

  Beer chaser. Irish whiskey.

  GLENNA: Irish whiskey.

  EDMOND: Yes. A double. Huh.

  GLENNA: You're in a peppy mood today.

  EDMOND: You're goddamn right I am, and you want me to tell you why? Because I am alive. You know how much of our life we're alive, you and me? Nothing. Two minutes out of the year. You know, you know, we're sheltered. . . .

  GLENNA: Who is?

  EDMOND: You and I. White people. All of us. All of us. We're doomed. The white race is doomed. And do you know why? . . . Sit down. . . .

  GLENNA: I can't. I'm working.

  EDMOND: And do you know why—you can do anything you want to do, you don't sit down because you're “working," the reason you don't sit down is you don't want to sit down, because it's more comfortable to accept a law than question it and live your life. All of us. All of us.

  We've bred the life out of ourselves. And we live in a fog.

  We live in a dream. Our life is a schoolhouse, and we're dead.

  (Pause.)

  How old are you?

  GLENNA: Twenty-eight.

  EDMOND: I've lived in a fog for thirty-four years.

  Most of the life I have to live. It's gone.

  It's gone. I wasted it. Because I didn't know. And you know what the answer is? To live. (Pause.)

  I want to go home with you tonight.

  GLENNA: Why?

  EDMOND: Why do you think? I want to fuck you.

  (Pause.) It's as simple as that.

  What's your name?

  GLENNA: Glenna. (Pause.) What's yours?

  EDMOND: Edmond.

  Scene 16

  Glenna ‘s Apartment

  EDMOND and GLENNA are lounging around semiclothed. EDMOND shows GLENNA the survival knife.

  EDMOND: You see this?

  GLENNA: Yes.

  EDMOND: That fucking nigger comes up to me, what am I fitted to do. He comes up, “Give me all your money.” Thirty-four years fits me to sweat and say he's underpaid, and he can't get a job, he's bigger than me . . . he's a killer, he don't care about his life, you understand, so he'd do anything. . . .

  Eh? That's what I'm fitted to do. In a mess of intellectuality to wet my pants while this coon cuts my dick off . . . eh? Because I'm taught to hate.

  I want to tell you something. Something spoke to me, I got a shock (I don't know, I got mad . . .), I got a shock, and I spoke back to him. “Up your ass, you coon . . . you want to fight, I'll fight you, I'll cut out your fuckin’ heart, eh, I don't give a fuck. . . .”

  GLENNA: Yes.

  EDMOND: Eh? I'm saying, “I don't give a fuck, I got some warlike blood in my veins, too, you fucking spade, you coon. . . . “ The blood ran down his neck. . . .

  GLENNA (looking at knife): With that?

  EDMOND: You bet your ass. . . .

  GLENNA: Did you kill him?

  EDMOND: Did I kill him?

  GLENNA: Yes.

  EDMOND: I don't care. (Pause.)

  GLENNA: That's wonderful.

  EDMOND: And in that moment . . . when I spoke, you understand, ‘cause that was more important than the knife, when I spoke back to him, I DIDN'T FUCKING WANT TO UNDERSTAND . . . let him understand me . . .

  I wanted to KILL him. (Pause.) In that moment thirty years of prejudice came out of me. (Pause.) Thirty years. Of all those um um um of all those cleaning ladies . . .

  GLENNA: . . . Uh-huh . . .

  EDMOND: . . . uh? . . . who might have broke the lamp. SO WHAT? You understand? For the first time, I swear to God, for the first time I saw: THEY'RE PEOPLE, TOO.

  GLENNA (pause): Do you know who I hate?

  EDMOND: Who
is that?

  GLENNA: Faggots.

  EDMOND: Yes. I hate them, too. And you know why?

  GLENNA: Why?

  EDMOND: They suck cock. (Pause.) And that's the truest thing you'll ever hear.

  GLENNA: I hate them ‘cause they don't like women.

  EDMOND: They hate women.

  GLENNA: I know that they do.

  EDMOND: It makes you feel good to say it? Doesn't it?

  GLENNA: Yes.

  EDMOND: Then say it. Say it. If it makes you whole. Always say it. Always for yourself . . .

  GLENNA: It's hard.

  EDMOND: Yes.

  GLENNA: Sometimes it's hard.

  EDMOND: You're goddamn right it's hard. And there's a reason why it's hard.

  GLENNA: Why?

  EDMOND: SO that we will stand up. So that we'll be our selves. Glenna: (Pause.) Glenna: This world is a piece of shit. (Pause.) It is a shit house. (Pause.) . . . There is No LAW . . . there is no history . . . there is just now . . . and if there is a god he may love the weak, Glenna. (Pause.) But he respects the strong. (Pause.) And if you are a man you should be feared. (Pause.) You should be feared. . . . (Pause.)

  You just know you command respect.

  GLENNA: That's why I love the theater. . . . (Pause.)

  Because what you must ask respect for is yourself. . . .

  EDMOND: What do you mean?

  GLENNA: When you're on stage.

  EDMOND: Yes.

  GLENNA: For your feelings.

  EDMOND: Absolutely. Absolutely, yes . . .

  GLENNA: And, and, and not be someone else.

  EDMOND: Why should you? . . .

  GLENNA: . . . That's why, and Fm so proud to be in this profession . . .

  EDMOND: . . . I don't blame you . . .

  GLENNA: . . . because your aspirations . . .

  EDMOND: . . . and I'll bet that you're good at it. . . .

  GLENNA: . . . they . . .

  EDMOND: . . . They have no bounds.

  GLENNA: There's nothing . . .

  EDMOND: . . . Yes. I understand. . . .

  GLENNA: . . . to bound you but your soul.

  EDMOND (pause): Do something for me.

  GLENNA: . . . Uh . . .

  EDMOND: Act something for me. Would you act something for me? . . .

  GLENNA: Now?

  EDMOND: Yes.

  GLENNA: Sitting right here? . . .

  EDMOND: Yes. (Pause.)

  GLENNA: Would you really like me to?

  EDMOND: You know I would. You see me sitting here, and you know that I would. I'd love it.

  Just because we both want to. I'd love you to.

  (Pause.)

  GLENNA: What would you like me to do?

  EDMOND: Whatever you'd like. What plays have you done?

  GLENNA: Well, we've only done scenes.

  EDMOND: You've only done scenes.

  GLENNA: I shouldn't say “only.” They contain the kernel of the play.

  EDMOND: Uh-huh.

  (Pause.)

  What plays have you done?

  GLENNA: In college I played Juliet.

  EDMOND: In Shakespeare?

  GLENNA: Yes. In Shakespeare. What do you think?

  EDMOND: Well, I meant, there's plays named Juliet.

  GLENNA: There are?

  EDMOND: Yes.

  GLENNA: I don't think so.

  EDMOND: Well, there are.—Don't. Don't. Don't.

  Don't be so limited. . . . And don't assume I'm dumb because I wear a suit and tie.

  GLENNA: I don't assume that.

  EDMOND: Because what we've done tonight. Since you met me, it didn't make a difference then. Forget it.

  All I meant, you say you are an actress. . . .

  GLENNA: I am an actress. . . .

  EDMOND: Yes. I say that's what you say. So I say what plays have you done. That's all.

  GLENNA: The work I've done I have done for my peers.

  EDMOND: What does that mean?

  GLENNA: In class.

  EDMOND: In class.

  GLENNA: In class or workshop.

  EDMOND: Not, not for a paying group.

  GLENNA: NO, absolutely not.

  EDMOND: Then you are not an actress. Face it.

  Let's start right. The two of us. I'm not lying to you, don't lie to me.

  And don't lie to yourself.

  Face it. You're a beautiful woman. You have worlds before you. I do, too.

  Things to do. Things you can discover.

  What I'm saying, start now, start tonight. With me. Be with me. Be what you are. . . .

  GLENNA: I am what I am.

  EDMOND: That's absolutely right. And that's what I loved when I saw you tonight. What I loved.

  I use that word. (Pause.) I used that word.

  I loved a woman. Standing there. A working woman. Who brought life to what she did. Who took a moment to joke with me. That's . . . that's . . . that's . . . god bless you what you are. Say it: I am a waitress.

  (Pause.)

  Say it.

  GLENNA: What does it mean if I say something?

  EDMOND: Say it with me. (Pause.)

  GLENNA: What?

  EDMOND: “ I am a waitress.”

  GLENNA: I think that you better go.

  EDMOND: If you want me to go I'll go.

  Say it with me. Say what you are. And I'll say what I am.

  GLENNA: . . . What you are . . .

  EDMOND: I've made that discovery. Now: I want you to change your life with me. Right now, for whatever that we can be. I don't know what that is, you don't know. Speak with me. Right now. Say it.

  GLENNA: I don't know what you're talking about.

  EDMOND: Oh, by the Lord, yes, you do. Say it with me. (She takes out a vial of pills.) What are those?

  GLENNA: Pills.

  EDMOND: For what? Don't take them.

  GLENNA: I have this tendency to get anxious.

  EDMOND (knocks them from her hand): Don't take them. Go through it. Go through with me.

  GLENNA: You're scaring me.

  EDMOND: I am not. I know when I'm scaring you.

  Believe me. (Pause).

  GLENNA: Get out. (Pause.)

  EDMOND: Glenna. (Pause.)

  GLENNA: Get out! GET OUT GET OUT! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!! WHAT DID I DO, PLEDGE MY LIFE TO YOU? I LET YOU FUCK ME. GO AWAY.

  EDMOND: Listen to me: You know what madness is?

  GLENNA: I told you go away. (Goes to phone. Dials.)

  Edmond: I'm lonely, too. I know what it is, too.

  Believe me. Do you know what madness is?

  GLENNA (into phone): Susie? . . .

  EDMOND: It's self-indulgence.

  GLENNA: Suse, can you come over here? . . .

  EDMOND: Will you please put that down? You know how rare this is? . . .

  (He knocks the phone out of her hands. GLENNA cowers.)

  Glenna: Oh fuck . . .

  EDMOND: Don't be ridiculous. I'm talking to you.

  GLENNA: Don't hurt me. No. No. I can't deal with this.

  EDMOND: Don't be ridic . . .

  GLENNA: I . . . No. Help! Help.

  EDMOND: . . . You're being . . .

  GLENNA: . . . HELP!

  EDMOND: . . . are you insane? What the fuck are you trying to do, for godsake?

  GLENNA: HELP!

  EDMOND: You want to wake the neighbors?

  GLENNA: WILL SOMEBODY HELP ME? . . .

  EDMOND: Shut up shut up!

  GLENNA: Will somebody help you are the get away from me! You are the devil. I know who you are. I know what you want me to do. Get away from me I curse you, you can't kill me, get away from me I'm good.

  EDMOND: WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP? You fucking bitch.

  You're nuts. . . .

  (He stabs her with the knife.)

  Are you insane? Are you insane, you fucking idiot? . . .

  You stupid fucking bitch . . .

  You stupid fucking . . . now look what you'
ve done.

  (Pause.)

  Now look what you've bloody fucking done.

  Scene 17

  The Mission

  EDMOND is attracted by the speech of a MISSION PREACHER. He walks to the front of the mission and listens outside the mission doors.

  PREACHER: “Oh no, not me!” You say, “Oh no, not me. Not me, Lord, to whom you hold out your hand. Not me to whom you offer your eternal grace. Not me who can be saved. . . .”

  But who but you, I ask you? Who but you.

  You say you are a grievous sinner? He knows that you are. You say he does not know the depth of my iniquity. Believe me, friends, he does. And still you say, he does not know—you say this in your secret soul—he does not know the terrible depth of my unbelief.

  Believe me friends, he knows that too.

  To all of you who say his grace is not meant to extend to one as black as you I say to WHO but you? To you alone. Not to the blessed. You think that Christ died for the blessed? That he died for the heavenly hosts? That did not make him God, my friends, it does not need a God to sacrifice for angels. It required a God to sacrifice for MAN. You hear me? For you . . . there is none so black but that he died for you. He died especially for you. Upon my life. On the graves of my family, and by the surety I have of his Eternal Bliss HE DIED FOR YOU AND YOU ARE SAVED. Praise God, my friends. Praise God and testify. Who will come up and testify with me, my friends? (Pause.)

  (WOMAN from subway walks by. She sees EDMOND and stares at him.)

  EDMOND (speaks up): I will testify.

  PREACHER: Who is that?

  EDMOND: I will testify.

  PREACHER: Sweet God, let that man come up here!

  (EDMOND starts into the church.)

  WOMAN (shouts): That's the man! Someone! Call a policeman! That's the man!

  PREACHER: . . . Who will come open up his soul? Alleluia, my friends. Be with me.

  WOMAN: That's the man. Stop him!

  (EDMOND stops and turns. He looks wonderingly at the WOMAN, then starts inside.)

  POLICEMAN: Just a moment, sir.

  EDMOND: I . . . I . . . I . . . I . . . I'm on my way to church.

  PREACHER: Sweet Jesus, let that man come forth. . . .

  WOMAN: That's the man tried to rape me on the train. He had a knife. . . .

  EDMOND: . . . There must be some mistake. . . .

  WOMAN: He tried to rape me on the train.

  EDMOND: . . . There's some mistake, I'm on my way to church. . . .

  POLICEMAN: What's the trouble here?

  EDMOND: No trouble, I'm on my way into the mission.

  WOMAN: This man tried to rape me on the train yesterday.

  EDMOND: Obviously this woman's mad.