by Lexi Blake
“He’s not a douchebag.” Now that she was out of the situation, she could look at things a little more clearly. He’d been nice all afternoon. He’d been a wonderful companion and he’d taken care of her, and she’d repaid him by insulting him horribly. “He’s a nice man. I just don’t understand what he sees in me.”
Adam put down his knife and sighed. “I don’t think dinner is in the cards tonight. I think you need to start looking at yourself in a different way or you’re going to push away every guy who tries to make a pass at you.” He stopped. “You want some guy out there to make a pass at you, right? I’m being so very in the box right now. Do you like girls, sweetheart? Because it didn’t look like it when you had your tongue down his throat.”
“Okay, ewww.” She had to laugh. It had not been halfway down his throat. It had been just the right amount of distance inside his mouth so their tongues could rub against each other in a way that had very nearly made her melt. “I like guys. I just don’t know that I’m ready. I was married.”
“I thought you hadn’t dated in years. How old were you?”
“Barely eighteen.” She’d been so young and so very, very stupid, but her short marriage to Brandon was a bittersweet memory, a pure time in her life when she’d been loved and taken care of and the whole world seemed like it might go right for once.
Adam whistled. “That’s young. How long have you been divorced?”
“I didn’t get divorced.” She hated this conversation. Maybe this was precisely why she’d been fine with avoiding friendships. They were costly and uncertain, and she wasn’t sure she was truly brave enough to reach out and open herself up. And she wouldn’t know until she tried. She couldn’t blunder through life hurting people the way she had today. If she did that then she should have just stayed in that car and died with Brandon and her precious baby. She owed them more than the life she’d been living. “Brandon died.”
She couldn’t bring herself to mention Madison. He didn’t need to know about Madison.
“Sweetheart, I am so sorry to hear that.” Adam’s hand covered her own, a warm reminder that he was there. It held her in the present when her thoughts would normally drift to the past.
That was what a friend could offer, she finally realized. That was what Lee had maybe been offering. Perhaps not long term, but not a lot in her life had lasted for more than a little while.
“Thanks, but it was a long time ago.”
“And you haven’t dated since then?” Adam asked.
Somehow the pity in his eyes wasn’t so horrible now. Maybe it wasn’t pity and she should stop thinking about it that way. Maybe what some people offered was empathy, and that was a gift. Connection. Pain could connect people. When it was shared and understood, maybe friends could help lessen the pain. “Not once.”
He frowned, but his eyes widened questioningly. “Uhm, so if you haven’t dated then I’m going to assume the obvious. Right?”
She could totally guess what the obvious was. “No sex.”
“Oh, honey, that hurts. We need to get you laid.” Adam grinned. He was adorable when he grinned. But he didn’t make her heart pound the way Lee did. Lee had the sweetest dimple. Just one, on the right side of his face.
Stay to the right, love. She’d felt so protected when he’d sheltered her, like he was a bulwark against a world that insisted on intruding.
“I have some friends here I can call,” Adam offered. He put a hand up. “To date. Not to sleep with, unless you want to.”
“I want him.” Lee had been the one to reawaken all her female parts. Even before she’d spoken a word to him, she’d fantasized about him.
Adam frowned. “Are you sure? Because I know this guy who is way nice and doesn’t seem like a douchebag. Seriously, I can have him over here in like twenty minutes. He’ll be so much easier than the angry guy with paint on his jeans.”
But she liked the angry guy with paint on his jeans. “I want him. At the very least I want to find him so I can apologize.”
And see if he might think about kissing her again. Probably not. She’d probably wrecked that, but she had to try. She couldn’t let it go. She would regret it, and she had more than enough to regret in this lifetime.
“Do you have any idea how to find him? You said he was a tourist, right?” Adam asked. “Did he tell you what hotel he was staying at?”
She thought about their lunchtime conversation. He was staying at a friend’s place in Chelsea. That wasn’t helpful. They had talked about all the places they wanted to see. He’d been a bit specific. “He’s going to the Tower of London with a friend of his tomorrow morning.”
He’d invited her along. At the time she’d wondered if it wasn’t one more way to get some mysterious something out of her. It had been an offer of friendship…maybe more.
Adam shoved the veggies into the trash.
“Hey, weren’t you going to use those?”
“I was,” he agreed as he washed his hands. “I was going to make a lovely pasta primavera the way my friend back home taught me. It’s one of Jake’s favorites, but he’s likely eating pie as we speak. Sweet, sweet, creamy pie. Yeah. He’ll likely steal my slice of pie, too, because he can be a greedy bastard. So he gets no dinner tonight.”
She was deeply confused about the whole pie thing. “I think he might get full if he eats too much pie.”
“Oh, he never gets enough of this pie. This is a forever pie. He’ll just keep eating on that pie as long as it takes. Fucker.” He gave her a brilliant smile. “But you and I are going shopping, and we’ll end our makeover session with a brilliant meal. I am going to prove to you just how gorgeous you can be. Come on, Avery. Do you trust me?”
He held a hand out.
New clothes? Maybe makeup? It wouldn’t mean a thing if she didn’t really want a new life.
“Yes. I will go with you.” She felt a smile steal over her face. Maybe Lee wouldn’t talk to her again, but the way he’d kissed her made her think he really was interested. It was crazy to think, but she had to give it a shot.
He was the most interesting thing that had happened to her in years. She’d made the decision when she’d taken the job with Thomas that she would try new things. At the time that had meant museums and tourist sights and job-related things.
But she wanted to try sex. Sex with a beautiful man who could make her feel again. It wouldn’t be forever. It wouldn’t even be for long, but just for a little while she could feel wanted and loved.
Just for a little while.
“I’m ready to go if you are, sweetheart. Let’s take the town.” Adam seemed ready to throw himself into a little fun.
And so was she. She’d screwed up royally, but she had a plan. She would face Lee, and she would know one way or another. No more hiding.
She was going to owe Adam. Maybe she would make him a pie. He seemed to really like pie.
She followed Adam out into the night, ready to start again.
* * * *
Liam walked for hours, ignoring the impulse to go right back to Avery’s flat and get her on her knees at his feet, begging for his forgiveness. He would eventually give in, but not before she’d begged a little. Then he would show her just how forgiving he could be. He would start with a spanking. A sub should always be disciplined, but that wasn’t the point of this spanking. It would be to get her hot and needy. Only when she begged him would he break down and give her his cock, thrusting inside what had to be a tight, hot pussy and bringing them both some fucking relief.
Yeah, he wasn’t going to do any of that.
After making certain he wasn’t being tailed, he made his way back to The Garden. He needed to file a report. What the fuck would he write down? Caught subject before she caused a national incident. Forced subject to eat fish and chips. Nearly fucked subject on the street. Yeah, that would go over really well. Ian would love that one.
Damon stood at the front desk, talking to a couple of men. A Dom and his male sub from the look
s of it. The thinner man had a leash trailing from the collar around his throat. Damon nodded them in when he caught Liam’s eye. A broad grin bloomed over the bugger’s face, and Liam had the sudden revelation that Damon had been brought up to speed on everything that had gone on today. The tiny wire he’d been wearing had captured everything he and Avery had said, and he’d had backup on him at all times.
Fucking Alex, who probably couldn’t wait to tell everyone what had happened.
“I am in the presence of a real-life fancy man,” Damon said in that oh so upper-crust accent. “Is Ian not paying you enough?”
He gave the wanker his happy middle finger. “Fuck off. Where’s Eve?”
She was the only one who wouldn’t give him hell.
“Li,” Ian called out as he opened the door that led back to the locker room. “Nice to see you’ve decided to join us. I was worried for a minute that you had found another career. How’s tricks?”
“Fuck you, too, Ian.” He’d screwed up. He wasn’t sure how because she’d seemed so happy right up until he’d tried to get an invitation inside. He’d been so sure she was wriggling on his hook and he could reel her in.
Fuck all. What if she wouldn’t see him again? What if he’d blown his shot to get into her bed? Would Ian send Alex in? Would he go in himself? The thought wasn’t a pleasant one. A vision of Avery in bed with someone else assaulted him. The man in that bed was going to be him.
“I know I fucked up.”
“You moved way too fast for her,” Ian said, sobering a little.
He was used to fast women. He fucked most of the women he dated before he knew their last names. And suddenly that seemed empty. Cold and lonely. “She seemed to be responding.”
Ian sighed and started walking toward the lifts. “Come on upstairs. Eve said she was expecting you. Damon, if you don’t mind taking a look at those files I sent you?”
The big Dom nodded. “Not a problem. I’ll let you know if I see anything out of the ordinary.”
Liam followed Ian, his brain scrambling as he tried to put together a decent argument that might keep him in the game.
“I have Damon looking into all the files Adam managed to pull on the United One Fund employees,” Ian explained, pushing the button for the lift. “He’s got a good eye. He might find something I missed. It’s just Alex and Eve staying upstairs on the fifth floor. I rented a place here in Chelsea in case you need to produce your friend’s place.”
It was all part of the elaborate setup to make Avery believe he was just another tourist.
“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll need that now. How long did it take him to tell you just how badly I’d fucked up? Did he send you the tape immediately or just give you a rundown?” Bitterness welled inside him.
Ian turned, a surprised look on his face. “Are you talking about Alex? Alex hasn’t told me shit. He hasn’t submitted the tape or the report yet. Jake, on the other hand, called from Serena’s and had a great time telling us how Avery thought you were in the flesh trade.”
“Fucker.” Jake was supposed to be his friend. Of course, Liam probably would have done the same damn thing.
“Alex is professional. It’s all he has left.” The lift dinged and Ian got in. “When are you going to let him off the hook?”
Liam had to squeeze inside. Lifts in Europe were a little like cars. Small, sleek, not built for overgrown men. “What do you mean?”
“He thinks you’re sleeping with Eve.”
“That ain’t my problem, mate.” He winced. He had to stop doing that. He’d been too relaxed for too long. He had to stay in character even when they were alone. He forced his Irish down. “What happens between me and Eve isn’t his business.”
Ian’s hand shot out and the elevator stopped. “He loves her.”
That was plain to see. “But they’re divorced, and she doesn’t seem to want to go back to him.”
Ian growled a little. It was his default state. “I fucking hate this shit. He’s my best friend, and he’s about to make a horrible mistake. If he starts dating again, everyone’s going to get hurt. See, this shit didn’t happen in the Army. It was neat and clean in the Army. Your buddy had your back and the only thing coming at it was a bullet or an IED or some shit. Women are way more dangerous.”
“How about the Agency?”
Ian stopped, his mouth turning down. “Nothing’s neat and clean in the Agency. You should know that.”
He’d worked for some European intelligence when he’d been SAS. He likely would have been recruited into intelligence if his life hadn’t exploded. Liam sighed. He owed Ian. “I can tell him, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to believe me.”
“I know.” He pressed the button and the lift began again. “I don’t suppose you want to explain why you’re spending your nights with Eve, sometimes not leaving her place until two or three in the morning?”
Liam turned to Ian. “What the fuck? You got a tail on me?” He sighed. “Damn it. Tell Alex he’s got to stop stalking her. That’s some creepy shit.”
“He isn’t stalking her. After she joined the company, Alex and I agreed to certain security protocols where Eve is concerned. She left the FBI under some very rough circumstances, and there are a couple of people out there who would love to see her hurt or dead. She wouldn’t agree to a bodyguard.”
“Ah, so you have the doorman in her building vet everyone who comes and goes.” He remembered the doorman who took the night shift. He was big and burly and had the look of former military about him. Yeah, he could see that. “And Alex saw the report about me and leapt to an improper conclusion. We’re not fucking, Ian.”
He didn’t owe his boss the story. He didn’t owe Alex. So why did his mouth open and the truth pop out?
“Eve’s been putting me under hypnosis.”
The door opened to the fifth floor, but Ian held it there. “You’re trying to remember what happened that night, aren’t you?”
Liam stared straight ahead. “For all the good it’s doing me.”
“Are you ready for this? You’ve stayed away from that case for a very long time.” Ian’s face closed off.
“I need to know for myself. Do you know what it’s like to have your whole life change and you can’t bloody remember why?” It ate at him. He’d been able to shove it down for years, but it was bubbling to the surface like an angry whirlpool threatening to take him down. He had to know.
A long sigh came from Ian’s chest and he nodded. “Just be careful. Sometimes these things don’t turn out the way we want them to. I just hope you remember that the past is the past. Eve’s in the second room to the left.”
Liam started to walk out. “Thanks. And feel free to tell Alex I’m not shagging his ex. As far as I can tell, she’s not shagging anyone. She lives like a well-dressed designer nun.”
“And Liam. You didn’t fuck up. Adam texted me. He’s out shopping with Avery so she can look pretty when she searches for you tomorrow. You mentioned that you were meeting a friend at the Tower. She plans to be there.”
His heart rate surged. Fucking A, yes. She’d taken the bait. “Good.”
He hadn’t scared her away. She still wanted him, and now he was in the power position. She would feel guilty, and he would use that to push her where he wanted her—straight into bed where he could figure out her secrets.
And decide if he was going to protect her or throw her to the wolves.
He walked down the hall and knocked on Eve’s door. He’d been thrown to the wolves once. He’d survived. He wasn’t sure Avery Charles would.
Eve answered the door, allowing him in. It wasn’t long before he was back, back in hell.
* * * *
Five. He counted five bodies on the floor. Not exactly the floor. Two were draped over the floral print couch. Nasty thing. Like something a kid at university would pick up at a second hand store and drag back to his first flat.
Her. He saw a picture of the dead girl he’d woken up next to on the wa
ll. She was smiling with her proud parents on either side. Her skin wasn’t chalky, and there was no rope around her throat.
Time had slowed down. He knew he should be panicking, but something made him stop. Look.
“What do you see?” Eve’s voice asked.
“Bodies. Blood.” Liam could hear her voice, but he was in the moment. He could smell the stench of the wharf coming from the open window. It confused him. He hadn’t been close to the water. The pub he’d been at had been on the edge of the city. He was supposed to meet with intelligence at noon to debrief. He was supposed to show his contacts the bonds and get the go-ahead to meet with the arms dealer.
“I don’t have the bonds,” he heard himself saying.
“No, you don’t. Rory has the bonds. Do you see Rory’s pack?” Eve’s calm voice kept him tethered.
“No. I just see them. The dead ones. Fuck, why can’t I remember?” It was the story of his life. The most important twenty-four hours of his life and all he could remember were bits and pieces, broken shards of a nightmare. The truth was buried somewhere in his head.
“Don’t panic.” Eve’s tone was firmer now. “Don’t lose the thread, Liam. Remember that you’re really here with me. You can come back at any moment, but it’s safe for you stay there.”
It didn’t feel safe. This little flat had turned into a body dump. No one bothered with rope on these victims. They all had their throats slashed, their heads tipping back to make ghastly, bloody perversions of smiles.
Someone had enjoyed his work. He’d reveled in it.
“Stay where you are, Liam. Don’t move the memory forward. Tell me what you see. Not the bodies. I know you have that memorized. What else do you see?”
