by Lexi Blake
“I told you I was in an accident.” She’d told him in only the vaguest of terms. “I was driving. Brandon was in the passenger seat, and Maddie was in her car seat behind him. It was late. We’d been at a party but neither of us had been drinking. I was still breastfeeding, and Brandon had never had a drink in his life. We were both pretty straight kids. Besides getting pregnant, I think the wildest thing the two of us did was go to the mall when we were supposed to be at the library.”
And Liam had been getting in trouble for as long as he could remember. He’d been in the SAS by the time he was just a tiny bit older than Avery had been when she had the accident. He’d killed more than once by then. His innocent had ended long before his teen years. “Go on.”
She took a long breath. “We were hit by a teenaged girl. I told you that much. I remember seeing the light coming at us and trying to move out of the way and then nothing. I went into a coma, and by the time I woke up, they had already been buried. Brandon and Maddie had been buried together, and I didn’t even get to go to the funeral. Lydia had to take care of it herself. Later that year, she had to go to the other driver’s trial alone because Frank had shut down. That trial was so hard on her, but he wouldn’t go. He’s never gotten past losing his only son. She was the one who came every week and sat with me. Lydia came to the first couple of surgeries.”
“Sweetheart, I am not seeing any need for anyone to forgive you,” he said gently.
“A few years passed and that was when she came to see me.”
“She?”
“Her name was Stephanie Gibson. By all accounts, she was a good kid. She was only two years younger than me, but I felt so much older at the time.”
The room was so quiet, only their voices filling it and even then Avery spoke in hushed, almost reverent tones. Liam found himself nearly whispering his questions. “Is this the woman who hit you?”
She nodded. “The girl, yes. Like I said, she was sixteen at the time of the accident. She was an honor student, graduating early. She admitted to having two beers at the party when the police first interviewed her. In New York, if you’re under twenty-one your blood alcohol level doesn’t really matter as long as they can prove alcohol is in your system. It could have been a tiny amount, and they still would consider her drunk. But there was a huge mistake at the hospital and her toxicology labs got mixed up with someone else’s, and even the cheap lawyer her parents had hired managed to get the whole case thrown out because of it. But I believe her about the beers. I really do. No one at the party saw her have more than two, and she was drinking water when she left according to all accounts. I honestly believe it was the phone distraction that caused the accident.”
“That’s not an excuse, Avery. She killed two people.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, a defensive move. “You’re going to be like the rest of them, I can see. Just let me finish. Stephanie came to see me. My mother-in-law was furious because the case had been thrown out.”
“Why weren’t you angry?”
“I was. I was so mad I could have killed her, but you have to understand years had gone by.”
“Years where you couldn’t walk.” Years where she’d been alone in a string of hospital beds.
“Are you going to let me finish or do you want to judge me now?” She stared at him, her body closed down. What the hell was she going to tell him? Had she somehow killed this girl? She continued when he was silent. “So she came to see me, and she was so utterly different than the girl I’d read about. You have to understand. I was a little obsessed with her for a while. I read all the papers and looked her up on the Internet. She’d been vibrant and pretty. She’d been that girl who volunteered for everything according to the news accounts. She had so many people willing to speak up for her. You know usually when something bad like this happens, people go away, but they stood up for her. They loved her. She’d been very lovable and kind. From her teachers to the volunteer coordinator at the hospital where she worked, no one had a bad thing to say about her. She wanted to be a doctor, you see. But the girl who stood before me that day was so dark. Thin. Like she’d been starving herself. Her mom had sent me a letter begging me to meet with her because she just knew that Stephanie was going to kill herself. The guilt was eating her alive, and her mom thought I might be able to forgive her.”
Shit. Had this girl killed herself and Avery couldn’t handle the guilt? It wasn’t her fault. The girl had killed Avery’s husband and child. She didn’t deserve forgiveness.
Avery’s arms got tighter, like she was attempting to turn in on herself, to hide away. “I agreed because I was going to tell her to go to hell. I was going to tell her that she should do it. She should kill herself and do it so it hurt. I was going to suggest several ways to make it happen. I even saved up my pain meds in case she was a baby and needed to go out easy.”
Fuck. What had she done? Liam could have put a bullet through the girl and never thought of her again, but not Avery. Avery would die inside knowing what she’d done.
Her tears had started up again. “And then she walked in and all I could see was my baby. She was just a girl. She wasn’t some monster. And I thought about Maddie. What if my baby had lived and she’d made a mistake and had no one to offer her forgiveness? I had to wonder if I would really drag Stephanie’s mother into my hell. Into Lydia’s hell.”
“You forgave her.” He let out a long breath he hadn’t known he was holding. A deep sense of relief invaded his veins. He could see her doing it. She would say all the right words to save someone else even if they had done her great harm. “And your mother-in-law won’t talk to you because of it?”
“It was worse, Lee. I started talking to Stephanie. It was odd, you see, but we were the only two left who had lived through it. We were survivors, and no one else could understand what it meant to be us. In an odd way, we reached out to each other. I got to really know this girl. She had made one mistake in her life. It was an enormous one, but I started to wonder if it really had to be the end for her. Four of us were in that accident. Did we all have to die? I had some money left then. I made a decision. Stephanie’s college fund was eaten up with lawyer’s fees and she didn’t have anything else. Her parents weren’t rich. They just got by. Insurance paid for me, so I gave it to Stephanie for her college. For her medical school. I took it out a little at a time so she didn’t get taxed for it. I’m ashamed to say, but I took it out in cash because I didn’t want my in-laws to see her name on a check. My mother-in-law used to balance my checkbook for me. She found out anyway. She hates me now.”
He felt his jaw drop. “You did what? You paid for her medical school? Why the hell would you do that?”
Her words came out in rapid fire, a machine gun he’d primed with his outburst. “Because she owed me a life. She owed me two lives. Can’t you see that? Why can’t anyone understand? It was so horrible. It was death and horror and despair, and I saw that one good thing might come out of it. I didn’t have control over anything back then. Nothing, Lee. But I controlled this. I saw a way to make one thing right and I took it like a lifeline, and she went to med school. She studied so hard. She got through it fast because she was dedicated. She graduated and she’s in Africa now doing charity work. She saves babies because I lost mine, and I know no one understands. I know everyone thinks I should want her dead, but her death wouldn’t solve anything. It wouldn’t bring Maddie back. It won’t make Brandon any less dead, but don’t you see? Her death would have been meaningless, but her life, oh, her life can mean the world. And I made that choice. Me. I got to do that. For Maddie and Brandon. For me. And when I made that decision to forgive her that was when I knew I was going to walk again because I had made the decision to live.”
He didn’t understand. He stared at her for a moment, tears streaming down her face and realized that she was a mystery and she always would be to him. He could live forever and not be able to discover the depth of how lovely and amazing she was.
&n
bsp; He’d told himself for countless years that he fought for what was right, but it was an excuse. He just liked to fight. When he was a kid, he’d fought whoever was in front of him. In the Army, he’d fought who he’d been told to fight. Now he fought for whoever had the cash to pay his company.
But Avery had done something amazing. Avery fought misery and pain and loss and found a way to make something beautiful in the world.
Avery was worth fighting for. Avery was worth dying for. Avery was worth loving even if she could never love him back.
Liam stood up, his heart pounding, his real voice flowing. “Avery, my name is Liam O’Donnell, and I’ve been investigating your boss for arms dealing.”
Chapter Fifteen
Avery was sure she hadn’t heard him correctly. She was emotional, tears still pouring down her face. Sometimes when she got really emotional, she didn’t listen well. “What did you say?”
It wasn’t just what he’d said. It was the way he’d said it. His accent had changed from flat to a gorgeous, lyrical Irish—the same sounds she sometimes heard when he was making love to her.
He was still naked, his perfectly sculpted body on full display, but his face seemed shadowed, his eyes not quite meeting hers. “I told you. My name is Liam O’Donnell. I work for a security company named McKay-Taggart, and we’re tracking a rogue CIA agent. He’s been meeting with Thomas Molina. In the course of our investigation into Eli Nelson, we stumbled onto MI6’s investigation of the United One Fund.”
“What? MI6? What the hell is MI6?”
“It’s Britain’s version of the CIA. They investigate external threats to the country. They’ve been tracking black market arms shipments in Africa.”
Her head was spinning. All the previous intimacy of the evening was gone in a haze of complete confusion. CIA? Arms shipments? “Why are you saying this? I don’t understand.”
They were supposed to talk about her day and her in-laws, and he was supposed to have finally understood. He was supposed to reach out and hold her close and make love to her again.
He was supposed to be Lee.
“I’m sorry, Avery.” He took a step toward her, his eyes finally coming up, and she read a wealth of guilt in those emerald orbs. His eyes told the tale. He wasn’t joking. “I went about this all wrong. I just couldn’t let another second go by without confessing.”
He reached out for her, but it was far too late. She stepped back as far as she could go, her back finding the wall. “Don’t. Don’t touch me.”
His hands dropped. “Let me explain.”
“Explain what? Explain that you lied to me?” He’d lied to her. He’d lied and not about something small and inconsequential. He hadn’t lied about his favorite food or whether or not he liked cats. He’d lied about his name. He’d lied about his profession. He’d lied about his whole life. He’d held her, slept with her, fucked her every night for a week and she hadn’t even known his name.
“Yes. I lied, but I had reasons, love. This situation with your boss is bloody serious, and I don’t want you involved for another minute. I want you out of this. Avery, I want to protect you.”
“God, please put on some clothes.” She turned her eyes away. He was hard again, his cock jutting out from that perfectly trimmed nest of black hair.
He held his ground, but somehow he made a lack of movement seem aggressive. “What, love? You didn’t mind it a couple of minutes ago. Whatever you think, girl, you should know that this was always the truth.” He stroked himself with one hand, the other coming out to brace his body against the wall. His hand was planted inches from her cheek, forming an intimate half circle. “Avery, we don’t have to do it this way. I fucked up. Let’s start over. We’ll get in bed and I’ll make love to you again, and afterward we’ll talk. You’ll see that this is a good thing. I’m going to take care of you.”
He was even more lethal now that he’d dropped the act. Liam seemed infinitely more deadly than Lee, and she’d thought he was devastating before. He leaned over, his lips almost touching hers. “Come to bed with me. I’ll make this right. I’ll hold you and tell you anything you want to hear.”
She pushed him away with all her might because that was what he’d been doing for a week. He’d been telling her what she wanted to hear and not a bit of it had been the truth. He’d used her. He’d used all that charm and zeroed in on her weakness, and he was trying to do it again. “I am not getting in bed with you.”
She had to get out of here. She still wasn’t sure what the hell was going on. It was a ridiculous story. The UOF was involved in arms dealing? Bullshit. Thomas was a peaceful man who had dedicated his life to saving people in impoverished countries.
Had she been right that first day? She’d thought he had ulterior motives. She’d thought he wanted money. Was this his way of getting it? Was he a con artist and this whole week had been an elaborate set up?
He sat back on the bed, pushing a hand through his hair. “God, I fucked this up. Avery, you have to listen to me. This is getting dangerous. I want to protect you.”
Sure he did. Tears welled up. She’d cried so much today, but it seemed she had an endless well of tears to call upon. Maybe this would be the incident that finally hardened her. Maybe Lee Donnelly was the crack that she finally couldn’t heal so she armored up. She had to get out of this place. She had to get home. She couldn’t even go home because she’d given him a key. She was the idiot who’d given her conman a key to her apartment.
It didn’t matter. All that mattered was getting away from him.
“I want to go home.”
He frowned. “I think we need to talk. We can’t talk at your place. It’s bugged.”
Sure it was. Yes. Her apartment was bugged because she was so important. He thought she was a moron, but she couldn’t blame him. Everything he’d done had worked up to this point. Why not try a little more? “Fine. Then can you at least get dressed? I can’t talk to you while you’re naked. I want to get dressed and be civilized about this.”
His eyes flared, his mouth lifting in a sexy little snarl. He obviously wasn’t hiding anymore, or perhaps it was all just another part of the Liam/Lee show. He invaded her space again. She could feel heat rolling off of him. He was damn good at this part of his act. Every inch of her body lit up when he was this close, and her hormones tried to override her brain. “There is nothing civilized about this, Avery. I know that you’re mad right now, but don’t think I’ll be letting you push me aside. I handled this like a ham-handed idiot, but I’ll make it right. There are no more lies between us, and I won’t have anything else coming between us either. I’m going to get cleaned up, and we’ll go to the bar. You need a drink. God knows I do.”
He leaned down and kissed her. No light brushing of the lips. It wasn’t an attempt to persuade her. It was outright domination, and she couldn’t help but respond. The minute he touched her, she melted like warm chocolate. His tongue invaded, forcing her mouth open and rubbing against hers in a way that immediately got her hot. Her pussy didn’t give a crap that he’d lied. All it knew was that he’d trained her to respond. A week of near constant pleasure had done its job. Her arms came up, touching his waist.
“Avery, love, let’s not do this. Baby, I just want to protect you.” That musical voice sang along her skin as he pressed kisses on her face. His hands wound around her, hauling her close. “You mean everything to me. I won’t let you go.”
She was opening herself up to him. She was so stupid. “Stop it. You stop it now. I don’t want this.”
He took a step back, a fierce look on his face. A single finger came out and traced the rigid line of her nipple under the thin robe she wore. “This tells me differently, Avery. I bet your pussy is wet and slick and ready for my cock. I bet your pussy wouldn’t lie to me.”
“My pussy isn’t making the decisions here.” At least not yet. If he stayed close for much longer, it just might. “I don’t want this, Lee…Liam...whatever your name is. Are you going t
o rape me?”
His eyes closed, his fists clenching at his sides. “Fine. Like I said, I’ll go clean up, and we’ll have a drink. But don’t think for a minute that this is over.”
But don’t tink for a minute dat dis is oovver. The way he rounded his vowels and cut off some of his consonants was so sexy. And very likely all part of his plan. He snatched up something that had been on the bed. The plug. God, she’d let him put a plug inside her. What had she been thinking? He turned and opened a door at the back of the small room. A bathroom most likely. She heard the water start to run and realized she had seconds to get out of here. She had zero intention of sitting calmly while he pulled her into some sort of whacked-out scheme meant to do god only knew what.
But the question was where would she go? She needed her clothes. She needed a ride. She needed back up.
Her phone was in the locker room, but Liam’s wasn’t. It was on the floor. It had fallen out of his leathers. She snatched it up and nearly ran out of the room. Her hands shook as she tried to remember the number she needed. Adam. Adam and Jake could come and pick her up. Adam and Jake were big enough that Liam might think twice about messing with them, and then she would get the apartment rekeyed and she would tell the concierge not to allow Lee…Liam, or whatever he wanted to call himself, in. He would figure out that she wasn’t going to be an easy mark, and he would lose interest.
Tears blurred her vision making the hallway a watery mess. She turned down the narrow corridor. The Garden had seemed so lovely and decadent, and now it was just alien and a little frightening. She’d been so stupid. She hadn’t known him at all and yet she’d followed him into a BDSM club. She’d let him strip her bare in front of people. God, she couldn’t even think about it.
She never stopped walking. She just glanced down and dialed the numbers, grateful she’d always had a good memory. It wasn’t more than a second before Adam’s voice came over the line.
