by Debra Doxer
“So it’s just a coincidence?” She eyed me suspiciously.
Closing my locker harder than I intended, I faced her. “You think I was with Jonah?”
“Were you?”
Lying would have been so much easier. Besides, whatever Jonah and I had, I wanted to keep it between us for now. I didn’t want the gossip mill churning already. Of course, if Jonah and I were really starting something, everyone would eventually find out. And if we weren’t, I wasn’t going to be the one to say anything. Then why was I nodding my head?
Her mouth opened and she sputtered, “Yes?”
It wasn’t very smart of me, but I nodded again.
Looking far too excited, she grabbed my arm. “So are you two . . . ?”
“We’re friends.” I finished for her because it was the simplest answer, and if that kiss we shared never turned into anything more, it would be much less embarrassing for me.
Her eyes became skeptical slits. “Parker is going to have a fit if she finds out you’re spending your lunch period with Jonah. And what about Drew? He seemed really sweet on you. Although if I had to choose between Drew and Jonah, it would be Jonah hands down. So, where does Jonah hide himself at lunchtime?”
She’d just had an entire conversation with herself, which amused me.
“I’m sworn to secrecy about the lunch place.” I wasn’t, but I didn’t want to reveal it.
Lea wasn’t satisfied with my answer, but she switched to the topic of Gregory easily enough when I asked her about him to turn the spotlight off me. He was the boy who had taken her to homecoming.
She nibbled on her fingernail. “I broke up with him, not that we were really going out seriously in the first place.” Oddly, she looked more guilty than upset about it.
“Why?”
“He calls every night. He wants us to talk about our days to each other.” She lowered her arm, appearing exasperated.
“No!” I exclaimed, sounding appalled.
“Shut up.” She pushed lightly on my arm. “I just don’t have that much to say when he calls, and it’s so awkward. He’s boring, Candy.”
“He sounds nice.”
“Nice and boring.”
That made me think of Jonah and how he didn’t want me to believe he was nice, but nice and boring didn’t always go hand in hand. Jonah was his own brand of nice, one that definitely didn’t include boring. I studied Lea, wondering if she was still holding out hope for Ethan, and hoping that wasn’t why she broke up with boring-but-nice Gregory.
I got through the rest of my day, sniffling a little less and realizing by last period that I felt a bit better, and not like my head was filled with cotton balls.
Jonah sat beside me in last period calculus. I was worried about things feeling weird between us, but he put me at ease with a friendly smile, not looking at all sorry for what happened at lunch. While we were walking out together, he said he’d be off from school for the rest of the week because he was tagging along on a business trip with his dad, but would be back in time to visit me at the diner this weekend.
My disappointment was immediate. I was hoping for more private lunches and maybe more kisses too, but I smiled and asked him where he was going.
“Cleveland,” he said. “The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is there. Ever been?”
As I shook my head, he checked the time on his phone. “I have to get to practice. So I guess I’ll see you in a few days.”
After a moment’s hesitation, which had me wondering if he was going to kiss me again or touch me at all, he pulled me into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around me. My arms came around his middle, feeling the muscles in his back and sides flex when he moved. His body was warm and strong, and I drank in his embrace, recalling how much I craved it last night when I was alone in the hotel with no idea how things would change between us today.
His hand moved up to cup the back of my head. “Is this okay?” he whispered.
I wasn’t sure what he meant exactly, us hugging in the hallway or the idea of us at all. I could hear the hesitance in his voice, as if he was afraid we weren’t on the same page. All I knew was that this was one of the best hugs I’d ever had. It was the perfect gesture for where things stood between us, and I nodded against his chest because it was so much more than okay.
We both lowered our arms and stepped back at the same time. As we looked at each other with matching excitement and anticipation shining in our eyes, I hoped I was strong enough to follow this to wherever it led, because now I was pretty sure it was going somewhere.
My nerves jangled in time with my new keys as I unlocked the front door and stepped into the house for the first time since the break-in yesterday. The familiar beeping of the alarm didn’t start, which meant it wasn’t on.
“Hello?” I called.
The floorboards in the hallway creaked and a moment later my father appeared, dressed casually in jeans. “Did you have a good day?” he asked.
I nodded, relieved to find him here, just like he said he would be when he dropped me off this morning. When he turned around again, I asked, “Is anything missing?”
Halting, he looked at me and shook his head. “Did you miss much schoolwork yesterday?”
I sighed and nodded, thinking of my history project.
“Better get to it then.”
After dropping my bag off in my room, I went into the kitchen, found the order form for the market, filled it out, and called it in. Then I turned on my music and got started on my homework in my room.
Not surprisingly, I was too distracted to concentrate. My thoughts shifted from the soft feel of Jonah’s lips on mine to the man who broke into the house yesterday. Good thoughts followed by very disturbing ones had me throwing down my pen and looking around my room. What had that man been searching for, and did he look through the entire house to find it? Had he been in my bedroom?
As I walked around, everything seemed to be in order. But when my gaze fell on the rug, I noticed the indentations in the carpet. It seemed my bed was an inch or so more to the right than it had been based on the old marks. My dresser was the same; it didn’t quite match up to the old impressions in the rug.
Leaving my room, I checked out the rest of the house. Most of the furniture seemed untouched but a few of the larger pieces, like the buffet in the dining room and the coffee table in the living room, seemed slightly off to me, although I couldn’t be sure. Since the floors were hardwood, I couldn’t find any telltale signs, just a general feeling. That feeling was quickly changing to unease because I suspected that man had touched all our things.
When the groceries arrived, I took out my frustrations on a chicken, cleaning and stuffing it before sliding it into the oven to roast. Then I scrubbed a couple of potatoes, leaving them out on the counter so I could bake them in the microwave later. It wasn’t a fancy meal, but it was a standby of my mother’s, and I knew my father liked his food simple sometimes.
A few hours later, after I’d made a small dent in my history project, I dragged my father out of his office for dinner. He’d been on his computer all afternoon from what I could tell. I waited until we were halfway through the meal before saying what was on my mind.
“He moved all the furniture, looking for something.”
My father stopped chewing. “I know.”
I took a few more bites before asking my next question. “Was he looking for the safe that used to be in your closet?”
His eyes closed for a moment before opening again. “Candy, please.” He went back to eating.
“If he didn’t find what he was looking for, how do you know he won’t come back?”
He put down his fork and just sat there as if I’d ruined his appetite.
Did he think I could act as if nothing happened and pretend everything was normal? “Can you at least tell me if he found what he was looking for? Then maybe I won’t jump at every sound, thinking he’s come back.”
Sighing, he sat back in his chair. “He’s not
coming back. And you don’t have to worry because I would never let anyone hurt you.”
I pushed my food away. “You think I’m worried about myself?”
His lips pressed into a line, and he looked around the kitchen as if he’d rather escape than have to sit here and talk to me. It was a look he wore more and more often because I kept putting it there. I thought back to how great Thanksgiving was, the way we’d hung out and watched television together before eating, and how relaxed he’d seemed. Then he came back from his trip, found the alarm off and the garage door unlocked, and things had been going downhill between us ever since.
Maybe this was normal for him and the only abnormal part was my reaction. Maybe living here meant living like this.
“Never mind,” I said, grabbing my plate back and staring down into it. “I don’t want to keep fighting with you. I can’t help it that I have questions. Any normal person would have questions, but I can’t make you answer them. All I can do is make you angry, apparently. So I’ll try to stop asking because this isn’t how I want us to be.”
He nodded at me, and if I thought my little speech would make him open up, I was wrong.
“Thank you,” he said, sounding relieved.
The meal continued in silence. As I forced down my food, I tried to recall if I’d ever heard my parents fighting, but I couldn’t remember a single time. Had my mother just quietly accepted the stoic silence of my father when he refused to talk about things? Or maybe he told her things he wasn’t willing to tell me.
What did it matter? There was no getting through to him. Maybe it was time for me to keep quiet and trust him the way he wanted me to. The truth was, I did trust my father. I trusted him more than anyone else, but I didn’t trust him blindly. That kind of trust wasn’t in my nature, not anymore. If that was what he wanted, he was asking a lot.
The next day at lunch I faced the firing squad alone. After the embrace Jonah and I shared in the hallway, gossip had to be in the air by now. Besides, if Lea was questioning me about Jonah, it was probably on Parker’s mind too.
I could have avoided the round lunch table in the cafeteria and bypassed whatever scene Parker was brewing up, but that wasn’t my style. Besides, Parker needed to know she didn’t scare me.
I sat down with my diet soda and listened to Ethan finish the story of Mrs. Cameron, his Spanish teacher, bending over to pick up a pen she’d dropped in front of his desk and exposing the top of her cleavage to him.
My reaction wasn’t a big surprise. I rolled my eyes.
“I’m telling you, she was hitting on me,” Ethan claimed.
“You’re such an asshat.” Ashley scowled at him.
I was thinking Mr. Harris and Mrs. Cameron should compare notes, although I was fairly sure Ethan was full of it. Across the table, Lea subtly shook her head, her expression telling me how ridiculous she thought Ethan was.
Parker waited until lunch period was half over before she looked at me and said, “Where’s Jonah today?”
I shrugged, impressed by the self-restraint she’d shown so far.
“He went out of town,” Ethan replied.
“Oh, that’s right.” She nodded. “Heather told me. I forgot she and Jonah were going on a little vacation together.”
My gaze darted to hers before I could stop myself, and I nearly cringed at her smugness. She’d just gotten the reaction she wanted from me.
Looking away, I casually sipped my soda while my thoughts were scrambling. Heather? Jonah talked about Katelyn, but we’d never discussed where he stood with Heather. Either Parker was lying or Jonah had lied, or at least he’d left out the part where Heather was going with him on his father’s business trip.
“You talk to Heather now?” Lea asked. “You didn’t even know who she was a few weeks ago.”
“I got her number when she came to my party. What?” she asked at Lea’s skeptical look. “I can’t make new friends?” Parker shifted in her seat. “Heather told me she still has a thing for Jonah. She’s going to try to convince him to get back together this weekend.”
My fingers gripped my soda can, creating dents.
When Lea shot me a confused look, I hoped she wouldn’t say more than she should about Jonah and me.
“Doesn’t that bother you?” Malcolm asked. “I thought you were into him.”
Parker didn’t miss a beat. “I’m not worried. Jonah and I aren’t serious. We just get naked together sometimes.”
Lea’s eyes rounded while Malcolm and Ethan’s gazes shot to Parker. I didn’t know what to think anymore.
After a moment, Ethan’s gaze narrowed.
“Kidding,” Parker said, rolling her eyes. “God, you’re all so serious today. Besides, I’m over it. If he wants Heather, he can have her.” Then Parker made a point of looking at me before turning to talk to Ashley, and I knew her revelation about Heather and Jonah had been for the sole purpose of hurting me.
After lunch, Lea was all over me, saying she doubted Heather really went with Jonah or that they’d get back together. I smiled politely, but I didn’t want to talk about it. It would take me to a place I’d been before and never wanted to revisit. Jonah and I weren’t in a relationship. We weren’t anything formal to each other, but the fact that I could feel this way again, even in a small way, had me doubting myself. The thread of a connection I experienced with Jonah yesterday was already fraying.
Even if everything Parker said about Heather was a lie, which knowing Parker was likely, I appreciated being reminded that my heart was something I needed to protect.
Especially when it came to high school boys.
***
Theo: Doubt whom you will, but never yourself.
By Saturday morning my head cold was gone, removing my only valid excuse for staying home from work. But the idea of Dempsey’s had me dragging my feet, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about seeing Jonah today, when and if he stopped by.
The lunch conversation from yesterday still weighed on me. Even though I knew Parker couldn’t tell the truth to save her life, I wondered if she’d make all that up about Heather just to hurt me. It seemed extreme, but not impossible. And the truth was, I didn’t know what to believe.
Maybe Jonah wouldn’t show up to the diner after telling me I could count on it. Then I could say he was unreliable and validate my feelings. Shaking my head, I couldn’t believe I was hoping Jonah would give me an excuse to rule him out. Then I could stop all this insecurity and second-guessing. It was pathetic, and it wasn’t me at all. At least it wasn’t who I wanted to be.
My father dropped me off at Dempsey’s and I greeted Carol on my way in. The morning went a lot like the last two mornings I’d already worked. The church across the street was busy, which meant we were busy after services ended. Carol kept snickering about a la carte religion and people who only wanted God served up to them once a year. I didn’t have a strong opinion, but the church people were friendly and they tipped well, so I didn’t know why she was complaining.
The diner was nearly full when I came back to the hostess stand and found Drew waiting there.
“Candy,” he said, looking surprised as he eyed the pile of menus in my hand. “You work here?”
“Is that Candy Seaborne?”
Beside Drew was his mother. I hadn’t seen her since after my own mother died. Before I knew it, she was pulling me into a hug.
“Drew told me you’d moved back.” She kept her hands on my shoulders and smiled at me. “You look wonderful. How are you?” Beside her, Drew was grinning too.
“I’m good. How are you, Mrs. Hoyt?”
“Oh, I’m fine.” She put her arm around Drew. “I can’t believe you’re both seniors in high school. I remember when neither of you could see over my kitchen table.”
My throat tightened at the image of Mrs. Hoyt and my mother sitting in her kitchen while Drew and I played around them, ducking behind their chairs in a game of hide-and-seek.
“Would you like a booth?” I asked
, wanting to stop remembering before I cried in front of everyone at Dempsey’s.
“That would be great, thanks,” Drew replied, ushering his mother along as though he understood that I was struggling.
After seating them, I went back to the front to greet more people. Mrs. Hoyt caught my eye and smiled every time I walked by. I smiled in return and laughed when Drew rolled his eyes at her.
“Come by the house for dinner one night,” she said later as they were on their way out.
“Sure.”
“Don’t sure me, Candy,” she said sternly. “I mean it. I’ll have Drew invite you.”
Drew put his hand on her arm. “Go on ahead. I’ll be right out.”
She pulled me into another embrace and once she was gone, Drew turned to me. “Sorry about that. She’s excited to see you.”
“Don’t be sorry. Your mom’s great.”
He shifted his feet, looking apprehensive. “I never did get around to asking you out.”
I shrugged offhandedly, hoping he wasn’t about to make things awkward.
“Maybe when you come over for dinner, we could catch a movie afterward?”
I hesitated, not wanting to have dinner at his house or go out with him afterward.
When I didn’t answer, he pulled out his phone. “I know you’re busy working right now. Let me get your number so I can text you later.”
Is he really this clueless or just trying to save face? Since there was no way to decline his request without looking rude, I recited my number to him. Just then the door opened behind Drew, and it felt like all the air got sucked out of the room.
Jonah stood in the doorway, smiling at me. His hair tumbled around his face, blown by the wind. He towered over everyone around him as he came inside, and when he opened his mouth to say something, his eyes narrowed, spotting who I was standing with.
Drew tensed when he noticed Jonah and smiled uneasily at me. “My mom’s waiting for me. ’Bye, Candy.”
He brushed past Jonah without acknowledging him.
