by Julie Caplin
No wonder he was so cynical about relationships. That early conversation over brunch suddenly made a lot more sense.
‘I’m sorry, that must be tough. My parents were solid. Gave me a really good sense of who I am. They genuinely love and respect each other.’
‘Which is why you’re such a nice person. More than nice. You’re kind, thoughtful.’
‘Yuk, I sound like someone’s granny.’
Todd turned and looked at her and lifted the hand linked with hers, kissing her knuckles one by one before raising his other hand to touch her cheek, hesitating for a second. ‘Sophie, you’re definitely not like anyone’s granny.’
His hand slid down her face to cup it. ‘You’re not … not like anyone I’ve ever met.’ At the husky tone, her stomach dropped away. In an unconscious nervous gesture, she clamped her lips together and his gaze followed the movement.
‘I want to kiss you again … and I know I shouldn’t.’
Sophie bit back a smile, charmed by his gentle diffidence. Lines furrowed his forehead and he looked adorably irritated and annoyed. It was gratifying and rather cute.
‘What if I wanted you to?’ Her fingernails pricked her palms as she scrunched up her hands under her thighs out of sight, her knuckles cold against the damp sand.
‘Sophie … you’re … you’re …’ Equal touches of hope and denial flitted across his face, telling her all she needed to know.
Mahalia’s words came back to her. After that hideous dinner, she knew exactly what the other woman meant. He really did need some kindness in his life. He would be an easy man to love, even if he didn’t think so. And she shouldn’t love him, but she could give him the care and kindness he deserved.
On the edge of precipice time. Jump and take flight or move back to safety. She could let him talk her out of this or she could let her mouth do the talking. Suddenly she didn’t care about the future, the next few months, the next few weeks. She wanted Todd to kiss her. To give in to that heady free-fall sensation of crazy lust, longing and desire, and to give him what he needed, someone who would look after him and show him that they cared.
Laying a hand over his, she moved in and moulded her mouth to his, her lips moving against his in a soft feather-light kiss. For a few seconds he responded and then pulled back.
‘You.’ He frowned and lifted a hand, extending his index finger towards her lips. He paused for a second before delicately tracing their outline. ‘I’m …. I don’t do relationships, commitment … and you seem like a commitment kind of girl.’ He sighed and skimmed her lips again. ‘You deserve better … but I …’ His finger paused, the touch setting light to tiny electrical tingles running down her chest. ‘I’m not sure I can … leave you alone.’
‘Maybe you don’t have to,’ suggested Sophie softly, not moving. She had a feeling that if she made one false move, like a skittish kitten, he’d back off.
‘I can’t give you what you want.’
For a second anger flared. ‘How do you know what I want?’
‘Sophie, you’re a forever kind of girl.’
‘And what if I decide to live a little? Have some fun. Have a fling. Everyone seems to think that’s what I need.’ She turned her head away, looking out at the sea, staring hard at the silver streams of moonlight dancing on the waves rippling into shore.
‘I’m fed up with playing safe. I tried that for two years. And do you know what? It was dull.’ Sex had always been a rather serious business with James. Perfunctory and, if she were honest, fairly passionless. Suddenly she wanted to know what it might be like to have some fun. ‘I want to live. To dive off the edge of that bloody cliff. And I’m telling you now Todd, if you don’t want to kiss me, I’ll find someone else who will.’
With a quick movement she twisted and pushed him down on the sand and lay on top of him.
His eyes displayed brief panic and then a slow smile emerged as she lowered her head very slowly to kiss him, signalling her intent all the way.
Just before their lips touched, a bare millimetre apart, she stopped.
‘Last chance,’ she breathed.
His hands slid into her hair and he pulled her head down to close the barely-there gap.
When they finally drew apart to draw breath, there was a wry smile on Todd’s face. His chest rose and fell as if he’d been running. Sophie laid a hand on it, feeling a touch possessive and proud.
‘Hell, where did you learn to kiss like that, English? I swear you’ve damn near seared the soles of my feet off.’
Her shoulders lifted in a tiny feminine shrug and she smiled at him.
He shuddered and shook his head. ‘What am I going to do with you?’
Sophie sighed. ‘Nothing. I know you’re not a commitment kind of guy. But I’m not sure I believe in commitment any more. After …’ She was not going to spoil the moment by saying his name. ‘I’ve realised this last few weeks that I spent all that time waiting for him to be around. Not living properly. Not doing stuff. I’m not going to do that any more. I’m going to live for now. Enjoy myself and let myself enjoy myself instead of putting everything on hold until the right things happen. I’m only here until November, the last thing I’m looking for is commitment. The last time I tried that I made a terrible mistake.’
‘You didn’t make a mistake Sophie, he did. And he lost you, which was his biggest mistake. I’m no prize when it comes to relationships but I treat people well. I don’t understand why anyone would do that. What did he get out of it … unless it was copious amounts of sex and I can think of far easier ways of getting that.’
‘It definitely wasn’t for that,’ snapped Sophie indignantly. ‘He was always too tired. And now I bloody know why.’ Her lip curled in disgust. James had always said sex wasn’t important, the cuddles were – and, stupid sap, she’d thought that was rather sweet. She sat up straighter, suddenly furious. ‘All that bloody time, thinking I fancied a …’ no, she couldn’t say it, ‘and he was too tired. Of course he was, because he was bloody sleeping with his wife. Impregnating her. And I,’ her mouth crumpled, ‘I thought I wasn’t that … you know …’
Todd lifted an eyebrow.
‘I thought I was … not very …’
Still Todd waited, he wasn’t going to help her out here.
‘Not very sexually attractive,’ she blurted out. ‘I bet all your Amys, Charlenes and Cheries are all super-model thin, with silk-curtain hair and shoulders like clothes horses.’
‘Sophie. Sophie. Sophie.’ He let out a long-pent-up sigh and shook his head. ‘Dumb bastard clearly never saw you in a bikini, babe,’ he paused and lifted a finger, tracing the neckline of her dress, ‘or rather, hanging out of it. And if he’s the one that said you were lopsided, he should be shot.’ He leaned in and kissed her gently and firmly on the lips. ‘And he certainly never saw that delicious pert ass of yours in Lycra running shorts.’ His hand shaped her face as he held her gaze, his eyes dancing with wicked amusement. ‘And those legs, I’ve had a few fantasies about those legs wrapped around …’ His fingers skimmed her collar bone. ‘Oh yes, those legs.’
Sophie stared at him, the words a balm to that constant sense of guilt she’d always felt about sex with James. It had always been tinged with disappointment, that guilt-ridden, slightly ashamed feeling that she was wrong to feel there should be more. Sex with James had always been hurried, in bed, in the dark and never mentioned. Now she realised it was probably a manifestation of his own guilt.
She gave Todd a wobbly smile.
‘English, you have no idea.’ He kissed the corner of her mouth, his fingers following to outline her lower lip. ‘Although it might have something to do with that oh-so-cute English accent. You sound all buttoned up and straight, but with, as revealed on the beach today, the body of a goddess. And these …’ His hands drifted down, soft through the silk of her dress, his mouth curving in the gentlest of smiles, ‘wonky boobs, they’re really quite lovely.’
‘Oh,’ breathed Sophie, feeli
ng light-headed and disconnected from the world as if a puff of wind could lift her and carry her away.
‘You are lovely and …’ He pulled his hand away from her face and laced his fingers through hers. ‘Sophie, this … this could be a mistake.’
‘No.’ She sat up straighter with a sudden spurt of panic. Whatever this was with Todd, it made her feel more alive than she had done in years. So what if it wasn’t destined to last? She had no idea what the future held, why the hell not live for the moment? Excitement fizzed at the prospect. She wanted to hold onto it, grab it with both hands and bloody well enjoy the feeling.
‘Todd,’ her voice rang out, clear and determined. Her mind made up. ‘I’ve made the mistakes already. I did the serious thing for two years. Where did that get me? I want to have some fun. And I mean fun.’ She gave him a look that should leave him in no doubt. ‘I don’t want serious. And I certainly don’t want commitment.’ With a lift of her head, she gave him a direct look, filled with challenge. ‘If you’re not interested, tell me now.’
‘Oh boy. You know, you’re even sexier when you get all haughty and posh on me.’
As he leaned forward, a wicked smile curving his lips, his eyes full of intent, Sophie felt a huge sense of relief and the sensation that a door had been kicked wide open.
When he planted his lips on hers, she went boneless, conscious only of the teasing determination of his touch. He pushed his hands up through her hair, a gentle but possessive hold, as he angled his head to deepen the kiss. She wound her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her, wanting more, even though she couldn’t have articulated what more was to save her life. It was almost as if she couldn’t get close enough. Almost as if he felt her desperation. Something had changed and his mouth began to explore hers with a heated thoroughness that made her heart bang so hard, it almost hurt to breathe.
One hand slid down her neck, brushing the edge of her breast in a barely-there tantalising touch before sliding around her hip to cup her bottom, pulling her tight against him. The seductive, tentative drift of his fingers teasing her skin through her dress made Sophie ache for more. With sudden boldness that surprised herself, she caressed his lower lip with her tongue, insistent and demanding, until he opened his mouth and sucked her tongue in.
In seconds the kiss went X-rated as Sophie refused to let up control. She deepened the kiss, feeling feminine and womanly as she pressed her breasts against him and rolled her hips against the erection pressing at his trousers. When Todd let out a heartfelt groan as she ground up against him, her pulse leapt in exhilarated delight.
‘Jesus, Sophie,’ he muttered in her ear as they pulled back, their breathing heavy. ‘You’re killing me.’
‘Good,’ she said and pulled his mouth back to hers. She’d been the good girl for too many years. This man knew how to kiss and she was going to enjoy every last damn moment.
It was Todd who finally put the brakes on things, wrenching his mouth away and putting some distance between them. In the moonlight, she could see the pulse jumping in his throat and the rise and fall of his chest.
‘Sophie, unless you want our first time to be down and dirty in the sand, we have to stop.’
At that moment, common sense had all but gone up in a puff of smoke and down and dirty sounded rather appealing to a girl who’d never been down and dirty in her life.
With a challenging tilt to her head, she gazed back at him.
‘Seriously, Sophie.’
‘I’m game,’ she said.
He groaned. ‘You’re making this really hard.’
‘Well, I certainly hope so,’ she said with a winsome smile.
He took her hand. ‘Let’s walk.’
‘You’re no fun. Here am I, thinking for the last few weeks that you’re an international playboy with a string of women, and you want to walk.’
‘Yes, Sophie. I want to walk.’ He sounded almost cross. ‘And as we both know, it’s been a while, so unless you want me to go off like an express train, give me a little time here.’
She smiled to herself and gave his hand a squeeze, rather pleased with herself.
He pulled at her hand, leading her down to the shore. As they neared the waterline, right on cue the moon shot out from behind a cloud, lighting up the sea with silvery iridescence. The shush of the sea rolling in and out was almost hypnotic, adding to the atmosphere of calm otherworldliness.
‘Gosh, it’s beautiful out here. You can almost forget that cities exist.’ There were only a few lights from the houses hidden beyond the dunes. ‘It seems impossible that New York is just along the same coast, full of people and buildings.’
Todd nodded but didn’t say anything as he stared out at the horizon where the silver-rimmed clouds scudded around the moon.
‘I need to …’ He stopped and Sophie, looking at his profile silhouetted against the pale sand lit up by the moonlight, saw him swallow as if in pain, his Adam’s apple bobbing. ‘I need to tell you … this, between us, it … it’s … I don’t want to … I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I like you. A lot but … it won’t ever be … anything permanent. I’m being honest. I’ve been with girls who thought that they could change me. The love of a good woman and all that. I’m not being a dick. I sound like one,’ he squeezed her hand, ‘but I’m trying to be completely honest with you. If you want to duck out now, that would be fine … but you have to know, I’m not going to fall in love with you.’
Sophie felt a tiny pinch of regret, not for herself but for him. Being so adamant he was never going to fall in love. Being so against the idea. At the moment, she was out of love with the idea of being in love, she didn’t want to get hurt like that again, but one day she’d feel ready again. There was hope, whereas Todd seemed to have effectively closed himself off from any hope at all.
‘And I don’t want to fall in love with you. Done that, got the T-shirt. But I do want to enjoy myself. You’re not my type at all.’
‘Yes I am.’
Sophie narrowed her eyes, trying to figure out whether he was being serious or not.
‘No, you’re not.’
‘Yeah, I am, English. I saw you giving me the eye the first time we met.’ He nudged her with his arm.
‘I wasn’t giving you the eye, I was trying to stop you eating my cupcake, if you recall.’
‘No, you were flirting with me at the get-go.’
‘I wasn’t.’
‘You were.’
‘Todd McLennan, you have such a big head. If you think the blue eyes, charming smile and big Hollywood teeth are all it takes to make women fall at your feet, you need a reality check.’
He laughed out loud. ‘And that right there is exactly why I like you.’
‘I made the mistake of falling in love with someone who didn’t deserve it, I’m not going to do that again in a hurry,’ said Sophie and then, worried she sounded bitter, she quickly added, ‘and yes on a good day, from a very long distance, if I squint a bit, there’s nearly a resemblance to a young Rob Lowe, so I might fancy you a teeny tiny little bit, but don’t let it go to your head. I’m more of an Ed Sheeran kind of girl.’
Todd burst out laughing. ‘Well, that’s put me in my place.’
Sophie winked at him, ignoring the mocking voice at the very back of her head asking just how long did she think she could keep him in his place. And what if she had enough love for both of them?
Chapter 20
‘Morning, Marty.’ Sophie sat down at the breakfast table, having snagged some yoghurt and fruit from the side table behind them. It was already a glorious day and she’d slept well, although it had taken her a long time to get to sleep. Too busy reliving Todd’s kisses, her mind going backwards and forwards over every word they’d exchanged. This morning she’d woken full of hope and crazy joy that zinged about in her stomach like a demented moth.
‘Hey,’ he mumbled through a mouthful of bacon. His plate was piled high with bacon and waffles swimming in maple syrup.
&nb
sp; ‘Looks good,’ she teased.
He looked furtively around and shrugged.
‘Mom would go ape. She’s like, your body is what you put in it. But,’ he slumped in his seat, ‘she won’t be up for ages and Dad is already on the golf course.’
‘I won’t tell,’ she said. ‘Although I might be boring about fruit later.’ She winked.
Marty gave her a considering look. ‘Me and Todd are going to the lighthouse this morning. We always go.’ There was a certain defiance in his tone as if he were daring her to contradict him.
‘That sounds fun. When I go home, me and my dad always go down to the stables. Not that we have any horses or anything. Just something we always do. Kind of like, me-and-Dad time.’
Marty nodded. ‘We’re going to the beach afterwards. Maybe you can come then?’
‘That sounds like a plan.’
‘What does?’ Todd sauntered in the room and Sophie’s breath caught. A flood of sensation hit her. Fresh from the shower, he looked absolutely edible.
‘You two making plans without me? Dude, you’re not running off with my pal, are you?’
‘No,’ said Marty, grinning. ‘Although she’s better off with me.’
‘So still up for the lighthouse this morning?’ Todd scooped up a couple of slices of bacon and some waffles from the side, glanced at his brother and added some grilled tomatoes and two bananas. ‘Here you go, junior.’ He tossed the second banana next to Marty’s place setting. ‘Build up your strength.’
