by R. L. Stine
“Sherman, it was an accident—” I started.
But he grabbed my hand and shook it. “Thanks, Bernie,” he said. “That was brilliant!”
My mouth dropped open. “Brilliant?”
“I couldn’t get April-May to scream,” Sherman said. “But you did it for me.”
He slapped me a low five. “Thanks, pal. You’re a real help. Now we can go on to the next big scene. Know what? You’ve given me a great idea. I’m going to call my movie Snakes on My Leg.”
He flashed me a thumbs-up. “Thanks for all the help!”
Chapter 17
MOVIE IN MY HEAD
Our next chance came in the Tunnel of Darkness.
“This building is for our nocturnal animals,” Sandy Eggozoo said. “Creatures who only come out at night.”
It was pitch-black in this building, except for a dim, red light.
“Watch out for the bats,” Mrs. Heinie called. “I can see their shadows on the ceiling.”
“First you walk through the Tunnel of Darkness,” Sandy said. “The bat cave is at the other end. Take your time going through the tunnel. You’ll see lots of interesting creatures.”
I grabbed Feenman and Crench. “We’re not gonna take our time,” I whispered. “Let’s move. We need to get to the other end of the tunnel.”
We pushed past kids gaping at a skinny tree sloth. Some other dudes stood in front of a glass case, pointing at a funny-looking animal that had a furry body and a face that looked kinda like a bat’s. It was called a slow loris.
We had to get to the end of the tunnel first to set up our next trick. But there was Billy the Brain again. He blocked our path, eager to show us how much he knew.
“Dudes, you know the funny thing about bats?” he asked.
“Billy, we’re in a hurry,” I said. “Maybe—”
“The word BATS is spelled the same forward and backward. Isn’t that amazing?”
“Wow. I never thought about that!” Crench said.
“Cool,” Feenman agreed.
Sometimes I think all my friends are morons.
“The slow loris isn’t really slow,” Billy said. “It’s just that every other animal in the world is faster. So that makes the loris look slow.”
“Billy, you know everything!” Feenman said.
“Are you working on a scary movie?” Crench asked him.
Billy nodded. “It’s called Movie in My Head, and it takes place entirely in my head.”
“Awesome,” Crench said. “Can’t wait to see it.”
“You can’t see it,” Billy replied. “It’s only in my head!”
I pulled my two buddies away. “Catch you later, Brain!” I called.
“Let me know if you need to know anything,” Billy called back.
Kids were moving through the tunnel, nearing the end. My buddies and I had to work fast if we were going to give Sherman and his pals a real scare.
“Have you got it?” I asked Crench. “Quick.” I stuck out my hand.
He pulled the can out from under his jacket. A can of spray-on cobwebs. Feenman pulled out a can, too.
We both started spraying a thick blanket of cobwebs over the tunnel exit. The stuff was wet and sticky and creepy.
“This is gonna be sweet!” I said. “When Sherman and his friends walk into the webs, they’ll totally freak. They’ll be scratching and screaming and trying to pull the webs off their faces.”
I slid the camcorder into Feenman’s hand. “Get ready. Don’t miss this. Here they come.”
Squinting into the deep, red light, we waited for our classmates to come to the exit. Some dudes were still gawking at the weird animals in their glass cages.
Sherman was busy taping April-May as she pretended to be attacked by a slow loris.
Slowly they made their way toward the exit.
“Get ready. Here they come,” I whispered to Feenman. “Wait for it…. Wait for it…. This isn’t going to be pretty!”
April-May stepped into the tunnel exit. Sherman and Wes followed.
I screamed. “LOOK OUT! SPIDERS!”
I held my breath, waiting for them to scream and start pulling at the sticky webs.
But they walked right through and kept walking.
Mrs. Heinie walked through, followed by several other kids.
“What’s up with THIS?” I cried.
I pulled out a flashlight and shined it at the exit. “Beast!” I exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”
I didn’t have to wait for his answer.
I saw.
Beast had slurped up all the cobwebs. He had sticky stuff all over his grinning face.
He let out a two-minute burp. “I love this stuff,” he said. “It’s my favorite vegetable!”
Chapter 18
ESCAPE OF THE MAD, MAD, MAD GORILLA
Okay, okay. That didn’t work, either.
No problem.
Does Bernie B. know how to quit?
I don’t know the meaning of the word quit.
I’d been saving the best for last. I had a plan to get everyone screaming.
It would make my new horror video—Escape of the Mad, Mad, Mad Gorilla—the scariest movie of all. Soon B. A. Gool would be begging me to come help him with his new film.
Sandy Eggozoo finished our tour. We had our pizza dinner. Then it was time to settle down for the night.
Our tents were lined up in two rows down the middle of the gorilla house. On both sides, gorillas paced their cages, scratching their heads, watching us.
They made low gorilla grunts to one another. As if they were asking, “Why are these freaks sleeping in our house?”
I knew some of the gorillas must be asking, “Who is that totally cool dude named Bernie Bridges?”
Mrs. Heinie and Sandy Eggozoo made sure our sleeping bags were ready and that we were all in place. We were sleeping four kids to a tent.
Except for me. I had a letter from the nurse saying that I’m allergic to other kids. So I had a tent of my own.
Which I needed, because I had to store Belzer’s gorilla costume. It smelled more disgusting than the real gorillas. But I didn’t care.
It was going to help me film the greatest scene in the history of horror movies.
I peeked out of my tent. The lights in the gorilla house had been turned down low. The gorillas grunted and groaned and shuffled around in their cages.
I hoped they enjoyed the excitement, too. It was probably a little boring being a gorilla.
Some kids were still talking and giggling in their tents. I waited till it grew quiet and most kids were asleep.
Then I lifted the flap of the tent beside mine. “Belzer, wake up!” I called in a hoarse whisper. “It’s showtime!”
Belzer staggered out of the tent, yawning and rubbing his eyes. He had his pajamas on backward. Why? I didn’t want to go there.
Feenman poked his head out of the tent. “Ready when you are, Bernie,” he whispered. He raised the camcorder.
I waved Feenman back into the tent. “Wait till I get Belzer into his costume,” I whispered.
Belzer let out a loud yawn.
“Shhhh!” I clapped a hand over his mouth. “Don’t wake everyone up. You’ll ruin the surprise.”
I pulled him into my tent and shoved the gorilla costume into his hands. “Hurry. Get into it.”
He gagged. “But, Bernie—it STINKS!”
“What makes you think you smell any better?” I replied. “Stop stalling, Belzer. You want to go to Hollywood—don’t you? You want to be a star? Get dressed.”
I leaped out of the tent. That hairy costume really did reek!
A few minutes later, Belzer stepped out. He looked so real, a few of the gorillas started jumping up and down in their cages.
“Go, Belzer!” I exclaimed. “King Kong Jr.! You’re the MAN! I mean, gorilla!” I slapped the big guy a high five.
“I…I can’t SEE!” Belzer whined from inside the gorilla head. Bernie, I can’t see ou
t of this thing!”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said. I gave him a little push. “Go out there and be a STAR!”
I whispered to Feenman in the tent. “Time to go to work. Get the camcorder ready. We’re gonna make an award-winner!”
The plan was simple.
I flash on all the lights in the gorilla house.
I shout at the top of my lungs: “WILD GORILLA ESCAPED! WILD GORILLA ESCAPED!”
Belzer the Gorilla starts roaring and running through the tents and sleeping bags, waving his furry arms.
Kids jump out of their tents. Jump out of their skin! Crying. Running for their lives. We get Sherman screaming his head off.
A true horror story. An awesome scene of total panic.
And Feenman gets it all on tape.
Bye-bye, Sherman. Take a walk, dude. No way you can compete with a MAD, MAD, MAD GORILLA!
B. A. Gool will say, “Bernie, how did you make it look so REAL? I need you to be my partner!”
And I’ll say, “My buddies have to come to Hollywood, too.” Because even when I’m a huge star, I won’t forget the friends who helped get me there.
Okay. Here goes.
I crept over to the light switches—and clicked them all on….
Chapter 19
ATTACK OF THE KLUTZ!
Belzer let out a roar. He ran about three feet and stumbled over a tent.
The tent crashed to the floor under him, and two kids crawled out, looking totally dazed.
I screamed.
Belzer picked himself up and went roaring through the rows of tents.
“WILD GORILLA!” I shouted.
Feenman raised the camcorder to his eye and started to shoot.
I stood against a wall, my heart pounding, and waited for the scene of total panic to start.
Kids began popping out of their tents. I heard a few startled screams.
Yes. Yes! It was happening!
Belzer the Gorilla stumbled again. He bounced off a tent and kept running, roaring and waving his arms above his head.
More kids climbed to their feet. Yes. Yes!
But, whoa. Wait.
I saw Wes Updood raise a camcorder to his face and point it at Belzer. Two more kids pulled cameras out. On the other side of the room, I saw April-May, Flora and Fauna Peevish, and Jennifer Ecch—all with cameras raised.
Belzer’s gorilla head tilted and almost fell off. He let out a roar.
I saw more kids reaching for camcorders. Some were recording the scene on cell phones.
Sherman Oaks had his fancy camera trained on Belzer.
“No. Please—no! Not Sherman! Not Sherman, too!” I wailed.
I slumped against the wall. I let out a long sigh.
My plan…my beautiful plan…
Where was the panic? Where was the scene of total horror?
No screaming. No running.
Everyone was making MY MOVIE!
Belzer the Gorilla stumbled again. The poor guy couldn’t see a thing in that costume.
Dozens of camcorders followed his every move.
Belzer staggered forward, waving his arms, struggling to catch his balance.
He fell face-forward against a gorilla cage. Inside the cage, the gorilla reached out—and tapped Belzer on the head!
“YIIIIIKES!” Belzer let out a shriek. He tore off his gorilla head and heaved it against a wall. Then he took off running—out the door!
Kids were laughing now. Laughing and slapping high fives and touching knuckles.
Feenman lowered his camcorder. “Bernie,” he said, “it’s a total disaster!”
I shrugged. “Maybe B. A. Gool would like a comedy called Attack of the Klutz!”
Chapter 20
SCREAM, FEENMAN AND CRENCH, SCREAM!
Halloween night. Party night. B. A. Gool night!
Two grinning skeletons greeted everyone at the Student Center as we entered the party. The skeletons were made of papier-mâché and shook and rattled in the cold wind.
A shivering mummy held the door open for everyone. I recognized Mr. Pocketlint, one of the dorm parents, inside the bandages.
Orange and black streamers were stretched across the ceiling. Paper bats flapped low over our heads. Casper the Friendly Ghost was pasted on one wall.
“Party time!” I said, slapping Feenman on the shoulder.
It was a costume party. Feenman was dressed as Crench, and Crench was dressed as Feenman.
I saw Belzer in his gorilla suit. Actually, I smelled him first—then I saw him!
I painted a lightning bolt on my forehead and came as Harry Potter. That’s because I’m a wizard at moviemaking.
I did a great editing job on the tape Feenman had shot. I mixed together close-up shots of the real gorillas with shots of Belzer staggering around. Then, in the dorm, I had Feenman and Crench scream and pretend to be frightened.
My video was called Scream, Feenman and Crench, Scream!, and it was terrifying. I knew I couldn’t lose.
I gazed around the crowded party. A lot of kids were dressed as monsters and vampires. I guess they were trying to impress B. A. Gool.
I saw a really hairy, frightening werewolf gulping down a slice of pizza. No. It wasn’t a werewolf. It was Beast without a costume.
I saw Chipmunk hiding behind the punch bowl. He was shaking and shivering. Poor guy. Halloween is a scary time for him. I knew Chipmunk would be glad when this whole Horror Movie Contest was over.
Where was B. A. Gool?
I was dying for him to announce my video as the winner.
Sherman Oaks came over to me. He wore a green mummy costume.
“Sherman, dude—a green mummy?” I said. “Why is it green? Because it’s totally moldy?”
He grinned his sixty-five-tooth grin. “No way. It’s green cuz it’s made out of five-dollar bills.” He shook his head. “I feel so sorry for kids in fourth grade who aren’t millionaires yet.”
“Don’t feel bad,” I said. I patted his shoulder. Actually, I tried to pull off a few fives. But they were glued on tight.
“I feel sorry for dudes in fourth grade who aren’t going to win B. A. Gool’s contest,” I said. “Do you want to congratulate me now, Sherman? Or do you want to stand in line later?”
And at that moment, B. A. Gool stepped onto the stage. “Happy Halloween, boys and ghouls!” he shouted. “I’ve come to announce the winner of the Horror Movie Contest.”
Chapter 21
I’M SCARED!
“And the winner is…” B. A. Gool said. And then he stopped.
“Why don’t I show you the winning video first?” he said.
He pulled down a movie screen from the ceiling. “Okay, roll it,” he said. And a few seconds later the winning video started.
A face came on the screen.
I squinted at it. What’s up with that? It wasn’t a face from my video!
“Is that Chipmunk?” I whispered to Feenman. “Why is he trembling and shaking and quaking like that?”
Feenman shrugged. “Beats me.”
You couldn’t see what he was afraid of. You could only see his face. You could see that he was totally terrified.
“This is the most original video I’ve ever seen,” Gool boomed. “You can feel this boy’s terror. What amazing acting! You really believe that he is scared to death. And he taped it all by himself!”
I let out a long moan. Is this really happening? Chipmunk made the scariest movie?
Gool turned to Chipmunk. “What is your video called, young man?”
Chipmunk trembled for a few seconds. Then he finally answered in a tiny voice, “It’s called I’m Scared.”
“Brilliant!” Gool cried, pumping his fists into the air. “Brilliant job! You win! Chipmunk, you get to play the victim in my next film!”
“Really?” Chipmunk said. “I get to play a victim?
Chipmunk let out a cheer, and so did everyone else.
My mouth had dropped to my knees. I tried to push it clos
ed, but it wouldn’t go.
I stood there frozen, unable to move.
Chipmunk is the winner? How could he win?
He didn’t even have a gorilla suit!
Finally I got my legs working again. I hurried across the room to Chipmunk. I slapped him a high five, we touched knuckles, and did the secret Rotten House Handshake.
I put a hand on his shoulder. “Congratulations, Chipper,” I said. “I’m sure you’ll want me to come to Hollywood with you to help you out in your scenes. I’ll go pack my bags.”
He brushed my hand away. “Please,” he said, “don’t touch a star.”
He stuck his nose into the air. “Sorry, Bernie—no autographs today. I’m just not in the mood. Please back away. You’re crowding me. Give a star room to breathe.”
“But—but—but—” I sputtered.
“Sorry,” he said, pushing me aside. “My limo is waiting outside. Wish I could give you a lift. But I never let lowly fans travel with me. Ta-ta.”
He gave a little wave, then hurried out the door.
I turned to Sherman. “Now, that’s SCARY!” I said.
About the Author
R.L. Stine graduated from Rotten School with a solid D+ average, which put him at the top of his class. He says that his favorite activities at school were Scratching Body Parts and Making Armpit Noises.
In sixth grade, R.L. won the school Athletic Award for his performance in the Wedgie Championships. Unfortunately, after the tournament, his underpants had to be surgically removed.
After graduation, R.L. became well known for writing scary book series such as The Nightmare Room, Fear Street, Goosebumps, and Mostly Ghostly, and a short story collection called Beware!
Today, R.L. lives in New York City, where he is busy writing stories about his school days.
For more information about R.L. Stine, go to www.rottenschool.com and www.rlstine.com
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